Ooh, Smolder…I tried really hard to like every creature at the school because they were all supposed to be my friends, but I never liked Smolder! Have you ever been in her dorm room?
You’re asking if I, an eight foot tall ancient threat to Equestria, have ever been inside one of the dorm rooms of the School of Friendship.
Yes.
…no, no I haven’t.
Well it stinks! And I don’t mean that in some kind of metaphorical way for it being dumb or stupid, although it is, but I mean it literally stinks! It smells like smoke all the time, you can even smell it out in the hallway and that’s after Professor Rarity had a bunch of cleaning ponies fumigate it after Ocellus molted in there and made it stink even worse! But that’s not the worst part, the worst part is that Smolder stole everything from everypony for the first few weeks of school! Every time there was a missing pen or book or bits or pillow or anything, guaranteed it was because she took it! She even took a bunch of bows from my dorm room, she doesn’t even have hair!
And on top of that, she never tried to be nice to me! I was nice as could be to her. She never apologized for stealing stuff from us even when Professor Dash finally made her stop but she acted like she hadn’t done anything wrong, and then when I was making cupcakes for everypony I made sure to make a few cupcakes with zircons in them just for her and all she did was grunt at me! Not even a “thank you” or “that was nice of you” or nothing! She acted like I was her enemy but I hadn’t even turned the school on her or tried to banish all her friends into a dark oblivion yet!
So I’ve put a lot of thought into how I’m going to get her back.
We’ll be at an active volcano with my Cozy Guard. She’ll be looking at me and be all like, “I never trusted you because I was secretly all super jealous of how cute and adorable you are, which is something I could never be because I’m a big stinky stupid dragon!”
She’ll say that, will she?
Yes! And I’ll say, “I know you are, and I’ve prepared something special for you!” And I push her into the lava! Now I know this starts out a lot like my plan with Silverstream, I bet you can see the similarities between pushing a creature into water and into lava and trust me, you have no idea! So to start with, yes, her wings will be bound up, so she won’t fly away when she plunges headfirst into liquid hot lava!
Dragons are fireproof.
I know that! But that is where the lava sharks come in! An entire school of them, I’m thinking hammerheads but great white sharks are a classic and makos have that really long tail that –
I would like to pause a moment to discuss the lava sharks. Those don’t, well, exist.
Wait, really? Huh, there’s so much strange stuff in the world I kinda’ figured that they’d have to…oh well, okay then, phase one will be to create lava sharks –
How?
I don’t know! Do you see a shark on my flank, huh? No! Alright then, phase one will be to find a shark breeder –
How are you planning on creating a breed of sharks that can survive in lava?
I’m not, that’s what the shark breeder will be for! So he’ll get me my sharks and I’ll put them in the volcano –
Where is the volcano?
Under Canterlot! Obviously!
The Canterhorn isn’t a volcano, there’s no lava there. Trust me, I’ve been under it.
Actually on that note I want to go back to that throne room. So your throne is going to be a hundred feet tall and you’re also going to have a deep pit to keep the yak in. I’ve been in the throne room of Canterlot Castle, it’s not that big.
There’s going to be a lot of renovations, okay?!
You’re going to renovate the Canterhorn into being an active volcano?
No, not me, obviously, I’ll be getting ponies to do this for me, I’m sure I can get the pony power –
It’s not a question of pony power, it’s a question of plate tectonics! The Canterhorn isn’t sitting on a hot spot, how will you even –
PHASE ONE WILL BE TO TURN THE CANTERHORN INTO AN ACTIVE VOLCANO, PHASE TWO WILL BE TO GET A SHARK BREEDER TO CREATE LAVA SHARKS, PHASE THREE WILL BE TO PUT THOSE SHARKS INTO THE CANTERHORN’S LAVA, AND PHASE FOUR WILL BE TO SHOVE SMOLDER INTO THE LAVA!
…what’s phase five?
You know what? We’re moving on!
Ghost Rider joins the MCU. Duh.
i.pinimg.com/originals/e2/d4/9d/e2d49dff648c980204fabd03fe03ea81.png
Geez this is really the worst plan of all of them
This is obviously the best and the most realistically doable plan out of all of them.
Hahahaha, Cozy's desire for revenge is driving her crazy
Also, I just noticed that this was the first revenge that ends in death. Or is Phase 5 Cozy saves Smolder and then tosses her in again, repeating until she's bored?
Wait till you see what a pony with a volcano cutie mark can do.
10064755
I mean, bad plan is better than no plan , so Smolder's has got one on Ocelus'.
Is Cozy related to Flintheart Glomgold? This sounds like a Glomgold plan.
10065008
I was thinking more Doctor Evil.
Anyway, Doctor Evil himself is looking at this and thinking, "Hmm... so this is how others see me?"
One of the Angels in the original "Evangelion" could survive in lava. You could cross a shark with that.
Cozy, "Golly gee, thanks, Mr. Weird Naked Monkey demon!"
What... AH DAMMIT, I INADVERTANTLY HELPED THE WORST CHARACTER EVAR!!! Whelp, only one solution for this... (blows up the universe, because quickly escalations)
Damn those feels.
Given what we know about Smolder, it is actually more than a little plausible that she would be jealous of Cozy (even if she would never admit it).
Yes, yes you would. Subtlety has never been your strong suit.
10064857
10065021
To be fair we need emoticons for a lot of characters. Cozy Glow is however a gold mine of expressions.
10067267
It really is catchy that song.
10065008
This does feel like one of his plans and to quote The Spectacular Spider-Man; "Which is sad really."
10067267
True, I can't help but notice she shares a lot in common with the Main Six: Pinkie Pie's partying, Rainbow Dash's enthusiasm, Rarity's vanity, Applejack's stubbornness, Fluttershy's rage, and Twilight's brilliance.
Edit: And now that I think about it: Discord's deceptive and treacherous nature...
Nah he wouldn't do something like that would he? Never-mind he totally would.
10065041
I know just what you mean.
When Chrysalis is sounding sane....you know Cozy is out of her mind.
Sounds perfectly doable.
The Canterhon is a mountain, standing by itself in the middle of an otherwise flat plain... yeah it WAS a volcano at one point, be it natural, magical or caused by something being punched through the crust, there is no other way the mountain could have formed.
That being said, you're not going to renovate the mountain back into an active volcano, not without destroying he castle and Canterlot.
10076446
She needs to destroy the castle to make hers
Already said what would work better on her
10076446
Not necessarily. It could be an intrusive formation that resisted weathering, or perhaps a local angular unconformity similarly exposed by weathering. We have quite a few of those in Arizona.
10074183
Boldface is Tirek, italic is Chrysalis. Tirek is smart, Chrysalis is devious, and Cozy is manipulative.
10268030
So, the Canterhorn is a big damn mesa that was stuck in a cosmic pencil sharpener?
It all makes sense now!