Twilight takes the Young Six to Griffonstone to learn more about griffon history, and to learn about teamwork. Hoping to rescue the books from the ruined library, it takes them all by surprise when they learn a few things while skimming through the books.
What do you mean dragons lived to the east? The dragons live in the Badlands! Everyone knows that.
Written for the The Discovery contest. Basically my attempt to help explain some of the little details in and around Griffonstone that I've noticed, while also trying to flesh out some history.
Also I created the evolutionary ancestor to parasprites.
Chapters (1)
Loved how you expanded some of the Griffons & Dragons history, with a very sweet conclusion so to speak!
Excellent work on this one-shot. The field trip to Griffonstone was an excellent detail and I LOVED seeing Twilight and the Young Six working as a team to rescue and restore so many books. And, as aforementioned in another review, the expansion on the history of both the griffons AND the dragons was simply superb.
All in all, the exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up are all well done in all the right places. And I could EASILY see this being a lost Season 8 or Season 9 episode (and probably a better episode than most of the actual Season 8 episodes at that).
This writing seems....genuine somehow. I don't know how to explain it, it just does. Good work!
Very nice world building, possibilities for different outcomes, from civilisation improving even further, to those who hate people having good things, and so can only think of one outcome for the idea of Lustermites.
HUNGER.
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I'm a historian! So it took me a lot of restraint not to immediately launch into the excavations and archaeological work. Thank you!
Also this sort of scenario is something that I really, really wanted to experience as a kid, so I'm certain I used to have all sorts of adventures around lost things.
What a nice, interesting read. Not only were the characters on point, but you also managed to cram a fair bit of lore and world building into a small space while maintaining an even pace and good flow. Not only that, but you also got things to end on an optimistic note as well. The griffons may not be able to turn things around overnight, but with the new information they can at least put the past to bed and formulate a plan for the future going forward.
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My brain picks up on a lot of weird, little details and asks questions. I tried to do worldbuilding in a way that felt natural, and not just exposition. Which is a big reason that Gallus was the center of the story. Because, even though a lot of history/knowledge has been lost, he still grew up in Griffonstone. Things would have been passed down orally and all that junk. He has context that a lot of the others wouldn't have knowledge of.
Admittedly I struggled with the optimistic ending. I love me some angst, but I wanted people to go away from this thoughtful not sad. I'm glad I pulled it off.
Thank you for your comment!
Is it TRULY bottomless? Let's find out! *pushes Dipper, Mabel, Grunkle Stan, and Soos down the hole!* They're the experts at this sort of thing!
A horrible parasite that sucks the life completely out of the land so thoroughly that it can't recover even after more than a thousand years?
(Alondro tries very very hard not to mention communism... dang it!)
now this needs a sequel
Finally got around to reading this, and am glad that I did. As a bit of a history buff myself, I greatly enjoyed this tale, as it perfectly captures the joys, the mysteries, and the forgotten traumas you unearth when studying history, but presented all in a easy to follow format the average person can read and appreciate too.
And yes, it is important to learn our history, so to learn about our past mistakes and learn better than to make them again.
This is a really great story. I'd love to hear more about the history of the Dragons and Griffons now. Or, what you classified as their history, it sounds interesting.
This is one of my favorite kinds of stories. Worldbuilding fics are a lot of fun because they not only showcase creativity, but they serve as inspiration. I've taken a lot of elements of worldbuilding from stories I've read and incorporated them into my own works.
And some really interesting worldbuilding it is! Griffonstone has always been a bit puzzling to me. The endless squalor, the emphasis on it being a shell of what it once was; heck, even the logistics of how they got a damn tree that big astounds me. I love stories that dig into that odd little corner of catbird country. The lustermites, dragon wars, mad queens and tragedies are all really cool ideas.
That said, worldbuilding alone does not a good story make. I noticed while I was reading that you almost seemed impatient in the early scenes. They were treated like the means to an end, a requirement that you had to power through to get to the ideas you really wanted to write. Don't get me wrong, they weren't bad, but they did feel uninspired. I wasn't particularly interested in what was happening early on. Only once they left Griffonstone did things pick up and the writing started to shine.
Overall, I like it. A fun story with some interesting headcanons to think about. Good work, amigo
Nekiyha! Great to see you. I’m here for your requested feedback.
So first off, this story is really cool. One of my most important things to see in fanfiction is creativity, and this story’s got loads of it. You wanted to evoke the exciting feeling of being on a historical adventure in the reader, and you succeeded. And, coincidentally, this story supports one of my own personal beliefs, that history is a lot like orchestral music: Everyone secretly loves it, they just don’t get to experience it the right way to realize it. And this story lets us experience history, albeit in fiction, in a compelling way, and I can easily see why it has so many positive comments and shiny green thumbs. There’s a lot of good work on display here.
Normally I try to bring up three-ish complaints in my reviews, but for this story I really only have one thing, it’s just unfortunately quite a big one. I think this story's largest problem is focus. Because when I first read this story, I didn’t figure out what it was about until very late on. And that’s a dangerous feeling to arise in a reader, because either they’ll become bored and click away, or they’ll be unable to focus on what’s going on because they’re too busy making guesses every time something new is introduced.
Let’s start at the beginning. In order, we learn that:
This is all interesting history. But there’s something important missing from this introduction: There’s a ruined library full of lost history in Griffonstone, and the Young Six + Twilight are going to dig through it. That’s what the beginning of this story is about. And as far as I can tell, it isn’t mentioned that this is happening, or, more importantly, why it’s happening. Who gave them permission to do this, anyway?
This is a very minor example, but I bring it up because the issue is common throughout the story. Your story is about SO MUCH COOL SHIT that isn’t getting the focus it deserves. Jack touched on it in his comment: A lot of the words in the first half of the story feel like they’re only there to beef up the wordcount before we get to the real meat of the story. And that’s a dangerous game.
See, here’s an example of something you focus on well: Gallus’s discomfort at the work they’re doing. That comes up a few times during the demolition, and it’s important to the greater conclusion that we’re working towards. Plus, it’s firmly in his perspective, so it’s compelling. The intensive descriptions of how the roof is taken down, how the work is being divided, etc., etc., it’s all so miniscule in the grand scheme of things. Even the minor lesson about teamwork between all six of them doesn’t really matter, because the story’s not about teamwork in general, it’s about teamwork between griffons and dragons.
Speaking of which: Smolder. She plays such a tiny role in all this, and I think that’s tragic.
Picture what the story would look like if, instead of Twilight and the young six chatting about whether or not this is going to be a worthwhile trip to the library, Gallus and Smolder are off in their own private conversation. Maybe Gallus is confiding in his fellow barren-wasteland-dweller that he’s uncomfortable about all this. Or maybe they both think that this field trip is the lamest shit, an absolute snoozefest of a project, and they wish they weren’t there. So they think up a competition to keep things interesting: whoever can find the coolest thing, or impress Twilight the most, wins some prize. Then this competition becomes the driving force throughout the renovations. Gallus realizes he hates how much of his culture is being torn up, and, meanwhile, Smolder is ripping through the rubble like a wild animal, and an argument ensues. Their friendship becomes terribly strained. Dragons and griffons, fighting once again, just like in those famous wars. Well, little do they know what an important lesson they’re about to uncover...
This is straying into what I call “This ain’t your story, asshole” territory, and I apologize for that. But I’m just trying to illustrate an example of what a story with more focus would look like, and at the end of the day. it’s just one idea of a thousand.
Now, the worldbuilding itself? It’s all on point. It all sounds believable, and the greater plot of finding abandoned history that could change the perspective of two entire races is fantastic. It didn’t surprise me when I read your comment saying you were a historian. When the story picks up in the second half, it really shines (especially now that Smolder is doing something!) and it made this story a very fun read.
So thank you for submitting it. I hope my jabbering has been helpful, and I hope you enjoyed entering the contest. And good luck with everything! If I see your name pop up in the New Stories feed in the future I’ll definitely be giving a look.
Wow that's actually pretty interesting history about what happened to the griffins and the dragons nice on the story
This, in my opinion, deserves more, like a sequel or just straight up longer story.