- Member Since 23rd Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 8th, 2022
Lord Camembert
Sure could go for an ice cold racial equality right about now.
Lord Camembert
Joined 23rd Nov, 2012 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Lord Camembert · 2.7k words · 121 2 · 2.1k views
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Cute and funny.
Love your choice of cover picture.
/upvote
Ah. I see Starlight more likely being the one to end up with Twilight.
Trixie causes nothing but trouble for her in every episode they are in together. That kind of relationship always ends up the abusive kind, with someone dead in the end.
I whinnied.
Isn't that basically how ponies do it, except upside down?
I just could not keep track of who was talking
I also had trouble figuring out who was talking at certain points, and I get since this is very dialogue heavy you wouldn't want to have every other word be "Twilight said" or "Trixie said" or anything like that. I think you would benefit from having color coded text.. something like
Sunset
Starlight
Trixie
Twilight
10061563
10061606
What these two said. It was particularly difficult during the drinking games to figure out who was saying what about whom. Personally, I am against color-coded text. There is nothing wrong with as many "he said", "she said" as necessary. All you need is to mix up your vocabulary, "Twilight said", "Sunset chuckled", "Trixie slurred", "Starlight groaned", etc.
10061606
Colored text is tacky. If you're having trouble following dialogue, slow down and pay attention to the context clues provided by the author, as well as what you know about the characters' voices.
I have been laughing about this part all day.
Okay are we gonna talk about how Trixie just got fucking aired out right in the title?
10062407
Thank you. Trixie deserves better than this.
I promise, it was done with as much love as possible.
How have “whinnying” never become a thing in this fandom.
Great story. This was hilarious.
> abesthine
absinthe
Sci-Twi's cute and all, but you can't beat original recipe Twily imo.
Everyone else has already stated my issues, but it was still good for some laughs.
10062449
Eh, Trixie is powerful in her own way, but she's no sorceress. She's an illusionist.
10062703
By the time Sci-Twi became a thing, Magi-Twi had degenerated to such a degree that any doppelganger would be superior by default. Then Sci-Twi went and Fell, and became actually interesting on her own merits in a degree Magi-Twi never was.
10063297
I mean it's all personal opinion, but I wouldn't classify Sci-Twi as inherently interesting.
Her character is literally just a more blatantly nerdy and asocial Twilight, with her depth being a Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde type deal that I find most interesting BECAUSE it's a look at what original Twilight would be like without friends.
I wonder if she did it with Trixie too
Did she truly ask that TWICE?
10061836
10061606
Dialogue tags are by convention supposed to be simple. He said, she said, Twilight said, etc. The thought process is that readers tend to ignore dialogue tags, so you can be as repetitive as you like with them. Throwing in stuff like 'Twilight chortled, Trixie chuckled, etc' is seen by a lot of writers and readers as one of the many signs of a novice writer. It also can be distracting and a lazy way to try to describe a scene when you could spend the time to show how the characters chuckled, chortled, etc.
10062449
Trixie needs more love and less bullying even if she is a magician who uses real magic to do fake magic disguised as real magic
We need more of this
10063817
Stay tuned. I have plans.
10063777
I agree to a large degree with the criticisms around this. This was actually the second pass; the first draft was far worse! Ensemble scenes have always been my weakness, and I'm working on practicing them.
Oh please, for the love of God, more
10064091
Stay tuned.
10064099
When I read that, I think of Alastor in Hazbin Hotel.
I did stay a while when reading this amazing story xD
10061606
I had zero issues following who was speaking, though?
It was very funny, and everyone seemed in character, but I also found it hard to keep track of who was speaking at times. Also Starlight and Trixie are perfect for each other and anyone who says otherwise shall feel my wrath.
"Trixie demands there be answers."
"Well, I know you're a bit of a screamer–"
"Trixie demands there be no more answers."
OMG 🤣😂
Saying that once is tempting Fate. Saying it twice is inviting Fate over for dinner, setting her a place at the table and giving her a double helping of whatever's on the menu.
I really liked this story, and I'm not usually a shipper. The back-and-forth banter moved along at a lightning clip, and the characters stayed in character.
The issue with POV was already addressed. If you're worried about repetition, what you can do is switch between "Twilight said" and "said Twilight," and juggle the said-blanks from the beginning, middle and end of the quotes. Every once in a while, you could use another word than "said," but don't try to get too cute with it.
Once is temptation...
Twice is basically a "I don't care about my own life so have at me."
So what episode is the bottom-right image from?
10066005
Best Gift Ever, the S8ish holiday special. The scene is where Twilight is trying to decide on what to give Pinkie Pie for Hearth's Warming. She decides on pudding.
Ah, yes. This...this is the good shit.
10066449
TFW senpai gives you that coveted notice
10066715
Now to find somecreature to make a SMV of this skit!
I added "mom's spaghetti" in my head at the "knees weak, hooves heavy" part and then you ACTUALLY put it in the author's notes like an absolute madman. Fantastic
10063777
I know the thought process is supposed to be that we don't notice dialogue tags, but I always do. As a reader, I prefer people use a decent sprinkling of saidisms here and there. It's actually one of my complaints about Brandon Sanderson's works (though he's easily one of my favorite authors). Just plainly using "he said, she said" over and over makes it feel like I'm reading See Spot Run. I know that, from the professional standpoint, it makes you look amateurish to use them, but I don't read stories to be a snob about them. I read them for fun.
Sorry if it comes across as me calling you a snob, that's not what I mean. It's more directed at the authors who criticize saidisms. Even though she wasn't a professional writer, my 8th grade English teacher said something that always stuck with me. While advising me about my own writing, she said, "There are no rules for writing fiction. Your only goals are to tell the story, and to entertain people reading it."
I have no idea what I just read, but it was funny.
10068276
I'm adding you to the testimonials
10067929
Sanderson is surely too busy deciding which species of grass exist and what their associated magic spirits are in the setting setting to have time for this thesaurus nonsense.
This is why you should only get drunk with good friends.
Super cute, lots of fun, and a fantastic little romp with great taste in "shipments". Yup, this is going in my True Greatness folder.
I was able to hold off my laughs all the way until this, fucking this.
Why is this so funny?!
10067929
I probably worded it too absolutist in my original comment. Both of the comments I responded to were bad advice for novice writers. I got my start in fanfiction and learned a lot of bad habits before I went to school for it. It was really just for any aspiring writer who's building up their confidence through fanfiction that stumbled upon this thread, not meant as gospel. Since we're exchanging sage advice, "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist." Novice writers should all start out using he said, she said, etc. before graduating to knowing how to bend those rules among others without hurting their writing or developing bad habits with tags.
I wonder if Trixie could have gotten her to realize with a marching band.
Heh
lol
Starlight needs to count again. They have the two most over powered unicorns in Equestria, a literall goddess, and then they have Trixie.