Episode 11: The Mark of One's Destiny
Cozy approached Leo at the stand at the theater.
"Hey Leo," she greeted.
"Hey," he replied.
"Watcha' doin?"
"Oh just... taking bits and giving ponies tickets to watch movies... what's up with you?"
"Do you know who the Cutie Mark Crusaders are?" Cozy asks.
Leo blinked. "Um... why do you ask?"
"Because didn't you say you watched a show about Twilight and her friends?"
"Right, right... yeah, I know them."
"Chrysalis and Tirek gave me permission to go to their clubhouse," Cozy explained. "I want today to be a cutie-mark search day because... well, you know..."
Cozy pointed at her blank flank.
"Well, good luck," Leo says.
"Thanks," Cozy smiles. "I'll see you later."
"You too."
Cozy then turned and left, and continued trekking through the town, waving back at ponies who waved at her, and ignoring the oddly increasing skeptical stares.
But there was one goal Cozy had. It hasn't entered her mind until the morning that she hasn't put any effort in finding her new cutie mark. So she was going to visit some old enemies that she deceived in the past. And it wasn't the Young 6 either...
Ten minutes later...
Cozy soon entered Sweet Apple Acres, and explored inside the field of trees. It was a long time since she visited the... place... and she wondered if she even remembered the directions.
But soon, she saw something. She came closer to it and stopped.
And there, in front of her, was the Cutie Mark Clubhouse. It didn't look old at all... it looked like how she remembered it.
And she noticed there was a light inside.
She came up the stairs and pressed her ear against the door. She heard voices. Familiar voices.
She lifted her hoof and knocked on the door.
She stood still, waiting, before the door opened. In front of her was a fully-grown mare, with a yellow coat, amber eyes, and a red mane. On her mane was a large pink bow, and around her neck was a pink shawl.
"Um... hi?" Cozy greeting.
"COZY GLOW!" the mare squealed with joy before wrapping her forehooves around the filly. "HEY GIRLS! LOOK WHO'S HERE!"
Two other mares that Cozy also recognized showed up.
"Cozy Glow?" the mares said the filly's name, surprised at her sudden appearance.
"Well, this is not how I expected us to reunite..." Cozy muttered.
...
Intro
...
"Um..." Cozy chuckled. "You can... let go now."
"Oh... sorry," the mare (Applebloom) said, before releasing Cozy from her embrace.
"It's been a long time," the orange pegasus (Scootaloo) spoke. Cozy, upon glance, could see that her wings were very tiny, despite the fact that Scootaloo was now an adult.
"It has, hasn't it?" Cozy muttered.
"We were wondering when the day we'd see you again would come," the white unicorn (Sweetie Belle) told her.
"Well... here I am. May I-"
"Of course you can come in," Applebloom grins. "We have so much to catch up on."
Cozy, wondering why this reunion wasn't as awkward as it was with the Young Six, entered the clubhouse. The door closed behind her.
Leo... forty-five minutes later...
I entered the map room, egg white running down my coat.
"You look like you've had a bad day," Tirek says while lifting a dumbbell with only his... pinkie.
"Well..." I sighed. "Long story short, these ruffian ponies showed up and threw eggs at me... before taking a good portion of the bits. Because of that, I didn't get paid so I could pay for the money that was stolen."
Tirek put down the dumbbell.
"Did they visit before?" he asks.
"Another pony who works at the booth told me about them... I guess they return more than once. Apparently, the manager asked them to stop a few times before they gave up trying. Look, could you maybe help? I'd ask both you and Chrysalis, but after that day she visited her old kingdom, she goes there a lot more often."
"Hmmm..." Tirek stroked his beard. "Alright."
"Perfect!" I exclaimed. "So... how should we do it? Whether those thieves believe you're reformed or not, they would definitely run away if you scared them. But then again, you wouldn't look good to the public..."
"You could work out," Tirek shrugs.
"Heck no! Working out is not my thing."
"Can't you be the one to look imposing?"
"I don't want to get fired... though I could run it through the manager, I guess."
"Try that, and report back to me," Tirek tells me.
"Alright... I'll do that. But I'm going to get something to eat first and have some time to myself."
And so I turned and left.
Cozy...
"-and that's how there is now a stallion Alicorn in Equestria," Cozy finishes.
"So let me get this straight..." Applebloom began. "Yer' tellin' me that the stallion Alicorn in Equestria is actually a bipedal creature known as a 'hooman'?"
"Human," Cozy corrected. "And yes."
"That is so cool!" Scootaloo piped. "You not only defeated a powerful villain, but traveled between worlds!"
"Heh... aw shucks," Cozy blushed. "I didn't really... plan on it or anything. What I think is cool is how you three are teachers at the School of Friendship. How come we haven't seen each other?"
"Well, we've been busy ever since the Grogar incident, and you probably haven't been in any classes that we teach," Applebloom shrugged.
"Cozy, I've been meaning to ask you..." Sweetie Belle began. "Where is your cutie mark?"
Cozy looked at her flank.
"Oh... that? Yeah, after I reformed, it faded out of existence, sure, maybe I could have used it for a good purpose such as encouraging or leading, but... what are you gonna do, huh? Actually, I just remembered... that's why I came here today. Not just for a reunion, but because I have the belief that maybe you'll help me?..."
"Oh, Cozy..." Sweetie Belle started. "Of course we'll help you."
"Really? I mean, I didn't even apologize to you for what I did... I got here forty-five minutes ago, and told you a very quick version about the story of the human that helped my friends and I, along with the battle with Grogar."
"Well, we decided to give you a chance when we saw you again," Scootaloo shrugged. "I guess we forgive easy if you do something that determines the fate of the world."
"Well... I'm still going to say this... I'm sorry."
"Oh don't be," Applebloom brushed it off. "You're deeds were genuine, and Ah' know for a fact that you've proven yourself to be sorry. Now Crusaders... I think a discussion is in order."
...
...
"Alright Crusaders, the 'Cozy Glow Cutie Mark Hunt' meeting has begun," Applebloom said from behind the stand.
Cozy Glow sat in front of the stand, while Scootaloo was on her left and Sweetie Belle was on her right.
"Girls, before we hear what Cozy has to say, do you have any theories on what Cozy's possible new destiny can be?"
"Oh, oh!" Scootaloo piped. "Considering her cutie mark vanished after being hit by a beam of friendship, as she told us, maybe her cutie mark has to do with that. It would also be a great twist, since she used her previous one for... um... not cool stuff."
Cozy sheepishly blushed.
"Oh, that's a perfect concept!" Sweetie Belle agreed.
"Cozy? Thoughts?" Applebloom asked.
"Um..." Cozy cleared her throat. "It does seem like a possibility... and although I long for a normal life, there is still something in me that feels like I know what to do... it's like I know my destiny, and yet I don't."
"Hmmm..." Applebloom scratched her chin.
Then Sweetie Belle got an idea.
"Hey Cozy!" she began. "Do you remember when we first met, and we tried teaching you and quizzing you on friendship to prepare for a test?"
"The one I purposefully failed?" replied Cozy. "Yeah..."
She tried shaking the feeling of who she used to be.
"Well, what if we did it again? The quizzing part?" Sweetie Belle said. "We'd quiz you, put you to the test, and see how certain you are that your destiny lies along the lines of Friendship. Then, we'll do an actual test, and wait for the right moment where you bounce in."
"Hey, that's not a bad idea," said Scootaloo. "I mean, we've got all day... right?"
"Well, I believe so," Applebloom shrugged.
"So waddya say, Cozy? Are you in?" Scootaloo asked.
Cozy sat in thought. Obviously, her feelings of the possibility of friendship being her destiny all began after she lost her cutie mark. So it should have opened a door.
So if she was going to see if a friendship-related cutie mark was her destiny, then she was going for it.
"I mean, I go to the School of Friendship... so I should know a lot... but I haven't thought of it back then, so maybe it would make a difference If I did it now..." Cozy the gave off a determined smile. "Ok. Let's do this!"
Leo and Tirek...
I burst through the castle doors. Tirek was already waiting for me.
"He said that as long as I don't make us look bad, cause no harm, and prevent any more loss of money, I can do it."
"Excellent!" Tirek clapped his palms. "So... to make you imposing, first we'll need to bulk you up."
"I said no workouts!" I pointed out.
"But don't you want to be stronger and bigger? Scaring those ponies will only be a bonus. Besides, a lady does love a handsome body. Why else would I continue working out today?"
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Well..." Tirek scratched the back of his head. "...for a while now, I've sort of had... ehm... feelings, towards another. She's a beautiful female."
My attention was grabbed. Who was he talking about? I kept hoping it was Chrysalis.
"Silky mane... sparkly eyes... wonderful choice of what she wears... and..." Tirek shook his head to snap out of it. "Uh... heh... what do you have in mind aside from working out?"
"Weeelllll," I start. "I do watch a lot of scary movies... are there any mask stores here or something?"
Cozy Glow...
For a while, Cozy's confidence boosted with every right thing she did during this test. Every question she got right, she started to feel like a friendship-related mark was going to be her destiny.
"What would you advise to two ponies fighting over a lie one of them told, and the liar refuses to ?" Scootaloo asked.
"Um... the best option would be for the one who lied to admit what they did... and apologize..." Cozy answered.
"Good, good! And what are the alternatives?"
Cozy felt her former friendship-abusing heart grow and glow. More questions were done correctly as time passed.
"What should you do... be with your friends, or be with a group that does better than them?" Sweetie Belle later asked.
"Of course. Otherwise, the Element of Loyalty would not exist. That's what loyalty is when it comes to friendship."
And another question...
"Do you sometimes have to end friendships if that friend does things you know are wrong?"
Truth be told, they were all easy. All questions were things that could be answered by anyone. But still, even though that was the case, Cozy felt more determined in her soul.
Soon, they moved to scenarios. And although some curve-balls would be thrown to add a bit of a challenge, Cozy would find her way through, and end up doing very well.
"Hey, I'm feeling good about this," Cozy said. "If I had to do something in a real-life moment instead of a scenario, I'd know for a fact that this would be my destiny... sort of... but I'm not going to be cocky. Sometimes you're skilled at something, but it won't exactly be a destiny."
"Well, it's smart to not be cocky," Applebloom agreed.
"Um, girls?" Sweetie Belle picked up a piece of paper. "Is this our schedule for our teacher roles at the School of Friendship?"
Applebloom and Scootaloo huddled close. All three of them had their eyes go wide.
"WE FORGOT THE TEACHER MEETING!" they shrieked.
"You don't mind if we cut it short, right?" Applebloom asks Cozy.
"Oh no worries," Cozy speaks with assurance. "I can see if there are any problems I can solve."
"Alright, let's hope there is," Scootaloo says. "Good luck!"
And one by one, all Crusaders quickly darted out of the building.
Cozy took a deep breath.
In town... a while later...
Cozy kept walking through Ponyville, her gaze darting every which way. Ponyville was a big town, but Cozy made her way around the whole town in less than an hour.
And she found no arguments or friendship situations. She remembered how the map could send those suitable enough for a friendship problem, but it would probably be for major problems. If it was something minor, the map would trust that it could be handled. But that was only a theory Cozy had.
But major or minor, Cozy found nothing.
"This is harder than I thought..." she grumbled.
...
...
Two scruffy-looking ponies that were near their twenties were around the corner of the theater. They wore striped shirts and masks, and were waiting to pounce, egg the one at the ticket booth, and steal some bits.
"Are we ever going to steal from another place, and throw something that's not eggs?" one of them whispered.
"We're starting small," the second said. "Besides, ponies rarely visit the street for a purpose that isn't the theater. And considering the movie playing here is the talk of the town, most of the ponies and creatures on this street are gone. Once the few others on this street are gone, we spring out, and repeat what we were doing.
The ponies watched the street again. One second later, the street was nearly empty, and the couple ponies and creatures there weren't watching.
"That was convenient," the first thief said.
"Alright, let's go."
Both ponies suddenly jumped around the corner, but then became confused. The booth, which always has somepony or creature in there, was empty.
"What the-" the second thief began.
He wasn't able to finish his sentence, as suddenly, a scary-masked creature popped out from behind the booth, giving a frightening screech.
Both ponies shrieked. Suddenly, when they turned around, an orange spark burst and an even bigger beast stood above them. Again, the ponies shrieked, and dashed away.
When the ponies were gone, the masked creatures laughed and lifted their masks, revealing the faces of Leo and Tirek.
"Yeah, I doubt they'll come back," Leo said.
"I'll admit, your choice to use a... frightening mask was a good one," Tirek agreed. "But we should still go to the gym someday. Work on your core."
Leo was unamused.
"Are you serious?"
Tirek shrugged.
Cozy...
Cozy Glow's trek through town continued, though she had a different motive. Seeing the inactivity in town, she decided to head home.
"You can't always get things lickity-split," she assured herself. "Things take time. And remember, the whole 'Friendship' thing may be a given... sometimes, things that seem like a given aren't what you're 100% meant to do. It's just a bonus."
When Cozy turned a corner, she nearly bumped into Leo, who was walking home alongside Tirek and carrying a duffel bag.
"GAH! You startled me," Cozy said.
"You did too..." Leo put his hoof on his barrel.
"Where were you?" Tirek asked.
"She was visiting some old friends/foes," Leo explained. "Hey, how did it go anyway?"
"Well... I have an idea on what my cutie mark can be, though I'll wait until the right moment to do so," Cozy told him. "How was work?"
"Well, earlier today, I had a problem with some thieves, so when my shift ended, I worked with Tirek to handle them. I soon returned to the theater and, with the manager's permission, covered somepony else's shift."
"What did you do?"
"We scared them with masks," Leo said.
"Huh..." Cozy muttered. "You know, did any of you think your day would have more action, or a more satisfying close before going home?"
"What do you mean?" queried Tirek.
"I mean, for your issue, did you expect to have your plan to scare away thieves be a bit more than it was, or maybe even have a different plan? And for me, I didn't get my cutie mark, but imagine if I succeeded in getting it today."
"Well, Cozy, not every day or event you go through has to be satisfying," Leo explains.
"I agree," Tirek nods. "Sometimes, days that seem promising are bland."
"Yeah," Cozy says. "Are any of you wondering if Chrysalis is back yet?"
"She might be, though she didn't tell us how long she'd be gone," Leo shrugs.
"Well, what should we do if she isn't home?" Cozy asks.
"I may have an idea..." Tirek spoke. "We did get an extra mask."
One hour later...
Chrysalis opened the doors to the castle. Jewelry from the changeling kingdom hung around her neck. The first thing that she noticed was that the whole room was dark.
"I'm home!" she called out.
No answer.
Chrysalis walked further into the building.
"Hello?"
"RAAAAAAH!"
Suddenly, three masked beings, big, small, and average sized popped out of the shadows. Chrysalis slightly jumped, but quickly recovered.
The three masked beings removed their masks, laughing.
"Oh, that was good..." Leo heaved.
Chrysalis started at them with an unamused look, before blue flames engulfed her and they got bigger.
"What..." Cozy mumbled.
The blue flames then faded, revealing a ginormous slimy behemoth. It roared, saliva splattering all over Leo, Cozy, and Tirek. When the beast closed it's mouth, Cozy, Leo, and even Tirek were all frozen in fear, unmoving.
Blue flames engulfed the monster, and when they faded, Chrysalis was back to her old self.
"I guess we all know who scares better..." she smirked.
And with that, she made her way past the gap between Cozy and Tirek, but not before Chrysalis hovered in the air.
"Sorry," she whispered, blushing while giving a sheepish smile.
And with that, she made her way up to the second floor.
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The shawl is around her neck, not her barrel. There’s a difference.
10410422
Whoops
Your ratings have improved, Leo. The red bar is being crushed; Thatʼs great. If I may offer some advice?
10410672
Go for it.
10410839
Okay, cool. Just know that I tend to come off as rather forceful when I give advice, to the point where it sounds like a command more than a suggestion. Here goes.
Concerning the story as a whole:
1. There is a slight problem with the tense. In the beginning of some chapters, the story is written in the present tense, then you switch to the past tense after a scene break. This should not be done. Tenses have to be consistent. I would advise the past tense only.
2. I get why you have to do it, but itʼs not a good idea to switch perspectives so often. Your POVs also have to be consistent. Whenever you write about Leo, you use the first-person and for everyone else, itʼs the third person. I would recommend the third person throughout the whole story. First-person is used when you have to explore the speakerʼs feelings and thoughts.
Concerning this chapter:
3. This is a not-so-important debate among the fandom, but Iʼm pretty sure itʼs “Apple Bloom” and not “Applebloom”. I suppose itʼs what the fandom generally agrees on, given her character tag on this site.
4. On the topic of names, you donʼt need to say Sweetie Belleʼs full name every time you mention her. You can just say Sweetie or Belle, even. Most authors donʼt say Rainbow Dash every time they mention her, just the first time. Then itʼs just Dash or Rainbow. But thatʼs entirely up to you. I wonʼt impose.
Sorry if this came out a little long. I just had a lot to say. Apologies if this came off as rude in any way. Good luck on your writing. Looking forward to the rest!
10410853
Here is my response to all of those.
1. I don’t 100% understand how I can pull that off, as understanding some stuff is a bit difficult, so I could use tips.
2. I feel at this point, it’s too late to fix that, but maybe I could make it shift less often or something?
And for the things in the story, I’ll fix those as soon as I can.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. I’ll try my hardest to make those suggestions work, and if I can’t, I’ll take the stretches and warn everyone of the changes. But if it helps my case, the story not only explores the new life of the Legion of Doom, but also Leo’s new life in Equestria. Though I did do fine with it third person... I don’t know. I’ll try to find ways to make it work for both of us.
I’ll see you soon.
10411153
Iʼve given you advice based on the amount of stories Iʼve read and the amount of criticism theyʼve received. Iʼve seen comments where changing perspectives made people less immersed in the story.
But you donʼt have to take the advice if it doesnʼt work for you. Every author, and every story, is different. Changing the POVs constantly may be the only way to tell your story. So you do that.
You donʼt have to do that. You write what you want to write; Iʼll accept it wholeheartedly and enjoy the content. Iʼve given you advice because you asked for criticism, not because I want the story to my liking.
Thanks for taking my words into consideration. And please: they are suggestions, not commands. Good luck with everything, Leo!
10411294
Thank you.
Oh? 👀