• Published 26th Jan 2020
  • 3,315 Views, 57 Comments

Fluttering into Spike the Dragon's Heart - Dr Sharaz Jek

Spike must prove his worth to the Dragon Lord to keep Ember and Smolder as his mates. His mission involves a meeting with the mysterious Discord, who has Fluttershy and Tree Hugger addicted to his wild, primal parties in the midst of a forest.

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Comments ( 25 )

Who's next to be Spiked?!

I'm excited to see who's next

Wait... it already ended? But Spike hasn't go back to slap the result into his in-law's face yet.

It would be sexy if Discord showed up at the end, turned Female and got herself pregnant, just to see the Chaos in the Future (child would be a permanent female draconequus that wants Daddy/Daughter time)

Probably best I keep that a surprise!
I did consider adding that scene, could do that in the next sequel if people want it.
I did consider having Discord get in more on the action but thought it might turn off readers.

so...…………….. what now for spike???

Tune in next sequel!:raritywink:

I'll give you a hint... :trixieshiftright::twilightsheepish:

I really hope who ever is next joins Spike's harem.

Probably won't add anyone else permanent to his group, but he'll have some more side fun!

no thanks. i'm good.

I didn't feel though Spike really got pushed to his limits. Maybe include scene's of him trying but utterly failing. The mares being unimpressed and belittling him. Things like that.

Don't think the fans would want to see that.

You can still do that. It's all about how you present it. You could cut out the humiliating that I proposed but you can keep in that he needs to focus and work hard. That he finds one who is very hard to please and he needs to figure out the exact way she likes it.

Suggestion: twilight sparkle
Status: Draconic sacrifice
Go wild and i like this story line even if broken as fucken hell on steroids that are on heroine.

Twilight will be appearing eventually!

Looking forward to the sequel to this sequel, maybe something involving the other girls or something with somehow visit Rarity and Sweetie's parents in the middle of the night and carry off the house said parents live in then set it right outside and slight to the side of where Spike Rarity and Sweetie belle live.

Thank you, no plans to cover the parents as I don't have anything interesting to say about them, but I'll probably cover all the mane six eventually.

This was another epic end to another part I hope Shy and tree huger can fully join soon.

Much as I love those two, don't want to crowd the series too much!

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-A nice level of worldbuilding for this series you're putting together. Definitely more here than just the setup for clop.
-father, I mean, the Dragon Lord has summoned us back, Smolder. And he wishes to meet with Spike,” -- how does she know this? (Also, 'father' should be capitalized in this usage.)
-They covered him in kisses, both openly moved to tears, and he shed a few of his own despite the presence of Ember and Smolder. -- emotion, delivered emotionlessly.
-Your under Spike's watch now. -- you're.
-Pretty slow setup. Honestly, chapter 1 could be replaced by a couple paragraphs of summary.
-The wilderness seemingly stretched forest -- Freudian typo.
-It appeared rather dangerous -- a very wishy-washy and noncommittal way to say such a thing. 'Rather' is a word you use pretty often, and it almost always makes things worse, rather than better.
-On the nose dialog, especially from Discord.
-The hour wore on. -- as did the story ... it gets pretty tiresome by that point.
-and laid hands upon his sheathe. -- sheath.
-The sex scene is so much overkill that it's hard to get into.
-such a fatty penises -- extraneous 'a'. (And I don't know if 'fatty' is really the best word choice.)
-It's nice that you keep giving Spike plenty of targets for his dual cocks.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 65/100
Allure: 70/100
Enticement: 50/100
Immersion: 50/100
Prose Quality: 60/100
Total Score: 295/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

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