I Will Be Her Guard

by ThatWritingDragon

7- Who am i?

(Did they really think you are that stupid?)

Twilight stood there, in the depths of her mindscape as she meditated. Trying to ignore the conflicted emotions bursting through her every corner of her mind, she gritted her teeth when her attempts to keep calm failed.

(They lied, they all were simply treading you along for their twisted plans)

(Your sun? you're precious Sunset? it was already claimed, claimed by that...)

Don't! don't you dare say his name!

(Love is truly blind, even with all that conditioning. You still cling to that notion of a romantic relationship with her student, why?)

Silence, Twilight didn't answer because she didn't have the answer. It was such a simple feeling, a feeling that drove her through everything. Through the pain, the sadness, the training and everything else. Twilight didn't know why Sunset did this to her, she tried everything. She tried so hard to be whatever Sunset wanted but it's like nothing seem to be enough.

Were these feelings of hers truly love? or obsession?

Twilight didn't know, she didn't know the moment the truth was revealed and she still didn't know whenever she stared them in the eye the next day or the day after that or even the night before or even a decade later to even today.

Why him? why was it always him?

Twilight gritted her teeth, she was going too into depth with this. She needed it to stop. She needed to stop. She needed to stop feeling whatever she is feeling for Sunset because she didn't know what that feeling even is and it's hindering her progress.

Everypony always loved him... Always saw him. Where was hers? her love? her affection?

She never had anything, it was always his first.

The toys were hoof-me-downs, her books were the same, her friends. Everything was the same. She was always second, second to use, second to be known.

They were never hers.

All. Were. His.

(You never had something or even someone that was simply yours, alone. You live a sad existence Twilight Sparkle)

(Everything and everyone you had, were already used by him. I pity you, Twilight Sparkle)

Twilight gritted her teeth and she knew that if this were in real life her teeth would've shattered with the amount of pressure she placed on it. It was true, everything she heard from the voice was and is still true.

(You didn't just join the Royal Guard to just be with your precious Sunset, i know you joined because you didn't want to be left behind. Your best friend was taken in by Celestia, your brother already situated in the Castle. You knew that something could go on and you didn't want that)

Twilight closed her eyes as memories flashed behind closed lids, of secretive glances, pleased smiles, ruffled uniforms, disgusting scents and marks in mysterious places.

(And yet you still failed, your attempts were pathetic but with every failure, you made a success. Success through them.)

Twilight saw her persona's, the masks she would place for any occasion. Lined before her, different personalities but with the same scheme, they are all Twilight Sparkle but not. She watched as a spotlight shined on her most used persona, a polite smiling Twilight Sparkle with glasses and on her bowtie was a simple yellow dafoddil.

(I remember this, your first success and one of my favourites. Such a simple pony yet so complex at the same time. You made this because you wanted to be somepony that everypony would enjoy the company of, somepony to lend an ear, a hoof and to be friends and have companies with everypony and everycreature.)

(But in reality, you made this because you wanted to escape, escape from your troubled feelings, escape from your responsibilities)

Twilight didn't answer.

(How about this one?)

The spotlight moved to a much serious pony, their posture straight and clearly ready to fight. Armour was seen hiding and concealing all weak spots but on the chestplate, above where the heart laid was a small bouquet of yellow and white carnations.

(This was a complete opposite of the last one. A no-nonsense pony, somepony to defy expectations and more, somepony who wouldn't be hindered by a finicky thing that everycreature call emotions. Somepony that any and everycreature should rely on, the pony that they would call when in need. The pony who would do everything efficiently and in the best way possible.)

(But you just made this because you wanted to be more than your brother)

Twilight flinched at that statement but she still didn't talk, she just watched and listened as the spotlight moved and weaved through every persona. Explaining what it did and the reason it was made, like a machine and its reason of existence and in a sense, the voice was correct.

Twilight didn't even know if she was herself or simply wearing a fractured mask made from multiple failed ones.

(Ooo~ what is this?)

Twilight blinked and watched as the spotlight laid on a filly? The filly looked... odd, she looked like she wasn't meant to be there. Twilight tried to remember where she last used this filly but came up blank, just who was this? The filly looked wrong, so wrong. Something was left out and Twilight didn't know what.

(I see... interesting)

Twilight flinched when the filly appeared a few feet away of her and she stilled, the filly's eyes.

Empty... And oh, so familiar.

(You seem to not remember this one, a pity)

The filly grinned, the teeth stained with eyes filled with nothing and Twilight knew the truth.

(My first... and my very favourite. I miss this one, i would've loved to see her in action once more)

Twilight stared as memories she locked away came barreling straight at her, she could feel something that was once missing now filled. Filled with what? Twilight didn't know. Twilight shivered as her fur stood straight, a prickling sensation felt all over as instincts of something locked away was slowly opened.

The filly had this certain look in her eyes, empty but something slowly came forth. The filly opened her mouth and spoke, her voice distorted and lost as Twilight closed her eyes.

"Did we ever find warmth?"

Twilight stood there, silent as ever as she continued to observe the filly.

"Did we ever have the power to find her?" The filly walked and Twilight noticed that there was something on her hooves. "We need power, did you forget that?"

Twilight's eyes widened as she watched the image of the filly distort and turn, growing and turning into something... No, someone. The next thing she knew was that she was staring at herself, a clear identical copy of how she looked now.

"Power is strength, did you forget that?" The steel in the copy's voice was heard "With strength, we can have anything and everything because no one else can take it from us"

"We were always cold but we finally found warmth, warmth in Sunset Shimmer. Why would you let it get away?" disappointment was evident and Twilight continued to stare, to listen. Twilight closed her eyes, trying to hide away from the fact that even to herself, she was and still is a disappointment.

"Look at me"

"Look at me"

"Look. At. Me"

Twilight finally looked at those eyes. What was once empty now filled with strength and Twilight finally found out what was missing from the copy, there above where the heart was usually laid was a hole. A gaping hole, empty and longing.

"Be strong, the strongest of them all. So no one will take what is ours. Ours and ours alone, no one else will take it from us because you won't let it"

Twilight nodded, her mind a whirl and her devotion -something that was slowly dwindling burned bright- restarted.

"I will"

And Twilight meant it, she truly did.

Comments

[Breaking the void]

Is this story dead?I hope not

[usernamemyass]

i think it's DEAD-BUT I REALLY WANT MORE THIS IS SCRUMPTIOUS!!!!