Rarity's Colt: A New Life

by Mocha Star

Language and Anatomy

“<This is the color red>, repeat and translate,” Snickers said tapping a chalkboard in the village schoolroom.

The response varied from words he didn’t understand, to a near perfect repetition from a few of the seventeen ponies present. He did his best to choose his assistants in the most worrisome, too them, way he could, after learning contractions did not translate.

“<The pnarlick is a sentient vegetable mouse that eats moldy food.>”
“<Miss me once, shame on you. Miss me twice, you are goo.>”
“<Stop. Pop. Lock it. Drop it like it is hot. Now bring it around town.>”
“<Why wait to mate, when any day can be too late?>”

“Twilight Sparkle, Diamond Tiara, Pipsqueak, Dinky… please come to the front of the class, right now!” He demanded as soon as Dinky had finished her repetition, startling the class and adding to the moment by punctuating his statement with a stomp of his rear hoof on the floor and a stern look. The rest of his class oohed at the selected few.

Twilight gulped loudly and pointed to herself while the others got up and marched in line towards Snickers. Twilight looked to Rarity, Cheerilee, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack, to be sure she was singled out. “Twilight Sparkle, is there a reason we’re waiting on you?”

Twilight jumped to her hooves and trotted to the front, lining beside the foals and standing eye level with Snickers, as he was standing on Cheerilee’s desk. Snickers tapped his hoof and looked between the four and moved to stand over Dinky. “<I am a cat, I say ‘meow’.>”

Dinky blinked and then spoke, “<I am a cat, I apekin ‘meow’.>” She smiled.

Snickers moved to Pipsqueak and looked down his snout at the very small colt. “This is a serious class I’ll be teaching, do you think you have what it takes?”

Pipsqueak nodded. “Yessir, boss, sir. You’ll see that I’ll be tops.”

Snickers sniffed and looked pointedly at Twilight. “<One of the only constants in the universe, that follows travelers between stars, are rats.>”

Twilight stiffened and whimpered quietly. “<One of the only hoping the universe remote follows travelers between rats, are stars.>”

Snickers looked down again at Pipsqueak, allowing Twilight to exhale a quiet breath. “<Orange is a color to be wary of.>”

Pipsqueak puffed his chest. “<Orange is a color to be wary of.> How was that?!”

Snickers let a smile pull at his lips and he moved to stand over Diamond Tiara. She was resolute and had a fierce determination in her eyes; one he didn’t recall ever seeing, outside of her trying to fight him. “<If I marry the girl of my dreams, I’ll be happy forever.> Repeat.”

Diamond blinked and her ear twitched. “<If I marry the girl of my dreams, I’ll be happy forever.>”

Snickers stepped back and nodded. “You four are my senior assistants. You will practice with me; an hour a day, every day, until you’re conversational. The phrases I gave you were complicated and pushed to, and past, the constraints of your linguistic abilities, or so I thought,” he smirked, “and save for Twilight interposing two words and replacing another, and Dinky making a new word, you’ve all done terrific.”

The four grinned and looked to one another, then turned around to the applause of the rest of the assembled foals and supporting adults. Twilight beamed with pride to her friends while the foals pulled their same aged assistants with them as they ran to the door and talked among each other about learning a new language and how Snickers could know it.

Snickers hopped to a stool and then the floor, ducked under a happy Twilight that was being swarmed by her friends, and to the other Crusaders. “So, how do you think it went?” Snickers asked.

Scootaloo punched his foreleg just behind his knee, making him stumble. “It was fine, for a weirdo talking class. I’m surprised so many ponies showed up for this thing.”

Silver Spoon stepped beside Sweetie Belle. “Well, I, for one, liked hearing a new language. It’s not a refined as Prench, or as rigid as Germane, but it has a unique flow to it… kind of like southern Neighponese.”

Sweetie just nodded, staying quiet, with a smile.

Diamond Tiara draped a foreleg over Snickers’s back. “Wow, getting away from those foals was like pushing through mud with a pig on my back, but I made it. What, why’re you looking at me like that?” She asked the others.

Apple Bloom’s sly smile spoke volumes. “Well, Ah dunno about y’all, but it sounds like Diamond’s talkin’ a bit friendly, right?”

Snickers nodded to the filly beside him and straightened up, speaking with some refinement in his voice. “Why, darling, I can’t imagine whatever you’re talking about. Why, miss Tiara, here, is speaking simply divine. I’d be surprised to hear anypony say otherwise.”

They all giggled while Diamond was still unsure of what they were talking about. “What are you saying? Am I talking as weird as a chicken on the roof, or something?” Diamond’s ears folded back at their laughter, relaxing when Snickers gave her a hug.

“It’s cool, we’re just having fun,” Snickers said quietly.

Diamond hugged him back, relaxing into his embrace and letting her eyes close as she inhaled deeply and took him in. She let the moment linger, until it ended and he stepped back, turning to the others again.

Stupid filly! Stop it. He isn’t worth it, just tell him off and go back to the way you used to be. Just, make fun of his blank flank… his well toned and well groomed flanks. Smooth flanks that aren’t spoiled with a mark he doesn’t understand.

“Uh, Diamond?” Sweetie’s voice brought Diamond back to the moment. “You were looking at Snickers’s flank for a bit long, is everything okay?”

Diamond noticed Sweetie had stepped between herself and Snickers, letting the others talk while Sweetie, caringly, asked her question.

Diamond resisted the urge to do anything with her lips, from biting to licking them, and then she looked around the room. “Can we talk alone, outside?” Sweetie’s ears rose and she nodded. Following Diamond Tiara from the schoolhouse and around back to the swingset, Sweetie stopped when Diamond turned to face Sweetie Belle and pawed the ground.

“Is everything okay, Diamond Tiara?” Sweetie asked.

Diamond looked at Sweetie, then rocked her head side to side. “Look, I’ll just say it; I’m gay, okay?”

“Yeah, I know that,” Sweetie said, “and that’s totally fine with me and the others, if you’re worried about that being a problem.”

“No… I’m… I think,” Diamond hesitated and looked around again, “I like Snickers,” she said quickly.

Sweetie giggled. “Yeah, he’s really something. I thought he was a real jerk, but he’s way cooler now than he was when he first got here.”

Diamond shook her head. “No, I mean,” she looked around again and her ears drooped, along with her posture and head, “I like-like him.” Sweetie’s eyes widened slightly as she understood the meaning. “I don’t even know why; he’s a colt! A smelly, weird, gross, dirt loving, no washing, dangling dick, colt!”

Sweetie looked around this time and shushed Diamond. “I don’t think you want anypony to hear you, do you?”

Diamond stood up and pointed to the schoolhouse. “I should hate him, like I do every other colt. Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Why is he the one I want to give myself to? What’s…” she sat on her haunches and sighed shakily, “...wrong with me?”

Sweetie gasped and moved to hug Diamond. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” she said, sitting next to Diamond after the hug, “you just have hormones.”

Diamond looked at Sweetie flatly.

Sweetie Belle shook her head and held a forehoof up. “No, seriously. Rarity told me they--”

“I know what they are,” Diamond snapped, “but that’s not what’s happening here! I’m six, almost seven; I’ve always wanted fillies filly my age, or mares a lot older, to show me a good time. When I look at him, all I want to do is hug him and sleep next to him, holding him to me, to my barrel so I can feel his breath on me.

“I want to… have him hold me so I can hear his heartbeat. I…” Diamond blushed and held her breath for a couple seconds, preparing herself to get the next words out. “I thought about him a couple nights ago, at my home, during my private time in the bath.”

Sweetie smirked.

Diamond rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, you’ve done it to Kiwe a dozen times, I bet.”

Sweetie grinned. “Not just in the bathroom.”

“Ugh, sick,” Diamond grimaced, then giggled, being a filly she couldn’t help it. She became concerned again. “But, I don’t wanna like colts, or stallions. They’re gross and that… thing is just so big and… kinda scary. I don’t want it in me.”

Sweetie scooted closer and touched her side to Diamond’s, then wrapped a foreleg around the pink filly. “Why, did something bad happen to you when you were younger?” Diamond shook her head. “Are you worried a stallion will… rape you?”

Diamond shook her head fervently. “No. Sweet Celestia, no. What if it hurts? What if it breaks something inside me and I have to go to the hospital? What if I can’t pee and my bladder explodes because his semen closes it when he’s done?”

Sweetie restrained a snort as best she could.

“Hey, I heard how sticky that stuff can be, so what if he sticks me closed back there? What if it gets all over and I can’t even poop! What if I get pregnant, and get hungry, and fat; then he leaves me all alone to be with Silver Spoon and Scootaloo? What if--”

Sweetie placed a hoof to Diamond’s mouth. “You have a lot of questions, so why don’t you ask a more experienced mare for answers? I don’t know a lot about this stuff, but it sounds like you’re scared of stuff that you just don’t need to be scared about. But, I do know that semen doesn’t close anything up, even if it is really sticky. And, you won’t get hurt; as long as the stallion is gentle with you, and you close your eyes before any gets in them.”

Diamond leaned away from Sweetie Belle with a disgusted look. “How would it go from back there,” she pointed to her tail, “to my eyes?”

Sweetie shrugged. “That’s what Rarity said she heard. But, can I tell you a secret?”

Diamond nodded and leaned closer so Sweetie could whisper. “Rarity’s a virgin.” Diamond snorted and looked at Sweetie, incredulously. “Serious! She’s never been with a stallion, only her toys. She hasn’t even been with another mare, either.”

“Why not?” Diamond asked, baffled at the revelation.

“She said she was waiting for the right stallion. A ‘take charge’ stallion, not a wimpy submissive, or a veggie beggar. I don’t know what vegetables had to do with it, but she was really drunk, so maybe she meant veggie bringer.”

Diamond shrugged. “Vegetables are good, and I guess having energy is good, too. I don’t really see anything wrong with a stallion bringing vegetables.”

“Well, either way, we should get back before they wonder where we are and start asking questions about what we’ve been doing.”

“Just tell them we were making out under the slide,” Diamond giggled when Sweetie gave her a playful shove. “Sounds better than being all sappy by the swings.”

---

Snickers stood besides his fillies and smiled, looking at the ones he’d chosen to teach more language to. “That is a great sight, the future between two realities starts with a single word.”

Silver huffed. “Whatever that word was, I bet it was something rude and gross, coming from you,” she giggled, “and I had to miss it.”

Scootaloo gave Silver Spoon a smile from over Snickers’s back. “Yeah, I think you were crying on the ground after he bucked you in the gut, if I remember right.”

Silver grimaced.

Snickers shook his head and looked up in thought. “Hm, no, I think I was in the hospital, after Twilight scrambled my brains, and said something about being hungry… maybe.”

Silver Spoon whinnied shortly. “I bet it was something mean about Rarity, why didn’t you like her?”

Apple Bloom, standing at the outside of the line, bumped her hip into Silver Spoon. The action had a domino effect and made all the others stumble and look at her curiously. “Ah don’t wanna hear about that, this’s a good moment. Don’t go spoilin’ it with rememberin’ drama and bad words.”

Snickers nodded. “Yeah, makes sense to me. Thanks, A.B., or, should I say, <Apple Bloom>?”

Apple Bloom stuck out her tongue. “Ah don’t know, that just sounds so weird ta me. Like, how’m Ah supposed ta make that rollin’ ‘owl’ sound, when mah tongue won’t even do that?”

Snickers smirked and Apple Bloom shot him a dirty look. “I didn’t say anything,” Snickers defended.

Apple Bloom nickered. “No, but Ah know when yer gettin’ a dirty thought in yer male brain, and Ah don’t appreciate it, bein’ looked at like that.”

Scootaloo stepped between their line of sight. “Hey, where’s Sweetie Belle and Diamond Tiara?”

Snickers looked past Scootaloo to Apple Bloom. “Learning to make that rolling ‘owl’ sound, I bet.”

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and looked at her sister, noticing Applejack looking back at their group. “Hey, Snickers? Ah think mah sis is lookin’ at ya.”

“Great,” Snickers quietly groaned, “what’d I do now? Not kiss you in front of her enough?”

“Ya haven’t kissed me fer nearly two weeks, and Ah’m fine with that. Kiwe’s got mah eye, and Ah’m not gonna rush with him like Ah did you.”

Snickers looked pained and touched a hoof to his chest. “Darling, you wound me so. Whyever must you be so harsh to my heartfelt feelings?”

Silver Spoon gave Snickers a playful shove. “You’re such a dork.”

Snickers turned to her and kissed her on the lips, so suddenly Silver Spoon wasn’t expecting it at all. The filly locked up and she blushed, just before falling away from him to her side with a goofy grin on her face. Snickers giggled. “Is that what dorks do to cute fillies? I’ll have to try that on another filly to see if I really am a dork.”

Silver giggle-snorted and her tail made a thump against the floor when it swayed.

“Uh-oh, Snickers broke Silver Spoon again,” Scootaloo sighed dramatically. “I’ll watch over her so no timberwolves get here while she’s down.”

Snickers closed his eyes and let his mind reach out, easily seeing through Laxxie’s eyes as the timberwolf leapt after a small brown rabbit; chasing it for the hunt, more than the meal. A feeling of exhilaration came through the connection and Snickers knew his pup was having a good time just outside the schoolhouse, in the forested area nearby.

Ending the connection, Snickers noticed Applejack arriving to stand over him. He looked up her powerfully built forelegs, her defined and well toned barrel muscles, and along her smooth neck before meeting her unsure eyes; the only part of her that wasn’t as hard as, proverbial, rock.

Applejack blinked and swallowed, “Hey, uh, Snickers? Ah’m mighty proud’a you; takin’ on teachin’ us all some ’a yer language. Ah sure hope that, over the next while, Ah can learn a lot from ya, and… uh, maybe learn a bit about ya, too.”

Snickers blinked and then lowered his head in thought, looking through her legs and to her tail, noticing a rough diagram of a filly against the wall, by the door. “Hm, maybe I can include that, too.”

Applejack stepped back and looked behind her, then down at Snickers, who looked up with a smile. “Thanks, Aj, that’s a great idea.”

Applejack blinked at the colt below her. “What’s that, now? Ah think Ah missed somethin’.”

“Just something about anatomy that I should bring up,” he said looking at the wall again.

Applejack snorted with a nicker, getting Snickers’s attention. “And here Ah thought that talkin’ to ya would be a might neighborly thing ta do, and all ya talk about are my personal bits. Ah should ‘a known this wasn’t worth an apple in a twister,” she turned to walk away, but was stopped by Apple Bloom.

“Hold up, sis. Ah think there’s been a miscomm… a misunderstandin’. Why don’t ya ask him, rather than jump ta another answer that just makes things worse.”

Applejack looked back at Snickers and turned to face him, lowering herself, for once, to be at his level. “Look, Ah know we never seem ta see eye ta eye, and Ah think Ah’ve made a right mess ‘a things in that way. But, Ah’d like ta know what ya mean by what ya said, because Ah don’t wanna stay on bad terms with ya.

“Ah just think that it’d be mighty nice ta see ya and share some kind words, instead ‘a all this trouble we seem ta have.”

Snickers blinked and cocked his head. “Well, that’s fine, I guess. Does this mean you’re gonna stop thinking of me and your sister like foal factories for farm labor?”

Applejack noticeably flinched and closed her eyes. “Ah’m a real donkey fer sayin’ that, and if’n ya’d fergive me, Ah’d like ta start over with ya.”

She opened her eyes and looked into Snickers’s. He smiled and nodded. “Well, there’s a picture on the wall I saw, and I thought I’d talk about my old people’s anatomy a bit. It’s a bit different, based on where you go, but overall; all humans are the same.”

“Well,” Applejack said, “Ah think that’d be neat ta learn about.”

Snickers nodded. “Yeah, and it’s not like I can see anything else under you, I’m under that spell.”

Applejack looked at Apple Bloom and then the other fillies, who each nodded. “Oh, heh, right. Ah don’t have that one on me, but Ah know all about it. Ah just don’t have eyes fer anypony but one, and it ain’t the time. Gotta get the farmin’ and chores done fer the year before anythin’ like that happens.”

Apple Bloom nudged her sister with her head. “But, then there’s all the winter chores ya do. Ya never make time fer anythin’ like that.”

Snickers tapped his hoof on the floor to get the attention of Applejack and the fillies. “Applejack, if you keep saying ‘I’ll get around to it tomorrow’, you’ll find that tomorrow will have been too late. You’ll wake up tomorrow and realize it’s been nine years, you’ve been doing the same thing, and everything has moved on, but you.”

He finished his philosophical moment by tapping Applejack on her nose. A moment passed, in which the foals began to feel awkward, when Applejack moved. The mare’s eye widened and she stood up, turned around, marched through the crowd to stand just beside Rainbow Dash, and tugged the blue mare to the ground with a tug on her tail.

“Hey! What’s the big ide--”

Foals made various gross sounds, Scootaloo pretended to gag, Apple Bloom covered her eyes with her hooves, while still peeking, and Snickers looked away. The adults in the room gave loud and wild cheers as Applejack kissed Rainbow Dash for the first time, Rainbow gladly returning the action after a few shocked seconds that turned into something that Twilight and Cheerilee had to end by pulling them apart.

The doors to the schoolhouse opened and the foals rushed out; fillies galloping into groups to talk about what had just happened, while the colts walked quickly and awkwardly after being exposed to certain scents in the room by the kissing mares.

Snickers walked out of the schoolhouse holding his breath and exhaled just in time to have magic wash over him. He looked back to see Rarity following his herd. “Darling, whyever are you leaving? Aren’t you happy for our friends? Why, Pinkie Pie is already planning the party and, of course, you’re invited.”

Snickers smiled and shook his head. “Nah, they’re your friends more than mine, and Rainbow’s a counselor to me, it should just be y’all, er, you all.”

Rarity grinned. “Adapting quite well, aren’t we, my little prince?”

Snickers blushed and looked away, Silver Spoon giggling and nuzzling him didn’t help. “I dunno, mom. I’ve got stuff to do, so I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

“Fine by me, my little prince. If you see Kiwe on your way home, let him know I’ll be out tonight celebrating, so he should adjust the meal appropriately. Also, I’d like it if you would go into my sewing room and stack the red fabric and blue fabric into their color coordinated boxes. I noticed you and your herd sisters tried a little crusading earlier and didn’t bother to clean up, again.”

Snickers felt his ears fall back. “Yes, mother. I’m sorry, and we’ll clean up.”

Rarity nodded and walked to Snickers. “Thank you. Have a good evening, and I’m so proud of you for what you’re doing. You may not realize this, but it means a lot to a lot of ponies that you’re willing to teach us something about you, after all this time.”

Snickers hugged Rarity back, somewhat surprised at the revelation. He turned and followed the fillies along the path for a while, then noticed Sweetie and Diamond had rejoined their group and were making gross faces while being told of the mares kissing.

“Sweetie, how much do you know about me?” Snickers asked suddenly.

Sweetie shrugged. “I guess that you say you’re an alien, and you’re really smart, but you don’t show it, and… well, that’s most of it.”

The others nodded. “Well,” Scootaloo added, “you’re also being followed by a bunch of spirits, for some reason. Oh! And you have a timberwolf puppy, she’s really fun now, but she was really scary at first. Not that I was scared of her.”

Laxxie barked and ran around the corner, slightly ahead of them as they entered town. Scootaloo screamed and hopped several feet into the air, grabbing a tree branch and dangling upside down, shivering. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon tittered snidely. “Look who’s too tough, now?” Diamond mocked.

“Like a chicken pretending to be a cat, right Snickers? Uh-oh,” Silver tapped Diamond and quickly backed away from the group.

Snickers was scowling at the two, Laxxie had just started growling; the vines on her back rising like spines, and the other CmC glared. “So, is that how it is? Are you two just pretending to be nice, so I don’t hurt you again?”

Silver Spoon fell to her belly and clapped her forehooves together. “No, please, believe me! It was just a little teasing, like we’ve been doing for weeks. It wasn’t supposed to be that way.”

Diamond stood her ground, though her shaking knees gave away her anxiety. “It happened, and I’m not gonna run away from you.” Diamond’s instincts told her to prostrate herself like Silver had done, beg for forgiveness, and do something to appease the alpha male in front of her. “I’m not scared of you, you won’t bully me.”

Snickers moved to stand inches from her, muzzle to muzzle. “Like you used to bully my fillies? Silver’s sorry, what about you? Or, are you the one just pretending to be nice? Are you gonna buck me when I’m not looking?”

Diamond’s ears twitched and she lost her defiant look. She averted her eyes and leaned back. “N-no, I’m not mean anymore. I’m nice now, I know who I want to be… thanks to you.” Diamond looked into Snickers’s eyes, growing defiant. “And, I won’t let you take that away from me.”

Snickers smiled and exhaled, Laxxie relaxed, and Scootaloo crashed to the ground with an ‘oof’. He stepped forward and hugged Diamond, taking her by surprise. “I’m so glad to hear that, Diamond. If I lost you as a friend… I don’t know how long it would take me to get over it.”

Diamond whimpered and hugged him back, tightly. “I don’t want to lose you, Snickers. <You jerk>.”

They shared a short laugh and pulled apart.

“Silver Spoon, get up,” Snickers said, holding a forehoof out to help her stand. He pulled her into a hug as well.

“Eep! Oh, this is nice. Hmm, you give the best hugs, honey. Er, Snickers.” Silver Spoon hugged him, too shortly for her.

Scootaloo wasn’t having any of the sappiness. “Euck, if I knew getting scared would make you all sappy, I’d never have pretended to be scared in the first place. You know, Rainbow Dash wouldn’t have been scared, either.”

The others all groaned and started walking further into town. A mental image was shared between Laxxie and Snickers, being approved quickly by the colt. With the quiet sound of wood creaking and splintering, Laxxie reformed into her timberpony form to help prevent the ponies in town from panicking, again.

“I don’t get it,” Sweetie Belle said, giving Laxxie a glance, “why does the timberpony get treated better than the timberwolf? They’re the same creature, right?”

Snickers didn’t hesitate to answer. “Because, ponies are xenophobic creatures of prey that have managed to take control of nearly the whole planet through means unobtainable by all other races.”

All the fillies stopped to look at him. “So, what’s that mean?” Apple Bloom asked.

Snickers rolled his eyes. “<You are too damned innocent, even with your perversions>. Look, it means that ponies are scared really easily by anything different.”

“Oh, except what you said at first, that makes sense. It’s hard being at the bottom of the food chain and being at the top of it, too.”

“Yeah,” Snickers said, dismissively, and started walking again, “that’s exactly what I was talking about.”

---

“Twilight, are you ready?” Snickers asked the mare as she eagerly pranced between her hooves in place. The sound of metal meeting wood pounded into Snickers’s head and he stared at her, while Spike sorted books into their shelves. Diamond Tiara, Pipsqueak, and Dinky sat in their assigned desks, not seemingly bothered by Twilight’s noisy shoes.

Spike cleared his throat. “Twilight, this is the library, shouldn’t you be quieter?” Twilight’s horn flashed and her hooves stopped making noise while they still moved. Spike and Snickers groaned. “I guess that’s one way to beat the system.”

Snickers tapped his hoof on the floor. “Please, sit down and pay attention, Twilight.”

Twilight conjured a desk for herself and sat in the seat, already formed to her posture, as scrolls and quills appeared around her, floating in her magic. Snickers raised an eyebrow and Twilight energetically giggled.

“I have one scroll for what you’re going to teach, one for notes about what you’re writing, one for speaking, one for phonetic patterns, one for my classmates performance, one for--”

Snickers stepped loudly onto the floor, silencing Twilight. “You’re allowed two notepads, no scrolls or parchment. Also, only pencils will be accepted by me as writing implements, unless I choose otherwise.”

Twilight gasped as though she were punched in the diaphragm. “B-but, pencils… paper… I-I can’t be expected to conduct formal research--”

“Silence in the classroom, as class has begun,” Snickers announced in the same manner Cheerilee tended to do. Twilight cut herself off mid sentence and sucked in her bottom lip, clearly biting it with her teeth as she dispelled all her writing implements and looked down at Pipsqueak, sitting beside her.

She poked him with a hoof and he looked at her from the corner of his eye, then smiled and gave her his notebook and pencil before taking another from his saddlebag. Twilight relaxed when she read the first lines on the first page:

Had a thought you’d need this, so I brought an extra one, I did. Keep it. Mum’s got me plenty with the learning we’re about to do. -Pip

Twilight lifted the pencil in her magic and looked at the tip, noting it wasn’t at a perfect point. She began looking for a pencil sharpener, when one was added to her desk by Pipsqueak, who sat down and gave her a knowing wink.

Meanwhile, Snickers was on the other side of the provided blackboard, finishing a drawing, before he turned the entire board around to show his assistants. The group blinked at the lettering provided, then the image of a very tall biped along the length of the right edge of the blackboard. Snickers shook his head and patted his muzzle.

“Wow,” he coughed quietly, “that’s really dusty. I’d better hurry with integrated circuitry, or I’ll have chalk sticks growing in my lungs.”

Twilight’s foreleg shot up and she waved her forehoof eagerly. Snickers shook his head. “No, Twilight, I wasn’t serious. I know full well chalk doesn’t grow. I will also, someday, -not today- explain what integrated circuitry is. So, first off, I’ll cover this handsome guy to the right,” Snickers said with a smile. “This, my classmates, is the type of human I was.”

Spike landed on the floor and pattered across the room, to Twilight’s side, in a few seconds to see. “Hey, that’s not like in the books at all,” Spike commented.

Snickers hummed. “Really? So, you know about the changes several thousand years across the vastness of the eternal void of space? The effects it has on different creatures, the changes those creatures undergo, and how they all adapt to new environments?”

Spike nodded and Twilight tapped him on the head. “No you don’t, Spike… do you?”

“Well, how would he have known, if you didn’t bring it up?” Spike asked Twilight.

“Well, I happen to have a pretty good idea, having been one of the variants of humans,” Snickers interrupted Spike and Twilight before they could start arguing. “As you can see, I… oh, wait a second...” Snickers picked up some chalk and scratched, clacked, and tapped another drawing that his head blocked, until he was done.

“There we go, as you can see, I was a bit taller than a pony,” he chuckled when he saw their reactions.

“But, the books make it sound like a pony would stand at the middle of your body, not barely at your knees,” Dinky said. “You’re not fibbin’, are you?”

Snickers shook his head. “No, certainly not. My lineage had been traveling the stars for a while. By the time I was born, we had adapted to the low gravity environment of spaceships. The planets we’d been on were of low gravity, compared to Earth Prime, and each planet had to have a certain limit, or our bodies wouldn’t be able to support ourselves.

“As you can see, my variant was nearly six ponies tall while being about a pony length wide. We were usually very thin, as fat wasn’t something we really needed in our artificial environments, but when we did gain weight, it tended to fill out across our torso’s evenly. There were few of our kind that were overweight, but they were referred to as ‘tipsy barrels’.”

While her pencil wrote, Twilight crossed her forelegs over her chest. “I don’t think that’s a very nice term. It sounds insulting, if you ask me.”

“That it was, Twilight, very good,” Snickers said and tapped the tall human’s leg. “A top heavy ‘tall boy’, as we were known, easily lost balance when carrying anything too heavy over our center of gravity, so an overweight tall boy would either have to carry less, or risk falling over. Conversely, there was the option of doing nothing, which would have led to a trip to the camps,” Snickers shook his head.

Twilight slowly rose her foreleg, she didn’t smile when she was called upon. “Were they… torture camps?”

The room fell silent as Snickers stared at her. “Why the fuck would they torture fat people?” He blurted and covered his mouth with his hooves. Dinky gasped, Pipsqueak snorted, and Twilight frowned. Diamond Tiara smiled and nodded appreciatively. “Sorry about that, but… wow, Twilight.

“No, they were just workout camps where every fat guy would go. They’d be on diets and routines to help them get thinner, then back to their lives. Can’t make <credits> if you don’t work, after all.”

“What’re <credits>?” Diamond asked.

Snickers tapped his chin and noticed he had chalk on his muzzle again. “Oh, they’re bits; only imaginary. It’s part of a very complicated system I’ll share with you in the future.”

Twilight’s foreleg rose again, along with a repeated whinney. Snickers sighed and nodded. “But, how can we understand what we’re learning about if we don’t know the whole story behind the term? I think we should start with the invention of these, imaginary bits, <credits>, and work from there.”

Snickers frowned and walked to Twilight and looked around, hearing a telltale scritching sound that stopped when he stopped moving. He took a step to the left and heard the sound again. Narrowing his eyes at Twilight, Snickers held her gaze.

Twilight started to tremble, a bead of sweat formed and trailed down her head, and finally she gave in. “I’m sorry, but I have to do research, and I can’t do it like this,” she said, moving two scrolls into view and holding them beside her head.

Snickers reared up and rested his forehoof on her desk to maintain balance while holding his other forehoof out to her. She gave him her scrolls and he slipped them into his mouth, moved to the far side of the room, and spat them on the floor. He moved back to the board and looked at Twilight.

“Miss Twilight Sparkle, you are not allowed to use your magic during these lessons without permission, or in dire circumstances that require it. And to clarify, dire means danger to the life, limb, or physical wellbeing of another living creature; not helping your classmates with simple tasks.”

Diamond shivered and resisted the urge to curl her tail over her lap. Why does he have to be so assertive now of all times? Why is it getting to me so much? Stop it, stupid body, don’t give in to him. Think about Twilight, she’s cute and submissive. In tight socks and a frilly skirt that shows off her...

No! Snickers shouldn’t wear that, she should!

“Diamond Tiara, are you feeling okay?” Snickers asked, startling the filly. “You’re sweating and are rocking a lot, do you need a break?”

All eyes on her, Diamond shook her head. “No! I don’t need anything of yours, er, your… g-generosity! Thank you, but no,” she took in a deep breath, then exhaled, “I’ll be okay. Just, I was just distracted. I’ll focus again, Mast… Mister Snickers.”

Snickers chuckled and leaned close to her. “I’m not your master, or alpha, <best gay friend>, so stop teasing me,” he said, then backed up. “Okay, but if you need anything, let me know.”

For the first time, Diamond Tiara felt her heart ache at being called a friend by somepony she didn’t think she cared about. As Snickers returned to the board, Diamond got up and ran from the area and out the library door. Snickers watched her go in confusion, then watched as Twilight vanished in a purple sphere and flash of magic.

Snickers nickered and resigned himself to the struggle of teaching. “Um… recess was called, I guess. We’ll start letters when we all get back. Fifteen minutes, with or without them.”

Comments

[sonicrainbowtion]

Okay....this was literally 50% laughs, 50% D'aaawwwww

Seriously all this adorable wholesome-but-its-not-really-wholesome herd stuff never stops being entertiaining.

DT's whole little thing for Snickers is especially sweet. She even pretty much says it herself. When she's looking for other girls, she's looking for a fun night, but for some reason, when she looks at Snickers, she feels legit feelings, AND IT TERRIFIES HER.

[Mocha Star]

10303513
Ha, that is a VERY apt analysis.
I actually didn't see it that way, per se, but the way you put it will really help me understand how to write their interactions in the future.

[APS]

10306766
hmm.. ok, but as i'm reading it, he don't say anything about "foreplay or teasing practices."

[Mocha Star]

10306778
Do they mention those in Wikipedia?

Or the physical adaptations on humans over generations in space?

[Luckyfanisaac]

It’s not as refined as Prench, or as rigid as Germane,

almost seven; I’ve always wanted fillies filly my age,

[Killjoy1221]

While english is not as refined as french or german, it can beat them up in back alley ways for spare grammar.