• Published 20th Jan 2020
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Home Is Where The Sanity Isn't - Soufriere



Mayor Mare and her ad-hoc entourage finally return to Ponyville, but her adventure isn't over just yet

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Chapter 3 - Princesses' Conclave

Deep within the enormous rocky outcrop that is Equus Mountain, inside an ancient purpose-built antechamber filled with magic scrolls and scientific tchotchkes plus the most intricate and complicated spell-circle (a ‘working’ for the magically inclined) in the entire world, stood three Alicorn princesses, all sporting grim expressions. Off to the side, next to the working, slept a very young purple dragon who twitched and coughed as if in pain.

One of the princesses, pink with large purple irises and a Crystal Heart cutie mark but lacking the unnaturally flowing manes of the other two, approached the dragon and gingerly placed a hoof on his head.

“I’m so sorry, Spike,” she said nearly choking up as she turned back to the other two. “Celestia, Luna, I think using the blue flame to teleport me through a mountain and magical wards was too much for him. Can we maybe not do that next time you need me for an emergency conclave?”

Celestia, resplendent in her gold accoutrements contrasting against her white coat and multicoloured mane, looked down to Spike, then back up with a shrug of her wings.

“Fair enough, Cadance,” she admitted. “I will be honest; I had assumed the blue flame spell would be equally taxing on Spike regardless of location. I was wrong. Even after millennia of existence, I am still learning new things.”

“Also,” Cadance asked pointedly, “Why didn’t you invite Twilight? She’s one of us now too.”

“In this particular instance, it is for the best Twilight Sparkle remain in Ponyville,” Princess Luna explained. “Moreover, we all know what happens any time she proposes a stratagem.”

Cadance thought about that for a few seconds. “Her plan backfires and she ends up needing her friends and/or us to bail her out, and then she takes all the credit. …Good point.”

“Regrettably, the other princess has again refused to participate in our conclave,” Celestia piped in, which caused Cadance’s eyes to open as wide as possible.

“There’s a fifth princess?!” She exclaimed, absolutely flabbergasted. “How am I only just now learning this?”

Princess Luna yawned, since she was nocturnal by nature and, regardless of their cave surroundings, it was high noon outside. Then she spoke, an undercurrent of irritation in her voice. “I have not yet met her, for she was Ascended during my millennium-long banishment. Evidently she lives in seclusion somewhere near the Everfree Forest. My Dear Sister,” Luna used that phrase with more than a bit of sarcasm and spite as she gestured to Celestia, “has refused to expound upon details except to say that she considers the circumstances surrounding that princess to be her second greatest failure.”

Celestia sighed. “Everything Luna said is correct. You in fact have met that princess, but she has chosen not to reveal herself and I do not expect her to do so to either of you for at least another few years. For that I apologize, but it is her decision alone. That said, my sources tell me she is very much involved in helping deal with our current ordeal.”

Cadance and Luna nodded. They already had a reasonably good idea of where the conversation would go. No princess worthy of the title would go into a formal conclave unprepared. Still, they waited to hear Celestia’s opinion.

“Orangeglow,” said Celestia simply. “As the days go by, I increasingly agree with Luna that naming him Chancellor and letting him run the government might surpass Annie as my second greatest mistake. His control of the Imperial Senate is absolute, to the point that even I can no longer persuade them.”

Cadance levelled a look at Celestia. “Didn’t you say the various local leaders and lower Nobility made a formal request to remove him?”

Celestia lowered her head. “I did, and they did. However, much to our disappointment, the Senate acquitted Orangeglow in a sham trial. No witnesses were called, no evidence was presented. The Senators were simply unwilling to accept the reality that the stallion they told me to appoint is grossly unfit for his position.”

“Couldst thou not, perhaps, banish him to the Moon?” Luna queried. “We know he hath committed grave sins against Equestria. It would also, of course, not be the first time thou hast taken such action.”

At that, Celestia rolled her eyes. “As always, sister, you must remind me of my absolute greatest failure.”

“Wherefore not to him thy proverbial banish-hammer?” Luna snipped.

“Could you two maybe not fight right now?” Cadance pleaded. “This is serious and I don’t want Spike to have hurt himself in vain.”

Both celestial princesses nodded.

“As always, the embodiment of love and peace,” said Luna, slightly chastened. “Though I was not around when the deed was done, thy Ascension is certainly one of Dear Sister’s more astute actions, with which I agree wholeheartedly.”

Celestia bowed her head slightly. “My apologies, Cadance. You are correct that the Orangeglow matter is far more important than any lingering familial disagreements. Anyway, the reason I cannot simply banish him is because: One, neither Luna nor myself has access to the Elements of Harmony in order to do so. Indeed, they no longer physically exist, having been absorbed back into the Holy Tree of Harmony. Second, Orangeglow remains popular not only with the Nobility and, of course, the Senate, but also certain groups of the citizenry both in Canterlot and in the hinterlands.”

At that, Cadance tilted her head. “How could any pony or, really, any being whatsoever possibly think Orangeglow is anything but a complete moron?”

Celestia shrugged. “You have dealt with him face to face. Most ponies have not. They are enamoured by the concept or perhaps the idea he represents. Chancellor Orangeglow, himself a Unicorn with little if any magical power, resonates with the large population of Unicorns who also lack prowess and resent those who have it. He sees the outside world as inevitably hostile and non-ponies as suspicious beings, so both must be kept at bay.”

Cadance nodded. “Yes, I experienced that first-hoof. But he’s always been like that. Besides his xenophobia and, as I was briefed, his misappropriation of tax money, why is it only now that you decided to get the three of us together to discuss him?”

Luna glanced over to Celestia knowingly. “Dear Sister…?”

Celestia hung her head low and let out a long, defeated sigh. “He and the Senate gutted the Equestrian Health Service in most of the realm, especially Ponyville due to his ongoing vendetta against the town. While upsetting, I did not consider this a crisis at the time due to his simultaneous closing of borders and lessening of trade which, all taken together, kept the accounting books reasonably even, as Luna tells me.”

“Thou art terrible with numbers,” Luna chimed in.

“Anyway,” Celestia continued, “given that Equestria has not faced any major health crises since I established the EHS, I naively assumed even a system operating at lessened capacity could handle whatever might happen in the near future. I also assumed Orangeglow’s firing of essentially every disease researcher not directly employed by the Palace could be counterbalanced by increased operation from Our end. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Equestria is about to face the worst pandemic in a hundred years and we are woefully unprepared.”

Cadance stood bolt upright, taking in every word Celestia said. “So, what is the disease you’re so worried about?”

“Blue-Flu,” Luna answered.

“Blue-Flu?” Cadance asked, clearly unconvinced. “I thought that was just a fake sickness Discord made up to get sympathy.”

“Regretfully, no,” said a male voice that sounded from everywhere yet nowhere at the same time. Luna and Cadance bore looks of confusion while Celestia’s expression was one of mild anger.

“Discord!” Celesita called out. “Come out right now! How dare you interrupt a Royal Conclave! How did you even get here with all the wards in place??”

Nearby, a heavy wooden door swung open and in walked a bizarre hodgepodge of a creature, snakelike in body yet possessing mismatched arms, legs, and horns. A draconequus who held up his left arm sporting a magic-dampening gold bracelet around his wrist. The door now open, he took off the trinket, which floated back to its housing under its own power as he entered the room.

“Ah, my dearest Celestia!” Discord said as he gave her an overly ostentatious bow, “I’m glad to see you too. The answer to your question, which should be obvious now, is simple: I followed you down to this chamber. ‘No Magic Will Open This Door’ is a lovely little riddle that I’d expect from a stallion like Starswirl, but it’s so simple once you think about it. Greetings to you too, lovely Luna. And, of course, sweet sweet young Princess Cadance. It’s been so long.”

“It’s only been about a month, maybe less,” Cadance replied.

Discord suddenly teleported to directly in front of her whereupon he knelt down to stroke Cadance’s mane, causing her to blush. He then turned his mouth, and only his mouth, to face Celestia and Luna. “My version of Blue-Flu was absolutely fake, and all I did to any others was briefly amplify preexisting allergies or other ailments. My powers can do a lot, but creating a virus is several degrees outside my wheel-well. Besides, why would I want ponies to die? There’d be almost no one left to enjoy my chaos, and that’s no fun at all.”

“So what is the real Blue-Flu?” Cadance asked. Discord shrugged, but Celestia had the answer.

“It is a respiratory disease that causes high fever, a dry cough, possible fluid in the lungs and, in a worst-case scenario, death,” she said solemnly. “Its name comes from the colour a pony’s tongue and lungs turn in the late-stage of infection if the body fails to fight it off. This particular strain of Blue-Flu originated somewhere in the Southern Badlands but managed to make it to port cities on both coasts before it could be contained. It also happens to be a novel strain much more virulent than anything with which we have dealt before.”

“I see,” Cadance said. “So, what should I do to protect my citizens up in the Crystal Empire?”

“Ironically,” Celestia replied, “Orangeglow’s closing of our internal border may keep Blue-Flu from having as nasty an impact on your citizenry. But, it would still be best to do what I have begged Orangeglow to communicate without success: keep one’s hooves clean, maintain a distance of at least a length from others, and self-isolate if one feels they may be ill.”

“Sounds straightforward enough,” said Cadance.

Luna nodded slowly. “Indeed it is, particularly in the absence of any sort of vaccine. However, we are especially worried about Ponyville.”

“How come?”

Celestia answered before Discord could. “Because the disease has not shown up there yet and they are not prepared to deal with it. I did request Twilight pass out flyers containing useful information, since the mayor has been occupied writing futile funding requests to the Senate following the most recent disaster.”


In Ponyville, the front door of City Hall swung open as Mayor Meyer Mare and her trusty assistant Raven Inkwell stepped, bleary and blinking, into the sun.

“Raven, remind me to not drink more than five mugs of Apple Bloom’s Happy-Juice while I’m working for thirty-six hours straight, okay?” Mayor Mare requested with a slight slur.

Raven sighed. “I’ll do it, but we both know you won’t listen.”

Ponyville’s mayor chuckled guiltily. “Well, you’re not exactly wr— uh…hang on.”

“What is it, Meyer?” Asked Raven.

“Where is everyone?”

Indeed, the streets of Ponyville were absolutely, completely deserted. All doors and windows at every home and business were shut and locked tight. Mayor Mare and Raven plodded slowly down the normally bustling but now desolate Stirrup Street.

A gust of wind blew a medium-sized poster into Meyer’s face. Raven pulled it off and read it aloud.

“Blue-Flu Is Coming For You: Twilight’s Tips.”

Meyer groaned loud enough to disturb nearby birds.

Author's Note:

Keep your distance and wash your hands.

Also, like the Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy says in large friendly letters on its cover: "DON'T PANIC"