B_25
Joined 18th Apr, 2013 ·
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I'm not sure why I read this, this one's gonna be hard to forget. But damn, you did an excellent job of this, and frankly despite sitting hundreds of feet above sea level I'm still almost feeling like I can't breathe.
Extremely well done, and intensely horrifying.
Commission
10043789
Thanks for the kind comment. You don't expect much—or any—on these kinds of stories.
~ Yr. Pal, B
This has a fair bit going for it! While I felt like it started to drag a bit towards the end, the opening was really tense, and weirdly for ponyfiction I was thankful the story was told using OCs--I think it kept me a guessing a lot more whether or not they'd make it out when they didn't have the sort-of-plot-armor the show's made me expect most canon characters to have. And they felt... flat-ish, as far as characters go, but in a way that felt more succinct than bland, if that makes any kind of sense? Like. I struggle to say more about Luscious Winds other than that he cares a great deal about his mother, but there's a facet that's, like, that's all the story needs me to know about him, so why bother setting up anything else?
That being said, I wished at times this had gotten more editing to it. For the most part, the mistakes I was seeing were pretty trivial ("grown" where I expected "groan" in the opening, for instance), but there were also cases where I genuinely wasn't sure what you were trying to say ("its size greatened by the ability utterly spread" vexed me quite a bit, and still does).
Still, good stuff. Like an earlier comment said, I think this one'll stick with me for a bit.
10045217
Good comment.
10043789
And thank you.
Well, this was terrifying, good job!
I have... I mean, I can honestly say I hate this, but not for artistic or strictly moral reasons. There's a philosophical objection to this claptrap. "You" are not a force of nature if you are a "you" and not an "it." Jigsaw is not a typhoon or an earthquake. At this point he she or they are a shitty plot device. This Changeling is not even that. He's so hench, so... horror movie equivalent of sappy. He's an edgelord in Hot Topic gear with little wrist cuts that calls himself Darkness Flame of Angel Tears. I don't fear him, I'm not afraid of him. If I was less weary of his kind and didn't know he crossed the moral event horizon I'd pity him like Butters from South Park. I mostly am frustrated by him. I want to punch his face in and tell him to shut up. Pontificating isn't cool, isn't edgy and 1337 it's pretentious. There was a squadron of guards. What, was it this guy's turn in the barrel? "I'll eat your sorrow". Oooh! Edgy, like a butterknife. Shut up, Changeling. Bitter ass loser. You made the choice, you made the physically impossible challenge, it's not his fault. Everyone knows how to walk if they are ambulatory, but we still trip on nothing now and then. World record holding athletes don't break records every time. They can't even equal themselves, and someone's self-imposted standard means they fail? Fuck that.
I hate the villain because he's stupid. Too stupid to be afraid of, too stupid to be intimidated by, he's the villain that would be in any z-grade horror story trying to be psychologically horrible. Maybe he is, but I don't buy him. No one should buy him. "I'm gonna get your family because I'm a butthurt loser."
That guy can eat me. And as a consequence, while I recognize the quality of the writing, it's all just a mess of cliches, wannabeism and flailing, clunky "this is the modern era, everything sucks and we all die and everyone is evil and all endings are bad."
Trite. Cliche. I want the time it took to read that back.
10235503
Damn. That sucks to hear. Your stories back in the day entertained and inspired me. Spike being a dog with Rarity was not only a good story with good writing—but the focus of how that relationship would actually go allow that story to be infused with the surface base of porn that was backed by the depth of a good story.
So it's a bit of wound to have you tearing into me like this. But I respect your opinion nonetheless. I hold no defence but one—this story is a commission, adhering to an outline not of my own, where I focus on the things that the client gets off to. What I would personally do, and what that person desires, are two separate paths. When getting paid for writing, I have to write it to their satisfaction—not my own.
But I'm still thankful you checked it out even if you detested it so.
~ Yr. Pal, B
10235528
See, that changes things. In fact, I want you to ignore like... all of what I said. I've done work for others. You are never at your best. But really, I think you are here. Let me explain.
See, if you look at the review, I honestly didn't tear into you, not intentionally. What I ripped were the tropes forced on you, the characters you were required to use and somehow make something with. The edgelord incarnation of the gritty dark era of media. You were give instructions to make a bad end, and make the villain some hand-wringing Jigsaw wannabe.
Your WORDS were fantastic. You have quality words, quality construction of ideas. But the specifics weren't your fault. It's like you're a builder, you have aged teak and mahogany and marble and granite. And the architect hands you a nightmare of bad design. You can make the vision but all your quality is in service of a bad idea.
Keep this in mind, these days due to life issues, I don't read much in fandom locations. Your description hooked me enough to wonder about it, and your skill made me follow a concept I didn't like much to the end. You did a great job with the restriction you had.
You deserve all the back-pats. Butt-pats from Coach Z even. You've got the skills, and never forget that.
10237722
Thanks homie.
Means a lot coming from you. Also heard you're into Alexander Dumas as well. Sick stuff.
~ Yr. Pal, B
10237803
Indeed indeed. A titan of letters.
10238609
Aye. He and Harlan Ellison were the reasons I strove to be prolific. That and Issac Asimov.