You're a bad boy. Go to my room. This is an alt account. I do write non-fetish fics. Just to make that perfectly clear, Darlings.
Little Pegasus filly Aurora Star has made a big no-no-she drank too many milkshakes and wet the bed. Mommy will tell her she needs a spanking to learn to be a big girl, but can her bottom escape its fate? Maybe if she shows Mommy she's already a big girl. (Note-Yes, I know about rl bedwetting causes. Let's say in Magical Horse Land it is behavioral.)
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This story is ultimately cute. That’s the best way to put it, the mindset of a foal is always entertaining, especially a foal’s thought process when punishment is in the mix. They start to think they know how to handle the situations, when it’s ironic because the reader knows that it won’t work, but we enjoy seeing things come to light for the foal.
1. I would say the dialogue flowed pretty well. I wanted to keep reading and my attention was grabbed pretty early on. It's vital that a story of this length get the reader engaged as early as possible. If it takes too long to hook you in, then there might not be much story left once it happens. You have a knack for making good dialogue, so I was going in with the notion that this was to be expected, and it delivered as usual. I've always thought you were good at this, and I stand by that.
2. You also have a way of making your characters feel alive within the story and easy to connect to. This, however, feels like it's on a new level. I don't know what it is exactly, but my ability to feel for the characters is pretty strong here. I found Aurora wanting to be mature and clean up her own mess, not just trying to clean it so she wouldn't be found out, to be very cute, sweet, and oddly heartwarming in a way that is hard to sum up in words. Aurora dealt with the situation in a very different way from the norm for these types stories. That makes it very special and character interactions breathe uniqueness from that idea. I actually started to get a bit emotional when I found out that she was going to be spanked after all. I actually thought for a second that she might have gotten off the hook for her efforts. She tried so hard to make up for what she did, more than I imagining most children her age doing, and it still wasn't enough to spare her flank. I can only imagine how Glory must have felt to have to spank her.
3. In terms of grammatical and syntax errors, I think you're good for the most part. However, there is one error that I detected.
I believe what you meant was "in no uncertain terms". Saying "in no certain terms" would imply the opposite of certainty. I'm pretty sure you didn't try to convey that. Other than that, I think you're all good as far as I can tell.
Overall, this was a very engaging read. I enjoyed it a good deal. I hope that you found some of what I had to say helpful.
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Thanks for the reviews.
I'm not so fond that she was spanked after she had already washed her bedding. After all what more is there to be gained?
You can just say she's allowed to wet the bed if she washes her bedding during the morning. It gives the child the illusion of options since in reality the amount of effort needed to keep washing your bedding is not worth bedwetting.
10105846
Yes, but her mother simply does not want her to wet the bed. For simple discipline, self-control. And also, laundry detergent is expensive. In rl, I'd never advocate for it, but in this story her bedwetting is a result of laziness/lack of discipline, qualities which should be discouraged so punishment is required.
10106816
Well if the detergent is expensive why not make her pay for it after doing the math. It's more effective if you make them feel it's not outright forbidden but just extremely unattractive. After all if you make something forbidden you make it all the enticing.
It's why in our RP Wilmfe spanked Ember because she lied and tried to hide it. With bed-wetting you don't really need to punish them. After all if they don't clean their bedding the next night will be cold and uncomfortable.
10107121
Well, yes, but this is pure fantasy. Ninety percent of fantasies make no sense in rl. This is downright tame compared to some of my really out there stuff.
(PM me later if you want to hear my really out there stuff. It's not fit for the public.)