Certified Fit for Duty
“Are you serious, Twilight? That’s awesome news!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “I’d love to do it.” She was sprawled across the couch in Twilight’s office, her bright eyes alight with anticipation. Sunlight poured in through the open window and warmed the gentle breeze that tugged at the open curtains.
Twilight Sparkle, seated at her desk, clapped her hooves. “That’s great, Rainbow!” She opened a drawer and dug around through its contents. “I’ll find a copy of—”
“But,” Rainbow interrupted, “I can’t.”
Twilight froze. She looked up at Dash, brows furrowed in confusion. “What? But why not? You just said that you’d love to fill the opening as our new physical fitness and skills instructor.”
“I did,” Rainbow said, nodding. “And I would, but my schedule’s way too full. When I’m not teaching my classes, I’m practicing with the Wonderbolts.” She sat up, running a hoof through her mane as she trilled her lips in frustration. “Trust me, Twilight. If I had the time, I’d totally take the job.” Rainbow shrugged. “But seeing as I’m completely swamped...”
Twilight sighed and slumped in her chair. She rubbed her temples. “I understand. I’m just having a hard time finding a good fit for this position. What about Applejack? Do you think she’d be interested?”
“Not with applebucking season coming up.”
“Right.” Twilight stood and paced behind her desk. She looked out the window and stomped a hoof. “Drat! You two were my best candidates.” The alicorn blinked and cast a hopeful glance at her friend. “Surely you know someone who’d be willing to teach this class.”
Rainbow tapped her chin and pondered Twilight’s question, humming to herself. She narrowed her eyes, and then they shot open with a sudden thought. “Heh. As a matter of fact, somepony does come to mind.”
“Really?” The alicorn hopped over to the couch. “Who!?”
Rainbow dropped one hoof into another, smirking. “She’s tough, disciplined, and knows a lot about living outdoors. Plus, she’s in great shape.” The pegasus stretched out and gave her wings a couple of flaps. “Not as good of shape as me, obviously, but she would probably take the job if you offered.”
Twilight sat next to Rainbow, anticipation and hope bubbling within her. “Who is it? I can have a form for a new substitute teacher ready by this afternoon to grant them a trial period.”
“She’s...” Rainbow scratched at her mane, and her smirk transformed into a sheepish but sly grin. “She’s already been a substitute teacher here, Twilight.”
The confusion returned to Twilight’s face. “Who are you… oh.” Her ears folded against her head, and her posture drooped. “Oh... you’re not talking about—”
“Yep,” Rainbow confirmed, cutting in. “Her.”
~~*~~
The gymnasium was a recent addition to the School of Friendship’s facilities. As such, it was not located immediately adjacent to the main complex. Separated from the classroom halls and student dorms by a manicured field and running track, the gym was a long, low building with a gently sloped roof that stretched out almost the length of the running track itself. A groundskeeper shed was attached to one side like a suckerfish, and wide windows dotted the upper half of the gym's walls.
A chorus of voices and the sound of hooves, paws, and claws milling about on wooden flooring echoed out of a double door that yawned open at the midpoint of the gym’s western wall. Inside, two full classes of students, numbering about two dozen in total, wandered about, chatting idly. Amongst the clusters of students huddled a group of six friends clad in identical fitness jerseys.
"I didn't think it was possible to make sports lame," Smolder grumbled. She tugged at the white jersey she was wearing, which had the school crest emblazoned across the front. "Then, you ponies had to add these tacky things. Bleh." She pulled the jersey over her head and tossed it to the side. "That's better."
"Stop being so dramatic. They're not that bad," Gallus said, waving aside the claim. He puffed out his chest, the school seal resembling a shield being brandished against an unseen foe. "C’mon, Smolder, tell me these uniforms aren’t cool so I can tell you you’re wrong.” Polishing his claws against his chest, he appraised them absently. “Then again, it could just be because you’re the one wearing it."
“Pfft. In your dreams, Gallus. I have half a mind to burn mine now if that’s how I look in it.”
Gallus blinked. “And just what’s that supposed to mean!”
While Gallus and Smolder verbally sparred, their friends huddled together nearby and speculated on a different topic. "Five bits says Professor Dash is heading up this class," Sandbar mused.
"Yona take bet. Yona says Professor Applejack will be teacher."
“Ooh, ooh, we want in!” Silverstream said, Ocellus quietly standing beside her.
A shrill trill pierced the speculative conversions, and everyone's heads snapped toward the sound. A whistle dropped from the lips of a mare and swung from a lanyard next to a clipboard that was carried at her side. Across the chest of her pinstripe jersey was a familiar cutie mark. Dark turquoise eyes sized up the students whose own mouths were agape.
"On the line," the mare calmly instructed, her head and shoulders held so rigidly straight that her mohawk mane did not even tremble as she surveyed the gym. Instead of the expected movement from her students, she was greeted with a collection of confused looks. When no one budged, she pointed at a white line that bisected the gym floor. "Everyone line up here, tallest to shortest with the shortest to my right." Still, no legs or wings moved. "GET MOVING!" There was an immediate shuffle as the two dozen students clambered to follow the instructions. Among the movements could be heard a chorus of welcomes and one half-hearted shout for attention on deck that was ignored.
The dark orchid unicorn stood in front of the haphazardly arranged row of students as Smolder took a step forward off the line. "Miss Berrytwist! You're our teacher again?"
Fizzlepop nodded. "I am." She looked the young dragon up and down. "You appear to be out of uniform, Smolder." Gallus pressed a fist to his beak as he fought back a snicker.
“Uh, right.” The dragon flinched and sheepishly looked back at her discarded jersey on the floor. "Sorry," Smolder apologized, and ran to retrieve her uniform.
Silverstream giggled with delight. "Guys! She remembers our names."
"Remembering names is no different than handling logistics and quartermastering. It’s quite a useful skill." Fizzlepop marched down the line of students, pausing when she reached the hippogriff. The unicorn looked to either side of Silverstream and took note that Ocellus, despite being among the shortest of the class, stood to the left of her. She glanced up and down the line, observing that several others were also out of place.
Fizzlepop looked down at the changeling with a bemused smirk. "Another skill I learned is how to tell the difference between who’s shorter or taller than I am. It seems some of you need a refresher course on that." A chorus of confused questions and comments preceded a fumbling shuffle of students as they corrected their mistaken attempt at a height line.
"Much better,” Fizzlepop said, her tone tinged with mild sarcasm. "Now, good morning, class." She resumed her trek down the line. "Most of you seem to know who I am already. For the rest of you, I will be your substitute until a proper instructor is selected. My name is Fizzlepop Berrytwist. You will address me as Miss Berrytwist, or ma'am. When I call you to the line, you will all run to this line here and stand as you are now." She shot a glance at Smolder. "All students are required to be in uniform unless otherwise granted permission from me. Is everyone clear so far?"
Fizzlepop winced at the disorderly replies of “Yes, ma’am!” and “Yes, Miss Berrytwist!” that followed her question, but did not falter. Upon reaching the end of the line, she pirouetted and continued back toward the opposite end of the line.
"This is a physical fitness and wilderness survival education class. You will sweat. You will learn discipline. You will have every ounce of weakness squeezed out of you. When you are not training your bodies, we will discuss proper nutrition; and, when time permits, you will spend time in the field learning basic survival techniques and first aid."
"Miss Berrytwist, ma'am?" a timid voice asked.
Fizzlepop stopped and turned to the voice. She found Ocellus with her hoof half-raised. "Yes?"
"Are we being drafted?"
Fizzlepop blinked. "No, of course not."
Ocellus lowered her hoof and cocked her head. "Are you sure? It really sounds like you think we're new recruits." She swallowed. "Um, ma'am."
Fizzlepop swept her keen gaze across the assembly of students and noticed more than one head nodding in agreement. She sighed. "I can assure all of you that you are not being drafted. Neither do I have any intention of treating you as such." As she waited for the multitude of relieved voices to quiet down, Fizzlepop retrieved a cart of red rubber balls―each about the diameter of a ripe cantaloupe―and presented them to the students.
"We're going to start with something simple today to warm you up and help me gauge your current skill levels." She plucked a ball from the cart and bounced it against the floor. "If you can dodge a ball, you can dodge a spear. That's what I used to say to those who were just beginning their training."
Smolder's eyes lit up, and her wings fluttered excitedly. "Cool! We're going to be throwing spears?"
"Absolutely not." Smolder’s excitement died in an instant. Fizzlepop tapped her chin. "Maybe we'll work our way up to javelins or archery in track and field one day, but we're going to stick to something less than potentially lethal for now."
The dragon crossed her arms. "Lame," she said, sulking.
"What kind of a game is this?" Ocellus asked.
Sandbar blanched. "You've never played dodgeball before?"
Ocellus shook her head. "Changelings don't have the same games ponies play."
“Yaks best at dodgeball!” Yona energetically announced. “Yaks smash ball!”
"We used pufferfish," Silverstream added excitedly. She glanced at Smolder, who nodded.
"Lava rocks." The dragon continued the trend and looked to Gallus for his addition.
"I, uh..." the griffin stammered. "Griffins use… throwing axes! Yeah! And I was Griffinstone's dodgeball champion." He crossed his arms, a wide grin spreading across his face. A very wide grin. "No griffin ever beat me."
Fizzlepop pulled the remaining five balls from the cart and laid them out evenly across the center of the court. "Divide yourselves into two groups while I cover the rules." The group of students mingled and meandered until they formed into two roughly equal groups of a dozen creatures, with Smolder, Ocellus, and Yona on one side, and Sandbar, Silverstream, and Gallus on the other. Fizzlepop ran through a quick rundown of the rules, victory conditions, and a few general tips on how to throw, catch, and dodge the rubber projectiles.
"Is everyone clear on the rules?" Most heads nodded in agreement. She brought the whistle to her lips, and it pierced the air with its shrill screech. "Go!"
Thirty minutes, and four full rounds later, found one team congratulating each other while the other nursed bruised egos. The team with Sandbar, Silverstream, and Gallus were doling out hoofbumps and congratulations to each other. Sullenly, the team with Smolder, Ocellus, and Yona stood by and stared at the floor.
Fizzlepop blew her whistle. "On the line. Stick with your groups." The celebrations died down as everyone took their place before she took to pacing up and down the row of students. "What happened out there?" she posed to the losing side.
"Before or after we kicked their flanks?" somepony from the winning team answered, drawing snickers from his friends. Fizzlepop halted and shot a disdainful glare at the young stallion. He and his friends immediately quieted.
"Pride comes before the fall, young stallion. Be humble in your triumphs." She turned and resumed pacing. When no one else spoke up, she looked to the winning team and posed a different question: "Let's start at the beginning, then. Team One, what was your plan?"
"To win!" a young male hippogriff yelled from the far end of the row.
"Naturally," Fizzlepop nodded. "But how did you plan on accomplishing the task of winning?"
There was silence again until the soft voice of an earth pony mare spoke. "By... beating the other team?"
"And what did you specifically do to ensure you would beat the other team?" Fizzlepop prodded. “Did you allow a comrade to fall in your place? Did you lurk in the background, forcing others to do the fighting for you as you waited for what you hoped would be the perfect opportunity to strike? Or did you compose a plan with your teammates in order to minimize the losses to your own forces while maximizing your own potential against the opposition?”
"Um..."
When the earth pony's voice trailed off and did not return, Fizzlepop stopped in front of the winning team and looked down at them, her eyes scanning them from one end to the other. "Just because you won doesn't mean you earned it. If you were sloppy and disorganized, your victory was more likely the result of the opposing team making more mistakes than anything outstanding on your end. There are two lessons for you who won: First, be humble in victory. Second, and this goes for both teams, always have a plan. Then, have a contingency, because―"
"No plan survives first contact with an opposing force," Gallus finished. Fizzlepop turned to find the griffin grinning to himself.
"From the griffin General Helmet von Molt. You remembered." She nodded to Gallus. "Excellent." Fizzlepop turned her attention back to the losing team. "Now, Team Two. What happened?"
"W-We lost..." Ocellus answered meekly.
"Well," Smolder offered. "Ocellus has never played before, and Yona is kind of a big target."
"Hey!"
Shrugging, Smolder said, "I’m just calling it how I see it."
Fizzlepop considered the answer. "A larger target and a lack of experience. Simplistic, but technically accurate. The latter can be improved upon. The former must be accounted for in planning. What else?"
"Other than Yona catching and popping the ball with her horn?" a female griffin commented. A minute passed while the other members of the losing team offered a few lackluster explanations. When there were no more reports, Fizzlepop cut in.
"Okay. Not great for a first attempt, but you will improve with reps and sets." The blank stares prompted a sigh. "We will continue these kinds of exercises and later we will make field excursions. After each event, we will review to learn what went right and what went wrong. Then we will do it again to apply the lessons learned, until you are perfect. That is how we will drive improvement."
Before there were any additional questions or dissenting opinions, Fizzlepop blew her whistle. "Everyone outside. We're heading to the field for drills."
~~*~~
Later that week, beneath the shade of the trees and clustered around a ring of stones that held a banked fire, the dark orchid unicorn mare sat with her students in the woods behind the School of Friendship. Oak and maple mingled alongside an occasional beech in the sunlight, as thin bushes dotted the floor of the woods, and an assortment of small birds flitted through the canopy.
A small mountain of rucksacks lay nearby, the contents having been doled out soon after the lesson on building a fire had concluded. Each student inspected their own supplies while a robin-blue, speckled pot sat steaming on a rock near a pile banked coals.
“Now for the next part of our field training exercise,” Fizzlepop announced, seated at what could be called the head of the cluster. She hefted her own bag and placed it in front of her. “Lunch.” The initial cheer that went up quickly turned to confused muttering. Fizzlepop watched with amusement as the students examined the prepacked lunch bags they had been given with curiosity and a small amount of trepidation.
“Miss Berrytwist, what is all this?” Ocellus asked, sifting through the contents of her bag.
“Camping rations.” Fizzlepop reached into her bag and retrieved several smaller pouches, along with a sealed can. “Dried fruits, hardtack, and oats.” She shook the tin, eliciting a sifting noise, like sand. “Coffee, too.” She surveyed the expressions of the students while they sampled each. “Are they not to your liking?”
“This tastes like dirt,” Silverstream commented after nibbling on a scoop of dry oats. “Do you have any sugar?”
“Sugar makes you flabby and can rot your teeth,” Fizzlepop countered. “And you’re supposed to mix that with hot water first.”
Sandbar gnawed on one of the beige wafers. When he failed to scrape even a crumb from its surface, he bit down hard and immediately spat out the still solidly intact hardtack. “I think I just chipped a tooth on that biscuit,” he complained, rubbing his jaw.
“You’re not supposed to bite into them. Here.” Fizzlepop placed Sanbar’s hardtack back inside its pouch. “Break them like this,” she instructed, before slamming a hoof down on the smaller bag several times. When she opened it, pieces of hardtack half the size of an Equestrian bit fell out. “Soak the pieces in coffee or water, or tuck them into your cheeks to soften. This snack helps to stave off an appetite while on the road.”
“I’ve never had coffee before,” Silverstream remarked, leaning over to look more closely at the roiling robin pot of dark, steaming liquid. She reached for the container when an orange claw grabbed her by the wrist.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Smolder said, her eyes wide with alarm.
The hippogriff tilted her head. “Why not?”
“Trust me.”
Yona was sniffling at her portions of lunch when her face lit up with recognition. “Teacher needs rock cookies smashed? Yona can help! Yaks best at smashing.” She quickly emptied her own lunch bag and used it to scoop up all of the group’s hardtack. Then she tossed it on the ground and jumped and down on it vigorously. “Huah! Hah! Smaaash!”
When the display of yak enthusiasm had concluded, Fizzlepop retrieved the flattened bag and peered inside. She frowned, but the displeasure on her face brightened into an amused grin as she chuckled. “I guess we could make a hardtack gravy with this.” She upended the sack and poured a cloud of fine dust into her hoof.
“Is this what you ate in the Storm King’s army?” Ocellus asked, picking dried berries out from between the other dried fruits of her lunch.
“Sometimes,” Fizzlepop mused. She grabbed a stick and poked at the fire, shifting the logs around. “Being a commander meant I usually had access to better food than those I led, but I actually enjoy the crunchiness of hardtack and the tangy chewiness of the dried apples. It’s... simple. Uncomplicated. Everything that life isn’t.”
A log shifted too far, and Fizzlepop reached out to stop the coffee pot from tipping over, only to find that the pot was missing. “Where did―”
“Oh. My. Stars.” Everyone turned their heads slowly toward Silverstream. On the ground in front of her sat the coffee pot. It was lying on its side.
Smolder picked up the pot and looked inside. It was drained of every last drop. “Uh oh...”
“This stuff,” Silverstream began, her eyes starting to twitch. “Is.” A shiver ran up her spine and trembled through her extremities, her feathers fluffing up in the process. “AWESOME!”
Fizzlepop swept a hoof out and pulled everything she had brought back into her rucksack. She stood and smiled nervously. “Pack up, everyone. We’re going on a hike.” Silverstream vibrated upright and started into the bushes without a glance behind her. Fizzlepop sighed. “A long hike.”
~~*~~
The gymnasium at the School of Friendship was empty, except for a singular pony. Fizzlepop Berrytwist sat in front of a folding table that had been placed against one of the walls. Spread across the table were charts, rosters, and diagrams. Some of the lists had photos of students paper-clipped to them, and Fizzlepop was intently scrutinizing a series of tallies and marks made in the margins of each page. She was busily rearranging several of the sheets and did not acknowledge the arrival of another pony until the newcomer cleared her throat.
"Excuse me, Tempest?" Twilight Sparkle asked. The unicorn did not respond, continuing to shuffle her papers and make small notations. Twilight pawed at the floor. "Um. Yoo-hoo. Tempest?"
"Please don't use that name," Fizzlepop said, not lifting her head from her task.
Twilight's ears flattened, and she blushed. "Oh, right. Sorry. Fizzlepop, can you spare a minute to talk?"
Fizzlepop stacked her papers neatly and turned, standing rigidly tall. "Of course, Headmare."
"Just Twilight is fine." Twilight sat and motioned for Fizzlepop to do the same. "How is everything going?"
"Well enough," Fizzlepop answered, settled down into a seated position. "I have to improvise many of the activities and lessons, given that this program is still uncodified. However, that has provided opportunities for creativity and growth."
One of Twilight's eyes twitched. "Uncodified?" She glanced at the short stack of papers on the table. "But I gave you a full preliminary schedule of events, lessons, and pre-approved field trip ideas." Her eyes narrowed. "Were those as limited in focus as my history lessons?"
"No. They were wrong in a different way this time." Twilight sputtered, but Fizzlepop held up a hoof to forestall any immediate response. "I appreciate the work that went into your preparations, but you focused too much on the theory of physical education. Very little time was spent on actually applying the lessons in a practical manner. I have attempted to find an effective middle-ground between demonstrations, lectures, exercise regimens, real-world applications, and sports."
"It's that middle-ground I wanted to discuss," Twilight said evenly.
Fizzlepop's shoulders slumped an inch, and she looked away. "I know I wasn't your first choice for an instructor."
"Well, no." The alicorn's tail twitched, and her wings shifted. "Starlight was the one who suggested you for my history lesson, and then Rainbow Dash offered up your name after she turned down my offer to run the program herself."
Fizzlepop nodded and turned back to meet Twilight's eyes. "She would have been a good choice, if also a little too focused on one or two areas." Fizzlepop stood and began to slowly pace, her gaze locked on the floor. "I understand that trust must be earned, but I believed that the results of my time as a substitute would have given you a bit more confidence in my performance." She paused and looked up. "And my intentions."
"I know. You did. I do!" Twilight stood and moved to face Fizzlepop. "I mean, I just want to better understand your methods. Like why you're pushing our students to compete with one another when they’re here to learn how to cooperate. You’ve been pitting your students against each other in games and sports almost daily."
Fizzlepop frowned down at Twilight, and the alicorn took an involuntary step backward. "Life is a competition, Twilight. In rare instances, that struggle can be for one's own life. Most often, you are simply competing for a job, the attention of another, or against opposing priorities. Even time itself is racing against us."
"I understand that, but this is the School of Friendship. We can’t teach creatures how to get along by pitting them against each other. How can they set aside their differences if they see each other as obstacles?"
Fizzlepop's expression softened, and she nodded. "That is why I emphasize the importance of teamwork. They rely on one another to win, and their losses are the result of neglecting that fact. I made sure they knew this after their dodgeball game."
Twilight reached up to place a hoof on Fizzlepop's shoulder. "But you have to consider what losing does to a creature’s confidence. In an environment like this, these students consider themselves to be the representatives of everyone in their nations. That’s already a massive burden they carry, and even if they lose what you and I would call a simple dodgeball game, that means so much more here. If they think they’re not good enough, it—"
"Will prepare them to function as adults," Fizzlepop said, stepping away from Twilight. "If I gave everyone a trophy just for showing up, then what incentive is there for any of them to do more than the minimum? To grow and excel?"
"Fizzle, that’s not what I—"
"And what better time to learn those lessons than when you're surrounded by friends who will pick you up when you're down?" Fizzlepop paused and took in a deep breath. "Instead of tearing you apart... like the rest of the world would."
Twilight slowly approached the other mare, taking a seat next to her. "Not everyone has gone through what you have, Fizzlepop. And not everyone reacts well to being pushed. You can't expect all of your students to adapt to your sink-or-swim method of instruction. There’s a good chance many will drown." She smiled up at the unicorn. "Sometimes, you have to change yourself a little and meet them halfway. Swim alongside them. That’s what learning, what friendship, is about."
"I..." Fizzlepop sighed. "I understand. These are students, not recruits. Ocellus even asked me if I was here to draft them!" She shook her head. "The world won’t coddle them, and I want them to know it’s hard for everyone so they’ll have more perspective. I understand you, Twilight, but do you understand me?"
Twilight met the other mare's imploring gaze and remained silent for a few heartbeats before answering. "I think so." She pawed at the floor. "Believe me, I know as well as anyone about the kinds of trouble the world can throw at someone. It's just..." Twilight paused and turned to allow her eyes to fondly trace the contours of the gymnasium. A soft smile tugged at her lips. "With this school, I want the students’ formative years to be a refuge, a haven from everything bad, so we can teach them about friendship without them having to be tossed into the ballpit with some ancient evil. I know it’s naïve, but I just don’t know what I’d do if anyone were to fall out of the ship while I’m at the helm."
"That's an admirable goal, Twilight." Fizzlepop smiled. She gestured for Twilight to follow and walked over to the table with the alicorn following close behind. "But moving forward, world-saving quests and ‘ancient evils’ aside, I think I can offer useful skills alongside physical fitness and discipline at a pace that accomplishes both of our goals." She spread the papers back across the table for Twilight to view. With a twinkle in her eye, Fizzlepop winked. "What do you say?"
Twilight chuckled. "I think I can get onboard with that idea." She scanned the documents before her. "Show me what you have in mind."
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I would have said a defensive testudo around Yona as they advance.
“Oh. My. Stars.” Everyone turned their heads slowly toward Silverstream. On the ground in front of her sat the coffee pot. It was lying on its side.
Smolder picked up the pot and looked inside. It was drained of every last drop. “Uh oh...”
“This stuff,” Silverstream began, her eyes starting to twitch. “Is.” A shiver ran up her spine and trembled through her extremities, her feathers fluffing up in the process. “AWESOME!”
Oh sweet Celestia no It was a bad idea giving coffee to silverstream lol
And a must be very hard for fizzy pop to adapt to this kind of teaching specially she's not used to this but I'm sure she'll find a way somehow
Well Tempest's initial program wasn't going to be perfect but it was pretty good. Gallus recalling the Fiction General quote was a nice not to his penchant for Military things,and Yona pulverizing the harrd tack was funny.
There is a minor issue with the first chapter:
This, and the point Fizzlepop makes is useful, but she doesn't use Smolder's name once during the conversation setting this up. In fact she doesn't say any names between her introduction and the above line.
As such, you may want to add Smolder's name to the end of the out of uniform line.
Remove a extra double quotation
And when the idea that this was the thing to do took hold is when things started to fall apart.
"If I gave everyone a trophy just for showing up, then what incentive is there for any of them to do more than the minimum? To grow and excel?"
Tempest's mistake was bringing coffee (even instant coffee) with the students.
Never give kids coffee.
Never.
*Fortunate Son intensifies*
10894152 And letting Silverstream have access to coffee?
You've doomed Equestria. On the other hand the explosion will look pretty from a safe distance, you know, in orbit.
11212309
A caffeine nuke from orbit is the only way to be sure.