• Member Since 30th Jun, 2019
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

AtomicClop


Because "fantasy erotica" sounds better than "cartoon horse porn."

Comments ( 44 )

Y'know, I'm normally not one for such super quick stories like this. I've always felt there just wasn't enough time to make it work and feel right.

This proved that it can be done.

~Skeeter The Lurker

You probably immediately won the shortest word count award which is 3 or 2 dollars on Paypal for Dirty Little Secret Contest.

Congrats

10036710

I anticipate multiple 1000-word entries. He'll probably have to break the tie with upvotes or Wilson score.

The characters constantly reminding each other "oh, we're doing a quickie", "oh it's been so long" feels like the author reminding the reader of the story gimmick moreso than natural dialogue.

That line about the sickness runnung through the family is so true, though ><

I think it's Cum not Come.

Besides that this was very charming.

Can't have Neapolitan with vanilla.

10036872

I prefer "come," but most people agree with you.

Thanks for the comment! Hope you enjoyed.

10036879
I see luv, if you prefer come use it!

I just didn't know if you like got the dreaded auto spell or something, lol.

Stay lovely and good luck on your contest.

10036883

Thanks! I'm writing a long form (aged-up) Scootaloo x Terramar romantic clop for the contest, too.

AHEM! "I'm going to come so big..."

"More like four. She had the flu; you had the flu; I had the flu." Shining Armor felt his balls hanging low and heavy, like two melons in his ballsack. "I'm going to come so big... "

Or two bowling balls!

"I love you, but if you touch my teats nopony'll ever find your body, okay?"

SA: Fine, but you'll have to let me lick your chocolate donut

"Okay!" Cadance gasped. "Okay, I'm warmed up. Let's finish quick. Remember last time Flurry woke up and we were too busy fucking?"

Now she started wrestling with her Whammy, just like her mommy and daddy!

Down the hallway, Flurry cried.

Flurry Heart's little sibling senses are tingling!

Impressive. Wasn't expecting to see a 1k word clopfic be this hot, but you somehow managed.

Looking forward to more stories about how... interesting sex can get after having a kid.

10037015
LOL, thanks!

I wanted to see if I could make 1000 words work. Thanks for the feedback!

Erotic efficiency is best efficiency change my mind

10036717
I think it's stupid you have a high like to dislike ratio (34:1) and it has yet to appear in the top features stories.

That's so unfair. They should put it up

10037262
I appreciate your comment!

However, the feature box is algorithmic, not selected by a human. Also, short fics (1000 words) are penalized. The best length for the feature box algorithm is 8,000 words.

...and thus did Shining Armor and Princess Cadence learn of something called "First Heat" where a mare becomes highly fertile about a month after giving birth, before returning to her regular cycles....

Grats!

10037396
Ha! Awesome!

Thanks for telling me!

I misread this as "A Napalm Quickie". That would have been a very different story.

10040483
But potentially better....

This definitely has the tone of somebody with a certain... familiarity with the nature of trying to get some action with a kid in the house.

Though you'd think they'd just hire a sitter with better shielding spells. XD

"I love you, but if you touch my teats nopony'll ever find your body, okay?"

Damn, that's harsh. Is that like an "I'm oversensitive/sore from nursing" thing? Or just random flavor that she's ultra super not into that?

Cute story otherwise!

10111913
Enjoy the attic!

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Very in touch with the troubles afflicting new parents.
-Very fast, of course, given the word count.
-Still ends up being pretty superficial and not really able to get into things.
-An example would be like how the only thing we know about his insertion was that it lasted one minute and felt 'great'.
-The rush to finish gives the story good energy and drive.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 75/100
Allure: 30/100
Enticement: 50/100
Immersion: 60/100
Prose Quality: 90/100
Total Score: 305/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

10254549
Forgot to actually add up the score there.

Congratulations on winning Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
For the full results, check the Dirty Little Award Show.

This story won:

Two Pump Dump
Just because it didn't take very long doesn't mean it wasn't fun! And you can always go again after a little breather. Your clopfic was the shortest by Fimfic's word count!

Managing to get it done in 1,000 words? Have all of my likes you contest winner you! :raritywink:

10283127
Always happy to help. I'm always curious just what you think is the key element that gets your stories such success. A trade secret, from one aspiring writer to another established one?

10283135
I don't know TBH.

Part if it is just fiction technique, things like "show don't tell," "be specific not general," that apply to all genres, not just porn.

10283175
Always wondered on that 'show, don't tell" thing, myself. Is it a dialogue/descriptor thing, or something else? Becuase in a fanfiction, you're usually always telling and I sometimes find it hard to distinguish. Elaborate a bit for a fan?

Also, this won you an entire Dirty Little Secret contest, it's gotta see more eyes. Hold on while I fix that for you.

10283231
As far as show don't tell, hit up me and the crew in the Discord.

Thanks!

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