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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This chapter is fucking pissing me off. I haven't had to do this much rewriting and backtracking in ages. First Nav was in on the prank. Then I changed that. Then Luna didn't swap with Celestia and Nav went on the date with Celestia and they swapped after. But I changed that. Then Nav told Celestia about what he was going to do to Luna, but I changed that. Then Nav didn't realize Luna was really Luna and went on a date with her, but I changed it again. Then Nav actually stood Luna up instead of almost standing her up, but that just left a bad taste in my mouth. This is the final product, though it isn't as interesting as I was hoping. For anyone that wants to see my original ending for this chapter, http://pastebin.com/K8rgyuMi It starts at Celestia's letter, though of course the bit about Nav going into Ponyville and sending a last minute letter was not there.
Long story short, though, fuck this chapter.
yay new chapter
All this pranking is convoluted and dangerous. These guys are crazy.
Though it was deceptive Luna hugging Navi after they had changed bodies the first time was cute (and sad.)
Silly chapter overall.
It's only been five days since your last update. You should rest more.
Also the pranking got a little confusing But I understood it.
just read the alternate ending.... i actually liked it better then this one, it showed a darker side of Celestia which fits into her previous characterization of being the immortal goddess who is better then you could ever be
1976707
Bro, this chapter was crazy. I loved it.
I know you may not have liked it, but I thought it was still pretty great. I do like this more than the alternate ending though.
That one hit me right in the feels.
Its so crazy the crap that Navarone has been through. And, while it may seem strange, I can see how the Princesses would think it would be a great idea. And man was it hard to read at times. In not this story (and sometimes in this story), Luna is one of my favorite characters, so most of this was very saddening.
The part with Twilight on the chariot...
priceless.
So, to reiterate:
Story Progression: Check
Feelings invoked: Check
Intense Long for next update: CHECK
Overall Score: A+
1977288
Writing is usually restful. This chapter, though... God, it was so much to keep track of. I had so many ideas for it. I think I spent more time planning and discarding plans than I did writing.
1977306
One proofreader said that. The problem is that I need Luna to not be completely broken yet.
1977421
This chapter confused me too. Not my best one.
1977484
The next update might take a while, because some planning will have to go into it. Let's just say that Nav and two others are going on a vacation.
One of the best chapters you have written, yet! It took me a few moments to understand it, but once I did it was great.
**EDIT**
Original ending might have been slightly better, but I suppose it would have made Nav a complete ass.
1977502
Completely broken? Vacation?
HOLY MOTHER OF ALL FORESHADOWING!
I shall await with bated breath.
1977502 ahhh that makes sense, but i dont mind him being cruel to the princesses you have completely destroyed their image for this universe
1977502
I still love you man.
What stuff is Nav good at if he doesn't know stuff such as gun cotton, nitrate and nitrite, etc.?
What was he studying in college if he was in college? (Was he in college?)
1977531
He got pulled to Equestria in his senior year of high school.
1977527
You don't mind, but Nav does. And he's the one that has to live with them, so he'll be at least somewhat nice.
1977518
Not like you can really tell much from that foreshadowing.
1977503
Yeah, I honestly liked the original ending better as well. That said, it would ruin some things had planned for later.
1977538
Oh, I know. Buts its like the time before anything good comes out. You jump on any little scrap you can.
1977538
Really?
He is then really fucking competent and adaptive for his age.
If he was real I would want to shake his hand.
So he only knows high school chemistry... Yeah that's not going to help him.
1977527
I don't think any of the characters have been left untouched, they all have new characteristics added by WMD.
1977557 true but what about the cmc they are about the same
1977574
I don't think I've seen them for some time, but I suppose you're right.
1977557
For the most part, they were added only after certain events in the story. I molded the characters from the show into what they are here over four years of dealing with Nav.
1977574
We almost never see them. No telling if they're the same or not. After dreaming about fucking Nav for a week they might not be.
1977555
Ever read Ender's Game? Nav's one of them really smart kids. They do exist. And he went to a rather advanced high school, taking advanced classes. He knows basic college chemistry, plus all the anarchistic stuff he did in his spare time.
1977585>>1977584 that proves it they need more air time in the story maybe their naga capturing marks changling impersonates.... or maybe they should try to get more "adult" cutie marks and have nav send them packing back home with a warning.
1977585
So... Rarity was sex crazed before Nav got there? I was referring to the show, in terms of characteristics, but I understand that you had the story take a more 'realistic' approach.
1977607
Rarity isn't sex crazed in the story. She did that because she thought Nav needed it, not because she really wanted to fuck him. Although she did really want to fuck him. It backfired on her, of course, but still.
1977606
They already have cutie marks. Nav told them what their special talents were a long time ago.
I am very confused
anyway...
This story NEVER LETS ME DOWN
From the perspective of one that didn't have to go through crap to make it...
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i know that he got in trouble for it but what if a spell or a potion makes them regress... dun dun duuuuun that would be funny they become much younger and lose their marks but still know all they know but the knowledge of their marks is removed form their memory, ohhh what is sweetiebot comes to town and clames she is the real sweetie and a fight insues and only nav blatantly sees that she is a robot
1977635
Fixed that shit.
1977649
How the dick are they going to make a robot?
1977639
I wonder if that all makes it worth it.
This chapter did seem like it wanted to pull off into different directions, but I enjoyed it nevertheless. Plus, Giant Squid+Sea Serpent? That doesnt even seem possible. Actually, the Naga getting it on with the squid wasnt even supposed to be possible either! Guess the squid in Equestria are different from their Earthen brethren.
1977663 ... i have no idea but if Twilight can time travel and the changelings have electricity... think of the possibilities
1977668
I never said who was giving or who was receiving. Those tentacles are good for all kinds of things.
1977678 , thanks for that imagery.
1977686
Now you know how Nav feels:
1976707
You do realize the further you go with this story, the more backtracking you'll have to eventually do, right?
1977712
I know, but this chapter was worse than usual. I had to delete a number of things. That's why this update took so long.
1977720
Ah. Keep on truckin'
Is Steven's river connected to the squid's lake? Or did Steven have to slither across land to get there? I'm curious to know if Steven has legs or can even get out of the water.
1977798
It's not connected. Let's just say that if we had seen how he managed to get to the lakes, we would be very impressed and it might turn some of us gay.
(I have no fucking clue)
*pant**pant* Finally. *pant* caught up. *pant* to story... totally worth 2 weeks of my life.*passes out*
1977825 Thinking about it, Steven probably wouldn't want to get all muddy slithering to the lake, even though it would just wash off after he reentered water. My theory is that he coiled his long, serpentine body into a ball and walked on his hands and/or legs if he has any.
1977866
He does have hands and arms. I assume he has either some manner of legs or the ability to move like a naga can. He probably just slithered.
1977838
Caught up just in time for an update. Nice.
Holy Jesus... AN EARLY UPDATE! Have I mentioned how frustrating it is to see the low 'Likes' there are for this story? Oh dear you just made my bedtime relaxation read! I do hope it doesn't take as long as you are guesstimating it will take to get the next chapter out but take all the time you need my friend! I love this story and squee when I see the update note in my email. That should tell you a lot.
Still confused on Discords end roll in this will go and how bad it will screw over everyone that Nav's helped.
I'm torn, the part of me that expects Nav to eventually get with Luna likes your final edit, but the brutal part of me likes the version on paste bin much more.
1976707
I loved this chapter, the doublecross was played beautifully, and seeing a panicky Twilight is always a bonus!.
-Minty
so Navarone is Cane from the bible right? Does that mean that he is cursed by God? ooooohhhhh is discord his curse?
1978512
Nah, Nav's not Cain. Just someone Discord knew back when the humans were still alive. We'll find out more about him soonish.
Real nice chapter.
Well that sucks. I finished the chapter. Nav, how long till the next one?
1978908
I just fucking updated. The next one will be whenever I finish it.
It is nice to see a new update, great chapter as always. The idea that Cadance would keep quite about Navs plan somehow does not play true to her character, seeing as how she continues to meddle in to his personal business. The 'ghost' in the library, if it is an elemental than why did Flo not feel it or say anything? Or why did the elemental not make contact with Nav other than some whispers? The idea that Cadance would keep quite about Navs plan somehow does not play true to her character, seeing as how she continues to meddle in to his personal business. The reverse pranking was an interesting twist, your original version of this chapter would have went further in to the characters personalities and shown some of the darker nature of the story. I am guessing that Taya wanting to be more like Nav makes her dislike certain things that girls usually do. This chapter was good even if you do not really like the rewrites, can not wait until the next update.
When did commander Shepard get into the story?
1978925
Air elementals are harder to sense, remember? If Flo wasn't paying attention, she would never know. And if that was an elemental, why risk ruining fun by talking to Nav when she could continue her pranks?
1978929
When Nav decided to start being more awesome.
1978937
Makes sense