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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Man, why did Discord choose the best personality. Really, just a lot of Okays and Alrights, and work to keep everything together. He even helped stop Spike from Growing Up.
DAMN YOU DREAMS!!!
2410954 Indeed, but when is the next chapter of StRMie?
So right about the part where it's hard for someone to tell when someone else likes them
Why the FUCK not!
3053225......if only that could be made into a random even that happens when you go there
Okay, so yes. This chapter was pretty bad before. But now, the only thing that crosses my mind is, "What chapter? Before this one, it was just Nav laying on a roof." You have COMPLETELY outdone yourself. Again. In the most bad-ass way known to man... er, pony.
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I was tempted to republish this one entirely because of how different it ended up. But I think fimfic frowns upon that, so I didn't. But yeah, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I think I made up for how bad this chapter originally was.
Nav scaring the crap out of them, great job rewriting with him more involved
3239712 I do have one request. As far as this one goes, and any other ones that have changed drastically, would you mind changing them on the FanFiction site as well? FimFiction has no (official) android app, so I use the other one when I'm off my PC.
If... you know... that's all right with you...
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I'm waiting for my better proofers to look over them before I do that. The guy that usually finds most mistakes has only looked over chapter one and part of two. I don't know what's taking him so long. I might just post them anyway, mistakes and all. Not like it really matters that much; fanfiction.net is the more unimportant of the two sites, as far as I'm concerned.
That chapter was... Badass...
I read this chapter twice before and I must say: You've really outdone yourself, but you know you're going to have to change the ENTIRE flow of the story now, right?
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No, the opposite is true. If I didn't change this chapter to something involving more Luna, I'd have to change the entire flow of the story. Before, the events of chapter six came out of nowhere. Now it makes more sense. I'll still have to modify things, but changing this chapter like I did helps a lot.
Brilliantly (re)written. This would be a great idea for a short horror game, let alone an actual haunted house.
You know... out of this entire story this was the one chapter that always bugged me. There was so much you could have done and yet Nav just wasted the night away on Cherilee's roof. This was the single greatest haunted house I've ever seen described though. You've outdone yourself this time.
Squeee!~ Awesome re-write!
Ah, this rewrite is much better! If I remember correctly, didn't it originally have Nav just hide on a roof and basically avoid Luna in fear that him being there would only make the night worse for her?
I'm pretty sure it was like that... Anyways, love the rewrite, definitely gives Nav a lot more character earlier on within the story.
Also, only thing that I saw that made me stop and reread a few times was this line:
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But isn't it in this chapter where Nav establishes relations with Cherilee?
And there was that one time that Nav in Taya's body used the events of this chapter to prove herself as him to Cheers, so there's that as well.
I'm not saying you have to change it, just pointing out where it may make the story inconsistent.
Other then that though, this chapter is freakin' awesome.
That was probably the best account of a haunted house I have ever read, and Nav really dug deep in the fears he used. Betrayal, abandonment, the image of your own death? That's pretty sick man. Most humans would even freak out from that haunted house.
Wow... I love this chapter. It gives a nice starting point to Nav and Luna's relationship, and is hands down an overall improvement over the older version. I also have to add my acclaim to the haunted house segment, that was fantastic.
Plus, it always bugs me when authors abandon their old chapters, even after a story is finished, they still never bother to go back and correct mistakes. So, even though I consider your chapters to be great quality as-is (especially compared to many other writers on this site), I am very pleased to see you go back over them and find ways to improve them even more. I look forward to reading any other chapters you rewrite.
I have to agree with your assessment... this is a good rewrite. Keep us up to date in the author notes of the latest chapter like you've been doing when you rewrite more!
IIRC the original story just had Nav stay up on Cheerilee's roof for the night. Instead now you've given some chance for character development between Luna and Nav. Nice to see them getting along after so long reading the more recent chapters.
I'm guessing you built the house of horrors backwards... made the "improved" version first and then dumbed it down for Filthy Rich's subpar version for Nav and Luna to improve. Either way, seeing what they did with it was definitely the most enjoyable bit. Good job.
Keep on writing new chapters though, I'm anxious to see what's going to happen next. :)
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Yeah, but I don't recall Nav interacting with her much? Definitely not critical to any of the core plot. I don't think it's a big deal and it probably won't be too hard to fix other interactions between the two to be consistent with this new chapter.
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Actually, I didn't. The dumbed down version came first and I decided what I would do after that. I just decided to convert it, leaving out the zombies. And yes, Nav did just chill on her roof all night previously.
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I always fixed mistakes when they were found. This was more than fixing a simple typo, though.
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It was when he talked to her first, but I can modify things around if needed. And yeah, I was hoping that would be a haunted house most people would be afraid of.
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...This was the only chapter that bothered you? Wow.
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You're not the only one to mention that. Might have to change it.
Day two:put i have stabbed my self in the kidney, as penitence for a not reading this story sooner.
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To be fair, I just rewrote this chapter a week or two ago. I still haven't gotten the rewrite past it. So prepare for it to start sucking a lot more and note that things might well change.
These rewrites... Are amazing! And omfg almost to chapter 100!!! This is the best HIE I have ever read good sir!
I thought this chapter was going to be spooky like The miner and the furnace, i was disappointed
That’s… interesting. Why anthropomorphize it as another of your kind instead of making it something completely different?”
“Because we killed all of the monsters we ever ran into, save for ourselves and Death. What better way to respect death than to give it the form of the only monster we could never kill?
Somehow, this was both an awesome conversation and an amazing philosophical argument. You're story is full of these. Great Job!
duh.
Love the rewrite, much much much better than it was
While Charon was a good name. I think it would have been better to use Virgil, seeing as he lead Dante through the different circles of hell. Which would fit a lot better seeing as Nav made them face different levels of fear. That's just me, love the rewrite.
Just me who noticed that this is eerily familiar to NoEnd House?
That entire haunted house section after Luna and Nav gave their "suggestions" was AWESOME!
Who is ni? Who was he going to say?
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But Charon and death looked similar in lore so the betrayal scene would be an easy transition. Virgil was just a writer of epic poems a.k.a. a regular dude.
...This chapter is so much more badass than what it was before.
...And awesome.
i.imgur.com/v06N8.gif
There's a reason Applejack isn't the bearer of Generosity.
I lost my shit right there! Fav'd, liked, and watched.
Okay I gotta say that chapter was fucking AWESOME!!!!! I LOVED the haunted house! I just wish I could find one as cool as that.......
That was SO much better than the original chapter four. No wonder updates have been further between of late.
Brilliant bastard.
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Ah, but Charon ferried souls into the land of the dead. At the end of the house "Charon" here tried to do just that. Vergil was a guide, yes, but that's all he was (well, that and one badass twin brother).
I LOVED this chapter!!!! The haunted house was hilarious.
This...is going to take a while to read...
Even after re-reading thee story. This has to be my favourite chapter. This or the haunted.
You should write scary fic's, you seem to excel in it.
That was a pretty damn good haunted house. If this was IRL, I'm pretty sure a LOT of people would start actually screaming.
“Because we killed all of the monsters we ever ran into, save for ourselves and Death. What better way to respect death than to give it the form of the only monster we could never kill? Now, where are we supposed to go?”
That is... Really well worded for an offhand responce to something... Dang!
I like Nav, Nav is a cool guy.
That was absolutely amazing, words are really not enough to describe how great that was. ESPECIALLY the haunted house part, bah ha ha ha.
Third time going through this story following all the rewriting. This is infinitely better than the old version. Much better than Nav napping on... Cheerilee's roof I think.
MY SIDES HAVE GONE ORBITAL!
Now that was enjoyable!