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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So I had an alternate scenario for one of the parts of the chapter. I wrote it out but didn't like it as much. Here it is, if anyone's interested:
“Blossom, your master commands you to feast!”
Instead of turning into smoke like I thought, she just blinked a few times. Then her eyes lost their red hue, her fangs shrank, and she just glared at me. “What did you just say to me?”
“Uh… It’s time to feast?” Come on, really?
“Oh, I think I must have misheard you. It sounded like you called yourself my master.” The noble guy was honestly pretty confused at this juncture. But surprisingly, he was just standing there, still holding a spike to her throat and not doing anything.
“Oh come on, I thought it would be funny!”
“Well, it’s not! I serve exactly one pony, and that’s Princess Celestia.”
The noble guy finally had enough. “Shut up, both of you! I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if you don’t let me past you—”
“Oh shut up,” Blossom said, smacking him with her tail. “You wait your turn. I’m yelling at Nav right now!”
“That’s it, you asked for this!” He pushed the spike into her throat. “I didn’t want to hurt anypony, but you forced my hoof!”
“Are you done now?” Blossom sighed. He jumped in surprise. The spike clattered to the floor, completely bloodless. “Now then. Navarone, apologize!”
I rolled my eyes. “Jesus, Blossom. Just let me have this! You were supposed to go full vampire on this guy and eat the shit out of him.”
The noble’s eyes jerked open wide. “V-vampony?” he squeaked.
“Yes, I’m a vampony,” Blossom said. “Congratulations, you’re paying attention. And I refuse to eat him until you apologize!”
“Ugh, fine!” I walked around her, ripped my sword out, and sliced the dude’s head off while he was still staring at her in shock. She landed on her feet, just in time to get coated in blood as it started fountaining from his neck. “There, happy? Now there are no witnesses.”
“No! We’ll always know what you said.”
“God, you’re so difficult. Do you want my blood? Is that what you want, Blossom? Do you want to suck my blood?”
“No, I want…” She paused for a moment, then poked at her neck. The hole was still there, of course. Her shoulders sagged. “Fine, yes. I want to suck your blood. But only to heal this hole! I’m still mad!”
There, he fixed it.
Trust Nav, he's an engineer.
It feel a little wrong that Luna is being called 'Evil'... Misguided? Maybe... But Evil?
7492138 I like this, it adds more fun to their relationship.
I like the alternative better
Change is coming. Reformation is happening. The truth shall be known.
These last two chapters have been ballin'.
I'm so excited to see what happens next.
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/35383__safe_pinkie-pie_animated.gif
7492276
I thought the same thing until Nav explained how Luna didn't see any of her actions as wrong. When a person gets off from torturing someone, there is a definite problem. Also, if you recall, she transformed into Nightmare Moon that one time, used the gender stones on herself and Nav, and awkward stuff happened; the important part is that she transformed into Nightmare Moon. At this point, I'm fairly certain all the Elements did was temporarily weaken her and the whole Nightmare Moon persona was just to intimidate others.
7492432
She did the whole Nightmare Moon thing in the show, too. During the Halloween episode.
Oooooh, is Luna going to completely lose her shit once she finds out Celestia’s turning her back on her?
7492449
There's a difference between turning your back on someone and trying to take them down a different path.
I love this fic so much!
7492276 Compared to the rest of the world? Maybe. Compared to either a baseline Equestria or OUR world? I would say she is either that or insane. Some of the sexytime violations ALONE are proof of this, and they aren't the only evidence against her... Honestly, this particular world is kind of craptacular from a moral standpoint... though not as much as your average Bureau world, and CERTAINLY not in a way that negatively impacts the story's quality, far from it!
I wish for this story to never end. I got accustomed to the journey so much that I don't really care about the destination now. Great to keep riding with you.
7492138
Typical lover's spat. their still working on boundaries...
...That sounded better in my head.
Also... Women.
7492475
But can she tell the difference? Since she definitely forgot to bolt a few things down before hitting her head...
To be super fair and legitimate it's been YEARS since anon arrived (insert 4th wall joke about reading anons diary like an asshole) and it's not like luna DOESNT feel guilt over the death moth but it's clear to every one she was abused by her sister for royal favors around equips and that reflects in her sexual interests specifically violence and pain. So honestly I think it was a mistake to punish her the only one to be punished was celestia and luna should have been incinerated that way she would regrow as a filly and have a chance correcting her abused personality it a foster home like the cake house perhaps
7492475 Is Luna sane enough to recognize that difference?
edit: ninja'd...
7492502 all things must come to an end eventually. But I for one hope this doesn't end until it's good and ready to end, with no dangling plot threads.
Blossom is so cute. Great chapter, mate.
I can't wait for the dance. I hope Blossom and Nav bond some more during it.
Vicious, brutal, and either the spy network of those nobles seriously sucked, or they were so arrogant and disbelieving of their networks news that its a wonder they havent already collapsed through incompetance.
At least it wasnt, jailbreakers enter, Ash leaves.
Christ almost two million words. Can't believe we've gotten this far.
Excellent use of "The Reason You Suck" speech as a way forward through change. Also I think you chose correctly on which scene to choose. The alternative is hilarious but is quite a ways out of charachter. Playing things for laughs is fun but in this sitation playing it for drama is better.
Tune in next month to see the author break the elusive million word mark.
7492138 Got to admit, that is really funny and I can see that happening- however with how this chapter went it would ruin the atmosphere you had created.
7492613 why would one of the Pokemon mascots leave? I don't understand.
7492138
Glad you didn't, those lines absolutely REEKED cliche tsundere.
This chapter was awesome, and I love the final push upon Celestia's decision, and what's happening with Chrysalis is also amazing.
God, that party is going to be absolutely insane if they both show up hearing Nav is attending, and see him with Captain Midnight. That is, if it goes down like that and he isn't knocked the fuck out and misses it or something. Or they simply don't show up, or something.
Though, Celestia asking about Midnight, and then her reaction to Nav makes me think she's thinking they're possibly dating, and Celestia, hearing Nav was Midnights date, even if she doesn't show up, is bound to create some fun to read drama. Even more so if she finds out she's an eternal while under those suspicions.
It's gonna be so GOOOOD!
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BWdkozMxkEc] I just realized this song is great for Nav and his mission.
Odd, The way this seems to be reading, it sounds like everyone is assuming a jury of Pertz's peers would be nobles. It's worth noting that, at least the way the US justice system works, this would not likely be a problem. Peers would just be fellow citizens, and given the low number of nobles would likely be mostly or all non-nobles.
Furthermore, in the US (at least where I served on a civil jury), jurors cannot have a personal attachment or stake in the trial. Juror selection attempts to reveal such attachments and such jurors are excused from the trial. So Pertz's jurors would be ponies who don't really know him apart from common knowledge, with that. Furthermore, in the US, lawyers can not only excuse unlimited jurors if there's a good reason, but they can even choose to excuse a few without needing to provide their reasoning. So it would not be hard to get rid of any nobles on the jury anyway (as a noble might be able to deadlock any guilty decision if they manage to hide their association with Pertz... which would be a crime, of course).
7492138 That scene is hilarious, but, yeah, not the time for it.
7492764 Given the ways in which we have been lead to believe that nobles of jockeyed for control on Canterlot I imagine that only nobles may be on a jury for nobles and those that support Pertz would lie about attachments/ bribe people involved heavily to ensure they were one the jury, or ensure a hung jury/mistrial.
This keeps getting better and better and I don't know how you do it
I feel like we're fast approaching the big show. I'm torn between being giddy to see it and dreading the day this story ends.
Wrong form, drop the d.
You missed your 4 year anniversary by one day. Congrats on keeping up with this awesome story and making it this far. Can't wait for more.
7492138 Love the version that made it into the chapter, reminded me a bit of Alucard badassery. However, this was certainly funny and cute.... In a morbid sort of way...
Finally, something big is happening. Well, bigger than usual anyway. I applaud you for making this chapter, whatmustido, as it has become my new favorite chapter. Though, to be fair, half of the new chapters do that anyway. Your writing skills have really improved since the beginning of this story, man.
7492138 This is so fucking good xD I mean, I can understand why you went with the other option, but I'm glad you told us about this one because it is way funnier.
Hey whatmustido, I was thinking if you could string us a mega chapter for your big 1 5 0 or 2 0 0 chapter. Say twice the length of your largest chapter?
never before have I been so shocked. I've read books with great twists where the whole book was based off of that twist. Those books were not as shocking as this line. Maybe it's because of my knowledge of MLP before I read this fic. Maybe it's because I've read 1.9 million words of Celestia in power. Maybe it's because I didn't expect it at all, though it's the right thing for her to do. Maybe it's also hard to imagine an Equestria with the show characters in a setting that is not a monarchy. It's all of them combined.
I hope navilestia works out.
Or celavarone.
Or navisunbutt
They could learn from each other.
7492276 Oh, evil and insane. Forgot the insane part.
7492541 That only make her at most "Insane" I don't really remember too much but she never tried to hurt him in purpose, mainly only as a 'game'
So Celestia wants Nav to be a noble? This seems like a perfect time for Nav to write "How Much Land Does a Man Need?".
7492276 Evil. As. Fuck.
Insane, psychopathic, schizophrenic sociopathia rolled into the mind of an incredibly powerful magic user and ruler. That's Luna.
7494011 your words are correct but your still taking it out of context evil CANNOT exist without some good even a very small amount must be present. In this story discord is very slowly removing the good from the world and truthfully it would have taken another generation or two to eradicate the last of all life should he have chosen to kill celestia and luna at the start of this story. Instead he choose a path that was supposed to take a slightly faster route and got sloppy the time travel was one of those consequences and the super mega secret group we've seen show there hoof twice and still know nothing about them are another example. Now his favorite tool has slipped his grasp and he is unable t make direct actions for fear of a concerted counterattack that may hamper his plans for another unbearable millennia. So he waits and one jenga piece at a time he tries to reravel his plans into an exceptable thicket. And his favorite tool is niw working against his plans and its simply excruciating how much good his deeds bring with all of his harm that it's almost as if hes playing for both sides. What a barbarian! Discord cries whenever his thought ls roam over anon.
7494011 Me. I think is mainly the effect of the EoH... Think about it... she was angry at her sister, the elements forced that part inside her and put her in the body of a child. Who knows how many side-effects could have that. And the less we talk of if Discord could helped, the better.
lmao
Ooh, Celestia showing a little darker side. Though maybe that's just from being in cahoots with Luna. Makes me wonder if Celestia's decision to send Nav to Africa was also Luna's idea.
God damn, the argument between Nav and Celestia at the end was so perfect - It's like I could physically feel the tension!
On another note I'd love to buy this fic as a hardback, but It'd be fucking huge
7494087
It would be a 7 book series......
Or 8 movies ??
7494090 ez money
7493680
And wait twice as long? No thank you lol.
7493998 She should appoint him Prince of the Season, because his body accustomes Itself around the seasons. Just to mess with him, of course.
7492613
Or they're just really overconfident. After all, Nav's not a pony, which means they're automatically better than he is.
7494087
She knew that he was already going to Africa, and just asked if he could make a secondary stop while he was there.
7492630
I honestly kinda wanted to make Blossom a total tsundere just because the thought of an immortal vampire badass with a debilitating crush is hilarious, but I decided against it.
Also, Celestia doesn't usually bother herself with parties that nobles throw.
7492764
Horseland works off some medieval rules. In America, your jury won't be people you know. In horseland, that might not be the case. A totalitarian monarchy with theocratic undertones is going to have some different policies.
7493680
I don't tend to celebrate milestones.
7494730
No, she'd make him Lady of the Flowers or something else super girly, to piss him off.