• Published 14th Jan 2020
  • 2,362 Views, 335 Comments

Schultz Knows Nothing - JustAnotherHistoryBuff



What happens if when Hogan, his men, and the lovable Sergeant Schultz, jumped out of the airplane in "Hogan Gives a Birthday Party" and somehow land in Equestria.

  • ...
9
 335
 2,362

Short: Meanwhile at Stalag 13

"Wilson, where the hell are they? They should've been back a while ago, all Colonel Hogan said he was gonna put the general on a plane with the other pilots. It shouldn't had taken them long!" Sergeant Baker frantically asked.

"Look Baker, did you not listen to the god damn briefing again? Colonel Hogan also mentioned the refinery." Camp Medic Wilson replied.

"Keep your damn voice down or the guards will hear!" Baker nearly yelled. As worried as he was, he was somewhat over exaggerating.

"Christ, give it a break man. Langenscheidt's in charge while Schultz is with Hogan. Besides, both Klink and Burkhalter are fast asleep. You happy now?" He asked as he tries to calm down his friend.

"Oh... fine... Should we at least check on those two sleeping beauties anyway?"

"Say that again and I will have god damn nightmares."

"At least it ain't like seeing Goering in swimming trunks."

"Great.... I cannot un-see that now. Thanks a lot asshole."

*** *** ***

Inside the room, it was all quite. Cigar smoke hung low as the two German officers were fast asleep with cards spread out all over their table. By the looks of it, it looked like Hogan was winning but his hand looked weak.

"Shit, looks like Le Beau did it again." Baker chirped cheerfully.

"Yeah, I guess he did. I hope I don't have to examine Burkhalter though if he wakes up with a headache." With that, the two PoWs chuckle. Their chuckle however is short lived when the sound of jackboots marching up the wooden steps is heard. Immediately, they try to make it back to the tunnel under Klink's stove but don't even reach the door when Langenscheidt walks in.

"Herr Kommandant, I am just wond...." He paused when he saw Baker and Wilson freeze on their way to the kitchen and Klink and Burkhalter fast asleep. Knowing the jig was up, Baker and Wilson quickly glanced at each other and then Baker spoke.

"Hey there Langenscheidt... heh... we were just uh... checking on the Kommandant and..." Before he could finish the lie, Langenscheidt holds his index finger up in the air to shut him up. Soon after, a few groans are heard coming from Klink's half opened mouth, followed by some drunken sounding words.

"Fraulein Hilda, please get me Sergeant Schultz for roll call." Immediately, Klink begins to (rather sloppily) try to get himself out of the chair. What came next though was quite shocking. When Klink was getting up, Langenscheidt simply hit Klink rather firmly with the butt of his rifle and immediately Klink fell back in his seat with his head resting on the table. As soon as the deed was done, Langenscheidt turned to Wilson and Baker and said the most shocking words they would ever expect to hear from Langenscheidt.

"Go, get out of here. I see nothing, and I know nothing." He said with a smile. With that, Langenscheidt exited to building and Baker and Wilson made it back into the tunnel, still somewhat shocked from the ordeal.

Author's Note:

Wow, two chapters in almost 12 hour spans of each other! New record!

Anyways, this was planned for weeks but I never really got around to it. However, the perfect opportunity came... Traffic. See, in Southwest Florida on Interstate 75, especially in the snowbird season, it is like people don't know how to drive and even if there is an accident on the southbound road, all traffic northbound slows down because of those idiots. So I started this and finished about when this gets posted (clearly). Please note this was done on my phone so expect some typos. If not, yay!

As always, leave a comment or suggestion. Hell, even like it or recommend it to a friend if you think it is worth any such thing! See you next chapter folks!