For you, The Investigation is Over!
Would he just shut up! Hoofstetter thought as he had to go through another one of Iron Eagle's famous (and annoying) ramblings.
Hoofstetter was currently sifting through his filing cabinet to look for Iron Eagle's file while the Colonel was orally reciting his official "statement". The whole ordeal was visibly annoying his superior officer, General Windbreaker, but surprisingly, Windbreaker did not tell Iron Eagle to shut up as he usually did whenever the idiot would begin rambling. Maybe it was because he was waiting for something to happen, maybe the tub of lard was simply too tired to even tell Eagle to shut up. Either way... it was still very annoying to Hoofstetter and his already thin nerves were running even thinner.
"Are you done Major Hoofstetter? It is clear that this will not be going anywhere if you keep on searching for the supposed 'documentation' that you have on my subordinate right here." Windbreaker finally said.
"Bah... I intend to get to the very bottom of this. Trust me General, heads will roll..." Hoofstetter replied, giving the overweight General a glare that would scare most ponies to death. But Windbreaker remain unphased by the threat.
"And where have I heard that before?" Windbreaker asked, clearly annoyed by the Major's "promises". Hoofstetter didn't care though. All he cared about was nailing Eagle after the tip was given off to him.
"Major... you are clearly wasting your time here. I have done nothing wrong. My record at the administrative office is spotless. Besides, you clearly can't even find my file because I have done nothing wrong! What, do you happen to have it in some secret compartment that nopony knows about?" Iron Eagle suddenly said. From then on... the room went silent with both Windbreaker and Hoofstetter staring at Eagle in shock. How could he know? was the question going through Hoofstetter's mind. From the look on Windbreaker's face, he could tell that the General was simply shocked due to the fact Iron Eagle was never so assertive. It was as if the pony that everyone knew had simply disappear.
Iron Eagle though... he was just sitting there. "What, was it something I said?" He calmly asked.
"Eagle... for all of our sakes, shut up." Windbreaker simply said, still in shock.
"No General, let him speak. Tell me Colonel, why do you think I would have a secret compartment?" Hoofstetter asked, maneuvering himself around his desk to Iron Eagle's side. Almost immediately, any sort of confidence Iron Eagle had disappeared.
"Hehe, well you see Major... you seem like, the uh... the type of pony tell well, have a secret compartment... hehe. One can never be too trustful. Is that not the way of the EIS?" The Colonel sputtered out.
"Colonel Eagle..." Hoofstetter said.
"Yes Major?"
"Shut up."
"Yes Major, shutting up." Iron Eagle replied, shaking his head in his usual over-emphasized way.
Now done with that headache, Hoofstetter moved to open the safe under his office floor. Little did he know what surprise he was in for.
*** *** ***
While Hoofstetter was unleashing his full fury on whoever was in front of him (which so happened to be Iron Eagle and Windbreaker, much to their dismay), the grand Halls of Canterlot Castle were filled with the aroma of fresh French cuisine.
Granted, Hogan had Kinch watch over Le Beau so that no one started any more fires but it was really a needless precaution apparently due to somebody's (or somepony's in this case) attempt at making a home made cake. Needless to say, the entire kitchen was fire proofed and would not burn down like the Normandie.
The grand dining room that they were all sitting in was full of peace and happiness in light of their recent success in destroying the documents within Hoofstetter's safe. Carter was once again deep into one of his childhood stories/ramblings and managed to attract a crowd in the form of Pinkie and Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Kinch was discussing something with Twilight and seemed pretty engaged in the conversation so Hogan decided not to barge in and ask what it was all about. Newkirk was speaking with Rarity about some sort of thing about tailoring and such and Fluttershy was speaking with the Princesses about something. That merely left Hogan and Schultz out of the loop, confined to their own thoughts and musings.
There was a silence between them, but if one looked upon both men from afar, they could tell that a conversation was about to happen. It would be just a matter of who would start it. But before that could happen, a triumphant looking Le Beau came out of the kitchen with a rather large amount of servants announcing that dinner was complete.
To say that it was dinner was an understatement... the size of it all looked like a typical buffet multiplied by 10 with the added bonus of it all being french cuisine. Le Beau made some good meals, but to see all of this without the restrictions of having to send Schultz in for food runs at the supply depot or in town... it was truly a full on french feast.
All that was left to do was to dig in.
*** *** ***
Hoofstetter was furious... no... he was more than furious. Many words could describe anger, but for Windbreaker, he was lost for words. And for that such reason, he found himself trying to call the nearby army garrison to arrive and subdue the Major with minimal casualties, both militarily and civilian. He was a balloon waiting to pop essentially.
Looking to his side, he saw his somewhat friend Iron Eagle cowering before Hoofstetter's presence as the 3 of the walked through the streets of Canterlot. By this time, night had fallen but it would not stop Hoofstetter from walking towards the train station back to Ponyville. He kept on rambling about some "Hogan" persona or whatever it was as they walked. Every now and then, one of them would (at the risk of their own life) try to at least get Hoofstetter to slow down with some sort of question or (in Iron Eagle's place) plea. They knew they could not stop him, but the least that they could do was slow him down so that the nearby army garrison could arrive in time.
"G-general... when did they say they would arrive again?" Iron Eagle whispered.
"When I called them, they said that they would arrive in 30 minutes." He responded.
"30 minutes? It has nearly been 25! May Celestia have mercy on our souls if they do not get here in time."
"For once, I am inclined to agree with you Eagle, as hard as that was for me to say." Windbreaker responded.
*** *** ***
Dinner was going quite fine up until it happened. Nobody knew what it was, but for some odd reason, Pinkie's tail began to twitch and she went as stiff as a statue for a minute. As soon as it stopped, she immediately dashed off out of the dining room with nearly everyone else following her.
"Hey Colonel, you got any idea what that was all about?" Kinch asked as they all tried to catch up to Pinkie.
"Kinch my boy... I'm broke." Hogan admitted. Frankly, all explanations he would have had would've been rational, but based on everything they had all been through, rationality went out the window.
"That's just a thing that happens to Pinkie. Usually it is very serious when something is about to go down." Twilight explained as they dashed through the near endless corridors of the castle.
"Wait a bloody minute. If that's the case miss, how did she not know when Schultz came crashing down through her bloody roof?" Newkirk asked.
"Newkirk darling, if there is anything that you learn after being friends with Pinkie Pie, you learn to not question her. She has her reasons, no matter how weird or outrageous they are." Rarity replied.
"Well, whatever it is, it seems pretty important." Carter inquired.
"That, I can agree with." Hogan said as he continued his dash.
*** *** ***
"Major Hoofstetter please, you really do not have to go down to Ponyville. I am sure that your documents were just misplaced." Iron Eagle pleaded.
"Bahhh, the EIS never misplaces anything!" The irate Major responded as he neared the train station.
However, just as he turned across the street corner, his eyes met the sight of numerous soldiers from the nearby army garrison as well as... Pinke Pie? What was she doing here? he thought as he slowed his pace down.
"Major, you will stop this right now." A voice from behind his back said. Only one pony had a voice as commanding as that. Turning around slowly, he was met with the appearance of Princess Luna and behind her, Princess Celestia.
"Princess, this is a matter of national security of the highest order! Documents pertaining to the illegal aliens that burned down a registered establishment within Ponyville! I must get past these soldiers if I am to-" He suddenly shut his mouth as soon as Princess Celestia raised up her hoof. Luna said nothing as she let her sister handle the situation.
"Major Hoofstetter, to solve this problem immediately, I am here to inform you that you have been transferred of the case off the 5 humans as that is now a matter of the crown." Celestia calmly stated.
"T-t-transferred? But I have evidence!" He said.
"Well, it would do you good to present such evidence now if you do then Major." Her trap card was played, and Hoofstetter knew he was defeated.
"Are you done Major?" Luna asked.
"I... I shall rescind myself. If I may ask though, where am I being transferred to?" He asked in defeat.
"Well Major, your new supervisor is here presently so I will let her deal with that. Pinke Pie, can you please come over here now?"
"P-p.... PINKIE PIE?"
*** *** ***
Hogan and his men had seen some pretty funny things during their time at Stalag 13. However, this... this was priceless.
When Pinkie told them to stay inside the castle, they did protest but some sort of weird spell that Twilight was able to cast allowed them to witness the entire ordeal from the comfort of one of the many castle lounges. Needless to say, it was a sight that should've been recorded on film.
The many different emotions that went through Hoofstetter's face was truly priceless, so much so that even Schultz joined in and could not stop laughing himself. He looked like a laughing Santa Claus during the whole performance, minus the white beard and with the added Luftwaffe uniform. But the whole ordeal was well... warming.
After the Major's near murderous rampage turned near heart-attack was over, the two Princesses and Pinkie Pie simply teleported back to within the castle and broke down themselves into near maddening laughter. But like all good things, it had to come to an end. Hogan and his men had to return to earth and tonight would be their last day in Equestria. But like anyone trying to make the best of things before heading back to war, they made sure that the night was at least memorable, in their own Stalag 13 way.
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He didn't make copies of his files? Amateur.
10245573
BAHHHH THE EIS NEVER NEEDS COPIES BECAUSE WE NEVER LOSE THE DOCUMENTS
10199962
Also a good way to keep themselves away from being killed on the Eastern front, by German high command, or by the advancing allies. Hogan and his crew where the safe bet because what Hogan was doing was technically a war crime and they had leverage that would stop them from being prosecuted.
Off.
10245590
CRAP! Thanks for the catch. I went through this many times but I did not catch that.
Not a bad way to deal with a person or pony in power who should have never been put in this situation.
10245587
There is a theory that Klink was possibly working for the allies as one of the Nimrods. There was quite a funny story involving that theory that was posted on fanfiction.net regarding that theory with 2 other familiar Nimrods. I aim to use that as a concept for the next story.
10245603
Like I said, it went through many revisions...
10245676
Thank you very much! Glad the wait was worth it.
10245605
I could see Klink, Burkhalter, and Hochstetter all being secretly Nimrods, labeled Kappa, Beta, Heta, respectively, but unaware of each other, and all of them knowing they have to support Hogan without letting Hogan know about them, all led by Crittendon (Nimrod-Chi) no less!
10257029
Okay, all of that is viable... but Crittendon? That is toooooooooooooo far.
Discovered an odd fact.
The 4 regular German characters (Colonel Klink, Sgt. Schultz, General Berkhaulter, Major Hochstetter,) were all played by Jews.
10739685
hol up
what purge