Carter, Coffee, and Hoofstetter
Morning came quickly for Schultz; he'd slept as well as he had the previous night. To his surprise, he actually found Newkirk and LeBeau still tied up. It was almost as if they hadn't even moved during the night. Well... one could never be too sure at Stalag 13. Schultz knew that all too well.
Getting up from his spot in the room, Schultz took off his helmet and ran his hand through his ever thinning hair. Langenscheidt always questioned Schultz on how he could sleep with his helmet on, but the former teacher never got an answer. It was a habit Schultz had gotten into after spending many hours outside of Barracks 2 while Klink was asleep and monkey business was being perpetrated. One day he will fully learn the art of my methods, he thought to himself. Schultz saw the young Corporal as rather like his old self: Strong, fit, young... but those days were long gone. Schultz knew the war was coming to an end soon; time to start thinking about going back to his Toy Company. He could probably hire Klink as a bookkeeper or general finance chief; it was the only job the Big Shot was competent at. Langenscheidt probably could be a floor manager at the factory assembly line. The kid was jovial and friendly so he would get on well with the workers.
He contemplted a rosy future for a few minutes before his stomach began to growl. I wish the cockroach hadn't messed up yesterday, he could've made a good breakfast today. He looked back at the previous day's events. From LeBeau nearly sticking a spoon up Newkirk's rear to the appearance of a four-legged Hochstetter. The thought of the Major made Schultz shudder with disgust and fear. As if he had just encountered the man again, the close encounters he had had with Hochstetter flowed back into him.
To Schultz's gratitude, his awful memories were interrupted by the noise of someone yawning. Turning around, Schultz saw Spike walking down the stairs, rubbing his eyes.
"Oh, hey there, Mr Schultz... I didn't think you'd be awake by now," Spike said with a yawn.
"Ach, I am a prison guard, I have to wake up early," Schultz responded to the youth.
"Huh... Mr Newkirk said that you fell asleep outside their barracks at night all the time," Spike said with a cheery sound in his voice.
"Jolly Jokers," Schultz muttered under his breath.
"Jolly Jokers? Who?" Spike asked.
"How did you hear what I said?"
"Uh... dragon... heightened sense of hearing and all that," Spike said nonchalantly.
"Oh... I see," grimaced Schultz.
"Well, can I get you anything, Mr Schultz?" Spike asked.
"Ah, I am fine. Danke though," Schultz said as he heard his stomach growl.
"Are you sure Mr Schultz?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.
Schultz would've downplayed his stomach if it hadn't growled again. Slowly, he resigned himself to the fact that he needed food. Thankfully, as if his prayers were heard, Hogan and his men began to wake up, the Colonel appearing especially groggy.
*** *** ***
There was many things that Hoofstetter had to juggle in his life. And for every item he had to juggle, an extra pill was added to his daily intake. His colleagues in Canterlot probably thought that the medicine is what causes the Major's personality, but they were wrong. Even before he joined the EIS, Hoofstetter was known to not put up with nonsense. He always seemed to have a short fuse.
Many ponies feared him for his temper, especially when somepony tried to put him off or gave a lousy excuse. That was especially true with certain members in the Royal Guard, doubly so for those in charge of the Pegasus Regiment in Cloudsdale. Luckily Hoofstetter had his own connections there. Back when Hoofstetter was still a first class inspector, he caught wind of certain funds from the Cloudsdale Regiment turning up in the oddest of places. So, when he decided to pay a visit to their administration office, the Colonel in charge claimed no wrongdoing and his own documentation seemed to prove it. But of course, Hoofstetter knew he was lying because he was already keeping tabs on the Administrator General of the Cloudsdale Regiment after some of his forms had been mucked up. So, the next step for Hoofstetter twas to go lower down the chain of command. And there he met Lieutenant Colonel Iron Eagle.
From his first impression, Iron Eagle seemed to be overly pompous, sometimes quite jovial, almost aristocratic if not as arrogant as, say, Blueblood. The ego was very much in evidence. But then when Hoofstetter snapped at the Lieutenant Colonel, immediately this attitude changed to one of compliance and fear. How the Pegasus ever became an officer was beyond Hoofstetter. However, the seemingly incompetent officer was quite a good administrator, especially with finances. He kept everything... really, everything, as in every financial record, requisition, sign outs, three-day passes... Anything one could think of, the Pegasus kept tabs on all of it. So it was even more of a surprise to Hoofstetter when he found all the financial records for the embezzled funds in Eagle's folders. Needless to say, the Colonel was court-martialed and Eagle found himself promoted, with of course Hoofstetter keeping tabs on him as well so that the seemingly cavalier officer didn't try anything funny.
But back to the present day. Whenever Hoofstetter needed to think and deliberate, coffee was an essential part to his sanity. So here he was, outside, as menacing as ever, looking for good coffee. He settled on a diner with coffee which, though nowhere as good as the Manehattan coffee blends he had on his kitchen shelf, still did the job rather well. So there he sat in a booth, wondering what to do with the new creatures at Sugarcube Corner. While he sat in deep thought with his face dug deep into his newspaper. He was so focused that he did not notice the diner's door open and Hogan, Carter, and Twilight entering.
*** *** ***
"Uh, why are we here Colonel?" Carter asked, looking up at the diner sign.
"Because, I need a fresh cup of coffee... last night was not one of my better ones," Hogan replied, rubbing his face. From what Carter could tell, the Colonel did look a bit more tired than he would at Stalag 13.
"Alright boy... I mean uh... Colonel," Carter replied as they walked inside.
"You know Mr. Hogan, maybe Princess Luna can help with your sleep issues," Twilight suggested. For a second, Hogan froze when he heard that statement but decided to wave it off.
"I'll consider the offer, but right now I am not in the mood," he replied, a hint of grimace in his voice.
"Oh, it's all right... I understand, really," Twilight replied. It was clear to Hogan she had no idea what had happened during the night so he decided to leave the conversation at that.
When they got up to the counter, Carter and Hogan were surprised at the menu choices. Hayburgers, haysalad, hay-everything. They watched as Twilight ordered all of these things while they deliberated on what to order for themselves, Kinch, Schultz, and the still bound Newkirk and LeBeau.
"Uh... Colonel?" Carter asked.
"Yeah, Carter?"
"Why didn't we bring the rest of the guys with us again?"
Hogan sighed... Normally he would tolerate Carter's sometimes forgetful persona but after last night, he was mentally strained. But for now, he let it pass.
"Because Carter... I don't want those two causing a problem while we get the food." Hogan responded.
"I understand that but uh... why'd you bring me then, Sir? I mean, you could've brought Schultz or Kinch instead of me." Hogan knew the answer all too well.
"Because Carter, I don't want you to let them out accidentally," Hogan lied.
"And why would I ever do that boy... I mean Colonel."
"Remember when you enlisted in the German Army?" With that, Carter fell silent, he knew he had been dealt the coup de grace.
"Hey, it's all right. We all make mistakes. At least you never stuck a spoon up someone's rear," Hogan said with a reassuring tone. With that, a big smile grew across Carter's face.
"Um, you guys ready to order?" Twilight asked, somewhat impatiently.
"Uh... I think we should just get coffee, that sound good to you Carter?" Hogan asked, still gazing at the menu.
"Yeah... Oh, what about some tea for Newark?"
"Newkirk's tea privileges have been suspended until we get back to camp, Carter. And even when we get back, his tea privileges will be suspended for another 3 weeks. I am half tempted to force him and LeBeau into the cooler myself..." Hogan grimaced, remembering watching the bakery catch fire.
*** *** ***
Unbeknownst to him, while they were ordering, Major Hoofstetter had finally noticed the humans and was lurking behind the trio, waiting for them to turn around. He had caught wind of their conversation and decided that it was time to begin asking questions. When they finally turned around, Hoofstetter inwardly laughed as he saw the look on their faces when they saw him. After a few seconds, he began the script.
"WHO IS THIS CREATURE?" Hoofstetter yelled, causing the diner to focus their attention on the four of them.
"M-m-major Hoofstetter, I believe you m-met Colonel Hogan yesterday at the l-library..." Twilight sputtered out, somewhat trembling in fear.
"WHAT IS THIS CREATURE DOING HERE?" He yelled once again.
"M-major... we w-were just getting some f-food for him and his men..." Twilight said, her voice still trembling.
"Bahhh! For all we know, this creature might be the greatest threat in all of Equestria!" he stated. However, his statement was answered not by Twilight but by a seemingly-shocked Hogan.
"Major, I protest these insinuations. Me and my men haven't done anything wrong since we got here... well, save for the little incident at the bakery. But the owners forgave us." Hogan stated, his eyes not darting from Hoofstetter's.
"If you are so confident, then please... come sit down with me so that we may... talk..." Hoofstetter said, malice setting in his eyes. He had known that there was something off about Hogan from the start, especially his demeanor. He watched as the trio looked at each other and then nodded. After getting their coffee, they sat down at Hoofstetter's booth and he began the questioning.
"You... what is your name?" Hoofstetter asked Carter.
"Technical Sergeant Andrew Carter, United States Army Air Forces, Serial Numb..." Carter was cut off by Hogan.
"It's alright Carter... just tell him everything." Hogan said with a smile on his face.
"Everything Colonel?" Carter asked, shocked by the order.
"Yes, I mean everything Carter, from the very beginning." Hogan once again said. It took Carter a while, but he finally figured out what Hogan meant, and a wide grin appeared on his face. Hoofstetter, ever calculating as he was, had no idea what torture he was in for.
*** *** ***
For the next hour, Twilight sat and watched as Carter went on with his statement, well... rather life-story at this point. It had gone on for so long that the Major's ears started fuming, literally. The Major's sanity eventually did snap under the consistent rambling. He threw his wadded up newspaper at Carter and Hogan and vowed to return, barging out of the diner in a fit of rage.
When Hoofstetter finally left, Hogan and Carter began to laugh hysterically, much to Twilight's perplexity.
"Why are you two laughing? You know that the Major will come back and continue his questioning," Twilight stated.
"You see... We have dealt with your dear Major's counterpart in our world. I never thought I'd get a reaction like that though!" Hogan said still laughing.
"You... you have?" Twilight asked, quite surprised at the revelation.
"A story for another time... and don't worry, I won't have Carter tell it." Hogan laughed out. Carter, still snickering, came to (at least some of) his senses.
"Uh, Colonel... what about the coffee?" He asked, looking at all the stale, cold coffee.
When Hogan finally realized that the coffee had gone cold and mumbled under his breath.
Christ...
All he could hope now was that Schultz hadn't eaten anybody in his desperation for food as they went back to the counter to order refills.
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nice chapter.
10116214
Thank you.
So I wonder if Iron Eagle is this universes equivalent of Klink? It might explain why the books where so well kept and the personality.
10116241
Ja. Iron Eagle is Klink's Equestrian counterpart.
Shultz's counterpart... I'm guessing an Earth pony toymaker.
Just don't put Klink in charge of security
Dr. Seuss's Pill Drill,
“This small white pill is what I munch
at breakfast and right after lunch.
I take the pill that's kelly green
before each meal and in between.
These loganberry-colored pills
I take for early morning chills.
I take the pill with zebra stripes
to cure my early evening gripes.
These orange-tinted ones, of course,
I take to cure my charley horse.
I take three blues at half past eight
to slow my exhalation rate.
On alternate nights at nine p.m.
I swallow pinkies. Four of them.
The reds, which make my eyebrows strong,
I eat like popcorn all day long.
The speckled browns are what I keep
beside my bed to help me sleep.
This long flat one is what I take
if I should die before I wake."
10116382
Eh... Ya might wanna tidy that up a bit mate.
10116502
That's what happens when you use "Control A"
It was far enough down, I didn't even notice it.
I trimmed it off. Thanks
I can well imagine Hoofstetter's reaction to Carter:
media.giphy.com/media/L4caiF7GTkgJa/giphy.gif
Enjoying the story except for Hoofstetter. Luna dismissed him and now he is screaming at Twilight another princess
10116620
Definitely a typo....
10116589
Remember... Hochstetter is a high authority just for his temper. Just because Luna doesn't take his shit doesn't mean Twilight will not either...
10116559
Yeah, that seems about right lol.
10116525
I think this is the calmest I have ever scene Hochstetter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45m_KBORVKg
Skip to about 2:10
10116310
Ah, good that you caught on!
10116241
Remember, Iron Eagle was Klink's squadron nickname.
Heh. Some of the Behind the Scenes.
10117079
I have seen that before... such a shame they never gave it a good ending.
I found the Hotel Room from Cleveland.
https://youtu.be/ZeJ2NW_6Lpw
The camp meets God...
...or "close enough"
10124658
Der Bingle
I've reviewed your story here!