I like sandwiches and coffee. I also write a shit ton of smolcellus fics.
It's Pinkie Pie's class, and Smolder and Ocellus share cupcakes with compliments.
Sometimes a cupcake means more than just a sugary treat, but other times, it means "I love you." The two soon end up finding this out, and learn that cupcakes and compliments can be a hobby.
(This story is an entry to The Discovery contest, since most of the fics I was working on probably wouldn't work. Also, this contains Smolcellus, because there aren't enough stories out there that do.)
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This was cute the whole way through! Good job!
10025997
Thank you! Didn't expect RDD to comment on my story!
Very adorable! I loved it.
10026277
Tysm! Hearing this from one of my favorite authors really means a lot to me.
almost perfect
if it weren't for the fucking gallbar shit
it was going too well, wasn't it?
just had to ruin it, huh?
i want to go back in time and somehow prevent this shitty ship from ever fucking existing
10041037
Lol, I still think it’s better than Ocelbar imo. Sorry for ruining it, but I appreciate the feedback. Who do you ship Gallus or Sandbar with?
10041729
sandbar and yona, ocellus and smolder, silverstream and gallus
as it fucking should be
10041729
10041904
Interesting. For me it's Sandcellus and GallStream. I don't ship Smona as I don't think they fit together very well.
10061598
That's pretty intriguing. Smolder's the type of character I ship with everyone, but I just ship her more with Ocellus than anybody. Ocelbar I feel is something I kinda dislike, but understand. They're both pretty educated on Friendship; I really enjoy picturing them having picnics and things like that. They're honestly really cute, but I just like Smolcellus better. GalluStream is something I dabble on, but Galbar is something I like a little more. Another reason why Ocelbar isn't my top pick. I ship YonaStream pretty casually also. I feel as if Yona and Sandbar don't share as much chemistry as you find in Ocelbar OR Galbar(and Smolcellus, but that doesn't have Sandbar in it, so...)
10061598
that works too, but i prefer the canon sandbar ship over the cuter one
10061614
I agree wholeheartedly on YonaBar, and found a baffling writing choice in She's All Yak.
10061617
Each to their own.
Hi! You PMed me a while back during the submission period for The Discovery contest asking for a review and, now that the contest is done, here I am!
So, this story's pretty adorable. I'm always willing to read a Smolcellus fic and you definitely delivered a tasty Smolcellus fic. I enjoyed the public cuddling, though I think that's a bit of a bold thing to do so it was a little confusing when they were surprised that everyone was looking at them because—why wouldn't they? But other than that the shipping is cute, as I've said.
A couple of things did confuse me, however. Just a few logistical stuff that didn't end up getting explained in the story, like, the stuff with Sandbar. Why was Smolder mad at him initially? Was he supposed to be helping her get with Ocellus? I did however enjoy the little Gallbar moment that you snuck into the story.
The biggest thing that I would love to have more of in this story, though, is stakes. And by that I mean, what does Smolder have to lose by just, admitting her feelings for Ocellus? You already have me with the premise and the tags: I know that they're going to get together in the end, but throughout the story I didn't get enough of an understanding as to why Smolder was so in her own head about her feelings when by the end Ocellus pretty easily gets her to cuddle in class and admit her feelings.
Honestly, I think this could totally be something that could have been expanded into something longer, because stuff like this
would have been great to see within the story, before the whole thing with the cupcakes.
You might want to pay attention to when certain characters speak and when others speak after that, and the visuals inside of the readers' heads as you describe certain things. That might have sounded a little complex, so let me rephrase: there are certain paragraphs that are long and have a lot going on, and I think you should be thinking about breaking them up a little more when something significantly new happens. For example: if Smolder starts the paragraph by speaking, then you should start a new paragraph when Gallus speaks next or when something happens that breaks up Smolder's thoughts or dialogue.
Thank you so much for submitting to the contest, I had a great time and I hope that what I've said was helpful. If anything is confusing or you need more clarification on certain things, please don't hesitate to PM me
Good job!