• Member Since 11th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 46 minutes ago

TheEighthDayofNight


"What we wish, we readily believe, and what we ourselves think, we imagine others think also." -Julius Caesar. My Patreon page

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After another adventurous trip into the Everfree, Silverstream dies. Due to an accounting error on her soul (damn near-miss debts) she goes to hell. Upon arriving, she realizes that she's never visited hell before, and there are so many new things to discover! Maybe dying won't be so bad.

A story inspired by Best Hell Ever. It also acts as an unoffical sequel spin-off.
My entry to the Young Six take FIMFiction contest.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 17 )

Just wait till Twilight hears about this

10024950
Happened already in Best Hell Ever, which the author listed as inspiration.

10025648
Oh I know about that one, I meant Twilight hearing about Silverstream being in hell.

I want to fave this, but it really needs another editing pass.

10025683
Yeah, I saw a couple glaring mistakes this morning. I blitz wrote the story in the span of an hour, so now that I had some time, I have fixed what I could find and modified some little things.

Twilight currently took over he'll, she's the boss now, I think she could give silverstream more stuff.

This was hilarious. Great story!

I appreciate the sheer weirdness of the concept, but I think I was a bit too confused to get what I was supposed to out of this story. Like, I'm unclear why fixing sinks made Silverstream into a demon lord. Perhaps I should've read "Best Hell Ever" first.

10026084 dont forget shes sendjng villans doen there aka tecnicly there dead im pretty sure she could legitimatly revive silverstream heck since she runs the place she could activly intern the students if they wanted to besides im pretty sure someone would go down there to punch terik a few times

10067235
No clue but maby its becuase next to no one has any plumbing skills down there abd they mostly reliled on putting sloth sinners to learning it for them as there punishment while silver was accidentle and did not need to help out she chose to and as a thankyou she got promoted so shes not mistaken by a newbie on the job as a soul to be tourtoured or reformed

So we yer why hasn't some shown up to tell her she's free to go or I dunno had twilight tell her she has to go back or she fails school

"I'm literally in a sink, and you're not my mom.

Why does that sound familiar? 🤔

10118607
I thought so. Well done.

Well, contest is over, and you requested a review from the judges once it was done -- so here it is!

The biggest issue I have with the story is that the description says it's inspired by Best Hell Ever and acts as an "unofficial sequel". I would honestly delete the "inspired" bit; it gives the impression (or at least it did in my case) that you can read this without having read Best Hell Ever first? And that's really not the case.

To put it mildly, the premise is extremely odd, which works in a comedic fic if you do the legwork to establish it? But this fic sorta just follows int he coattails of Best Hell Ever and doesn't explain anything regarding the infinite library, who that "other Equestrian" who came to hell already was, how this hell works, etcetera.

Which makes this story extremely confusing, really. Unless you rewrite it all you cant change that? But I'd genuinely just at least warn the reader that without prior knowledge of this setting, they shouldn't read the story -- would've saved me a headache, at least.

As per the story itself, not much to say. The pacing is quick and breezy, which is always welcome, but it perhaps moves a bit too fast. This is probably related to the aforementioned lack of setup; Silverstream dies and we immediately move on to explore Hell, without any kind of explanation as to why is she there, how did she die, etcetera. The way the premise escalates is fun enough (although it's difficult to parse why exactly she becomes a Lord of Hell, as previous comments said), and the character of Silverstream comes off nicely? The voicing is right, and she's likeable enough when reading.

But the story moves on too fast, and there's too much stuff happening without breathing room, and before you know it the story is over. I'd recommend taking a bit more time pacing out the storytelling, setting up and explaining a bit of the reasoning behind it, and so on. (And lso warning the reader about how this is a sequel that requires previous reading, really -- that's the most important bit).

And I think that's all? Nice character writing, focus a bit more on structure and storytelling, would be the tl;dr. Thanks for joining the contest, and good luck next time!

If I'm understanding this correctly, Silver Stream becomes a demon lord from collecting all of the powerful items that clog the sinks. Correct?

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