Have you any dreams you'd like to sell? (He/Him)
Luster Dawn isn't the best of friends. Oh, sure, she tries, but trying isn't the same as doing, and sometimes the mistakes that she makes end up hurting her friends.
Fortunately, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Written within 60 minutes for the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Competition #27, "New Beginnings."
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Well... crap.
Are you planning on expanding this?
So in this continuity Luster Dawn isn’t Sunburst or Starlight’s kid, but Hohenheim’s. Someone’s about to see a certain gate...
Also this touched nicely onto just about every one of my fears all at once. Death of personality, rewriting the brain so it doesn’t work like it used to, social faux pas that are so huge as to seem unforgivable, horses...
Not kidding about that last one, real horses scare me. At least the bigger ones, I think I’d be okay with little ponies
Basically what I mean is that I don’t think you meant this as a horror story, but at least personally I had a deep dread throughout it and it was very effective. Good job!
I don't know how to take this as anything other than a fridge horror sampler plate.
This is going to wreck that poor dumb griffon with her inferiority complex and her mundane Griffish faults. She fired off her petty little snit into the diamond-faced overengineered pony-shaped lasing chamber known to the unsuspecting world as 'Luster Dawn'.
Always watch out for the princess's students, and treat them like you would a loaded gun.
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Judging by reactions, I think I'm going to mark this as Horror, so as to avoid any further bait-and-switch feelings. :p
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I've been thinking about it! Not enough material for another chapter, though.
Loved this during the contest and love it now!
The payoff is perfect, and it's rare the ending of any piece of writing can he described as anything close to that
Your mix of flashbacks and present narration keeps the reader unsure and off balance in the best way
This is excellent mate
That's the problem with superlative unicorns. They have a way of surprising everyone, and so rarely in a good way...
Well done. I'd argue that it's best to leave the outcome ambiguous, so the reader's imagination can do the grunt work.
Respect.
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The late great Sir Terry said much the same thing. Not using magic is a very important skill, almost as important as knowing when to shut up.
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I read this comment before reading the story and assumed it was literally an fma crossover. Once I realized it wasn't, at the end, i facepalmed hard lol
She's just putting a few more points in Charisma this time around! Nothing wrong with that
I think this should have a sci-fi tag.
At first, I wasn't sure who Ganymede was, but by the end, you made their characterisation clear by alternating between flashbacks and the present. Are they supposed to be the griffon from "The Magic of Friendship Grows"?
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That's her, yep! As far as I can tell, she doesn't have a name, so I decided to give her one. Though if there's already a generally accepted fan name for her, i probably should edit the story a little to reflect that.
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Ganymede is a male name.
I like the buildup and everything, but I wish there was some kind of payoff. Maybe show what happened to Luster after she drank all that crap.
Oh Luster no.
This is a perfect example of advanced stupidity, a form of elaborate and intense foolishness only someone very, very smart can pull off, because the merely dumb people lack the ability and the vision to fuck up so spectacularly.
Oh god. I forgot I ever read this, but I left a like and it said I read it before, so I read it again.
Luster you should really learn from your mother(Starlight, I hope), that spells and potions don't work for friendship. You just gotta work it out on your own.
Serious note, great story, loved it!
Greetings, have a review!