The Only Chapter
Ocellus was puzzled. Confused even. She had never seen anything like this in her life.
The Changeling cocked her head to the side and gave a deep 'hmmmm' as she set the book she was reading down on the coffee table in front of her, and scooted down the couch she was on closer to the object of her curiosity.
It was a tall stick like object that sat next to the couch. The top of the stick had some kind of cloth like curtain wrapped around the top in an odd bell like shape. She couldn't help but reach her hoof out to touch it. The cloth felt course, and harder than she expected. As if it had a metal frame inside of it to hold it's shape in place.
"What are you doing Ocellus?" Gallus asked in a rather bored voice. Ocellus jumped and turned around quickly. She forgot he was there.
Gallus was sitting in an armchair, a book open on his lap as he lazily propped a head up on one claw, staring directly at her. Her other friends were also there, staring at her. Smolder was in another armchair, opposite from Gallus. She had a book opened in both claws but had lowered it to stare at her.
Yona and Sandbar were sitting next to each other on a second couch, they didn't seem to notice what Ocellus had been up to until Gallus had pointed it out. Silverstream was sitting right next to Ocellus on the same couch, and was looking at her as well.
They were all in the library, studying for a test that would be happening tomorrow in Professor Twilight's class.
"Ummm… S-sorry, I was just confused. I've never seen one of those stick things before..." The changeling said rubbing the back of her head with a hoof.
"You mean a lamp?" Gallus said with a cock of his eyebrow.
"That's what it's called?" Ocellus asked, confuzzled.
"Yeah, and it does this really cool thing, look!" Silverstream said happily as she took to the air and soared over Ocellus's head. The hippogriff landed next to the lamp and reached a claw up into the shade. There was a strange clicking sound, and the lamp instantly lit up, a shine that seem to drive away the darkness like some kind of fire of an ancient religion.
"Oooh…." Ocellus said, inching her face closer, her eyes widening.
"I know right?!? Silverstream cried as she turned the lamp on and off a couple times. "We don't have this kind of thing back at Mount Aris. It's like... magical!"
"It's not magic. It's electricity." Gallus said as he grabbed his book and got to reading it with a roll of his eyes. "Something some earth pony found when he got shocked by lightning with a key on a kite or some dumb thing."
Every creature stared at Gallus, aside from Ocellus, who was too busy looking at the lamp.
"You paid attention in class?" Sandbar asked.
"Nah, it's just common knowledge, and if you don't know that, shame on you." Gallus told him as he continued reading.
"Wait, don't ponies control the weather? Why did he get struck by the lightning?" Silverstream bemused as she stroked her beak with a claw. None of them noticed Ocellus take to the air and approach the lamp.
Gallus shrugged. "Maybe a Pegasus was trying to kill him, I dunno."
"Frankly, I don't get the big whoop." Smolder grunted. "Lava is much brighter anyway. You ponies should just fill your houses with like... Lava lamps or something."
"That would just burn down our houses Smolder." Sandbar explained, before Yona gave him a light, playful shove, which knocked the pony over.
"That just because pony houses not as good as strong YAK houses!" Yona roared.
"Pretty sure yak houses are even more flammable than pony houses." Gallus said again, before they all heard a crash.
They quickly turned to see Ocellus laying on top of the lamp which had fallen onto its side. The changeling had taken off the shade and was now bopping her snout against it, undeterred by the glass and heat.
"Hey uhh… Ocellus. What are you up to?" Smolder called out to her, but the changeling didn't hear her. Instead a small bit of drool leaked out of the side of her mouth.
"O...Ocellus?" Silverstream said, tapping the changeling on the shoulder. Nothing.
"Sheesh," Gallus idly said. "What's up with her?"
"No clue." Silver said with a large shrug. "Maybe she's trying to eat it?"
"Why would Ocellus eat lamp?" Yona exclaimed as she got off of the couch and walked towards the changeling. The yak waved her hoof in front of the pale blue changelings face, but got nothing out of it, not even a blink.
"Should we like... take her to the nurse or something?" Silverstream asked as she glanced at her friends.
"Yeah." Gallus said, standing up and joining Yona next to Ocellus. "You grab her back legs, I got her front."
The gryphon bent down and reached for her legs, only for the changeling to hiss and wrap her front legs around the lamp's stand. Yona had much more success grabbing her back legs and lifted the smaller changeling up. She struggled as, with what seemed like the strength of a thousand creatures, Ocellus held onto the lamp, not giving an inch to the Yak.
"Come on Ocellus, let go!" Gallus cried as he tried to pry the changeling's hooves off the lamp. She still didn't budge. In fact, she still had enough strength to both resist them, and keep bopping the lightbulb.
Yona was soon joined in pulling by Silverstream and Smolder, who grabbed onto the Yak's horns and tugged with all their might. Still, Ocellus did not bulge.
Gallus, with a groan, let go of Ocellus's forehooves, being quickly replaced by Sandbar, who was even less successful. "Two seconds." He growled and took to the air, leaving the group to their useless struggle.
A moment later, the gryphon returned, in his claw, was a crowbar.
"Where did Gallus get crowbar?" Yona asked incredulously, momentarily stopping her pulling on the Changeling.
"Brought it from home." Gallus said twirling it idly as he leisurely flew towards the group.
"And why did you have a crowbar at home?" Sandbar joined in as he starred up at him.
"I'm a gryphon and an orphan, what did you expect?" Gallus waved it off, as if it was no big deal.
Smolder locked eyes with Silverstream over Yona. "Remind me to get a better door." She whispered to her, which earned a nod of agreement from the hippogryph.
With deft skill, born from a hundred burglaries in his younger days, Gallus slid the crowbar between Ocellus's legs and the lamp. The gryphon joined in the teams efforts. It seemed like they were making progress, up until, with the sound of a metallic shriek, Gallus flew back and landed on his back besides Yona, holding his new bent crowbar.
"What the heck?" Smolder asked, pure confusion in her voice.
Gallus blinked twice and held up his broken crowbar, taking a good look at it before grunting angrily and throwing it against the wall. "I give up!" He shouted, taking to the air and dropping back into his arm chair. He angrily crossed his forelegs over her chest and sank back against the cushion.
"Come on Gallus! We need you!" Sandbar cried after he lost his grip and tumbled back.
"Just let her enjoy her lamp. She doesn't seem all that bothered." Gallus grunted as he picked up his book again and got right back to reading it.
Silverstream suddenly perked up and shot a hand into the air.
"Wait!" She cried. "I have an idea!"
"We're all ears." Smolder said, letting go of Yona and taking a step back.
Silverstream walked over to the wall behind the lamp, reached down, and unplugged a wire.
The lightbulb went dark and four cracks rang out through the room as Smolder, Yona, Sandbar and Gallus smacked themselves in the forehead.
"And we didn't think of doing that, why?" Gallus hissed between gritted teeth. No one spoke up.
Ocellus blinked twice. She didn't remember what happened. She didn't know why she was suddenly staring at a clear glass orb with wires inside of it. She didn't know why her nose felt really hot and ache-y. She didn't know why she was on the ground, with her forelegs wrapped so firmly around a metal pole that they felt like they were about to crack under the pressure.
She definitely didn't know why she suddenly felt five pairs of eyes on the back of her head.
She let go of the lamp and turned around, seeing her friends looked down at her with mixes of annoyance and concern on their faces.
"Wh-what happened?" The little changeling asked.
Gallus was the first to speak up, practically hissing at her like a cat as he stood up. "Well first and foremost, you owe me a new crowbar!" He cried, but was silenced by Smolder's angry glare.
"You looked at the lamp and were like... completely taken over by it or something. We couldn't get you to let go of it." Sandbar said with great concern in his voice.
"Taken over by a lamp? Wha...?" Ocellus wondered aloud, looking between her friends. "And what's this about a crowbar?"
Gallus glanced at Smolder before pouting and looking away. "It's nothing..." He grunted.
"All that matters right now is that we are behind on studying. Oh, that and you aren't allowed close to any lamps anymore Ocellus." Sandbar explained quickly, which earned a couple affirmative nods and grunts in agreement.
"Ok..." Ocellus said, still not entirely sure what was going on, but more than eager to get back to what she was good at. That being studying and being a general teachers pet.
Ocellus groaned in annoyance. After what happened in the library, she didn't have enough time to finish studying everything that was going to be on tomorrow's test, and it was getting dark. Too dark for her to read in fact. However, she might have known a work around. A way to bring light to the room and allow her to keep studying.
There was a lamp on the desk she was sitting on. Right next to her in fact. She turned to it, and started shaking. She remembered what her friends told her. Lamps did weird things to her, but maybe she could resist it? She was hit by a conundrum. Listen to her friends or ace her test?
"Listen or study? Listen or study?" She repeated to her self under her breath, glancing between the lamp, and her book. With a grunt of discomfort she made her decision. Just this once.
Ocellus looked at the lamp and tipped the shade to the side. If she remembered correctly, to turn on the light, she needed to pull a certain chain.
"Aha!" She squealed when she found the chain and gave it a pull. She couldn't even resist the light for the milliseconds it took for the lamp to turn on.
It was the next day, and the rest of the Young Six were sitting at their desks in Twilight's Sparkle's classroom, ready for the test. Currently however? Twilight was calling attendance from a list on a clipboard. It was something you didn't really need to do in what was basically college, but eh... she liked tradition.
"Gallus?"
"Here."
"Yona?"
"Yona's here!"
"Ocellus?"
No answer, which caused her to raise an eyebrow in genuine shock. Ocellus was never absent. She was never even late. In fact, the changeling was never on time either. She always arrived to class at least ten minutes early. Five minutes on a bad day!
"Where's Ocellus?" Twilight asked, stepping out from behind her desk and setting her clipboard down. Ocellus's friends shared glances at each other.
"Class is paused for now everypony, I am going to go check up on her." Twilight said turning to the door.
"Hey, Ms. Twilight? Can we come?" Silverstream asked raising a claw.
"Sure, come on." Twilight said as she walked out of the room. The five quickly rushed after her in the direction of Ocellus's room. They soon arrived outsider her door, and Twilight gave it an experimental knock.
"Ocellus? Are you in there?" She asked gently. No answer. Twilight turned and looked at the five creatures with a raised eyebrow before, simply pushing the door to the room open.
It was dark inside, the blinds closed and lights off, all except for the lamp which was sitting on top of the room's desk. Sitting at that same desk was Ocellus, who was merely staring at the lamp with glazed eyes. Drool leaked from the corner of her mouth and puddled on her desk.
Twilight raised an eyebrow and slowly strode into the room stepping towards Ocellus.
"Hey? Ocellus? Come on snap out of it." Twilight said waving her hoof in front of the changelings face, and just like before with her friends, she was completely unresponsive.
While Twilight tried to bring Ocellus back to reality, her friends merely shared a glance, took a step back, closed the door, and walked back to class.
Thank God the school of friend ship didn't have any bug zappers around!
Like what you just read? Join my Discord. I could always use new pals!
As for the contest judges, if I win fourth place: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhSbTgrIp88
Otherwise, I hope you liked reading my mediocre work XD
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This was great. Really funny!
That reminded me of a story Jay David wrote about Thorax.
Very funny. Thumbs up from me.
This was hilarious
oh, THIS is going to be good! Ponies/Changelings-drawn-to-light-source fics are ALWAYS funny!
Yep, was funny. Now they know hwo to best Chrysalis when she decides to team up with Tirek and Cozy later.
Fun fact: moths are actually starting to learn not to do this!
Cute
Wait until Ocellus starts to orbit them, getting closer and closer just to back off, then closer, then back, then...
Seen fics like this a couple of times before, but the idea still doesn't seem to be getting old.
This story was too cute! Nicely done.
10059936
Thank you lol, glad you think so.
10059905
Yeah lol, these kinds of stories are amazing lol. My first story in the site was one of these actually lol.
10059708
They are? That is a fun fact lol.
10059954
Actually, now that I think about it, I've read that one too.
Cute. Quite an enjoyable little read.
Rather abrupt end, though. Think the ending needed something a bit snappier, a funnier note to end on, like, I don't know. Ocellus going on a rampage, smashing all the 'soul eating glass orbs' or something.
Oh dear god... That was a laugh riot, like seriously.
Yeah, because that's definitely what any teacher would do if just one student is absent.
Came for the "I love lamp" jokes...
Ocellus, a möth.
10060131
Twilight would.
I usually like these stories and this was a fun concept but maaan this was disappointing. It had basically one joke that you spoiled with the title, one that was actually funny - the Ben Franklin one - (extra credit for the lamphade hanging if it was intentional) and one slightly funny but painfully out of place character interaction. Not nearly enough
I really don't know what this story was supposed to be. For comedy it was unfunny, for worldbuilding it was unoriginal and for slice of life it was way too bland.
Dont get me wrong it wasn't bad per se, but - and I dont mean to sound offensive - but this story was created because you wanted to participate in competition not because you had a story to tell. Which is fine of course but I think this story could have really used some extra work.
But hey based on the number of likes/dislikes maybe I'm wrong. So good job on garnering heat.
Yes! Finally, a story about Ocellus that doesn't ship her with Smolder. Thank you, writer!
Nice way to skip a test. Twilight never get the simpel solution
I love the fact that this is literally a joke comparing ocellus to a moth because changelings are bugs lol
10060131
The thing is, ponies care a lot more about each other. Or at least Twilight does. Twilight also knows Ocellus personally.
Twilight also doesn't know how to delegate properly.
10060966
Thanks! It's a picture from DeviantArt. Here's the link if you're interested:
https://www.deviantart.com/regicollis/art/An-American-Monarchy-Coat-of-arms-403148445
Also reminds me of this comic.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/19/187334.jpeg
(derpi link)
I was waiting for Twilight to light her horn at the end. Ocellus reacting to that might be... interesting.
10060463
Profile Pic checks out
Hmm... *turns the lamp back off* You ok, Ocellus?
Let's hope that other Changelings don't have the same... interest when it comes to lamps.
"Twilight, may I have some lamps?"
-Ocellus
This was both very brilliant and well made! I couldn't have ever thought that such a great story like this would have existed until ya brought it out! Truly a great piece of writing with the awesome grammar, perfect plotline, everything! Hope ya didn't mind that I made a little reading of it! I couldn't resist!
Audio Link!: https://youtu.be/o8XdNUR_qkk
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment!)
Ocellus requires the lämp
10061405
I am not offended at all lol
Infact, it has always been basically a dream of mine to one day get a story of mine read on YouTube, so I am really thankful for that ^^
Thank you so much!
pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1045248502434082817/nawJbS5x_400x400.jpg
LÄMP
10062351
You are welcome my fellow Cervine.
Mm
10061405
Dammit you beat me to it!
10062973
Hey, no issues with having two readings of the same fic XD
10063467
Eeeehhh, it just bugs me is all. I don't wanna accidentally steal someone else's thunder. >.<
Reading through this made me think of this
:
I like how at the end, the Young Six sans Ocellus are like:
derpicdn.net/img/2020/1/11/2244456/large.jpg
This was a fun story. I enjoyed the first part, which had some good banter and you depicted Ocellus's light obsession well. I do agree the ending was on the weak side, though. First, this story probably would have been better set early in Ocellus's time at the school, especially since she has a lamp in her room she apparently never used until now. Then the actual end isn't conclusive nor does it end with a good gag.
Cute and funny story, well done.
Deergenerate! How are you doing. This is a cool story; thank you so much for submitting it. The great thing about the Young Six is that you have five characters with backgrounds, cultures and physiologies that can be dug into, especially for laughs.
Anyways, I’m here because you requested feedback. I think. I hope. Help I’m losing track.
This is the first story I’ve reviewed that was a straight-up comedy, and I’m happy to finally have one, because while I’ve only written a handful of comedies, they’re something I love to read and analyze and break apart into funny little pieces. So hopefully you can find some of what I say useful. Here goes nothin’.
I think what this story is missing, most of all, is a sense of escalation. What you have here is a funny premise, that Ocellus is hopelessly attracted to shiny bright lights, ‘cause she’s a dang bug, but the story doesn’t go much further beyond that. It escalates a little bit when the friends try to wrestle her away from the lamp, and a little bit more when Gallus decides to go get the crowbar (loved the explanation behind that, btw). But that’s essentially as far as we go. Silverstream pulls the plug, which is itself a good joke, but then the story is already over, conflict resolved. But then we keep going?
See, everything after your scene break is the same premise happening over again. I didn’t feel there was much benefit to that section, because the reader isn’t wondering what’s going to happen. We know Ocellus is not going to be there for roll call, we know she’ll be sucked into the lamp when they find her, and it’ll be difficult to get her free. We’ve seen all this already.
The great thing about escalation is that it forces you to not rest on the same handful of jokes. Jack of a Few Trades’s entry into the contest is a good example of a comedy that isn’t resting--it starts with a problem, then it gets worse, and worse, and worse... and this is the bread and butter of comedies. There’s a funny premise that people can latch on to, and then it goes in a direction that you’re not expecting, and as the shenanigans go on, they build off of each other, making the story funnier and funnier as you go.
The next time you’re writing a comedy, I encourage you to dig deeper once you’ve come up with a funny idea. Say your idea is this one: Ocellus becomes addicted to bright lights. Now how could that really get out of hand? And what’s a good resolution for that conflict that will make everyone laugh out loud, or groan and smack their head, or whatever reaction you want people to have at the end (in this case, you succeeded at that last part: the ending was to pull the plug).
Last thing: There’s a fair number of typos and punctuation errors in here. It’s not quite at the level that would affect you in judging, but it’s definitely pushing it. For one easy fix, check out some tips for how to properly punctuate and capitalize dialogue.
That’s it from my end! Thank you for submitting this story; I was certainly glad to have read it. I hope you enjoyed the contest and found some piece of my feedback helpful. Good luck with your whole thing, and I’ll see you around.
The meme in the end made me laugh so hard. Good story overall.
You know that kind of reminds me when Thorax That's so attracted to the fire But not as crazy im surprise I guess the lamp have more affected to bugs lol
Considering how Thorax reacted in the episode "Triple Threat" that might actually be canon:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/8/19/1514466.gif
Source.
Just hope Cadance doesn't hear about this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/4/10/1704433.png
Source.
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
10059629
I like to think that they were frozen in stone in the pose of Tirek and Cozy Glow trying and failing to pull Chrysalis away from a lamp.
10061271
Meanwhile...
Thorax: "It looks like Twilight shipped us something from her culture. There are enough for everyling here. I wonder what she sent this time."
10063557
So what you're saying is that it bugs you that someone stole the spotlight from you?
11066858
Oh hey, fancy meeting you here... on the page of a story I read, like, 2 years ago?
11066930
So I'm a little late to the party. But tell me that's not a good pun... Or tell me it's a bad pun. In one of my D&D groups, I've gained a reputation for my bad puns to a point where I can end up getting punished for it.