Obsidian: Daughter of Sombra

by Randimaxis

Five: Knowing One's Place

The stallion's muzzle went from happy to sorrowful, and his ears drooped low as soon as he saw her. "... you..." The others seemed completely surprised by his reaction.

Clap, however, wasn't known for being subtle. "Wait... you know her already!?"

"I..." Cupcake looked close to tears again already.

"Cupcake," Mica asked, "what is this?"

"I... I..." he took a deep breath.

"I was supposed to be a liaison to her, but we had an argument, and I got mad then so did she, and I said bad things to her, and she called me a MEANIE and I wasn't trying to be a meanie, I just thought she was being rude first, but I think I messed up, so I came here to bake, because baking calms me down, but now she's here too, and I don't wanna be mean anymore, but I don't know if she'll ever forgive me, and I-"

"BREATHE, Cup!" Clap interjected. "Jeez!"

"Wait - you yelled at a PRINCESS!?" Wart sounded equally shocked and agitated.

"Yeah, but... I didn't mean to! I was so excited to meet someone new, but then I got all mad, and then I... I..." Cupcake's bottom lip wobbled.

"Obsidian," Mica asked calmly, "is this true?"

Obsidian's eyes narrowed at the sound of his voice. It wasn't a sound she found good; it was loud and obnoxious - just like Cupcake Sprinkles. And obviously he was talking way, wayyyyy too much, as usual. "Yes. He was behaving in a deliberately insulting manner, taking advantage of my temporal adjustments, even when I calmly asked him to stop!" She practically hissed the words; right now, Cupcake was the last pony she would ever want to see.

Perhaps baking and eating him wasn't that bad of an idea... or more like just the baking part.

"Cupcake! You can't BE like that around royals! I can't believe that you, of all ponies, behaved in such a manner! What were you thinking!?" Wart seemed almost as angry as Obsidian was, her green eyes almost seeming to flash with rage.

"Stalwart," Mica tried to calmly interject, "hold on. Maybe we just need to calm down and go over things again. Sometimes better judgment is seen in retrospect."

Clap looked back and forth between them. "So, that's a yes to you two knowing each other, right?"

Gypsy facepawed.

"Look, I... I'm really, really sorry, okay? My mom says I keep letting my brain get ahead of my heart, and I just thought you were insulting me back there - and I lost my head and said a lot of stupid things. I just... I didn't mean... I... I..."

Clap looked at them both, then shrugged. "Okay, you didn't mean it. You apologized." She looked at Obsidian. "Siddy, this is a good moment to learn something about friendship, here. Cup screwed up, yeah - but he apologized, and he obviously didn't mean... whatever he said to you. This is where you accept the apology and try to just move on as if it never happened."

"That," Mica spoke up, "would be up to Obsidian to decide if she forgives him or not." He turned to her. "For what it's worth, Cupcake is my actual cousin, and I've known him for much of my life. He means well, but can be... grandiose... when he makes a mistake. Still, it's up to you whether or not you accept the apology."

"Inexcusable!" Wart said, eyes firmly locked on the sad visage of Cupcake. "You'd best bow and beg for a royal acceptance from her!"

"Wart," Mica said, "shush."

The unicorn glared at Mica Chip... but said nothing more.

Cupcake was annoying, but he truly looked remorseful for the way he'd acted. However, there was always the idea that she truly didn't need to forgive anypony at all... but there was this whole 'friendship' thing she was going to be put through, whether she liked it or not.

Holding a grudge was a new idea for Obsidian - but accepting apologies was completely different for her as well. Until her recent awakening, she either didn't have to care about insults or wasn't in a position to hold a grudge - it all depended on if she was accidentally offended by a slave (in which case said slave was usually quickly removed from the castle, never to be seen again) or by her father (in which case she had to obediently and humbly accept it as a lesson from a mind much brighter and better than her own).

... still, he was, unfortunately, her liaison.

"Next time try to be more calm when you meet a pony that just woke up after a thousand years of sleep and learned that her entire known family is dead", she couldn't stop herself from making a rather painful jab right into his feelings. "... but apologies accepted."

It was quiet for all of a single heartbeat. Then...

"Okay, then! Apology accepted, and all you gotta do is be calm and stuff!" Clap smiled broadly, then made her way over to Obsidian and gave her a meaty pat on the back. "See, Siddy? It wasn't all that hard at all, was it? I think you'll do just fine here at the academy!"

She gave Thunderclap a nasty glare as she patted her back; what in Tartarus was that? Why did she touch her?

Mica looked as though he was pondering the situation... but he nodded to her and looked at Cupcake. "You understand, right?"

Cupcake nodded rapidly, though his expression was still repentant.

Wart, however, shot Cupcake a look of irritation. "You... and I... will speak... later."

The stallion nodded, sighed, then looked back at Obsidian once more. "I was... I really was being a meanie, I guess. I really am sorry."

"Point made, Cup - enough of that." Clap simply went on as though there'd been no problem here. "You gonna bake anything else?"

Cupcake looked longingly at the oven... then at Obsidian, then at the floor. "I... sh-should probably go." He began to make his way towards the pantry again, but turned back to give Obsidian a look of shame over his flank. "I'll... meet you at your room tomorrow, okay?"

With that, he entered the walk-in pantry and began returning ingredients to their places on the shelves.

Gypsy's ears drooped s he saw Cupcake putting the ingredients back. "This one i-i-is... going t-to miss the t-t-tasty treats. Perh-haps an-n-n-nother time."

"Royalty is held to a high standard; it was very generous of you to forgive him." Wart said to her. "It does me proud to see a royal treating others so well..." Her eyes narrowed at Cupcake. "Even if they don't deserve it," she muttered.

Mica sighed, then looked up at the princess. "It does bode well that you did that; you may have a promising future here, after all."

It was more logical to 'forgive' him than not - after all, she (mistakenly) chose him as her liaison. There was no point in antagonizing him, even if she truly couldn't stand his blathering. Hopefully from this point on, he would behave more rationally - and if anything happens, it should be possible to sic Stalwart on him. She would be a good vassal. But didn't change the fact that Obsidian's mood had soured somewhat.

"... I still would like to look for something less sweet; my last true meal was over a thousand years ago," she said as she attempted to change the topic. Yes, she said she accepted the idiot stallion's apologies - but it didn't mean she was going to like it, or want to talk about it more.

"Ummmm... I could... make you something... if you want?" came from the pantry. "I mean, I'm a pretty good cook... a-and I could make you a really good meal, fit for a queen, even. And... it would help me make things up to you."

Mica looked toward the pantry, pondering. "He is a good cook."

"How about we wait out in the lunchroom," Clap offered, "and you do what you do, okay?"

There was a renewed shuffling from the pantry. "Y-yeah... okay, I can do that. Yeah!" As he spoke, it sounded as though he was slowly regaining his previous chipper attitude. Wonderful. At least he'd be in here while they were out there. Making their way out, Clap and Gypsy made themselves at home by taking a seat. Mica simply leaned against a wall, casually. Wart, ever helpful, pulled out a chair for Obsidian.

Yes, waiting in the lunchroom was a better idea; the further she was from this stallion, especially when he was in a good mood, the better.

"So, hey," Clap began hesitantly, "was... was all that... I mean, I don't think you're lying or anything, but..." she leaned in a bit.
"Was all that true? Being missing for a thousand years? That... sounds like it sucks."

"Thunderclap," Wart began.

"No, really - I mean, I guess I'm just curious, but... what was it like for you? Y'know, all that long ago?"

Mica looked to the pegasus. "She might not want to talk about it, Clap."

"And maybe she does," the mare countered. "Uhm... do you?"

"Yes, it was true. And no, I don't really want to talk about it right now." She rubbed her temples - this day was far more... exciting than she was used to. And she met more named ponies than during her entire lifetime; until now, most of creatures in the Crystal Palace were far beneath her - more like tools than living beings. "Maybe later. Perhaps. Or not."

Accepting apologies didn't make her very happy, apparently.

Thunderclap looked a bit put out, but she heaved a sigh and simply sat back in her chair, rear hooves on the table as she put her forelegs behind her head. "Okay - so Wart, I'll bet you're all sorts of happy that you've got another royal to play with, eh?"

Stalwart gave Clap a narrow stare. "I don't play, Thunderclap - being a royal guardpony is serious business. They have to be seen after and meticulously protected from any and all threats they might encounter. Not to mention..."

As Wart continued, Clap began to silently mimic her words, mocking her as she spoke at length about the duties guards had to be certain of when they took up the 'mantle of responsibility' for taking care of royalty. Honestly, though it worked in Obsidian's favor, Wart did seem to go on and on about it. Gypsy, meanwhile, sat cautiously at the end of the table. He reached a paw into the pocket of his hooded sweater, removing several small slips of paper from it. He then started to carefully fold them in strange ways, all the while concentrating on what he was doing.

Mica simply sat there, looking at everyone else with a pondering look on his muzzle.

Wart's discussion (and Clap's mocking) quickly turned into a kind of background noise - as soon as the unicorn's words stopped carrying any interesting or useful information, Obsidian lost interest in listening to her. However, the only non-pony creature was apparently doing something far more interesting. She leaned forward with a hint of curiosity in her eyes.

"What is that you're doing?" Perhaps it was a cultural thing?

Gypsy looked up at Obsidian shyly. "Er... th-this one does this t-t-to stave off the b-b-boredom."

His paws twisted around the little folded piece of paper, and then he reached out gingerly and placed it in front of her. It looked like... a swan. Gypsy had folded and creased the paper slip until it resembled a swan, complete with beak and wings. He gave a small smile. "He c-can do o-oth-others too. W-would she l-l-like to s-see?"

An art... made of paper? Interesting... her magic wrapped around the sculpture of a bird placed in front of her and levitated it closer, so she could check it out more thoroughly. It seemed that this creature's paws were more agile than she thought. "Yes, I'd like to - it's quite interesting. Does this type of art have a name?"

Gypsy smiled, his mouth filled with sharp teeth, but the kindness in it staving off the fear-inducing points. Of course, considering Obsidian's father's own teeth, she had no reason to be scared of Gypsy's smile. If anything, she wondered from time to time why her own teeth were not as sharp as King Sombra's.

"It d-d-does. This i-is called 'origami', which is an ancient form of art that was passed down through g-generations of creatures from distant eastern shores. It was first taught to the diamond dogs roughly two hundred years ago, and is a major form of entertainment f-for us."

As he spoke, he worked his paws over the other pieces of folded paper, producing a tiger, a manticore, a dragon, and finally an alicorn - complete with wings, mane and tail. "This one's chosen great-father taught him to make the folds just s-so," he said as he began to fold another piece in his curious way. "And this one is p-pleased the princess likes th-them."

Origami, hm? And it was invented by creatures from... distant eastern shores? Obsidian wondered what he could be talking about; it seemed that Equestria discovered even more lands than she thought initially.

Fascinating.

"... diamond dogs? Is that what your species is called?" That was a promising start. She really would love to lock herself in library and just catch up with everything that was invented or discovered during her time asleep.

"Y-yes," he replied, "we are named such due to our love of g-g-gemstones... most prominently, diamonds. We d-do love our sh-shiny rocks, yes. B-but since the first of our kind began appearing in Equestria, we have been mostly stand-offish with p-ponies, but that h-has recently changed in favor of being all-inclusive to this school."

Perhaps these diamond dogs would be useful allies... or rather vassals... for her most honourable father? As far as she could tell, it seemed that their 'love for shiny rocks' would have attracted them to the Crystal Empire.

He gave a short chuckle. "Before such, most diamond dogs k-kept themselves apart from ponies... mostly due to their attitudes. P-ponies, not dogs." As he spoke, he folded two more slips of paper to go with the one he was currently holding, then folded them out to reveal a palm tree, a pineapple and a griffon - which he perched perfectly in the palm tree.

"But, this one is s-so glad the p-p-p-ponies invited everybeing t-to attend this school. Th-this one has made these f-f-friends, and is l-looking f-f-f-forward to making m-more. Hopefully, a p-princess am-mong them?" He smiled sheepishly at her.

... and then he started about 'friends'. The more Obsidian heard about it, the more it sounded like an STD - and everypony around her was interested in getting her sick as well. It didn't sound very useful - at the moment, she saw it more like some kind of strange union between creatures to indulge themselves. No hierarchy, no real goal, only 'fun'.

Why would anypony need something like that?

"We'll see when I understand more of what this term means," she said as a diplomatic parry.

"Oh," was all he said. He went back to his folding, though he no longer seemed to feel like chatting about it, as he became quiet once again. These creatures were really crazy about this whole 'friendship' thing, eh? It seemed as though it was addictive - like a drug - and they didn't like not receiving it. She really should avoid it, to keep a clear mind...

It wasn't long before there was a... tantalizing aroma that began to drift from the kitchen; the tang of spice, the savory scent of mouth-watering proportions that filled the room. Then, with a slight spring to his step, Cupcake brought out a bowl filled with... chopped vegetables? But they smelled exquisite...

"Appetizer course - sizzling broccoli and cheese, a local favorite!"

"You can say THAT again!" Clap practically ate the bowlful with her eyes alone. "Got any more?"

Cupcake grinned. "Sure - but she gets the first helping. Lemme get back in there - I still have more to do!"

Cup returned to the kitchen, followed by a slightly drooling Thunderclap. Mica leaned forward. "Go ahead - tell us what you think."

It was hard to keep her mind separated, as for the moment her stomach overtook any higher functions of her brain. She had never smelled anything like that - but it seemed that it was going to be at least fairly good. What's more, it also seemed that she was going to get it first, without having to fight for her own helping.

Obsidian didn't waste a second, and there was no reason to encourage her - she quickly helped herself with this 'broccoli' thing. She took a single bite.

...

For a moment she was purely dumbfounded, almost forgetting that she was supposed to be keeping her cool; that taste... as far as she was concerned, this dish was as rich in flavor as her father was rich in power!

"I've... never eaten... anything that good before," she whispered, overwhelmed by the incredible experience.
Mica simply nodded, as if he'd expected the reaction... but Wart looked curious.

"But... royalty usually has the best of the best at their table. Cupcake, for all his faults, is a good cook, but... I'm sure you've had plenty of rich, wonderful foodstuffs before, have you not?"

She should have rich and wonderful foodstuffs like this? Why had nopony told her before? Her life would have been far more pleasant, had she known this sort of delicacy!

Mica looked over. "New tastes are new tastes, Stalwart - maybe she's simply never had this sort of cooking before."

Wart seemed mollified at that. "Well... it's a good thing to see you enjoy it, princess."

Within another few moments, Cupcake returned with second bowl, this one a touch bigger. In it was what appeared to be some sort of... soup?... but a soup with a simply delectable aroma to it. And he brought even more food?

"Stir-fry, with water chestnuts, bamboo chunks and snow peas! Carefully stewed in soy sauce, lovingly sprinkled with a bit of paprika, a squirt of lemon, and just the teensyest dash of pepper! Enjoy!" He turned and practically skipped his way back to the kitchen, pleased that his food was so well-received. Perhaps he could have some uses, after all... as long as she could keep a gag on him.

"No, not really," she spoke in answer to Stalwart's question, "my father always told me that 'luxuries' are like a poison to the mind, and none who were both a royal and a warlock should have a weak mind. In this case, it meant that my food was mostly..." she tried to conjure a word that could describe it properly, "... edible. Well, after a day or two of fasting it tasted well enough. Anyway, I'm not used to sweets... or this amount of food... or to anything that could have such a pleasant taste."

In this case, should she eat it at all? When she was going there to sate her hunger, Obsidian had no idea that she would find a veritable banquet fit for a true royal instead of a humble meal for a princess-in-training. Her most honourable father would probably disapprove.

The lot of them simply stared at her for a bit; no one spoke a word. Then Chip spoke up. "I'll bet your father was practically swimming in luxury... so, what would that say about him?"

The others turned to look at Mica... and were shocked to see an actual expression on his muzzle... smouldering anger.
"I don't like the way it sounds like you were treated. Not... at... all."

Thunderclap's eyes went wide. "Whoa... that's something you don't see everyday. Mica, y-you okay, there?"

"Tell me," he continued, "did he treat you like a daughter... or-"

Wart interrupted. "And what business is it of yours how she was treated? Royalty usually has a plan for whatever is to come, and perhaps he simply was preparing her for the worst possible outcome?"

"You think Celestia OR Luna would've treated her like that?" he retorted.

Wart visibly flinched, but stood her ground. "You didn't make the rules - he did."

"Wait," Clap bristled, "are you siding with Sombra?"

"I side with ROYALTY, Thunderclap, and I'm surprised you forgot that." Wart leveled a stern gaze at the pegasus. "It's not our call to judge-"

"He was a tyrant, you blockhead!" Clap practically shouted.

"Tyrants, however distasteful, are STILL royalty, numbskull."

Now the two were glaring daggers at each other. Mica still looked upset, but now his own muzzle evened out and he looked to Obsidian.

"I apologize... I just do not like the idea that anypony was treated such a way, especially by their own parent." He cocked his head slightly. "Do you believe he did the right thing?" The group as a whole looked to her for her answer.

Obviously commoners born in the modern age just couldn't understand the idea behind her upbringing. With the overwhelming amount of personal freedoms they had and the inane focus on unnecessary pleasures like 'friendship', they were just unaware of their true destiny. They were tools... just like everypony around, herself included. Good tools at least were aware of that and kept striving to improve themselves.

"My most honourable father was shaping me in a way he considered fitting, and I'm not in a position to place any doubt upon his wisdom," she replied calmly, though she glared a bit at Mica... and at Wart, for even if she had defended King Sombra, she still called his supposed tyranny 'distasteful'.

Wart gave Clap a smug look. "You see? She approves."

Thunderclap shot an annoyed look back at Stalwart. "Brainwashing isn't approval; it's forced enjoyment of being treated like dirt." She looked at Obsidian. "Siddy, don't tell me you actually enjoy being treated like dirt?"

"How dare you!" Wart cried, looking ready to fight at the drop of a hoof.

Their quarrel was becoming annoying - why would commoners ever be allowed to argue about monarchy? Especially in a way that would be demeaning to a monarch and everything he stood for? Wart, at least, had a lot of potential to become a very passionate, useful vassal - but as far as Obsidian was concerned, Thunderclap and Mica both had already more than overstepped the boundaries of her patience.

"This isn't doing any good..." Mica observed. "We can discuss this without-"

"Oh yeah? I'll dare, alright! I'll dare ta knock your block off, Wart!"

The two of them went muzzle to muzzle, each one growling fiercely as they sized each other up. And it was quite likely they would've fought right then and there, if a voice from the back spoke up.

"B-but she had a p-p-parent."

Heads turned to look at Gypsy, who was now on the other side of the room, away from the aggressive emotions and ponies. "Though you m-may not agree with what was d-d-done, this one n-notes that she still had a parent... and she gi-gives that parent resp-p-pect." His gaze slid across all those within the room as he made his point.

"Obsidian knew what it w-was like to want to imp-p-press a p-p-parent, to love a p-parent, to be tended to b-b-by a parent. Perhaps her treatment was f-fair, perhaps not - but it is clear t-t-to this one that she still loves her f-father. And to t-t-tear him down in f-front of her is... it is c-c-c-cruel and thoughtless."

Gypsy gave a soft sigh. "This one w-w-wishes he knew his t-true p-parents."

An awkward silence filled the gap, and even Wart & Clap looked somewhat ashamed of themselves. Gypsy set down the current paper-folding he'd been working on (which looked like the castle at Canterlot) and sighed softly before looking up at the princess. "Tell us... how d-d-did you see your f-father, princess? Was he m-m-mean, nice, or something in bet-t-tween?"

"Although you may consider my most honourable father tyrannical, your conclusions are flawed. Mean? Nice? Enjoyment? Love? Those are but empty words, merely masquerading self-indulgences, a perspective that there could possibly be something more important than duty. And... there... is... NOT!" She raised her voice as she spoke, anger flaring to the surface of her carefully controlled manner. "I may not enjoy my upbringing, but it means nothing in the face of the world! I was being prepared for my duty, and being taught to be useful!"

Obsidian cleared her throat and got up; she was full anyway, and she shouldn't eat too much.

Silence.

Thunderclap looked as though she'd been slapped. Mica's eyebrows raised... then lowered as his muzzle took on that totally neutral look. Gypsy tucked his tail between his legs and couldn't look up from the floor.

"My most honourable father was aware of the nature of this world and was treating every creature accordingly, and I have only respect for him for that... whether you do or not. Stalwart, I wish to go back to my current accomodations; will you accompany me?"

While it might have sounded like a question, Obsidian would be quite surprised if the unicorn mare refused. But Stalwart Stance seemed to be the only one who was completely unsurprised. "Of course, princess - as you wish."

Cupcake entered from the kitchen again, this time with a trayfull of edible things... but he looked around and quickly ascertained something was amiss. "Uhm... I didn't mess up again, did I?"

"No," Mica said quietly, glowering at Obsidian as he stood up abruptly, "but we might have. Come on, Clap."

"... y-yeah..." the pegasus said with little conviction as she followed her friend out through a different doorway. Gypsy, unsure as to what to do, simply sat down at the end of the table again and began folding once more, a sorrowful look on his muzzle.

"Th-this o-o-one... on-n-n-nly w-w-want-t-t-ed t-to... t-t-t-t... t-t-t..."

He shut his mouth and focused on his origami, an embarrassed blush crawling across his cheeks.

Good - if they felt shame and personal pain, then maybe they would behave better the next time they'd meet. For now, Obsidian was fed up with their attempts to befriend her and with their short quarrel over if her most honourable father was 'tyrannical' or even a bad parent. As if kings could afford as much lackadasial nonsense as commoners could, when it came to preparing their offspring for their future roles. This world was crazed, but Obsidian had to resist its influence.

Wart went to the door and held it open for Obsidian. "Right this way, princess."

At least Stalwart was a promising start. Obsidian, without another sentiment to these commoners, made her way out.

"They tend talk a lot, don't they?" she said aloud, though not truly caring if unicorn mare would respond or not. At the moment she only cared if Butter Churn had gotten her the books she had asked for. It seemed that she would have to catch up a lot and...

Damn, she was walking without her liaison again. It was a violation of the rules set upon her and she was already feeling ashamed for that. It didn't matter that these rules were made by her enemies - she was already behaving like an anarchist!

Stalwart said nothing for a moment... then, softly: "They're only upset because they believe you were treated unfairly, princess; they meant no harm - even the birdbrain."

She kept her eyes forward, and continued to escort Obsidian until she reached the Rarity Suite once again. Outside the room, carefully stacked, was a small pile of tomes, each one titled with something about history.

Books... they were just waiting there for her, all fully available. And so many of them!

Under her most honourable father's care, Obsidian was never allowed to just go into library or his rooms, pick up a book and read it. No, everything was carefully planned by the king; at best, she could ask for something supplementary - and only hope that he would provide it. But, right now, there was no one to order her to read a specific thing. She was, at least in this matter, completely FREE.

Wart made her way to the door and opened it for Obsidian. "Would the princess care for anything further, or shall I leave?"
Her muzzle was inscrutable; there was no way to tell if she'd been upset or not by the outburst, but she was determined to continue to act the part of a royal guard until she was dismissed.

... ah, Wart said something.

"Their views on the world, parenthood and personal values don't seem too compatible with my own... I don't need anything else, and if you want to leave, I won't stop you."

Wart stood there for a moment. "As I believe I have nothing more to offer you, princess, I will leave you alone... as you apparently desire to be." With that, she stepped out of the door and into the hallway, gently closing it behind her; Obsidian could hear her measured hoofsteps as she walked away.

Now... Obsidian now had a number of books to read through... and at her own leisure, no less! And without interruption, either; she'd managed to ditch her annoying liaison and the far-too-chatty others that had been taking up her attention.

Now, she was as alone as she had been in her old room... this one simply looked nicer... or perhaps 'nicer' wasn't the best term. The more appropriate would be... more flatulent, if such a term could be used to describe rooms. Ah, but at least it was providing the perfect conditions to learn! It would be nice to have something to write with, to make notes, but at the moment she would just be glad to read, read and read, until she could read no further.

Truly, books were great tools. Valuable, patient... quiet...

Author's Note:

Noooooooo... way too early for the six of them to become Six yet, if you catch my drift. Besides, if you think back, there's probably a few instances in your own life where you met someone who started off as a jerk, then you ended up becoming good friends with. Unfortunately, you gotta go through the bad to get to the better, so here's the social slap in the muzzle, so to speak.

Plus, it was a good way to give a bit of character interaction between them all; as it should be, it's chaotic and awkward, as first meetings have a habit of being. Trust me, as things progress, they'll figure it all out... hopefully before anything BAD happens...

No spoilers.

Comments

[platogkrone]

So, Obsidian is an introvert. I do relate.

I like this story so far, it has great potential. I especially look forward to Obsidian meeting the other royals. That should be fun.

[ponepony]

The chapter's title made me thought it was going to be far more darker for some reason.

[Amos Anon]

A flatulent room, lol. I know it means "inflated or pretentious in writing", but in its other context it's rather funny.