Don't Make a Shadow of Yourself

by Ice Star

Two-Bit Tuesday

The good thing about travel is the sense of sweet normality that comes with it. The numbing habits that come from my life last more than any hoofsteps on all the dusty roads of Equestria. Has it ever bothered you to think about how despite her infuriating, divine differences that it is only size that separates Princess Celestia's hoofsteps from our own? Take away her filthy royal gold and strip her godly nature away, and she could be just like anypony else. I swear it and were it not heresy and crime to say so as I do, then I would scream it from the rooftops. So far, none of the ponies I've even implied this radical new idea to have just laughed at me or acted as if they knew better. How could they know better than a downtrodden mare without a privilege to her name, like me?

She should be just like everypony else.

The concept of kingdoms, principalities, monarchies, republics, and all the other nations of this world has me boiling. At least, it has me boiling more than usual lately. Imagine a world without sparkling regalia, senates, schools, and other such nonsense. A world where no leader was a mighty mountain above the earth that the rest of us are, and everything was for the ponies who were our neighbors. My Sunburst, is it not the ideal world that ensures neighbors know one another, are kind to one another, live in equal conditions and never, ever leave one another? We would never have to worry about choices if all our hooves shaped change for everypony. Wouldn't a place without winners, wonders, and special things just be the best place for the common pony? How could uncommon ever be admired when it requires somepony to be squashed as if being common were a bad thing? Can you even begin to fathom the reeducation this world needs to realign it?

We would never have to look at somepony with more talent, bits, better ideas, or anything else that we cling to so stubbornly in our delusions about the unique. Ponies wouldn't have to worry about anything from what books to read, choices for dinner, and who won't be their friends! Nopony will have friends when everypony has to stand together as a neighbor and comrade. Wouldn't that be so much better, my Sunburst? There won't be another town like Wispgrove where we were the only friends the other had. I won't have to ever be the only unicorn anywhere; I won't have to be alone if nopony else has to be. We as ponies will never need problems if every step I describe is one that is taken and comfort is mandatory to anypony who has been wronged by the awfulness the gods have left us in.

All this chatter about Harmony this and Harmony that has neglected that the gods stick out like a sore hoof, and that no Harmony, big 'h' or small, can coincide with free will. It goes against the very nature of things, and how funny of me to use that word now. I have come to realize that the idea of any nature is something that must be tamed and stricken from us all. After all, cutie marks may be natural, but they are wrong.

Don't you agree, sweet Sunburst? Don't you realize that one day you'll have to?

Whatever made you think that you could be such a tall poppy when growing over anypony creates nothing but shadows? No little flower ever grew in shadows, my sweet Sunburst.

But enough of that, my Sunburst. Perhaps you're just being patient. Wouldn't things be kinder that way? And isn't kind something that we all should be? How can success ever occur in a kind world? I know, I know. Most ponies don't think about that. Most ponies aren't me, and they have not been given this light and realization that has come to me in my darkest hours. I am no longer prey to these thoughts because I now have figured out that the dawn is as fickle as the night, and so is their goddess. We should not swear by such things or wait for them when we have our own hooves to hold each other.

I want these truths to be like bits in ponies hooves, only so much more. I hate the implications that come with that word, though. Truth. Honesty. Those things hurt so much, Sunburst. Can anything that hurts ever be right or kind? I don't think so.

You shouldn't, either.

Bits bother me the ways sleepness nights do, but my feelings toward them burn instead of tear and drain me. I have little bits compared to most travelers seeking lives on the road, and I cannot say I have enough. No bits can ever be enough if somepony has more than their neighbor, and I would explain that to you if you were here you knew better. I can't afford to run out of paper either. Not literally.

But no matter how little I have, I'm left angry by bits. Sleeplessness has a union with anxiety that only hurts me. Don't you understand that?

When I tell ponies my story, they ask why I don't just go home. Why I don't just visit again and ask my family for money. I refuse such shallowness, how they tell me all my problems are so easily solved! I asked to confess my problems to them as the woe-stricken mare I am, not to be given this unsolicited 'advice'. Bits are a problem, I'll touch as little of them as I can. If all my plans come to fruition, we'll have no bits ever. Never ever ever.

Ignore the stray ink, my Sunburst, it turns out only bits and gems get food around here. Around everywhere! All this hunger is just driving me mad! When the next village comes, I'll have more and the growling will stop! If only I could do more than retire to this gods-damned little room so early to make it stop...

I think that's enough for now, my sweetest Sunburst. These are only my two-bits, my innocent ideas, and you need to stop looking at me that way. And I'm perfectly entitled to them because they hurt absolutely nopony.

Comments

[FoolAmongTheStars]

Interesting to see how Starlight's ideas for her village are slowly taking shape. Interesting, but terrifying.

And I'm perfectly entitled to them because they hurt absolutely nopony.

For now

[Ice Star]

10217008
Thanks for sticking around! I always figured that she was a character with a gradual descent into disillusionment. Using Sunburst and further isolation as a starting point to her immersing herself in false ideologies works much better than just having her sad about her friend, especially when she would have to have effectively brainwashed herself to get to where she is in season five.