I am the Storm Scribe. Let my words thunder across all creation! Let my imagination rain down and bring life to new worlds and adventures. Above all else, may you enjoy what meager gifts I bring...
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Aria Blaze, while walking home from work, meets the Canterlot Movie Club as they plan to frame Sunset Shimmer for posting embarrassing secrets. She gives them some free, unsolicited advice that makes them reconsider several important things...
Rated T for some mild language.
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YES!!! THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED!!!
NOT FAST ENOUGH!
This was... okay. It felt too on-the-nose, though, and pretty clunky.
For example, your dialogue tags were frequently packed with unnecessary baggage, as seen here:
Sure, in this case, it was just one word. But we already know she's frightened because she's stuttering. A lot of your dialogue tags did that. They repeated information already implied and/or inferred via the dialogue itself. That repetition ultimately makes the story clunky and ruins the flow.
Not bad. I do enjoy a nice "bro, lemme tell you why you're stupid" story.
This was a whole freaking BLAST to read, dude! I was grinning like a maniac WHOLE TIME. Yeah, it's on-the-nose, but compared to a lot of others that are way more on-the-nose than this, it feels so GOOD to see something like this. And before the year ends! I couldn't be happier going into 2020 than to see this. Thanks for the nice read.
10012491
Fair enough. Thank you for the constructive criticism.
Wow. You just called the characters in the non-canon comic "mentally retarded".
...Makes sense; I had always wondered if they had been grabbed by changelings who utterly failed to study beforehand, thus resulting in five characters who betrayed their inner natures. Turns out they're just fucked up in the head.
One too many 'friendship beams', perhaps? Humans were never meant to have magic, after all; who knows what that does to one's brain?
Hopefully no time travel or a certain superheroine every sane individual cannot stand due to her complete lack of compelling character traits and her actress's sexist comments beforehand.
...Seriously, the movie would've been better off without both of these. Much better off.
Really? I thought the most terrifying word was "peeved".
This is the kind of petty evil I live for!
Sigh.
I wish someone would write a reconstruction of this story already.
The whole idea is the CMC... ACT LIKE JEALOUS CHILDREN! They're children, of course they're childish!
They create a rumor mill website, trying to break up Sunset's friendship with their big sisters because they fear being forgotten... and are horrified and dismayed when they LOSE CONTROL of the website and the rumor mongering goes wild with EVERY DAMN STUDENT AT SCHOOL getting in on telling everyone else's dirty little secrets! The CMC were just an excuse and a scapegoat!
Little did she know...sacks of hammers were sharper than their sisters.
10012697
Depends on the country. There have been cases here in Australia where people have gotten jail time.
10012836
Hmm, true. As much as one might want to say EQG is in America its not really confirmed. Equestria (in some parts) is more parallel to America then EQG so far.
Edit: for context my comment had said "its not illegal" but I realize that'd be pretty wrong, even from my american perspective.
10012614
All those thumbs down but the girls are amazingly stupid. I know being a previous manipulative asshole the leash should be tight but its been shown in the specials they've not held back from her at all, so I doubt them turning on her so fast without it just being stupidity.
Well that was entertaining. Aria might act like she doesn't care but she's pretty smart and with a Thousand years of experience as both a villain and a sister, she'd know what she's talking about.
Her breakdown of their plan was also pretty solid, enjoyed how she basically deconstructed every problem with the plan that fans have pointed out, from how petty it is, to how insane it was that anyone, especially her friends would believe her, to the rather negative consequences should the plan be carried out.
Granted I would've also mentioned that Sunset would've either fled to Equestria or the killing herself part since that is an option but that's just me.
Ultimately the main take away is that the CMC should've just talked to their sisters about how they feel instead of using this elaborate scheme. They just needed someone a little older to actually make them consider it since otherwise they were too immature to think of such a thing.
Nice work
How the f@#k did no one right a story like this before? Seriously, there are so many anon-a-miss stories out there, half aren't good but no one thought of the preemptive motion in which a character stops it? I mean there a few stories before it gets out of hand but this is the best one to counteract like a good majority of the stories. It doesn't even have to be the dazzlings. It could be literally any character...
10012737
Like this?
- Equestria Girls
- Mystery
- Sad
- Thriller
The comic retold once more...Aria has better and worse moral values than most, that’s honestly kind of impressive.
10012463
Don't you mean started?
Couldn't help myself.
10012737
see here's the problem with doing it that way: do you have any idea what goes into creating a full-on website? using a social media account as per the comic and original story is more within their means. Unless you plan on having them create their address (which you'd need to purchase a hosting name for, securing your url etc) which seems well /beyond/ their means, would require using a freesource like a blogspot, wordpress, or message board of that nature has its own set of problems chiefly visibility and access. basically the only way to get the people they want /on/ that website would be to talk to them in person, which would quickly give away the whole "hey we /are/ anon-a-miss" thing. Further as they'd be the moderators /of/ said board, they would have total control over who would be allowed on, and have the ability to delete posts made there, so the concept of them "losing control of the rumor mill" is literally nonexistent. Assuming these issues somehow are addressed they've basically gone through like six extra steps to accomplish what simply creating the social media profile of anon-a-miss accomplished in like two
Deck the halls with crying little girls
Fa - la - la - la
Seriously, good fic, Aria thought of many things
10012614
That “peeved” comment reminds me: I’ve been wanting to write a story for a long time about Sunset failing the vocab part of a college standardized test, simply because the correct words were always some form of Equestrian swearing. As an ACT/SAT instructor, I’ve always gotten the feeling that Equestria’s curse words are Earth’s high-level vocab words and vice versa.
10013657
That isn't how MyStable was described me thinks.
10013782
I'd like to see that fanfic, actually! Sounds rather interesting, seeing how A) Sunset copes with Equestrian swears being completely mundane for humans, and B) how the examiners react to Sunset's responses.
I don't know what these are; are they similar to Australia's High School Certificate (HSC), a credential given to students who finish Years 11 and 12, and that helps calculate a student's Australian Tertiary Admission Rank (ATAR) - a score universities use to 'gate off' admission to courses?
10013861
Basically. They’re American college entrance exams.
The idea was also partially inspired by my time as a RP moderator for an all-ages fan site. People would try to use big words when they wanted to swear all the time (one of the best questions I’ve ever been asked was “is belligerent an acceptable substitute for asshole” and I now headcanon that belligerent has that meaning in Equestria.)
You could actually have three separate chapters with each Dazzling solving the whole thing by themselves
Aria is evil yet rational. Ruthless yet pragmatic.
She would make an excellent consultant for other evil villains.
This was the icing on the cake.
Thank you, Aria, for dismantling the worst thing to ever come out of Equestria Girls.
10013908
That's an amazing idea. I would totally write that fic, but I have no experience with writing comedy. (In the sense where the entire fic revolves around it.)
"Please, you're already plotting revenge against a girl who saved you from, well, me. If you weren't already ashamed, I'm not gonna change anything."
To be fair, many Equestrian villains don't. Heck, Adagio might even fall in that camp. What exactly was she going to do with her adoring brainwashed fans once she got them? (I assume Aria had something in mind, or at least trusted that Dagi did.)
Interesting to see Aria identify herself as "the warrior." I have to wonder how the others describe their roles...
In any case, always nice to see a takedown of this comic's premise, especially one this ruthless. Thank you for it.
10012484
Blur from Transformers could do it in seconds. From what I understand, he talks faster than the Flash does when and if he even gets hyper after eating too sugar.
10012491
It was written in an hour on a whim... what do you expect?
On another note am I just unlucky or something? Most of your fics Mysterio I've seen sport the feature box are alternate ending fics to other ideas? Probs just unlucky. Anyway this was too OOC for the sirens. Even if they didn't have magic why would they help the CMC? They're like sisters? That's not enough for me.
Edit:I guess this is just too Meta for me.
Have a nice day.
10016885
Classic Blur. In the Armada series, Blur speaks very slowly.
10160662
Not fitting for someone named Blur.
10167863
At least he's intelligible.
10167870
True
10168938
That sure is.
Coming from Aria, I'd have expected her to hit the note of "if you succeed, this leads to ruining your sisters' celebrations and them staying away from you" well before getting to anything regarding consequences to Sunset. Okay other than that, as she caught them before they got to any of the really stupid stuff.
😇 Thank you Aria, for saving Sunset
The funny thing about this story is Aria's role could be played by literally almost anyone.
This is hilarious.
bahahahahahha