• Member Since 7th Feb, 2018
  • offline last seen Wednesday

damiranc1


Dinosaur fan. English is not my native language, and my stories can sometimes be really hard to read. Twirax shipper DERPI-LINKVALIDATION-3A1B5ADE8B

T
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Some users suggested me a rewrite, so here I am.

Princess Ember has a conversation with the ruler of all Equestria. This conversation is about the fate of her newborn child.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

Pretty good man, real good.

Only a few minor fixes, not with grammar though

The dragoness groaned with an annoyed expression—and with a egg on her lap—then sat down in front of the princess of all ponies of Equestria.

The "a egg" needs to be "an egg" or "her egg"

"Let me guess..." Ember grumbled unamused, petting her unborn son. "My daddy send you here to reason with me? Stupid Rotter!"

Just need to edit "send" to "sent"

10012465
Thx for pointing out :twilightsmile:

Fixed.

This is good, but it’s still missing a bunch of commas and periods in certain spots.

10012648
Thx.

I will try to fix it :)

Overall, not bad. Spike being Ember's child is a really interesting concept!

... really interesting (in a good way)

10012649
Nice story! 10/10 great work!

Wow after reading this I want to see this continued.

10012771

Would also make her even proud when it hits her that her own son had grown up so well that even thou he was still so young. He was worthy to be dragon lord until he unknowingly gave it to his biological mother. :P

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