Chapter 32: Keeping a promise and new beginnings
*Third-person POV, omniscient*
Three days after the passing of their good friend Sam, Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash were in the library of Twilight’s castle. Twilight and Rainbow sat on a couch, but the others remained standing; Pinkie was scraping the crystal floor with a hoof, and Fluttershy twiddled her wings. Each tried to think of something to say to break the silence, but none could think of words they felt were worth speaking.
One of the library’s doors opened, and Applejack trotted in with a smile. Her hat was back on her head. “Howdy, y’all. Big Mac and I just got done bucking our apple trees. We round up a bunch of apples this time.”
Rarity turned her head to Applejack with a smile of her own. “That’s wonderful, Applejack. I designed quite a few dresses earlier before I came to check on Twilight.”
“And before I came, I baked a twenty-layer cake,” Pinkie answered. While she wore a smile, she didn’t hop like she would normally do.
Rainbow stared at Pinkie. “Twenty-layer cake? Why you bake such a big cake?”
“Just to see if I could do it and to get my mind off how Sam’s...not here anymore,” Pinkie trailed off with a frown, her ears wilting to the side.
Applejack’s smile weaned. “You too, huh? Part of the reason Ah gathered so many apples was to...get my mind off things.”
Rainbow’s ears flopped and she pawed the couch. “So it wasn’t just me that tried to get over the shock of Sam...leaving by focusing on other things. I read through fifteen Daring Do books, in one go.”
“I did the same with my Power Ponies comics,” Spike admitted with a frown of his own.
Fluttershy rubbed the edges of her wings. “I asked Discord if we could have an extra-long tea party, which lasted six hours. They usually only last about two or three hours.”
“So, if we were bein’ such busy beavers, Ah can only imagine how much Starlight was of one.”
“If she’s ‘doing’ what she’s been doing the last few days, she’s probably about to leave a permanent mark on Sam’s couch or her bed,” Rainbow commented with a sigh. “Her parents and Sunburst managed to cheer her up a little, but...she’s still not in good shape.”
“That is putting it mildly, Rainbow,” Rarity said, then blew a disheartened sigh. “I know she wants to be strong, but I don’t think the poor dear even knows how to deal with grief. Losing loved ones might hurt her more than any other pony we know, even us.”
“There has to be something we can do to snap her out of it,” Spike said and looked toward Twilight. “Maybe we could go talk to her?”
Pinkie suggested, “Or try to get her to come out of Sam’s--uh, her house and do something?”
Fluttershy laid a hoof on her cheek. “Or perhaps we should just give Starlight her space? She might be the type that would manage better if left alone.”
Twilight, who had already been buried in her thoughts on how to break Starlight out of her depression, even before the others brought her up, rubbed her chin with a forehoof. She didn’t want to leave Starlight alone if she needed support from her friends. However, she couldn’t smother the grieving unicorn either if she needed to be by herself. The Princess had silently gone back and forth on what she should do like a pendulum, but it finally chose a side.
“I think...I should go talk to her.”
Rainbow jumped off the couch, her lips in a determined frown. “In that case, we will all go.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, Rainbow, I should go by myself.”
Rainbow spun around to Twilight. “Huh? Why?”
“Because she’s less likely to feel overwhelmed if it’s just me. Next to Sam, I’m the closest to Starlight." The alicorn's ears wilted as she fought to look past the tightening chest from her own sadness. “To be honest, I'm really not sure what the best course of action is. Friendship problems are one thing, but this...I have no experience on.” Twilight’s ears straightened, resolve building in her eyes. She had to try. “However, if it looks like I’ll need help or that Starlight really does want or need to be alone, I’ll come right back.”
The rest of the friends all stared at one another. They yearned to accompany Twilight, but she did know Starlight better than any of them. If anypony could free Starlight from the grip of her sorrow, it would be Twilight Sparkle.
Rainbow sighed and said, “Well, you’re not the Princess of Friendship for being a bad friend. If you think it’ll be better for you to go alone, we’ll stay here.”
“Thanks.”
“Good luck,” Spike said with a supportive smile.
Twilight ran out of the castle and headed to Sam and Starlight’s, or just Starlight’s, house. Along the way, she went through one choice after another on what might be the best thing to say, or even if she were making the correct choice by going. She asked herself what Princess Celestia might say or do.
*Starlight’s POV, first-person*
I couldn’t keep lying on the couch, yet I was.
I promised Sam I’d be the best pony I can be. That I would be happy. But the tear in my heart...I didn’t know it would hurt this much. It just felt like part of me was gone, and the rest was still trying to learn how to function without it -- and it was doing a lousy job. I don’t know how others have been able to pick themselves up after losing someone so close to them. Maybe they had an inner strength that I can only dream of. Or maybe I didn’t mature as much as I thought I did.
But whether I was mature or not, I had to do something to cheer up. Wasn’t like I wanted to be sad.
Could listening to music do the trick? Sure, it would just be me, and Sam wouldn’t be able to tease me about how I like to sway my head...and he would never be able to do it ever again.
Great, that made my eyes water. Maybe listening to the CD player wouldn’t be the best idea, for now. It might be a good idea to not lay in the same spot on the couch when...Sam was beside me...and rubbed my mane and ear.
Why did I think about that? Was I trying to depress myself?
A knock on the door broke my sadness, a little. Must be my parents...but why were they knocking? They were staying with me for the time being, so they should have just walked in.
I wasn’t in the mood to try to figure it out by just thinking, nor could I. I crawled off the couch and opened the door.
Got a surprise that it was Twilight on the other side. That explained the knocking. She was frowning, probably worried about me. Another reason to snap out of it.
“Uh...hi, Starlight. I...thought I’d stop by. Can I come in?”
“Sure,” I answered, trying to force a smile. I got a small one out, I think.
She crept in, and I went back to the couch at about the same speed.
Usually, when she was there and I was on the couch, Sam would be beside me--oh, great, there I go again. This time, I was going to make sure I couldn’t repeat that mistake.
“Uh, Twilight? You want to sit beside me on the couch? I have...room.”
She walked over and hopped on the couch. Brought back memories of the first time she, Sam, and I played Dragon Pit, but she didn’t paw the couch like she was doing now.
“Um, nice da--uh, how are you doing?”
My small smile left. Friends are supposed to be honest with each other, so I might as well not try to lie to her. “Not great.”
Her frown deepened. Must have been more sympathy for me. “I understand. Is there anything I can do? Ask me anything.”
I turned my head to wander around the living room with my eyes. Even with the pitiful state I was in, something wasn’t right. I could see Twilight staring at me with big concerned eyes. I could see the roses in the vase by the window and the table in front of the couch. I could see Sam’s father’s chair -- back in the spot he always had it -- bookshelf, and CD player. And yet...I could oddly see nothing. There was something Twilight could do: give me an answer. My eyes locked back onto her.
“What do I do now? I promised Sam I’ll be happy, and I want to keep my promise, but how do I handle this pain? I don’t think I can cast it away with a spell.”
“Hmm.” Good. Even if she had to set a hoof on her cheek and think for a moment, it didn’t feel like Twilight didn’t know what to say. “That’s a hard question to answer. I’ve never lost anyone before, so this is uncharted territory for me too. Princess Celestia told me that the first time tends to be the hardest.”
I didn’t know whether to feel better knowing that I wasn’t the only one unsure of what to do, or feel worse if even Twilight was unsure of how to handle the pain of loss.
A little spark of hope -- I hoped -- flashed in Twilight’s eyes. “However, I do know that ponies deal with the pain of loss in different ways. Some keep to themselves. Others find it easier to cope by being with their friends and family. Still others might try finding new hobbies, be more active, or do something and dedicate it to that pony, or human in Sam’s case.”
“Oh.” I sighed. It wasn’t a clear-cut answer, but I had options that weren't moping. A new question popped into my head. I was so busy being miserable, I didn’t even think about asking how the others were handling their pain, like Twilight. “How are you dealing with it?”
“Me?” Twilight stared down and fidgeted her hooves. “Well, when I asked Princess Celestia for advice when I was...struggling, she suggested for me to keep doing what I’ve been doing and grow into a better friend, sister, daughter, aunt, princess, and pony. She believes that is what Sam would want me to do. I was even going to resume all of my princess duties tomorrow, but Princess Celestia told me not to risk pushing myself too hard, and just take it easy for a few more days.”
My mouth widened, but I quickly closed it. Twilight was struggling too? I knew she was hurting, but not struggling. Yet, she hid it so well, I didn’t expect it. She is a Supermare! “So, you’re coping by just doing what you’ve been doing?”
She nodded. “Yes. I’m not you, but we are alike, so perhaps you could try it too. It won’t immediately make everything all better, but it can be a start for you to keep your promise.”
“Oh,” I said, rubbing my hooves. The idea to just keep doing what I’ve been doing seemed simple enough. I had nothing to lose. “Then that’s what I’ll do, but I’m going to miss Sam so much, Twilight.”
“I know. I will too.” Twilight cracked a smile, and I found myself doing the same. “I didn’t think I’d ever say it when he first did it, but I’m going to miss the ‘laying on the corn’ jokes about my friendship speeches.”
I giggled. It was practically a running joke about how Sam sometimes teased Twilight about how she likes to give speeches...even if she really didn’t give them that much. When she did, there was always a good reason. “Same here. I’m going to miss his ‘boops’ on our muzzles and the teasing we did to him about calling ponies cute.”
“At least we could have been called something far less flattering than cute.” Twilight gave another chuckle, but it gave way to a serious frown. “Anyway, it may take a while, but no matter how long it will take, we will all get through this, together. Okay?”
“Okay.” I leaned toward Twilight and embraced her in a big hug. At this point, she was feeling like the big sister I never had. “Thanks, Twilight. I’m glad I have you as my friend. How could I have ever hated you?”
She responded with a little laugh and returned my hug. “How could you have not always been such a great friend yourself? And, you’re welcome. As I told Sam before, being there for them is what friends are for.”
“And I’ll try to be there for my friends too.” I let her go. The pain was still there, but the annoying rain cloud over my head, figuratively, cleared. The biggest smile that I had in over a week curled on my face. It almost hurt. “Not only that, I’m done moping. Where are the others?”
“They are at my castle. You want to go tell them you’re feeling better and do something?”
“Yep. Let’s go.” I hopped off the couch, but turned around to face Twilight. “Oh, and Twilight?”
“Yes?”
“If you need help, you can always come to me. As you said, it’s what friends are for.”
She hopped off the couch and wrapped a wing around me. “Well said, and I will. Let’s be greater ponies and make our friend proud!”
We trotted to the door, but halfway there, I turned my head to Sam’s couch. Don’t worry, BF. I’m going to keep my promise.
“What’s wrong?” Twilight asked. Had to say something before she started worrying.
“Oh, I was just thinking about something I told Sam, but I’m okay.”
She smiled again. “Good.”
That was close. Nearly had her worry over nothing. We left the house and made our way to our friends. If Twilight and Princess Celestia were right about how losing someone you care about is hardest the first time it happens, then the next time it does, I wouldn't fall apart quite like I did when I lost Sam.
Even so, I hoped it wouldn't happen again for a VERY long time. If I lost those I care about too much and too soon...I don’t know what that might do to my head.
There wasn’t much point in saying “everybody” or “anyone” anymore, so I thought about going back to the usual “everypony” that ponies usually say, but soon changed my mind.
I’d keep doing it as a tribute to my best friend.
This wasn’t going to be fun for me or any of my friends. However, Sam deserved a good funeral. A short distance away, in front of us, the casket holding Sam peacefully sat there. It felt empty, and yet...wasn’t.
He wasn’t one for big or fancy gatherings, so it wasn’t going to be a huge funeral; only those that knew Sam on a more personal level were here. That included not just Twilight, Spike, the rest of the gang, and me, but Sunset, Sunburst, Lyra, Trixie, Discord, Big Mac, Thorax, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, and Twilight’s parents. The other Princesses and Twilight’s family did like Sam, but I had a feeling they came to not just pay respects, but be there for Twilight.
My mom and dad, standing on either side of me, had a foreleg wrapped around me. The air was still, almost like the wind wanted to give us space. The sunlight bathing us was warmer and somewhat gentler. The grass under my hooves felt softer, like it was trying to comfort me. It might be the most compassionate blades of grass ever to comfort something that was standing on it.
My eyes were watery, but I forced the tears to stay in them. Sam wouldn’t want me to cry. I looked toward Twilight, and she was rubbing her eyes, but had a foreleg around Spike. The grip of her mom’s foreleg around her seemed to tighten by how it pulled Twilight into her. Twilight’s dad and Shining Armor stood on the other side of her, and the other Princesses all stood from behind, almost like they were guarding the mare. Twilight seemed to be more cheerful since our talk a week ago, but for all I knew, she was still hiding most of her sadness.
Or, maybe she really was more or less fine, but Princess Celestia and Twilight’s family didn’t want to take chances.
I thought about walking closer to Twilight, but I found myself glancing at Applejack. An especially shiny apple was on her back. My eyes went to my other friends, one by one.
Pinkie was smiling, but it felt forced, yet not too forced.
Rarity wiped her eyes. She said under her breath, “Sam, please forgive me, but I can’t help it.”
Oddly, a gentle wind blew by and...was it aimed at Rarity? Must be my mind playing tricks on me.
Angel massaged one of Fluttershy’s forehooves, and both Discord and Rainbow had a foreleg/arm curled around her.
Sunset, Sunburst, Lyra, and Trixie stared at the casket. It always felt odd seeing Trixie so quiet and serious.
It was time for us to give a speech. We had already determined the order, and Twilight was going to go first. She walked from her family and right in front of Sam’s casket, and laid a scroll by it. She said what was written on it was one of Starswirl the Bearded’s previously incomplete spells that she finished by writing brand-new magic; it was the feat that earned Twilight her alicorn wings. She then walked to a podium beside Sam’s casket.
The others didn’t, but I thought Twilight at least would have had a prepared speech written, but she didn’t! Or she just memorized it.
“Sam loved to call my friendship speeches ‘corny’, so for his sake, I’ll try not to be too corny here. I will never forget when Sam and I met. I wasn’t sure if he would have ever stopped screaming that we ‘weren’t real’ or ponies ‘don’t talk’, and while we later went on to laugh about it, we sure weren’t back then.”
Twilight glanced toward me and smiled warmly. “More importantly, if it weren’t for him, Starlight might not be the wonderful pony she is now. He will never know how thankful I am for it, and for having him as my friend, and for how he was never mad at me about my inadvertent role in him being in Equestria. I know I’m not always the best friend or princess, but I will do my best to better myself in his memory, and be a pony that he, and all of you, can be proud of.”
With watery eyes, Twilight walked back to Spike, her family, and the Princesses. Spike, holding a green gem, walked to the casket and laid it beside Twilight’s scroll, then went to the podium. The top of the podium was at the level of an adult pony’s head, so Twilight levitated a box behind the podium, and Spike jumped on.
“You know, there aren’t many older guys in Ponyville I’m close to, so I loved having Sam around to hang out with. We could talk and tease each other in ways that I can’t with even Twilight, because she’s...a she.” Spike gave a chuckle and rubbed his claws. “He gave me some bro-to-bro advice, looked out for me, and his house was always open to me, even if he wouldn’t ever let me sit in his dad’s chair. Though...if I lost Twilight and she had a chair she always sat in, I’d feel the same way about that chair. Anyway, or anyhow like Sam always said, I’m going to miss him, and I will take Twilight’s lead and try to be a better friend and dragon for him.”
Spike walked to Twilight, and his words really gave me something to think about. I never thought about Spike not having many older male figures, so losing Sam is a bigger loss for him than I thought. If I weren’t a mare, I would try to take that role.
I barely broke out of my thoughts about Spike in time to see Applejack walk to the casket. She laid down her shiny apple, then walked behind the podium. She took her hat off and said, “Sam and Ah sure had some good times. Chatin’, drinkin’ cider, he even helped me with collectin’ apples on my farm a few times. Ah almost smacked him the first time he, in his words, ‘booped’ my muzzle and called me ‘cute’, but lucky for him, he was just bein’ playful.” She sighed longingly and looked toward the sky. “Now, what Ah wouldn’t give to have either happen one more time. Sam was one of my good friends, and he always will be.”
Applejack put her hat back on and returned to where she was. Rarity walked to and set a vase with red roses by the casket, then went to the podium.
“It is not often that you are called ‘cute’ by someone you haven’t known for too long, but it happened when Sam said it to me.” She pointed at herself with a proudful smile. “I found it to be quite flattering, even if a lot of mares didn’t.” That smile of hers left, and a more serious frown took its place. “I still remember how he had trouble making friends in Ponyville, and I wish I would have tried to do more about it. But moving on; Sam was a delight to have around, always brought a smile to my face, and I will miss him terribly. Sam, if you can hear me, thank you for being a wonderful friend.”
Rarity returned to her original spot. Angel gave one of Fluttershy’s forehooves a quick rub and she walked to the casket, laid down pink flowers, and walked to the podium.
“It was...interesting when Sam and I met. It took him some time to trust that we weren’t a danger, especially after the first time he saw Twilight and Rarity use magic. But, after that, he became a great friend, and I will always appreciate how he not only did all he could for Starlight, but helped in saving me when Chrysalis invaded Ponyville. I owe him my life. I might speak in a quiet voice, but it would be one of the loudest voices in Equestria if it had how much Sam means to me.”
Now it was Pinkie Pie’s turn. She had regained some hops in her steps over the last week, but she still simply walked to Sam’s casket, laid down three balloons, each tied to a rock to prevent them from flying away, and walked to the podium.
“Sam wouldn’t want me to cry, so I’m going to try not to. I still remember the first party I threw for him. He said it was ‘impossible’ for everything for a super-duper party to fit into my party cannon, even if it is so simple, but Sam being weird sometimes made him more fun. I wish we could have had more laughs, but I’m lucky to have gotten to meet and laugh with him at all. I’m going to miss him.”
After Pinkie returned to her spot, Rainbow went to Sam’s casket. She set down a medal she received for perfect attendance in her first year as a Wonderbolt; she was proud of that thing, so I could barely believe she was willing to leave it with Sam. She then walked to the podium and patted Pinkie on the back, and Pinkie walked back to where she was. I really wasn’t sure if Pinkie would have held on to the smile she had during her speech, but she did.
“Sam really was something else. Like Applejack, I almost knocked him halfway through Equestria when he called me cute. I thought he was making fun of me, but he wasn’t. Sam turned out to be a loyal friend, and I know loyalty. It was 20% more awesome with him around, and he was, no, am, 100% awesome.” Rainbow’s ears dropped sideways and her frown deepened. “If I knew he would have...left so soon, I would have let him call me cute a couple of times. I’ve been called worse than that, like ‘Rainbow Crash’, but I got used to that, so I could have gotten used to being called cute too. If I get to see him again, I’ll let him call me cute as much as he wants.”
After Sunset, Sunburst, Trixie, Lyra, and even Discord gave a speech, It was finally my turn. Big Mac, not one to talk much, didn’t give any speeches. I walked to Sam’s casket and laid down his Pink Heart of Courage and my favorite kite. I thought about it for a second, and almost changed my mind, but I decided to lay down something else. I levitated off my collar and laid it beside the Heart and kite. This way, a part of me will always be with Sam, and his collar was still around his neck.
“Having Sam as my best friend is an honor and happiness that I can’t put into words. I was awful when we first met and wouldn’t even talk to him. Even so, he showed me kindness and patience that I didn’t deserve, and became the best friend that I didn’t deserve. When I needed someone to share my fears with, he was there. When I needed to cry, he was there. When I needed to know I wasn’t nothing, he was there.” I felt my eyes watering, but I couldn’t set him free. If I were in my human form and had hands, I would have clinched my hands. “He gave me strength that I didn’t know I had, and knowing him, he thought I either always had it or found it on my own. Sam will always have a special place in my heart that belongs to him, and him alone. I can never thank him enough for all he has done for me, but I can at least keep my promise to him and be happy and be the best pony I can be. When my time eventually comes, Sam better have my “boop” ready. I’m going to want it when I find him.”
There was more I could have said, but I would have been talking all day if I had said all of my thoughts about Sam. So, I ended it there and walked back to my friends. Twilight gave me a hug and said, “I’m proud of you, Starlight."
My dad hugged me too after Twilight let me go, and he said, “I am too, Suga--uh, Starlight.” This was a time I wouldn’t have minded him using pet names. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I am,” I answered. I think we all were surprised by how my eyes weren’t overflowing with tears.
We all had a moment of silence, and I looked down to my collar lying by the casket. I hated wearing it at the beginning. Now, it will feel weird not wearing it anymore.
I heard somewhere that every end is the start of a new beginning. I’m not sure who told me. Sam? Twilight? My parents? But whoever said it, Sam dying wasn’t the end, but the start of something. I have no idea what it is that has begun, but I will live my life, be a better friend, daughter, and pony, and be happy, just like my best friend wanted.
It was hardly a consolation, but at least Chrysalis wouldn’t be able to target Sam for any kind of revenge. Then again, we hadn’t heard any news about her, so maybe she let her grudge go.
But, if she hasn’t, she will learn the hard way that I'm not the same unicorn that needed Twilight’s help to defeat her. With the magical training I have done, both alone and with Twilight, I think I can take her all by myself if need be.
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I wont cry. I won't cry. I won't cry. *tears start welling up* I'm not crying, you're crying.
I normally don’t cry or feel overly sad when a character diesin a fic. But I have such an emotional attachment to Sam that I actually feel sad. Oh god, I’m not used to this.
11677984
I kinda know that feeling myself. it really shakes you up for a while when it happens, don't it?