• Published 19th Aug 2012
  • 7,031 Views, 91 Comments

JonTron: Equestria - 16BitHeros

After watching Birdemic: shock and Terror the Broadway musical Jon spontaneously explodes.

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Chapter 1

“I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t want this to happen. There was so much I was looking forward to, so many things I’ll never be able to do now. I’ve tried so hard to do what’s right, but now? I don’t even know what right is, and it’s all because of you. You did this to me, YOU PUT BUTTER ON MY POPCORN!”

Jonathan “Jontron” Jafari stood at the concessions counter of the Broadway Theater, staring into the glazed eyes of a pimply teenage cashier. As soon as the news of a Birdemic: Broadway show reached his ears he knew what he had to do, and after he did that, he figured he’d go see this terribad titan turned musical, if only to see how unfathomably terrible it was. He, and his bird Jacques were, as far as he knew, the only two people to buy tickets to the show, but that didn’t faze him, to him it just meant he’d get the best seats. The critics who had reviewed the production described it as, “unfathomably earnest” and “the worst thing ever, unfortunately I am not allowed to give a show negative stars, because if I could this show would receive around a negative five-hundred and two.” That didn’t matter to Jon though, he had to see it for himself, and he needed to feel the terrible in person. At the moment however the only thing that concerned him was his popcorn.

The cashier behind the counter, who was clearly close to falling asleep gave Jon an irritated look, and said, “Sir, as our policy clearly states, all purchases are final, if you want popcorn without butter you’ll just have to buy another bag.”

“No,” Jon replied, “When my great uncle Baltizar first came to America he had a dream. He dreamt that all men would receive popcorn to their liking on the first try, not the second nor the third, the first! Doing this has disgraced not only me, but my family and my bird and that sir, is unacceptable.”

Sighing, the cashier responded, “Sir, if you don’t either buy another bag or move along I’m going to have to call security, are we clear?”

“Oh,” said Jon, knowing he was bested, “okay. I’ll just be going then s’not like I need popcorn.”

Walking away, Jon’s feathered automaton Jacques muttered, “Wow, Jon that was pretty pathetic.”

“Well I didn’t see you trying to help me, Jacques.” Jon replied.

Entering the theatre Jon saw that it was packed- with seats- that would’ve had people in them if the show was worth watching. Choosing his seat carefully Jon sat, cyber bird on his shoulder, and awaited the beginning of what was likely to be the best worst musical ever, of all time.

Ten minutes passed and the stage sprung to life, the curtains flung open and the show began. The first song was titled “she’s my hot Ferrari” and was easily the dullest, most wooden song ever written, however Jon couldn’t help but smile at its absurdity. The first song lasted three minutes and was followed by a tune about bird acid. It was around this time that Jon began feeling strange, he felt as if a pressure was building inside his chest. Although it was odd he chose to ignore it and continue soaking in the terrible musical. After another five minutes and a song titled “Coat hangers and Ospreys” the feeling intensified and Jon couldn’t help but feel concerned.

“Hey Jacques,” he said to his bird, “you uh, feeling anything weird goin’ on? Like you’re gonna explode?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Jon why would I feel-”

Before Jacques could finish his sentence however both he and john where engulfed in a blast of pure terribleness and popcorn kernels that sent the duo hurdling into a void of blackness.

When Jon regained consciousness he saw nothing but blinding whiteness, and although he didn’t want to believe it he knew in his colon what had happened.

“What’s going on? Am I dead? Jacques? Are you there buddy?” he shouted into the whiteness.

“I’m here Jon.” Replied Jacques disembodied voice.

“Jacques, I-I just want you to know, I was the one who ate the last pudding cup, And I blamed it on Rockington. I’m so sorry man.” Jon sobbed

“WHAT?! You piece of shit, you said you don’t even like the pudding! Imma kill you when we stop being dead.”

“Hey Jacques, if were dead, where are we? Is this heaven? If it is, I gotta admit, kind of a letdown.”

As if on cue a large, wooden ornate door materialized in front of Jon.

“Hey Jacques, you seein’ this?”

“Yes, Jon perhaps we should go through it.”

Oh, thas’ just brilliant, I never would have thought of THAT Jacques I was just gonna look at it for a while, maybe ask it to dinner or something- WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?OF CORSE WE SHOULD GO THROUGH IT!”

“Carful with the temper Jon, or else Jacques’s gonna have to smack a bitch.”

Jon and Jacque opened the door to see a clean blue sky, nearly void of clouds. Jon stepped through the door and onto nothingness.

“SHIT! Jacques, a little help here?!” Jon screamed falling towards the earth.

“Only if you promise not to touch my pudding cups again.” Said Jacques

“Okay, now help me dammit!”

“Say it like you mean it.” Jacques said, not at all concerned with the wellbeing of his friend.

“I promise never to eat your pudding cups! Now help me!” Jon cried, the earth coming ever closer.

“Alrighty then Jon, I’ll help you.” Said Jacques, flying to Jon and grabbing him inches from the ground.

Jacques dropped Jon softly onto the ground and took his usual spot on Jon’s shoulder.

“Where are we?” said Jon.

“My sensors indicate we are in a universe alternate from our own.” Replied Jacques.

“Well yeah, obviously that makes sense-WHAT!?” Jon screamed back to his bird.

“We appear to have ripped a hole in the universe by watching the Birdemic: Musical.” Jacques added.

“Are you sure? This place doesn’t look so different. ‘S got plants and trees and bugs. I- I’m pretty sure we’re in the same place.”

“No Jon, We’re in a universe where the dominant race are quadropedal equines.”

“How do you know that? Do you got some kind of life scanner ‘r sumtin’?

“No, it’s just that one of them is looking at us.”

Jacques gestured towards a creature standing in the middle of the dirt trail they were sitting on. The creature was small, around the size of an infant human. Its coat was yellow and its mane was red. It was wearing a large pink bow. Its hazel eyes were enormous and grew even bigger when it realized that Jon and Jacques had seen it.

“The heck are you lookin’ at?” Jon asked it.

The creature let out a high pitched scream and quickly sprinted away from the duo.

“Mhm, yeah, yep, yeah, that was an enjoyable greeting.” Jon said turning to look at Jacque. “Any more ideas?”

“Perhaps we should follow it.” Said Jacques.

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