My Name is Nightmare Moon

by Pyromaniac

Chapter 1 ☆ A Bitter Psychosis

The dark is swirling, a sickening haze of a half-wakened state. Drifting, a soul lost between dreams and nightmares, the mind and the reality.

I'd felt as if I'd been awake for days. My eyes burned with restlessness brought on by fear. If I dared to look outside of my window, I would see some furred monster with glowing eyes ripping at the screen. My one rule, a mantra almost, that I repeated to myself feverishly for hours is that it cannot hurt me if I do not look at it. These episodes had been getting worse for some time now, the aching fear that something inhuman is following me, the shadows that crawl up in the corner of my eyes and disappear if I frantically turned around. I could hear skittering claws on the hardwood floors even though I kept no pets, I could hear voices when I knew no one was awake. If I was daft enough to dare try to rest, the horrors only dragged me in so intimately they stole shreds of my sanity from me. Their insidious claws tore the inside of my eyelids and left me feeling drained.

The night time was my enemy, although I pleaded for her to be my dear friend. The night time haunted me, choked me, left me alone to fend for my own fearful mind. How cruel, I'd have thought if I didn't have enough innocence left in me to still be afraid. That innocence burned a hole in me, that unwavering smile until the setting sun brought back my paralyzing, childish terror.

My trembling arms tightened around a soft toy horse, the soft faux fur that comprised it's body nothing more than white noise to my numb senses. I could hear it whispering to me, words that my brain could no longer parse. Acrid tears stopped falling long ago, the knot in my throat refusing to be removed so easily. It was unfair, unfair, unfair. My body ached as if I felt nothing and everything at once.

A hand, outstretched towards nothing. My eyes trained on my arm in the darkness, the sheer moonlight dancing down from a wonderfully full moon illuminated wound upon wound that lay etched into my skin. I focused on them, my vision forcing itself away from the shadows that danced and snarled at me menacingly. The creatures lurking in them were not real, if only I told myself over and over they were just tricks on my eyes, my tired prayer to my own psyche.

The shadows seemed to envelope my arm, staining my flesh an inky black. I squinted, sitting upright quickly as my fingers went stiff, paralyzed as they melted together. My heart was a jackrabbit, slamming itself against my rib cage as I tried to move the mannequin that my body had become. The shadows traveled through my veins, infecting my skin and clouding it like ink dropped into water. Useless, hot tears fell from my eyes once more, unable to scream as I heard my bones horrifically grind and my felt my muscles tear apart and sew themselves back together.

The pain was so searing, so hellish that my mind could no longer process it. It was simple, you see, to merely not feel pain. So easy to cut yourself off from a situation, to tell yourself it is happening to someone else.

So I did.

I allowed my own darkness to melt my vision down to nothing, my memories fading into the haze. By the time I returned to myself, the pain had become a dull headache. I splayed out on my bed, my body seemed fatigued although I had not moved an inch. Though, as my senses returned to me, I could process that suddenly my body was much too large for my bed. Or, rather, was too large. My bed was now a small pile of rubble with a blanket over it. I willed myself to roll onto my side, feeling distinctly dragged down, as if I was running in a dream.

In the corner of my eye, I saw it- a slender hoof, black as the night bathing me. And another... and two more after that. Stars danced around my vision, only adding to my confused fear. I moved my head, unprepared for how off-balance I would be. My movement was too wide, gravity teased me by withholding any announcement of a lengthy horn that had muddled my sense of balance. My neck must've had wonderfully strong muscles to be so long and elegant without aching under the weight of the horn- my horn.

I scrambled to my feet, limbs shaking like a newborn foal as I tried to balance on four legs. I wasn't stupid, no, I just felt crazy. I took a shaky step out of my room, already unbearably cramped when it housed my human body but truly impossible to fit this equine one in it's clutch. I pushed myself through the door frame that truly was not made for a creature so tall, a pain like a knife bore itself into my already sore skull as my horn hit against the top of the door. My teeth ground together, eyes squeezed shut as I braced myself to accept the rippling pain. My recovery from the brief accident was thankfully only seconds, I returned to moving one hoof in front of the other, unsteady and unsure. The clicking sounds of my hooves on the floor was muffled by the soft velvet skin that covered them, striding towards the front door with increasing confidence. The world melted into a dreamlike state, the door swinging open by itself, but I couldn't muster the energy within myself to question how or why, I could only drift closer in a possessed fashion.

I slipped outside into the dew-kissed grass, silvery light bathing my form. I lifted my eyes to inspect the sky, a new wave of fear rippling through my nerves like poison as I took in a swirling blue mist enveloping the moon. I had merely blinked by the time the mist had dissipated, leaving me to sickly wonder if it was ever really there. My head turned, looking up and down the road that passed by my home, unsurprisingly it was devoid of people or cars, no lights to be seen near or far. Turning, my gaze settled on the cliff my house sat on, looking out over the forest below that was the bane of my existence, the home of the monsters that haunted my vision and dreams. This once, just this once, I felt the fear melt out of my veins.

I spread my wings, stepping closer dully.

Run.

Eyes hazed over, my brain full of cotton.

I jumped.

Author's Note:

So... hi.

This is a commemorative rewrite of what was my most popular story to date, on the most important date to me.

For those who luckily weren't around for my teenage years, back in May 2013 I wrote a story called My Name is Nightmare Moon. In retrospect, I think it's badly written and obviously venty self-insert by... a child. I was only 13 when I wrote the original MNiNM. Despite this, it was wildly popular? I genuinely never knew why so many people enjoyed it. As a bonus, apparently there are downloadable copies of it floating around as recent as 2017 even though I pulled the story years ago? Wild.

MNiNM is really important for me for reasons I didn't know until years later. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder, in layman's terms) in 2019. During the time I wrote MNiNM, I was in a horrible situation where I was being stalked by a man threatening to mutilate and murder me. Because of this, I became homeless to flee from him. My original concept for MNiNM came from repeated dreams of Nightmare Moon speaking to me and comforting me.

Through a lot of therapy, retrospect, and internal debate, I learned it's likely the Nightmare Moon I saw was a product of my DID. My original writings of MNiNM, now that I am aware I have multiple personalities, is exactly what it is like to live with them. Despite what popular media would have you believe, I was always aware I had multiple personalities and could actually interact with them, I just didn't understand that it was a disorder and not how people's brains usually work. So I guess it's likely that as a child, I had a personality modeled after Nightmare Moon to shield my mind from the constant horror I was experiencing at the time.

So, I decided to rewrite MNiNM as a sort of celebration, hopefully to show that I've become a better writer and have a better understanding of myself, and maybe give a little bit of respect to the Nightmare Moon who personally helped me survive a time of my life I could not have survived alone.

Thank you to everyone who supported and cared for me when I was just a 13 year old writing bad fanfiction for fun. Even though I regret my behavior and how I acted throughout the years, the fact I had friends who stuck with me still makes me emotional to this day. You all are wonderful people, and thank you for believing in me and giving me the support I desperately needed when I needed it the most.

Comments

[Omnishifter]

Whoo-hoo! Also, hope things are better for you personally Pyromaniac...

[Pyromaniac]

9997772
Yes! My life is a tons better now Not perfect, but I'm safe now!

[Omnishifter]

9997782
Good. I've thought of you sometimes, wondered if you were okay. Glad to hear!

[Pyromaniac]

9997793
Aaaw thank you

[Onyx Wulfgar]

Your general description got me interested but your author’s notes is what got me hooked. I’m glad your doing ok now! Also I went looking for that download of the old story that you mentioned out of curiosity but couldn’t find it anywhere. Also on why some people may have liked it while you didn’t think it was good: 1. They could have related with the story you 2. The mere essence of the story could have hooked them 3. Some people just like stuff like that

[Omnishifter]

9998075
Here's the link-https://fimfetch.net/story/102649/my-name-is-nightmare-moon

I hope this doesn't bother you Ms. Pyro

[Pyromaniac]

9998075
This makes me really emotional, thank you for giving my little ole story a chance!

9998131
I'm a little embarrassed because I think the writing is super bad, but if I feel if anyone wanted to read it bad enough they should be able to!

[Omnishifter]

9998192
Great

[ace_attorneyfan800]

9998075
I was in the second camp back when the original was still around. To this day the original's still stuck within my mind because of how it was written, it got me by the ovaries so to speak and just didn't let go.

[jasha3558021]

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍