• Member Since 30th Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen 8 minutes ago

JimmyHook19


"Jimmy Hook's the Name, Transformations is my Game" (Victim of The Cursed Gift since September 2016)

Sequels1

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Comments ( 48 )

Once more we are here...

9991142
Yeah :P

Hopefully we will get comments from our friends soon of course X3

First, the story was not enjoyable to me. I can see that some amount of effort was put into the writing however, and if I have walked into a circle-jerk, I don't really care. I'm going to put out some suggestions for how you can do better next time!

Why was this broken into different segments? It really distracted from the story with it jumping around all over the place like that. By the time I started immersing myself into it, it had jumped onto something else.

Second, you need to expand on the details, build up the world. I can see that you were trying to do some fancy Christmas rhymes, so this might be hard, but definately something to think about in future.

I'd go on, but that's just a quick summery. If you'd like some more help, drop me a PM, otherwise I'm gonna get out your hair. Good luck with future projects!

9991230
Nobody understands my transformations these days.... :ajbemused:

But it's your opinions and not mine so I won't complain any further. :ajsmug:

9991235
I perfectly understand what it is that this is, I've been to some very weird places on the internet. I'm simply suggesting ways in which you can improve on your writing, nothing more, nothing less. Good luck to you.

9991242
Okie :P

But I am fine with how I am regardless ^^

9991230
The page breaks were added by accident during editing. I can see why this is confusing as they should only be used for a scene change.

Furthermore, this story connects to the previous two. I've been trying to pursuade Jimmy to restructure his one shots as a single story, but to no avail.

9991255
You know.... you raise a good point on the page breaks, my UK Friend. I'm still trying to learn to get the hang of them. :twilightsheepish:

9991259
Let me put them in, in future.

9991273
Why not try compiling them into one story?

9991277
One thing at a time. I'm still not ready for that stage yet. :twilightsheepish:

9991281
It wouldn't be too hard!

This is just a cute TF.


9991290
I agree,. But also write what you feel comfortable doing.

9992468
Not much originality to these, is there?

9992853
TY x3

Favorite part? :3

9992910
I liked the ending.

All around was a blanket of white. A smile of enchantment ran true through the night. The hearts were a thrilling's despite the chill in the weather. And somebody was writing Christmas stories at Halloween, but that's a fact we'd prefer not to get into. As this is not the time to be discussing this matter, we shall move onwards into the story with some quick recap:

A very long recap:derpyderp1:!

First came Jimmy helping out with lighting of Christmas, which was a splendid sight to see indeed, and then he had found some strange glasses when he had gotten home, sitting outside on the snow decorating the ground. He had picked them up, and the result had changed him into Aurora (not that Aurora, the reindeer, not the Disney princess. That had been a previous time) and he then been thrown forward in time, to meet Alice and Bori, thereby producing a horrific pun.

Quite horrific:fluttershyouch:.

That day had been a few days later, when Jimmy had been simply walking through the snow and had discovered a mysterious bell on the floor (which was not the one that belonged to Grogar), and had picked it up too. This had changed him into another reindeer, namely Alice, who had then run into Bori pulling a sled, with difficulty, and had then found Aurora as well. This leaves only one part of our narrative left to cover, and that was a few days after that incident. Bare with me, this chronology will get less convoluted as we go on, but please just bear with me.

Whatever you say:derpytongue2:.

Anyways, the snow was continuing to fall at Christmastime, meaning there was no need to be afraid, and therefore no need to banish Eddie. As the wonderful snow continued to fall, Jimmy walked through it, and as he did so, he saw the happiness and smiles that abounded wherever he went. This was an important time of year, one of tradition, one of family, and one of happiness. And no turkeys, as that was Thanksgiving. Wait, what am I saying? Of course you eat turkey at Christmas! Who eats goose these days?

I certainly don't:pinkiesick:.

Jimmy turned a corner and wondered into a side lane which branched off of the sidewalk. This was the same side lane where Alice had happened, although this Jimmy didn't remember that, of course. Jimmy usually remembered past transformations, but he didn't here. So in he went, totally oblivious to potential sources of danger in that place, and this was what led to the excitement of the day.

Though not quite the excitement he may be thinking:twilightblush:.

Before him on the ground was a small metal object, seemingly made of brass and rolling about, making a dinging noise as it did so. Who could possibly have dropped a bell in the middle of nowhere down an isolated sidewalk? Jimmy pondered this question as he examined the object closely, it sitting in the palm of his hand in the manner a walnut would, which was quite an odd metaphor if you think about it, but we are not here to consider metaphors.

Oh boy...:derpytongue2:.

Thus, Jimmy looked at the bell, and promptly got the usual shock. He barely noticed the shock, so used to it was he, and he stepped back to a window to observe the strangeness that was to occur this week. As he looked into the window, he noticed that the bell had, per its usual manner, relocated itself to his ear, and was now sitting there. The bell was attached by some sort of pin, but it caused him no pain at all, not even as his ears began to shift before his very eyes and slid upwards on his head, eventually settling on stopping somewhere around the point where his skull started to curve inward. Then his face shifted to that of a reindeer, producing a muzzle out of his mouth and nose, and then his eyes began to increase in size, before turning from their normal blue to a dark purple shade. As is the case with most of his transformations, his glasses fell off of him and shattered to pieces, given that the hinges have nothing to support on. A pair of pink antlers sprouted from the top of his skull and grew in size as his hair pulled back upon his head, turned from brown to pink, and then rearranged itself, curling back at the front and producing a fringe that flopped into his eyes (which made seeing where he was going somewhat awkward).

First the was, the the muzzle, and then the antlers, then the fur, then mane and the eyes:raritywink:!

His neck suddenly craned backwards and grew longer, resulting in the profile of a giraffe. His arms snapped backwards and his hands merged together to create hooves, which, per the usual, split into two parts. His back and body grew in size, ripping his clothes to shreds, whilst his legs (or, should I say, his hind legs) got in on the fun as well, as they snapped backwards too, and his feet morphed into hooves that also split into two parts. The hooves were a deep purple. A tail grew from his rear as his manhood vanished, making him a she, and this was soon complemented by light pink fur erupting from her body, covering her in a thick coating of pink. Her stomach and underside of her neck turned white, and a yellow harness appeared on her front that grew to halfway down her barrel, spreading outwards into a skirt or a sail of some sort. As Bori trotted into the street, she suddenly found herself hitched up to a sleigh, and dragged it along with some effort.

Then th legs, and the fur, and the hooves, the the underbelly, and the harnesses, and the skirt:pinkiesmile:.

Just then, Alice appeared around the corner. "Is that you? Is that you, Bori?"

Bori shook her head. "No, it's Blitzen. What do you think?"

:derpytongue2:!

"How did you get here?" Alice asked, innocently enough (and not of the knowledge, dearest chuck).

"I suppose I'll have to tell you then. I was minding my own business when BOOM! I'm suddenly in this street and pulling a sleigh along. Weird, eh?"

"How funny!" Aurora declared, running (or should that be trotting?) up to them from behind. "I only just got here too, falling through a strange portal!"

Oh goodness me:derpyderp2:!

Bori shook her head and groaned. "Fancy helping me with this sleigh?"

No slay can be pulled without Reindeer:twilightsmile:.

A few minutes later, they were all hitched up to the sleigh, flying through the snow and merrily singing Jingle Bells as they went along, drawing a few looks from nearby spectators. Some people rode in the sleigh, which was quite enjoyed, although local law enforcement was somewhat confused.

Watching from nearby, a woman with fair hair and wearing a blue dress watched them. "How funny," she said. "One of them has the same name as me."

:rainbowderp:

9995699
Check the Author's Note as to who that Character is ;3

9995709
Heh =3

So.... what's left for you to comment regarding transformations? :3

9995711
I just have South Swamp Rag and 8 Magic Nights

9995712
Okie =3

If you get that done before my next story on the following Monday next week, you're genius X3 (I'm saying that from one of VanossGaming's friends, aka.... I AM WILDCAT x3)

9995714
Yep ;3

And just to provide a hint: It's a character that I have transformed into previously. :raritywink:

good lord what is happening in the fanfic?!

9997345
It's a transformation story Marble. haven't you forgotten that? :twilightsheepish:

9997362
(i thought you were gonna say aroura bori alice.

9997396
Heh, fair point. :)

9997986
aurora bori alice! in this fanfic! on this webside!

9998098
Heh X3

Always am and always will be setting firsts no matter what X3

9998122
So keep an eye out for the next story from me on Monday ;3

9998199
Okie =3

Btw, there's a new transformation from me over on Deviantart btw. Be sure to check it out ;3

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