Strawberry Date

Feather Bangs was going to take a mare named Strawberry Sunrise out on a date in Ponyville. When they first meet, Feather thought Strawberry was a nice mare. It wasn't until Strawberry finds some bits of apples in her food when things go wrong. Will Feather survive this one date with this strawberry obsessed mare?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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Jhoira

Jhoira #1 · Dec 18th, 2019 · 3 · ·

Hehe, I have been contemplating a Strawberry Sunrise story! Beat me to it. :D

TheClownPrinceofCrime

TheClownPrinceofCrime #2 · Dec 18th, 2019 · 4 · ·

Poor Feather. I feel really sorry for him.
At least I know Strawberry’s weakness...think of apples as a torture method for her. [Maniacal laughter]

SamSwordsman123

SamSwordsman123 #3 · Jun 1st, 2020 · · ·

Not bad. Though I notice a couple things. Feather Bangs mentioned he was sad Sugar Belle got together with Big Mac, that's a no no on a date. Also you have a tendency to put a period within a quote a lot here when it should be commas.

Example: "Strawberries were good." said Feather.

The period at the end of the quote should be a comma, you have this mistake a lot here. The only time you would use a period is if the quote is not followed by a dialogue tag like said, which is mostly the case for second quotes that come after the tag.

Yoshifan30