Journey to Equestria

by Aldrigold

Chapter 5

Crickets chirping broke through the quiet evening, and the sound made Amber open her eyes. A soft nose nudged her shoulder.

“Blue—Dusk—says we have to go,” Green said, a dim form in their dark shelter. Amber nodded, getting to her feet and stretching her limbs.

“You’re Amber now, right?” Green said, her big eyes blinking.

“Yes.” Amber tossed her head, ridding herself of the last grasp of sleepiness. They had a long way to go, and they had to cover as much ground as possible before the sun came up and the gryphons found them.

The night was black and the forest oppressive, but overhead through the branches the Milky Way splashed across the sky. The North Star shone brightly, and Amber smiled as she spotted it. Their beacon to Equestria.

“We go north from here,” Dusk said. “We don’t have to rush anymore, but lets keep a good pace. Gryphons don’t have great vision after dark, but we can’t take any risks and knowing Rikarr, they’ll still be hunting for us. We’ll head north, toward those mountains.”

“I’ll keep up,” Green said.

The group set out, Dusk once again taking the lead, expertly avoiding low hanging branches and clinging vines as they walked. Her own vision was nowhere near as good. She had only the sense of the earth under her hooves to keep from stumbling on the brambles and reaching thorns that littered the path, and every so often a low hanging branch would catch her face or brush dangerously close to her eyes.

Between the two of them, they kept Green safe. The two older ponies shepherded the small filly between them, Amber careful to make sure she did not fall behind or wander off in the dark.

As Amber walked, she enjoyed the sense of the earth underfoot, the healthy green fertility of the soil. Soft loam was crushed underhoof, springing up as she moved her weight, and the dirt and mud mushed beneath her hooves.

Then there was nothing for a brief moment, her sense of the earth underhoof vanishing. No fertility, no life, not even a sense of rock. Just…emptiness, for a short distance underground. She almost froze.

“Green, what would you like your new name to be?” Dusk asked as he walked, oblivious to Amber's confusion.

Amber shook her head, putting the flash of emptiness out of her mind. It must be due to stress. No earth pony ever lost their sense of the ground beneath their hooves.

Green stayed silent for a moment, the only sound the steady crush of leaves underhoof. “I don’t know,” she said finally. “Can I choose later?”

“Sure,” Dusk said, his voice bright and steady. The rest had really helped him, Amber thought. Maybe he could try and fly. “There’s no rush.”

“I want to wait until I get my symbol. My…cutie mark, right?” Green looked back to Amber for a moment. “Once I do, I’ll figure out what my name is.”

“That sounds fine.” Amber nodded, distracted as the sense of fertile life underhoof gave way once again to the strange emptiness as she put her hooves down.

Oh well. Something odd in the ground was probably the least important thing they had to worry about.

***

Their path took them through increasingly thicker woodland, and soon even Dusk had slowed to a steady walk. Amber began munching on plants as they walked, pointing out especially good ones to Green. The group plucked ferns and grasses, but learned to avoid the tubers and blades that scraped their lips and gums and were not particularly filling.

They walked past a thick tree, and suddenly something fell with a sharp thud directly in front of Green. She jumped in fright, skittering behind Amber.

Dusk whirled, wings spread. “What is it?”

“Calm down,” Amber nuzzled Green out from behind her and carefully approached the fallen object. Then she snorted a laugh.

“It’s a chestnut.” She looked up at the branches spreading over them. “A chestnut tree.” The small round shapes were barely visible in the blackness. “We’ve found breakfast.”

“Oh. Well, good job, Green,” Dusk said, folding his wings and trotting over. “Are they good?”

“As long as you don’t eat the leaves,” Amber said, studying the tree. “Let me get a few more for us.” She bunched her legs, getting ready to kick.

“Don’t!” Green hissed, but it was too late. The sound cracked across the quiet night, chestnuts raining down from the branches onto their heads.

Then an eerie sound filled the air, like birds chirping but shriller and with a higher pitch, and Amber’s muscles froze.

“Duck!” Dusk yelled, and Amber hit the ground, the soft soil underneath cushioning her. Over their heads thousands of tiny shapes darted through the sky, the sound of an uncountable number of wingbeats whooshing through the air deafening for a moment.

Then it was over, a dark cloud of creatures ascending into the sky and blocking the stars in an ever-expanding pattern of darting dots. Gradually, their high-pitched peeping and the sound of their wings faded away, leaving the black night silent.

“What was that?” Amber asked, her heart pounding. She pushed herself back up, trying to ignore the shaking in her legs. “What were those things?”

“Bats,” Green said, her voice small. “A lot of them. They live in trees and sometimes in the mines. My mom used to complain about them.”

Dusk peered up at the dark sky, but Amber could not make out the shape of the swarm any longer. “They just flew away,” she said. “They don’t seem dangerous.”

“They’re not the danger,” Dusk said. “If Rikarr is still around…”

Amber’s pride in her strength shriveled. “I thought that gryphons couldn’t see well in the dark?”

“Neither can ponies, but a giant swarm of bats is pretty obvious,” Dusk said, his voice tight. “And like I said, knowing Rikarr, he has gryphons hunting for us overnight by this point. That tree shelter trick won't work twice. We have to move quickly now. Forget the chestnuts.”

Amber wished they could have stayed and eaten, but knew it was foolish. Worse, she felt stupid. She had only wanted to help, and hadn’t even thought to check for things like those bats. Even Green had known about them.

As they set off once again, pushing as fast as they could through the trees, Amber kept a far more wary eye on the forest around them, every sense alert. They were being hunted, she reminded herself, looking to the side and sensing the earth with every step. Every mark of their passage, every disturbed animal, could be used by a hunter to track them down.

And Rikarr, like most gryphons, was an experienced hunter. Amber could not count the number of times the gryphons had brought back meat to be cured, hauled or de-feathered. She usually tried not to think about it, but now the memories of all those deer and boar with broken necks and raked to the bone with talon slashes came back to her.

They were not safe in the forest. The unease crept up on her like a smothering blanket, and then cemented into fear. They had to get somewhere else. Somewhere where gryphons would be as lost and confused as they were.

“Hoo hoo!”

Dusk skidded to a stop at the noise, Green nearly crashing into him. A dark winged shape darted overhead, the sound echoing once more. “Hoo hoo!”

An owl. Owls hunted in the dark. It could be nothing, but Amber’s muscles tightened, a wave of fear washing over her. Another sign the gryphons could use to find them.

“What do we do?” Green whispered. She sensed it too.

“We keep going,” Dusk said, starting forward once again. “We find somewhere safe.” A branch snapped under his hoof, and Amber winced.

“Where?” Amber said, trotting so she and Dusk were side by side. “It may be dark, but…there is nowhere safe.”

“Don’t think that way.” Weak words, and Dusk seemed to know it, not looking Amber’s way. “They have poor night vision. We’ll be fine.”

The owl hooted again. Then a piercing shriek split the air above their heads.

“Keep going!” Dusk hissed. “Don't stop!”

Amber looked up at the sky, using the sense of the earth under her hooves to keep from running into a tree. The small shape of the owl zipped overhead once more, but that was all.

Owls couldn’t speak, she knew. But if a gryphon wanted to hunt at night, owls were at least smart enough to use as a tracker.

Dread settled in her stomach. They had to hide, and they had to do it now.

The earth molded under her hooves as they picked up speed, fertile and soft. They nearly galloped full on, only the knowledge that a panicked rush would create noise kept them from indulging in it. The gryphons hadn’t seen them yet, couldn’t have seen them yet, their vision no good in the dark. Dusk had to be right.

“I’m going to find shelter,” Dusk said, spreading his wings. Amber’s stomach clenched. No. He couldn’t fly ahead. The sky was a danger.

The idea came to her like a pegasus’s lightning strike. “Stop!” she hissed. Dusk turned, wings still spread.

The hollowness underhoof. “We have to find a tunnel,” Amber said, mind racing. “Like the mines. They go underground. It will be completely dark, and they won’t be able to fly.” She stomped the earth, the soil still fresh underfoot. “There have to be caves here with underground passages. We have to find them, and you won’t be able to see the entrance from the air.” She didn’t know if that was really true, but it felt right.

“Like the mines?” Green tilted her head, eyes distant. “They do go far, with all sorts of tunnels…and gryphons don’t go deep into the mines. They don’t like being underground.”

“I wouldn’t like being underground either,” Dusk said. “It’s a good idea.” He tapped a hoof on the ground, wings tight and shaking against his back.. “But how do we find a cave that will lead underground?”

“I’ll find one,” Amber said, striking the ground with a hoof. “Just…follow me.”

Dusk glanced at her, but didn’t say anything. Green just nodded.

Amber took a deep breath. They trusted her.

She wouldn’t let them down.

***

The screeching overhead became background noise, common but jolting counterpoints to the whine of crickets and the periodic flutter of a bat overhead. She led Green and Dusk at a silent, slow walk.

Amber kept herself focused on the earth, using her skills as a lowly serf in a wholly new way. The soil was fertile underhoof, a telltale sign of life and the presence of the earth. A tunnel underneath the ground made of rock, with no roots inside of it, would be different. It would be nothingness, hollow, like she felt before. As long as she followed the rock, she knew—she hoped—that they would find an entrance to a cave network. At the very least, they would find a cave in which to hide.

An owl hooted, three short notes. Cold sweat dripped down Amber’s shoulders.

“We’re getting into the open,” Dusk said, snapping Amber back to reality. She pulled her attention from the ground.

He was right. Branches no longer obscured the night sky, the soft mulch underhoof having given way to scrub. The dark form of the mountain was slightly larger in the night sky.

Amber closed her eyes, focusing once more. The fertile ground had lessened, the plants less healthy. This was the right way.

But she still had no idea where an entrance to a cave would be.

“I’ll lead from here,” Dusk said. “I have pretty good night vision.” He flexed his shoulders, and Amber wondered if he wanted to fly. “Let’s—”

A gryphon shriek rent the sky again. Then a swift-moving shape, much larger than the owl, blocked the stars overhead.

They had no cover. Dusk and Amber locked eyes for a moment. Then they began to run.

No. No no no. Amber’s heart pounded in time with the exclamation in her mind. They had come so far. They had to find safety!

If they were caught, it would be her fault. She had kicked the tree, she had led them out of the cover of the forest, paying no attention to her surroundings. Stupid!

“Stop them now!”

Amber’s blood turned to ice, only desperation keeping her muscles from locking and sending her tumbling to the ground. Rikarr.

“Run!” Dusk shouted. “Toward the mountain!”

Amber didn’t need to be told. She dug her hooves into the rocky ground, throwing her body forward with every stride. Green pelted along next to her, Green's hooves beating the ground faster than Amber’s in order to keep up.

A gryphon shrieked overhead, the sound ripping through Amber’s ears. Greens ears swiveled, a panicky dance.

She had to find a cave. A tunnel. Anything, anywhere a gryphon couldn’t chase them. The ground underhoof was rock, no soil or grass left. If there was a cave, it would be nearby.

Amber ran, eyes closed. Then a flash of nothingness underhoof went through her.

“Here!” she called. She reared up, slamming down on the ground with her hooves. It had to be a tunnel entrance. It had to be!

The soil began to crumble underhoof. Green and Dusk raced back, Dusk staring, confused.

“The ground!” Amber yelled, her eyes dry and flanks heaving. “A tunnel!” She slammed the earth again.

A gryphon shrieked. Wind rushed at them.

The ground crumbled, the sense of hollowness giving way to nothing at all, and then Amber began to fall.

Comments

[vren55]

Woooh.... That was an exciting chapter. You could have shown more emotion by describing maybe the seat on their backs, but it was rip-roaring good have a pinkie

[BBkat]

Yay, a new chapter!

[sierra_seven_]

Finally!

[arandompenguin]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

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Name of Story: Journey to Equestria

Grammar score out of 10: 9

Pros:
- I loved the backstory this has, it tells you just enough to get you into it, yet leaves enough out so as to get you wanting more
- Great characterisation. I could really feel for each of the characters, despite their generic names.
- The descriptions you have are extremely appealing

Cons: (I can't really find anything)
- Since the scene where the filly's mother is killed seems to impact the main character so much, you should probably flesh out the description for the death, make it linger in the reader's mind as much as it does in the character's.
- Use of hyphens (-) instead of em dash (—), even in the description. EDIT: I know you used the em dash in the other chapters, but this mistake occurred in the description and the first chapter.

Notes Section:
This story really appeals to me, it is the sort of style and genre that I love. And you've done it excellently. I really found it hard to find things that I would recommend altering, and the two that I did find were rather feeble at best. I've only read the first chapter, but I'm going to continue reading after this review. I've given it a like and a favourite, as well as a nomination for the featured fic in the Authors Helping Authors group. Kudos on such a good story.

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I hope this review has been somewhat useful to you, and I would really appreciate it if you could check out my story: You're not real
Dan

[The Engineer]

This review brought to you by A-Ha (The group, not the band.)
Name of Story: Journey to Equestria
Grammar: I don't like doing out of ten. Too arbitrary. Instead here's a percentage: 0.2% error (0.169). Mostly a few typos and really nit-picky gramar rules. Nothing that detracts from the story honestly.
Pros:
-I like the pacing. Doesn't push too fast or drag too slow.
-The prison camp feel. You captured it well.
-Descriptions are short and simple. Reminiscent of Hemingway and his simple, direct prose.
Cons:
-A few typos (Maybe something like two or three)
-You haven't uploaded anything since November.
-I don't have enough cons
Notes:
I applaud you on a very smooth, well-written story. Yours is the first I've reviewed to score less than a percent error on grammar. Why this hasn't sparked more attention beats the hell out of me. Keep it up. I'll be watching.

[echelonicspearhead]

Faved but will read and review tomorrow, I need sleep