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Hitler In Bunker1,364 words
Hitler in Pearl Harbor1,250 words
Hitler in Dead14 words

Hitler in Pearl Harbor

Shining Armor sat with the Emperor of Japan, Naruhito, and they discussed the new plan.

Satellite footage revealed Hitler was hiding out in Pearl Harbor. America refused to believe it, because they were too busy playing baseball and eating cracker jacks and throwing shrimps on the barbie and whatnot. So, the ponies had to turn to Japan, which was America's closest ally, but secretly.

"Naruhito-sama-senpai," Shining Armor said with utmost respect for Japanese culture, "we believe we must bomb Pearl Harbor to defeat Hitler."

Naruhito bowed deeply to the pony, for he felt much honor for him. "We are secretly allies with America, and we hope to sell them many mangas and dakimakuras 80 years from now, but if it means defeating Hitler-san, we will break our alliance temporarily. The Americans are quick to anger, like the sacred gods of the forests and Inuyasha, but it will be worth it in the end."

Shining Armor sipped his tea, and it was the greatest tea he ever had, made from a real Japanese tea set with cool hand painted designs on the cups and saucers and on the teapot too. He shed a single tear for all the lives that would be lost in defeating Hitler, but he knew they wouldn't be lost in vain.

Armed with an authentic Japanese Katana, forged by the true masters of their time, folded over ten thousand times in the heat of Mount Fuji itself, tested on real POWs by cutting them in half, sharpened to a deadly edge over the course of a century by an ancient Ninja clan, made from the purest and hardest steel mined from the Earth's core itself, its sheath fashioned from the Emperor's own cypress tree that he personally planted as a child, handle made from the same wood and wrapped in the cloth of the kings it had slain, anointed with their blood, blessed by the gods themselves, and signed by the CEO of Nintendo, Shining Armor climbed into the cockpit of a B17 Bomber with a Japanese pilot at the wheel.

"One ticket to Pearl Harbor, please," Shining Armor joked, and the pilot didn't get it because he didn't speak Pony.

"Nani," the pilot said.

"Round trip preferably," Shining Armor quipped like a quick-witted quipper-snapper.

And then he went silent as a grave, knowing this pilot was about to lose his life in the glorious quest of assassination Hitler project. He prayed to the gods above that the sacrifice would not be in vain.

And they were off. The plane did a vertical takeoff and blasted into second gear as they broke sound and went hypersonic, kaBOOM! The ground below was fuzzy from their speed, and not because of fur growing on the ground, and Shining Armor vomited into a bag because he got air sickness.

As soon as they crossed the international date line into US territory, because Hawaii wasn't a state yet, just a territory, they fired all their guns at the beach, and bullets ripped America's beautiful shores to pieces. President Hoover or Kennedy or whoever it was at the time shed a tear and saluted the many lives about to be lost in vain as the B17 bomber ripped open countryside with its twin vulcan 30mm cannons, until they reached Pearl Harbor itself.

"Alright, pilot-sama, it's time to hit the ler. Catch you on the flip side," Shining Armor said as he jumped out of the plane and used his parachute. The plane did a divebomb Bonzai attack and exploded itself against a ship, and many Americans were lost.

Shining Armor pulled out his binoculars and looked around for Hitler while he was still 30,000 feet in the air and had the perfect advantage point. Then he saw him. He was on the beach playing chess with his kids with what looked to be a five minute time control with no increment, and he was absolutely destroying the little turds, who kept taking too long to make a move and then panicking when their time got low and blundered pieces away.

"Dammit!" Shining Armor sweared. "Nobody didn't say nothing about no kids," he lamented. He put away his tac-70 SMG with a silencer and scope and custom foregrip but no carvings or anything dumb like that.

It seemed all the Japanese lives lost would be wasted after all, for he could not kill a man in front of his own children. Not even Hitler.

But then a idea came to him's brain.

"But then again, if the kids are dead..."

He nodded with determinator. All he had to do was arrange a little "accident" that he didn't cause directly, to make the kids not be alive to see their own father die before their very eyes.

Shin Armor didn't know much about Pearl Harbor or how he would slip the chlorine into their breakfast, but he had to do it for America and for all of ponies.

Finally he landed, and the alarum bells rangalang-dang-dong-ding, and the Americans were shooting their guns at the sky, even the civilians, because they all owned guns. Luckily that was just the distraction he needed.

He shuffled out of his parachute backpack harness thing and went to a nearby hotel. The employees were all outside shooting at the Japanese tourists in their airplanes, so he easily snuck inside, and found the cleaning closet and a big bottle full of chlorine. He took a sip to make sure it would be lethal, and when he was satisfied, he brought it back out to the beach.

Hitler was there, facing away. The perfect opportunity. He army-crawled up to the snack cooler and dumped the bleach all over their sandwiches. That was sure to deal with the kids.

"Daddy, may I have a sandvich, mein furrer?" one child asked.

"Ja," Hitler replied.

Oh no, gotta think fast. So Shining Armor thunk fast, and vibrated himself at the frequency of sand so that he sunk into the sand and he was under the sand just as the Hitler kid walked over him and took a Windex-covered sandwich from the killer, I mean cooler.

"Now's my chance," China Armor said.

"Who said zat?" asked Hitler, spinning around 360 no scope in disbleief.

"It was me!" Shining Armor said and he popped out of the sand with his Bowie knife, and stabbed Hitler while his kids screamed.

"Haha, you sink a silly little knife can hurt me?" Hitler taunted.

"You must due," Shinng Armor said and stabbed him again, right through his heart.

Unfortunately, Shining Armor forgot Hitler's heart was on his left side instead of right, so he actually missed all his vital info.

Hitler grabbed the knife handle and pulled it out, shaking his head and waggling a finger.

"Nein, nein, nein, naughty pony. Zis vill be your last hoorah!"

Suddenly, Hitler charged with the knife, and Shining Armor used his Ju Jitsu training to do a backflip out of the way mere minutes before the knife touched him.

"It seems we are evenly matched."

"Hitler, dear, ve must get back to our room for ze free lunch," Eva Brown said.

"You're lucky for now, pony," Hitler said, dropping the knife.

"I will assassinate you one day, Hitler!" Shining Armor cried (as in yelled, but he was also crying).

And then Hitler was gone.

"I have failed yet again," Shining Armor said. As he walked back to Japan, he shed many tears for the lives lost in vain that gruesome day.

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