Nightmare on Nightmare Night

The Mane 6 are spending Nightmare Night in Twilight's castle. But after one of them dies, thing start to become more of a mystery.

This is my first creepypasta, so don't hate me.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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TheAncientPolitzanian

TheAncientPolitzanian #1 · Dec 12th, 2019 · · ·

First of all, never ask not to be judged too harshly. As strange as it may sound, doing that makes people even more willing to tear your story to shreds.

As for the story itself... meh. The seeds for a good idea were there, but they could've been executed better. Namely, I think the references to the fandom's darker aspects were out of place (It might've been better if the Mane Six were just reading a book of short stories similar to the described fanmade tales), and that the Mane Six's reactions to the events around them were relatively tame (I'd expect Twilight to have a larger reaction to her adoptive little brother dropping dead from the ceiling in a bloody mess).

A valiant effort, but one that ultimately comes up short.

P.S. You should probably change the title to "Nightmare On Nightmare Night". "My first creepypasta" isn't a particularly eye-catching name.

nobody495

nobody495 #2 · Dec 12th, 2019 · 1 · ·

A fine set up, execution could be better.

It personally felt like it moved maybe too fast for the story's benefit, skipping through moments with lightning speed.

Also, having the characters reference bronies in-universe felt out of place, especially with how little that scene tied into the main story

NoGoodUsrNames99

NoGoodUsrNames99 #3 · Dec 12th, 2019 · 1 · ·

"Pinkie, you're, dying," Fluttershy gasped.

This story was somethin' else.

PageTurner001

PageTurner001 #4 · Dec 12th, 2019 · · ·

9984828
I agree that I may have gone to fast.

But when you think about it, the only reason Fluttershy had to kill every pony else was because she couldn't have them find out themselves, so she could have rushed it herself.

PageTurner001