• Member Since 5th Dec, 2019
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Timzocker201


I love writing stories and MLP gave me a good basis for it. Most of my content will be HiE, so don't even bother trying to find something else around here ^^

T

Markus Becker is a Hauptmann, or Captain, of the German "Bundeswehr", mechanized Infantry. At least he was, until his armoured car hit an IED and he was sent to Equestria. There he found, that he couldn't move, no matter how hard he tried.
Luckily for him though, there is four-hooved help nearby...



'Sex'-warning added for a few sexual implications here and there... and because of chapter 32.

Added 'Gore' because I noticed that I went a little overboard with the descriptions of the action. Especially given that it is rated 'teen'.

Chapters (45)
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Comments ( 253 )

Oh Lord, got the Message that my Story was approved at school. Come Back home to see 5 Likes and 71 views. wow, Thanks a lot guys! Chap. 2 coming this evening.

Alright, I'll say I really like the story so far, but you have made a few, kinda big mistakes, but I'll name them all if you want, but for now I'll just call out this one

“How do ya know mah name?!” Her voice started to shiver again.

“Damn it, I got careless. I have to be careful of what I say. The first impression is the one that matters most, after all.” I thought to myself.

“Ah, you see, uhm… I-I heard about your sister and you crusaders aren’t exactly unknown either"

to me, I don't see this happening, a German officer, an CAPTAIN, being this nervous, and he would, or atleast, should have said something like this "I heard one of you mention your name" something like that, he wouldn't be lying, and they won't be suspicious

Anyways, I like the story, it's week writen, I shall read on

9985395
I know what you mean, can't deny I felt the same when writing it. the reason for my choice in this case is actually that, as you said, I would have AVOIDED conflict with that choice of words, but everything that comes afterwards is actually based on conflict in one way or another. You could say, it's a bit of a forced situation to make things interesting.
As for the other mistakes: please PM them to me, maybe I will find a better solution, once they are pointed out. After all, I want the sotry to be as pleasantly to read as possible.

9985421
Alrighty then, some of the 'mistakes' were probably intentional, so I'll have to reread the chapter later, as for this one, I like it, well done and all, but I would think the main six would be shocked, and suspicious when our human captain had said he knew their world, from an show, and questions would pop up, but beside that, good work, keep it up bud

9985439
thanks bud, Chapter 4 is almost done, which means that I might bring you chapter 3 by tomorrow.
And dont' worry about our dear Captain there. he WILL get his fair share of cold and badass moments. :twilightsmile:

9985450
Your welcome, and yay new chapter, I don't have to wait an week

Da scheisse Luna? I thought you were the one with common fucking Sense, if twilight is about to try and blast Markus, I'm gonna slap you silly twilight

Besides..that, really good chapter bud, I love to see more, keep it up

Really loved the chapter, but to me, i don't see Fluttershy saying this

“Fine. I can’t say that I’m okay with it, but I can’t tell you to just starve yourself. But don’t kill the animals close to my cottage and NEVER kill anything that isn’t grown up yet. I will have an eye on you.”

"I will have an EYE on you" I don't think she would ever be that aggressive, and it doesn't help that she KNOWS he is an omnivore and needs meat, and the fact he's an soldier and not a heartless demon out for blood

--------------------------------Severe Spoiler Warning -----------------------------------------------------------

9989454
I could simply just say that those Ponies are pacifists and as such soldiers and demons are one and the same to them. However I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that you're actually onto something :rainbowdetermined2::raritywink:

9991187
Oh, thanks for the info, pleas keep up the good work

9991187
Btw, might want to edit your comment and say spoiler because of the hint

I thought rainbow would have looked down at the burning 'raid party' but besides that, this was one chapter was very good, it was great, all you need now is to show how armor, sunbutt, moonbutt reaction to the news of what twilight is gonna say

9992638
sad to tell you, that you'll have to wait two chapters for that. But don't worry: it will be awesome ^^

Good chapter, and I see what's goin on, good work bud

“Applebloom? What happened? Did you see a ghost or something?”

He didn't need to lie, he heard her name

Comment posted by Timzocker201 deleted Dec 19th, 2019

9995566
answered that one in another comment already :rainbowwild:

But to make it shor: yes I know, but having a story without some kind of mishaps, distrust or conflict is just plainly boooooooring, don't you agree?:twilightsmile:

Also: how would you react if you were transported into equestria? I bet your brain would fart just as hard as his did :rainbowlaugh:
edit: no offence, this guy is modeled mainly after myself after all.

Read my own chapter just to see, if something was missing. See that the little joke I put in there at the end didn't work 'cuz Word didn't transfer the format correctly :rainbowderp::twilightoops:

formatting corrected, joke works again. Have a nice day :twilightblush::rainbowlaugh:

At start where rainbow had gone off and got her and Mark caught, I got to say wouldn't she have atleast SOME common sense? I know she was mad and all, but DAMN

Anywho, this was an great chapter and I shall wait for this Christmas special

yay, correcting the formatting AFTER publishing, 'cuz I missed the "Edit" button and hit the "publish" button. 100% Timzocker-skill

Per, fect, perfect chapter my man! And this was pretty damn Realistic, I mean how a modern day soldier would react and do, also if any vets or active duty people on here, what's your opinion on that little 'battle' and how Markus reaction to shining

Also author, great work bud, please keep up the good work, and please there is no rush, take ya time to write

10008426
thanks bud. glad to have your comment again. I've become so accustomed to seeing a comment of yours under each chapter that I was actually waiting to seeing one under the christmas special as well :twilightsheepish:

10008470
Did I leave one on it? I don't remember, but yea your welcome buddy, it's hard to find a HiE or displaced that's good and alive

God I love this story your doing amazing work here and I have a feeling from last chapter we’re gonna see a bit of Luna x Markus moments, it doesn’t even need to be romantic as Luna’s usual personality will now hold Markus in a praising light probably having them be a really good soldier x commander relationship. Although I can also so see the both of them make each other really flustered with cadence in the background trying her hardest (albeit failing) to not fall over in laughter, anyway I’ve been ranting for too long now keep up the good work.

10009291
Agreed, and to me, I would Love to see Markus and moonbutt have a relationship, but let's find out when there is a new chapter

10009291
It's messages like these that show me that it's still worth it ^^ Thanks man.

Hell yeah, great chapter and what you did this time, please keep it going buddy

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

10012913
If you mean Markus: I imagined him to be slightly on the >>bright side<< as far as voices go. As such, imagine someone in his early to mid 20s or so if you really want to voice him.

Luna lives in a world of potential killer changelings and she gets mad at him for assuming hostility? Gee. Maybe she didn't realise her illusion mess up.

This story escalated quickly.

Great chapter buddy, keep it up

i hope to see more of this story

I really loved this chapter, and the fact you made the Royal guard a completely different branch from the solar and lunar guard, please keep up the good work bud

nice chapter hope the new one will come soon

Great chapter bud! Really loved it, and I really love that rainbow, and magicbutt are both got a crush on Markus, and maybe moonbutt, please keep up the good work bud

10031248
... Ok?

Well, Sugarcoat is meant to be around the same age as Twilight, though i haven't really thought about her voice....
As for that currently unnamed brown stallion: the closest reference would probably be that black guy from matrix (forgot his name)

10031613
Is this the pony version of Equestria girls sugarcoat?

Comment posted by Timzocker201 deleted January 13th

10031991
I didn't even know there was an EG Sugarcoat

10032025
she was from equestria girls friendship games I think she was a shadowbolt

Damn, this was a Great chapter and I really loved it, bad that Markus lost his family tho, happy things turned well in the end tho

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