The Defeat of Nightmare Sparkle (Rewritten)
Nightmare Sparkle was in her room, putting on her armor while the Nightmare Forces watched her. Nightmare Sparkle’s armor was dark purple in color, the breastplate had a design of a six-pointed pink star. Nightmare Sparkle looked at herself in a mirror next to her. She couldn’t deny that she was beautiful.
“You look beautiful, my queen,” said Shadowfright with a smile.
Nightmare Sparkle looked at Shadowfright while smiling. “Yes, Shadowfright.”
“My queen, what are we going to do in Ponyville?”
“We are going to take Ponyville. You and the others will try to capture all the ponies that live in that useless city ...” Nightmare Sparkle was speaking, but was interrupted by Shadowfright.
“... So we take all the ponies here and put them in the dungeons?”
“No, Shadowfright.”
Shadowfright was surprised. “But if not, then what do we do with them?”
“I’m going to use a spell to make all the ponies stand by me and then, when Ponyville is overpowered by me ... I will reign Ponyville with a steel hoof!” Nightmare Sparkle started to laugh evilly, knowing that nothing would stop her from dominating Ponyville.
Meanwhile, the three princesses, the five mares, Spike and Jerome were already in Ponyville, waiting for Nightmare Sparkle to arrive.
“You all already know what to do, right?” asked Celestia just to be sure.
“Yes Princess!” they all shouted in unison.
“Stay in your positions. Nightmare Sparkle can arrive at any time. ”
After Celestia said that, she and the others saw Nightmare Sparkle on top of the Nightmare Forces. She smiled wickedly, when she reached the ground, she approached Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Shining Armor, Spike, Jerome and the five mares. “I see that you all escaped from prison.”
“Yes. We escaped your prison. We will not let you dominate Equestria! ” shouted Rainbow Dash boldly.
“Do you think you will be able to stop me from dominating Equestria? I have an army of Nightmare Forces and you all have nothing!” Nightmare Sparkle shouted the last word.
“We have the magic of friendship, Nightmare Sparkle,” said Applejack as she approached Rainbow Dash.
Nightmare Sparkle laughed, but it was forced this time. “Do you fools intend to use the Elements of Harmony on me? Please. Without me, the Elements of Harmony are useless!”
Shadowfright saw that they had a Nightmare Force with them. He glared at the betraying force. “Traitor!!! How dare you stand with these ponies against Nightmare!”
Jerome looked at Shadowfright. “Because these ponies are kinder than Nightmare, and besides, I’m starting to like this friendship business.”
Nightmare Sparkle was angry at what she just heard from Jerome, she carried her magic and attacked. “How dare you talk about me like that?!”
But Jerome dodged it. Nightmare Sparkle puffed out of her nose, but she soon calmed down. “I’ll take care of you later, now, I have some accounts to settle with some ex friends, ex mentor and ex brother.”
The ponies had their mouths open, it looked like Nightmare Sparkle wasn’t going to surrender.
Celestia decided to try one last time. “Twilight, please come back. I’m sorry for saying that to you after leaving the rehearsal site. ”
“Are you sorry? Are you sorry?! Why should I forgive you, princess? Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? You were there for me during my studies at Canterlot, you always trusted me and when I wanted to prove you had a threat you left me behind, as if I meant nothing to you!!” shouted Nightmare Sparkle.
The ponies and the dragon blew out a breath, knowing that Nightmare Sparkle would not surrender. It looked like there was only one thing left to do, but they were going to try one last time.
Applejack and the others approached Nightmare Sparkle. “We’re going to ask you just one last time: Twilight, stop it, please.”
“No!” Nightmare Sparkle shouted angrily.
Suddenly, the five mares cast their magic on Nightmare Sparkle. Luna approached Nightmare Sparkle and placed her horn with Nightmare Sparkle’s.
“Your darkness cannot stay alive forever. Allow Twilight to speak,” said Luna.
Then, Nightmare Sparkle started to speak, but in the voice of Twilight. “Girls! You are here! You have not abandoned me!”
“Wow! Nightmare really brainwashed you, huh?” said Rainbow, still using her magic.
Then, Nightmare Sparkle’s body was shrinking, until Twilight appeared, with tears streaming from her eyes. “You mean, you’re not going to end your relationship with me even after I accused ‘Cadence’ without proof and you abandoned me?”
“Why would we do that?” asked Fluttershy with a sweet smile and a raised hoof, still using her magic.
“Yeah, Twily. We would like to apologize to you,” said Shining Armor with a smile upon seeing Twilight.
“Really?” asked Twilight, now surprised by what Shining said to her.
“Yes, my dear student. You were right the whole time. The reason we didn’t believe you was because we thought ‘Cadence’ was acting that way because of stress,” said Celestia.
“I thought you guys would still be mad at me for acting so childish in the rehearsal,” said Twilight with her eyes closed just remembering that moment. Suddenly, the darkness started to return to Twilight. Spike panicked.
“Twilight!!” shouted the purple dragon.
Nightmare Sparkle’s body and armor started to return, and Twilight started to panic. Twilight’s friends started to get weak. “No! No!! I don’t want to go back! It was so cold and lonely. And I wasn’t showing my frustration in front of them, I was betraying them! Help!”
The Mane Five fell to the ground exhausted, their magic fading completely as Nightmare Sparkle regained control of Twilight’s body. The dark mare threw her head back and laughed wickedly. “Bwahahahahaha! You fools! Did you really think the power of friendship could defeat me and save your precious friend? Ha! I will never be that weak filly again! And do not worry. She will be remembered, but as the most evil and cruel queen of all!”
“Your Friendship will never be forgotten!” said Celestia with a raised hoof before approaching the others. “Listen, my little ponies. Twilight is scared that we are still mad at her for leaving us! Think about her, think about how much you like her.”
Everyone then did what Celestia asked. Pinkie thought of the surprise party she threw at Twilight when she arrived in Ponyville with Spike, Rarity thought of the time they were at the spa together, Applejack thought when Twilight helped her in the apple bucking season togheter her friends, Fluttershy thought when Twilight helped her with the animals, Rainbow thought when she and Twilight met, Celestia thought when she made Twilight her student, Shining thought about the moment when he and his little sister flew a kite, Spike thought about when he slept with Twilight during a storm. While everpony thought about how they liked Twilight and were not mad at Twilight, spells came out of them, forming a rainbow over them, and then going to Nightmare Sparkle and Nightmare Forces covering them. Until there was a flash. Everypony closed their eyes, and saw that Twilight came out of the darkness.
“Twilight!!” said Pinkie, pointing at the purple unicorn.
Twilight opened her eyes, and saw her friends looking at her with smiles. She went to her friends with tears in her eyes and they hugged her. “I’m sorry, guys. I’m sorry for letting my anger get the best of me. Could you guys forgive me?”
“Of course, Sugarcube,” said Applejack with a smile and tears in her eyes.
“Twily!” Shining Armor went to Twilight Sparkle and hugged her while crying. “I’m sorry that I got mad at you, Twily. Everything that happened is my fault from the start!”
“Big brother, don’t blame yourself. This was all Chrysalis’ fault,” said Twilight.
Shining Armor looked at Twilight. “But you’re going to forgive me for saying all that to you, right?”
“Sure, B.B.B.F.F.” Twilight hugged Shining Armor back.
Celestia approached Twilight. “Twilight, I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you, left you behind and spoke harshly to you.”
“It’s okay, Princess Celestia. I was accusing without evidence. I should have come up with evidence before I accused the false Cadence,” said Twilight Sparkle with a smile.
“So you’re not mad at me anymore?” asked Celestia, to be sure.
“No, princess,” Twilight replied. Celestia smiled at the answer. Twilight saw Spike approaching her.
Spike hugged Twilight Sparkle while crying. “Twilight, I’m sorry that I didn’t stay with you during rehearsal after you accused Chrysalis! You are still my mother even though I did that, right?”
“Of course I’m still your mom, Spike. I would never leave you.” Twilight wiped Spike’s tears with a hoof before hugging him.
“Thank you, ponies,” everypony looked back when they heard a voice and saw that the Guardians of Dreams were already on their feet. “Thanks to all of you, we are not Nightmare Forces anymore and we return to being the Guardians of Dreams. How can we thank you?”
“No need to thank us, Shadowfright,” said Twilight.
“Please, call me Larry,” said Larry.
“It’s all right. You don’t need to thank me, Larry,” said Twilight. “Where are you and the others going to stay now that you are no longer Nightmare Forces?”
“We are going to stay on the moon again, and this time, we will return to bringing dreams to all the ponies and creatures of Equestria. Bye, ponies.” Larry and the others started flying and went up to the sky.
“Bye, Larry.” Twilight Sparkle and the others said goodbye as they watched the Dream Guardians leave. When they got out of view, Twilight looked at her friends, brother, Spike, ex-foalsitter and her mentor. “Now, let’s go back to Canterlot. We have a real wedding to organize!”
“Yes!” everypony shouted in unison, except Twilight.
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Nice work
Short sweet and we'll written if rushed
Great finish!
I'm impressed.
10150945
Thanks
Good to see its finished. Though I have a few suggestions.
We escaped your prison. We will not let you dominate Equestria!” We escaped your prison, and we will not let you dominate Equestria.
I’m sorry for saying that hardly to you after I left the rehearsal site.” I'm sorry for speaking so harshly to you before I left. I'm sorry for what I said to you, I'm the one that's had a lot to think about, not you. Or something like that.
“Twilight, I didn’t say that because I wanted to. The spell that Chrysalis put on may have made me say all that,” said Shining Armor. I think he needs to address the possibility that it might have been him here as well. Maybe, "But even if it was the spell, I've never regretted anything more.
Also, for a final touch maybe you could have them tell her to destroy them right now and that could be what snaps her out of it and she refuses to do it.
10151268
Thanks for the feedback. I just added these new parts to the story
Liar is spelled wrong.
Glad to see this completed!
I do believe you got rainbow's personality perfectly right in that last chapter. Rainbow calling the bluff that if Twilight truly hated them, she would do "X, Y, Z" . Yeah just seems like some crazy thing she would do.
A quick but very enjoyable story overall.
10151579
Thank you for showing me. I already corrected
You have quite a few grammatical errors still. When Shining Armor is speaking you have Shining Armor said twice in a row. Also, the way Rainbow Dash tells Applejack her plan makes it sound as though its loud enough Nighmare Sparkle could hear her, add whispered in when Rainbow tells Applejack her plans, lastly Applejack says we would never stop being your friend. Friend as in one friend not multiple 'friends'
10167479
I'm sorry about the mistakes, but thanks for pointing them out. I already corrected
Making should be saying.
10174362
Thanks. It's fixed.
Good story!
10178740
Thanks
Larry? Really?
10180763
That's ShadowFright's real name in the Nightmare Rarity comic.
Episode?
You missed an F.
Lary: Larry.
Look at me. If I'm not editing, I'm editing instead.
Here, too.
10196939
Thanks. I'm already corrected it
10196926
The Luna ecplise
10196950
You mean Luna Eclipsed, or is it actually The Luna Eclipse?
10196964
Luna Eclipsed. Sorry
10196966
It's okay, don't worry about it.
...okay, that was too easy. And this story just shows once again why I love the franchise: it is comically naive.
10236737
Yeah. Nightmare in control of Twilight's body and wanting to make everypony pay for not only not listening to Twilight at the rehearsal, but for betraying her also.
10237073
Ok thnx
I'm glad you took my idea for the Rainbow offering to let her destroy them. But there is still something missing. A scene where Nightmare Sparkle charges her horn in an attempt to destroy them and cant bring herself to do so. She just breaks down crying.
10330896
Ya your right.
Nightmare Sparkle in the first few chapters and a eariler version of this chapter: *possessed by Nightmare but able to control her body*
Nightmare Sparkle in this chapter: *brainwashed by Nightmare apparently*
Me:
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/886/646/ae9.png
Story is pretty okay, a couple errors that could be fixed but it's alright.
10613287
Oh. I thought you changed that part and forgot to apply the change to the other chapters.
Shadowfright saw that they had a Nightmare Force with them. He glared at the betraying force.
"Traitor!!! How dare you stand with these ponies against Nightmare!"
Jerome is spelled wrong.
B.B.B.F.F
on shouldn't be there.
"You mean, you're not going to end your relationship with me even after I accused 'Cadence' without proof and you abandoned me?"
The Mane Five fell to the ground exhausted, their magic fading completely as Nightmare Sparkle regained control of Twilight's body. The dark mare threw her head back and laughed wickedly.
"Bwahahahahaha! You fools! Did you really think the power of friendship could defeat me and save your precious friend? Ha! I will never be that weak filly again! And do not worry. She will be remembered, but as the most evil and cruel queen of all!"
You were right the whole time.
they hugged her.
The they between Twilight and met shouldn't be there.
"How could I do that?" shouldn't be there.
Larry
Very nice, and with a good premise, but it felt too rushed. Based on your writing, this was the intended effect, yet you have the stage set for a much larger story if you decide to, but fleshing out the details, and taking your time with it instead of moving so fast through the events (Like seriously, how fast did it take for Twilight to lose her transformation, beg for forgiveness, and then be forgiven herself? 3 lines, I counted).
Overall, very sweet, and has potential for a larger story if you decide to do so. 7/10