• Published 2nd Dec 2019
  • 2,178 Views, 99 Comments

A Perfect Displacement - SleepyBear

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1 - Bitch I'm perfect.

The day started out pretty normal enough. My friend Max and I were on our way to an anime convention in Seattle.Max was beyond excited, even going to extra mile to cosplay as he even a Naruto character with white hair, though I personally had no idea which character he was. Regardless, he seemed pretty proud of his costume and that was all that mattered.

As for me, well let's just say the only characters I would ever want too dress up as would pretty much be impossible to do without looking completely stupid….that or dropping about $5000. Of course, ,I was never a big fan of anime so I normally didn’t care. However, that didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy some titles, Dragonball in particular being one of my favorites. Sure the plot isn’t exactly complex and the characters are a bit underdeveloped but the world was creative and the fight scenes were epic.

Anyway, Max had invited me to this year's anime convention in Seattle and I’d been pretty excited. Going to a convention seemed like a fun thing to try, I’d never done it myself since well, it seemed like it’d get pretty bored pretty quickly on my own. So naturally I jumped at the chance when Max offered.

The trip to the convection was relatively uneventful, with our only real hiccup being finding an actual parking spot. Seriously, the lot the convention center had a huge, like the kind you see at sports stadiums and even after ten minutes of circling we still couldn’t find a spot.

Growing a little annoyed at our lack of progress and the music we’d been listening to on loop since the trip began, I looked back at Max, my annoyance pretty evident on my face. “Still think just getting a taxi would’ve been a waste of money?”

“Okay, yeah you were right, my bad” Max said, looking apologetically as we continued to try for a spot, “The taxi idea doesn’t sound so bad now, hehe.”

We made another lap around with no progress and finally Max decided to just stop in front of the convention hall. “Look, why don’t you head on inside and I’ll keep looking for a spot. Hopefully someone will leave soon and I’ll meet you inside.”

I wanted to argue but I could tell that Max was just trying to be considerate and nodded.

Getting out of the car I grabbed my stuff before turning back to him “I'll wait for you inside, don’t take too long.”

He offered a smile before nodding and shutting the door, while I finally headed into the hall, taking note of several other individuals heading inside, not a single one not clad in some form of memorabilia.

Once I walked inside the convention, my eyes nearly overloaded at the near constant barrage of anime content before me. The floor was filled with countless anime fans, many in various costumes, some of which looked so elaborate and convincing I was terrified to think of the price tag. More impressive was the sheer volume of booths and stalls all across the hall. From manga books and t-shirts, to models, to some guy selling obvious anime bootlegs, it seemed like anything and everything anime related was being sold somewhere.

“Wow,” I said to myself in amazement as I slowly walked past each booth, some of the sellers trying to wave me over to which I politely declined Yet, out of all those stalls there was one that truly caught my attention. It was a small booth in a corner that was completely separated from the others. Even more intriguing, was that the seller was cosplaying as Alastor from Hazbin Hotel.

Curiosity got the best of me asI decided to go and check it out. As I got closer I saw him moving things around the booth with a wide smile, though the bulk of his wares were still in boxes.

“Hey, buddy, what kind of stuff do you sell?” I asked, taking a look inside the booth.

“Oh, well, hello there, darling! my name is Alastor a pleasure to meet ya!” ‘Alastor’ said, shaking my hand, his voice having a neat effect that seemed like he was talking through an old radio, almost exactly like the actual Alastor from Hazbin Hotel. “As to what I have, well, I have everything and anything you could need and more!”

“Do you have any merchandise from Dragon Ball Z? I was hoping to buy some collectibles, particularly Cell if you have any.” I said with a smile, though I wasn’t expecting much. Sure this guy was at an anime convention but he wasn’t even cosplaying as someone from an anime, but couldn’t hurt to check.

“Mmmmm maybe,” Alastor said opening a chest that was inside his stall, “Oh, you're lucky my friend! I just happen to have a limited edition of Cell figure.”

The action figure he pulled was about the size of my cell phone, irony not withstanding, but the details were picture perfect, down to the lines on every muscle and limb. It would certainly look badass on my desk

“How much it costs,” I asked, slowly grabbing the figure, admiring its quality from a closer distance.

“It’s $50, but before you buy it, you have to know my shop has one unbreakable policy,” said Alastor as his smile turned from playful to...unsettling, “there are no refunds.”

Taking the fifty dollars out of my wallet, I stared at costumed salesmen, confused about what had just happened; I can swear his eyes sparkled when he said there were no refunds. But, it was probably just something he did to spook customers.

“Alright, fifty dollars, here you go buddy.” I handed him the money, which he took with that same smile on his face.

“Very good, now just to be clear, there will be no refunds understand?” Alastor asked, extending his hand, waiting for me to shake it.

Now more than a little unnerved by the guy and wanting to get away as fast as possible I quickly grabbed his hand. “Yeah, sure, no problem.”

The cosplayers smile grew to the point where his cheeks looked ready to tear, as he shook my hand, his eyes now starting to glow red. “Pleasure doing business with you sir. Enjoy.”

A massive flash suddenly blinded me for a moment before everything turned black.


"♪'P' is for 'priceless', the look upon your faces♪
♪'E' is for 'extinction', all your puny races♪
♪'R' for 'revolution', which will be televised♪
♪'F' is for how ‘fucked’ you are, now allow me to repriiise♪
♪'E' is for 'eccentric', just listen to my song♪
♪'C' is for 'completion', that I waited for so long♪
♪'T' is for the 'terror', upon you I’ll bestow ♪
♪My name is Perfect Cell, and I'd like to say...hello.♪"

“Why In the hell did I just sing that?” I asked myself as my vision started to adjust, only now my voice sounded really weird for some reason. “Geez, my head hurts...and feels heavier for some reason.”

After a couple more moments my eyes finally adjusted enough to where I could see again and was immediately met with the light from the sun. I raised my arms up to block out the light only to see that instead of the somewhat skinny, pale arms I was used to seeing, they were now larger, more muscular ...and also varying shades of green with little black spots on them.

“Well, fuck.” I said laughing almost hysterically as I tried to process what was going on...which only lasted for a few seconds before I promptly fell on my back side only to leap back up when I sat on my newly acquired wings. “And, that’s a thing huh?”

“Hey, you there, who are you!?” a female voice yelled out from behind me.

Startled, I quickly turned around read to answer, only for my mind to draw a complete blank. “I'm... well, would you look at that? I can't actually remember my name,” I said, trying to remember my name and coming up with nothing.

“A likely story, now answer me! Are you one of Ahuizotl’s creatures sent to capture me or maybe someone Caballeron hired to get rid of me? !” the woman demanded.

I finally managed to get a good look at her and to my surprise she wasn’t human...not completely anyway. By the look of things she was like a mixture between an anthropomorphic horse with murky green fur and black hair and a human, with wings add to the mix.

“Wow, chill out, my name is…..” I pondered for a moment as I struggled to think of something and then I remember the song I was singing earlier, “It’s Cell...Perfect Cell actually, but Cell’s just fine” I said, extending my hand in an attempt to look non threatening

The woman sadly, took my extended hand as a form of aggression and threw herself into full attack mode, hitting me in the face with her fist with some...unexpected results

“Ahhhhhhh,” the woman shouted in pain, clutching her now bright red hand and trying in vain to flex her damaged fingers. Evidently, hitting my body was akin to punching a stone wall...good to know.

“Mmmm, well there goes the pain test to see if I was sleeping. Then again, I didn't feel anything when that pompous prince Vegeta hit me either,” I said to myself, though now wondering what exactly I was even talking about, “Maybe I should try punching myself?”

Without thinking twice, I hit my face with all my strength; the blow sent me flying into a tree ...and the next six behind it along with two large boulders, “My perfect jawline! Oh, God! I sure pack quite a punch.”

“Don't think you'll get away with this creature, the princess will stop you!” The woman said, and this time, I took a second to get a more detailed look and found she was dressed like the stereotypical explorer. However, what grabbed my attention was the sight of a symbol on her pants near her upper tigh.

“Indiana... I mean Daring-Do?” I asked her getting a surprised look from her.

“Yes...I don’t know how you know who I am, but mark my words, you’ll regret the day you revealed your location!” She said, still holding her hand in pain, “You and your queen will pay for what you’ve done!”

I quickly held both my open hands out, hoping to calm her down. “Listen, I don’t know exactly what you’re talking about, but I’m sure if we can sit down and talk about this….” Almost immediately my right hand started to glow to both of our shock, before a beam of light erupted from it, flying just barely past Daring’s head, causing a large explosion to erupt where it landed.

For a moment there was just silence, me with my jaw dropped and my hand smoking, while Daring’s hair was singed, her body shaking and a bit of terror in her eyes.

“...Uh….sorr”

Daring didn’t even wait for me to finish as her wings spread wide before she took off like a missile and flew off into the distance, presumably to Canterlot...wherever that was.

As I watched her continued to fly away, I took a moment to survey all the mayhem I’d managed to cause in the short span of a few moments.

“Mmm I’m still surprised how good I’m taking this, maybe is pre-panic calm, and that makes me wonder do I look like a changeling?” I said to myself, “I’ll find out later, this seems too real to be a dream, the real question is why am I here?”

Author's Note:

EDITED

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Comments ( 99 )

you realy should continue this story

Can't wait for the next chapter

This is just pure PERFECTION.

9970392
So am I the only one who burst out laughing after hearing Perfect Cell was voiced by Takahata/ Alucard?

“Go ahead and tell your princess that the king is here, is not like she will do anything, why move or do anything when you have a Twilight on speed dial,” I said laughing.

lololololololololololololololololololololol

9970561
The return of the why boner with a vengeance.

Comment posted by NaiadSagaIotaOar deleted Dec 3rd, 2019

hehehehehe I wonder who has bigger ego cell or blueblood or trxie.

Comment posted by SleepyBear deleted Dec 3rd, 2019

But why anthro?

XD Speaking as a guy that did this exact same thing with Abridged Alucard, I applaud ypur desire to just bullshit and cut loose a bit. I'm curious to see how you go through with it, cuz as long as you have fun with it I know I will.

Comment posted by SleepyBear deleted Dec 3rd, 2019

9970600
As far as grammar goes, the only issue is run on sentences, but it's easy enough to ignore. I'm just glad that the Displacer asked for a reasonable price for his items. For some reason, some displacers charge like a thousand dollars for their items. That always rubbed me the wrong way, glad to see that the price for the action figure was reasonable.

liked just because it's abridged perfect cell....enough said

So you acknowledge that it’s poorly written and lousy with spelling mistakes but refuse to do anything about it?

Downvoted.

9970700
Yeah I said in the description this is just for my own amusement, if I wanted to have better grammar it would take me a long time to write it, so yer entitled to downvote ( not that I care this fic is just when I feel like doing something and have nothing to do )

Thanks for the feedback and enjoy yer day.

Update, people like this so I got an editor... yeih!

9970700
Love yer riven fic btw.

It’s not that I making in it purposely bad just not focusing on the grammar as I would in other fics.

dis is going to be good :pinkiehappy:

I already having fun.

9970616
maybe it's because
Doesn't he want to practice zoophilia?

Well, I would criticize, but as you said, you're doing this for your own amusement. I can't help but be bothered by the whole 'main character becomes more Cell and less like himself' bit.

9970831
haha I feel ya.

PLease continue this

Can't wait for the next chapter

9970862
Yeah Hazbin Hotel!:rainbowdetermined2:

You should really change the T to M cause of the F word.:ajbemused:

Your explanation violates the rule banning non-mlp song lyrics.

I might actually focus on this if enough people like it, right now is me sharing with everyone how I spend my time after the clinic heheh

9970936
When you go to submit stories the rules pop up. One such rule is "No song lyrics (this excludes songs from mlp)." By including the "Perfect Cell song" in your explanation on the front page you violated that rule.

9970955
Only songs with copyright, this is a fan fiction song, made by fans.

9970955
Also is hardly a song when at it last is 100 words.

9970957
Team For Star owns the copyright to it. That is the nature of posting on Youtube, it automatically copyrights original content. Also, claiming it's brevity makes it less of a song holds no legal merit.

Edit: Yes, keep downvoting my comment. That will make you more right.

9970971
I see your point, but u realize there are hundreds of fics that do that and way more popular than this one if the admins tell me something ill put it down, jeez.

Ok bois and girls this shit got featured! so that means I have to actually care about it, the first chapter under editing.... DANG IT

9970976
Use as many gifs as you want, it doesn't change that I'm right.

9970975
Actually in all of my time on this website (3 years with a profile, 4 years without before that) this is the only rule violation I've ever seen. But that may be because of how picky I am with what I read.

That’s a new form of the merchant... I like it! ~Stay tuned. Hahaha.~

"Never perfect. Perfection goal that changes. Never stops moving. Can chase. Cannot catch."
- Abathur

Funny thing was I thought recently that their was a distinct lack of DBZ Cell crossover. This already proves entertaining, please continue.
Side note, I love the fact you made you merchant The Radio Demon.:pinkiehappy:

Hey, on the Anthro Scale, where do the characters in this world land?

9971141
Like humans with fur and hooves instead of feet,

Comment posted by SleepyBear deleted Dec 3rd, 2019
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