• Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 24th, 2018

Maxis122


T

Being on a weather team doesn't normally show itself as a hard job. Apparently any pegasus with half a brain and a standard education can do it. At least that's what Max was told when he needed a job and had no memories of his past life. So, how hard could it be?

This will have some stuff about clouds and their names here and there. But this is about weather control - so why not :3

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 8 )

So, this is the story that I have been trying to write properly for so long now. So long that I have even changed loads of things about my character. Loads of things...
But anyway, this is it. If you like it or hate it, I'll be fine either way. Now, time to write some more stuff.

:duck: Hmmmmmm... This doesn't seem half bad, but I'm really busy right now. I'll have to check it out sometime in the future.

Also, pre-reading prediction: His past life was as a human.

1104505 I can quite quickly tell you that his past life was not human - at all.

1104556
A unique idea? :twilightoops:
:flutterrage: PREPOSTEROUS!!!!

1104756 OHHOHOHOHOHO >;3

This is interesting~ :3

A lot of authors like to try to give out all the details of their character. For example, saying something like: "Then, with the help of the others on the farm, they were able to wrap the back of his head with a bandage as this area had a red mark on it."

EDIT: With a bandage? Don't you mean "in bandages"?

There is a better way to give the reader information about your character, and that is work the details into the story. Instead of telling the reader his head is wrapped in bandages. Make the character put a hoof to his head or something. Maybe he would note that he can't move his ears. When you flat out tell the reader what has been going on with the story, you basically are doing just that... telling them. If you want the reader to instead be part of the story, have the character make his own discoveries.

(I'm fine once sometimes to flat out tell readers facts, but it can be overused)

Also try to pay attention to what words you use. For example, using something like "initial temperature check." This sounds awfully sophisticated, or fancy-talk, and not something that would come out of Applejack's mouth.

Hope this helps. It was a good effort.

1116198 Thanks for the feedback.

Thanks for suggesting those things, I might go back and edit the story later or add these effects in later. I agree, it would make it better. Also, when I put in "initial temperature checks" - I didn't mean for Applejack to be saying it. I was mealy trying to describe what she was doing - that is all. Apart from that I really appreciate the constructive criticism, again - thank you.

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