• Published 22nd Jul 2020
  • 481 Views, 25 Comments

Horror of the Deep - Viper Pit



A navey ship sent to scout out the old hippogriff kingdom finds what they where looking for

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Path of greed

"Hurry up and load the supplies onto the ship. After all, Time is money and I'm not giving ya any more time, ya salty good-fer-nothing barnacles!" A crusty old Griffin grumpily barked, wincing a little as he saw that his beak flaked a little as a result of decades of travelling the salty seas. This Griffin's head had similar features to that of a dishevelled woodland owl.

"You really should get that beak looked at Gerald, sir." A slightly mature sheep commented and then meekly flinched when this greenhorn's eyes met the stern gaze of the experienced captain.

"Wooloo, when you get to be my age, you learn how to deal with it," Gerald said as he patted Wooloo on the head. He then slowly caressed the greenhorn sheep's wool fur with greedy bloodshot eyes. "Hmm, say little greenhorn lass. If ya agree to shave all yer wool, we could sell yer fluffy wool for a profitable bounty."

After hearing the creepy comment, the innocent Wooloo immediately felt slightly unnerved by her captain and wished that she just kept her thoughts to herself. She attempted to move on with her work but could not move for the owlish captain clutched hard on the poor sheep's wool with such strength that he could easily rip off a large chunk of the fluffy fur.

Before the unsettling issue continued and the poor sheep's wool tear off, an old navel Yeti interrupted by smacking the captain's grip on the wool and spoke up with a grizzled voice. "Keep your crusty claws to yourself, you greedy old salty Griffin. 'Sides, every creature here really knows you're too honourable to exploit your crew and selling their belongings against their will."

"Hold on, just a golden bit flippin' second there. Ya don't know what yer yammerin' on about, ya nosy little furball. Yer one of my most sea-worthy crewmate but I'm still aiming to sell yer white fur for a couple of bits. I'm just being patient when yer fur becomes a national treasure. Ye understand?"

The yeti just unenthusiastically rolled his eyes in response.

"That's what I thought now back to work. Yer all just my products. Ye understand?"

"Yes, sir." The pair replied in begrudging tones, which Gerald found to be a slightly satisfactory answer. The captain left the duo to go chart a course.

"Thanks for having my back, Willump," Wooloo said to the old yeti.

"You're welcome that. Rotten bird brain can only think of how many bits he can stuff in his pockets. But don't worry about that, just keep one eye and ear open while your sleeping. " Willump gave Wooloo a small wave and left. "Now if you excuse me I have crates to secure on the ship."

Wooloo left without any clear instructions and decided to head to a local book store to pick up reading materials for the long journey to the Hippogriff kingdom tomorrow.

Wandering the desiccated streets of Griffinstone, Wooloo eventually found a book store it was just as run down as the rest of the city. Sighing she went inside and readied what little bits she had.

About three hours later and no bits left Wooloo entered her room on the boat. The only reason she got a room to herself was the fact that she was the only female on the boat, no one else of the female gender wanted anything to do with her captain. Putting her bag down on her table.

"I really wanna read my new books but I gotta check the inventory, maybe if I'm lucky the captain didn't mess with anything," Wooloo said to herself as she grabbed her clipboard and good eraser as a just in case.

She said hello to fellow crewmates on her way to storage, some returned the greeting others made gestures, most gave her pity looks as she passed them. She knew why so did everyone, the record keeper was often on the receiving end of much the captain's wrath after all.

No one knew why but most figured it was because they were responsible for making sure his greedy claws didn't get caught stealing or because he just simply hates the position is mandatory if he wants to keep his business running, no creature knew for certain.

Wooloo took a right turn after taking some stairs down she accidentally bumped into someone and fell on her flank.

"Oh, sorry I didn't see you." Wooloo apologized as she stood up and brushed herself off.

"You better be you almost made me drop my lunch." The Oh, so familiar voice of her captain growled. "Now, get out of my way we're heading out to sea."

Suppressing a sigh Wooloo got out of the captain's way. As he passed Wooloo caught a glimpse of some merchandise in his jacket pocket. Electing not to say anything she just went on her way to do her job so she could read in peace.

"Maybe I should bring a guest to my room it would be fun to talk to someone about what books I'm reading." The sheep thought.

The day had passed soon after. While the seas were a little choppy at first, it seemed to calm down later on in the day. However, the more eerie part of it, the part that sent a chill up Gerald’s spine, was that the wind seemed to be easing up. If it stopped completely, they may have to start rowing.

“Something’s wrong,” he said under his breath. “I can feel it in my bones.”

Then, suddenly, a voice cried out, “Help! Someone please, help me! I’m drowning!”

Leaning over the ledge of the ship, Willump held up a pair of binoculars, spotting a figure. It seemed to be a power, struggling to stay afloat.

"Captain, someone is in trouble," Willump yelled, getting the captains attention. Gerald merely rolled his eyes and flew down to the yeti to see for himself.

Taking the binoculars Captain Gerald saw a foal with a gold crown, silk dress and an Orange mane in trouble. "We're gonna get them." He said as he shoved the binoculars against the yetis chest

Willump was surprised at the captains' choice. The good kind of surprise that you get from a party or a puppy suddenly licking your face. "Ay, ay captain" Willump gave a quick salute before going to get some other crew members to assist with the rescue while the captain turned the ship towards the direction of the pony in trouble.

As they got closer the foals screams of terror soon turned to horrific laughter as the ship suddenly lurched forward. Wooloo accidentally fell onto a stack of crates, Willump and anyone else who was standing immediately lost balance some even fell overboard. The Captain didn't even flinch at the abrupt stop.

Wooloo once she recovered started towards the top of the ship all the while this child-like laughter filled the air. Wooloo had to cover her ears at the creaking of metal was deafening. Just as she made it up the stairs water burst forth ripping the stairs from the wall.

Then the screams of the crew started followed by the barking of dogs? Right now Wooloo knew she has to get to the emergency rafts on the bow of the ship. Opening the door to the deck of the ship Wooloo saw her crewmates fighting some sort of monster.

"OH, SWEET CELESTIA ITS GOT ME" Turning towards the screaming Wooloo saw Willump dragged away and eaten whole by what appeared to be a dog-headed tentacle.

She wanted to cry for her lost friend but she needed to get out of there. She made a mad dash when she saw another tentacle eat another crewmate. She never ran so fast in her left. It was a short 100 feet but to her, it felt like miles as she saw the captain swoop down and save a pony from being eaten.

Captain Gerald flew with the pony over to the rafts were he used his tail end to cut the rope holding it up. Wooloo quickly focused on her new destination as she booked it.

"Ajacks, Achilles, Zoey, Rufus eat and be well." The young foal said with the utmost joy as she revelled in the destruction of the ship and its crew. The hounds joining in

Wooloo isn't ashamed to admit that she would need a change of pants when she got a chance. Correction if she got a chance. She was almost there when one of the dog tentacles grabbed her and tossed her in the air.

This is how I will be devoured alive by a sea monster. She thought as she started to fall.

As she descended towards her demise, she turned her sight below and witness the monstrosity's massive mouth shut just before its razor-sharp teeth took a bite on her body. She then realised that as they suddenly got further away. Looking up, she could see Gerald carrying her towards the raft that had a few others on it.

Before she was dropped off she couldn't help but ask her Capitan "why?"

"I'm saving as much of my property as possible." He said as he dropped her into the raft. "Keep going east we are about an hour from shore." He barked at them. And with no hesitation, they rowed.

Wooloo turned around to see Gerald dive into the water to go after the now sunken ship. She couldn't help but cry as the small group of a sheep, two ponies and a Kirin got to safety. All while the laughter slowly faded into the distance

Comments ( 25 )

Very nice.

Before i begin to read, i am going to guess the Greek monster Scylla.

10347014
Aye. I remember playing a character like that in Smite

10347086
Scylla? Never heard of that one.

10347185
She has the upper body of a human woman and her lower half is six massive tenticals that at the end hold dog heads .Their are two main origins of her. She was born a monster or turned into one by a witch.

10347247
Thanks. Probably never knew about it because charybdis exists

10347458
She's his counter part. In fact between scylla and charybdis is how we got between a rock and a hard place

10347480
i think charybdis is also female, i remember hearing that she was a some type of sea nymph (or something like that) that poseidon cursed (can't remember why though) and that if charybdis opens her mouth three times then she will drink the entire the ocean, that's the thing about greek myth half of the monsters came about because of someone being cursed.

Huh, this sounds like my type of person to be with.

Hauntingly well written, I enjoyed this story!

I didn't know about this creature, but it is pretty scary.

10348841
She is scary, in tales that feature her the gods say do not fight her and flight is the best option

10348878
Sounds like it, poor little sheep.

I'm not sure if this should be regarded as a 'comedy' myself. Also it had very little build-up to things turning sideways. No warning, no premonition of disaster or feeling of unease.

The description of the characters works, but some of their traits were quickly swept aside. Like the captain being a greedy cuss, which I felt could have lead to more conflict in how the ship is being managed. But no they're just going to go this way and not make any real mention of it being any different from any other time. Sure the captain is greedy but he's not showing it, showing it to us. Even the notion of him turning to save the 'child' seems out of place...as with the weakly established character motivation it could work better to have some conflict, a fight or something for control of the heading of the ship.

It feels like there is potential in how this story is presented, but it didn't grip or engage me. Even something like a brutal display of how some of the crew were eaten or disposed of could have given me more to engage with in the story, but as it stands I can't recommend it at this time.

10365513
I'm not a good writer. I'm sure a better one would of done a much better job but from some of the other comments Scylla isn't that well known

10365526
That's a thing you could do with the story. You could tell more about the creature, allowing others to see more of what she/it is. While at the same time adding your own little details or the like onto some of the myths surrounding it.

It's not a criticism of knowing who Scylla is or not, it is regarding the other details I previously mentioned. Something more in-depth to help pull you in, to make you feel a tension on the water, or that something is wrong. A sense of dread, unease, along with other complications leading up to encountering Scylla. These are just some examples that come to mind for me to consider if you have another go at this or rewrite it.

10365554
Fair but it would take more skill then I have right now

10365570
That's fair I would say. Just something to note as you progress further on. Keep on as you feel the motivation and drive to do so!

That said, I'm still confused as to how this is considered a comedy. I would like to know your thinking in that regard.

10367072
I think that was there from a earlier version and I just forgot to remove it

My only question is...where's the storm king?

10427150
I assume in canterlot at this moment in time

10427166
I mean cause you have him listed as a character in the story. But he's not in the story at all.

10427172
He's from a earlier version of the story and I forgot to remove him

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