• Member Since 13th Apr, 2015
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CapNTilfy


A lovable goofball who delights in spreading positive vibes and writing stories. =3 (AKA Orangie1984 of Derpibooru!)

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Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have been together for quite some time. One night in particular, they decide to take their relationship to the next level. The following day, the two wake up...

Featured 11/30/2019! Squee!

Cover art by General Ecchi

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Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

Adorable... though I can't help but imagine Dash's parents barging in to celebrate her losing her virginity.

9966438
Oh, they definitely would have, but they were out.

She had just had an unforgettable night with Fluttershy, thanks to her parents being out for the weekend.

ok so like, i enjoyed bits of this, but the prose here is sorta janky. all the talk of like "visible muscles" made me picture dash actually like not having skin and her muscles literally being visible. then you get to stuff like this:

Each kiss and each touch she felt and tasted were were unlike anything she ever thought she would experience.

where okay first of all. i don't think a touch that fluttershy neither felt nor tasted would affect her, like... at all really, so clarifying that those particular touches were the ones that were unlike anything she'd ever dreamed is a little wut.

but also you're saying fluttershy tasted touches. so by this point, i'm imagining that dash is some like grotesque skinless abomination and fluttershy's a freaky alien with fucky alien senses and faff like that. which i do sorta dig, so, y'know, props for originality if that's what you were going for, but i'd sorta guess it's not, so

basically, i liked this, but i think there's a lot of room for it to be polished and stuff.

9966458
Interesting perspective. I'll take another look through and maybe make a change or two. Thanks for the constructive criticism!

9966458
Okay, so

Each kiss and each touch she felt and tasted were were unlike anything she ever thought she would experience.

is now

Each kiss she tasted and each touch she felt were unlike anything she ever thought she would experience.

Also, I removed the "visible" part. Now that I think about it, that part seemed a little redundant.

Thanks again for the input! :twilightsmile:

9966438
I was waiting for this too! Probably because I actually did that to her in one of my fics.

Sweet, and steamy. I approve. :pinkiehappy:

Wow! I can imagine Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy getting it on. I'd like to read more stories of love. Maybe Applejack and Rarity next.

Well, now there's a premise I can't pass up on. xD
You did a good job with this. ^^

Though, the mood whiplash with Dash's part was a little distracting with how out of the blue it came when they'd been in a relationship for years.

Oh Lord. The things Fluttershy's animals possibly saw.

9977384
Cover their eyes. And ears!
They'll be traumatised after that...

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