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Comments ( 32 )

Oh man, I am really glad I scrolled past that last bit there. As soon as Anon was dating another mare I pretty much was done with the fic so I scrolled down and just skimmed.

Seems like Anon gets completely screwed over at the end there, which honestly is a really fucking bad ending. Anon starts the fic off unsure and not knowing anything, then gets teased and screwed around. Finally he opens up, gets the help he needs and then gains confidence with a really great sex scene. Like that was a great job.

The fact that he gets pretty much completely fucked over is honestly and quite possibly the worst way you could have ended the fic. The fact that people seeing this comment might ruin the ending is perfectly fine for me, because it's bad and if I knew that this was the ending I wouldn't have bothered reading this in the first place.

Not disliking the fic outright because honestly you had it nailed up until "As the door closes behind you, though, all you can think about is what a day this has turned out to be."

THAT is the end of the fic. THAT is where you should stop it. Anon has confidence now. For all intents and purposes YOU established there wasn't anything wrong with fucking a younger mare with a cutie mark. YOU made that rule through Katy, telling US it was okay for Anon to do this. This is the world building you have given us.

So to take 90% of the fic and throw it all away for the last part there is bad writing. I'm here to jack off and potentially see a cute lil romance between Anon and Katy, instead you boner kill us.

4/10 with the last bit, an easy 7/10 without, and is the difference of at least 250 likes.

10014830
Agreed. Sadly this is one story where I have to downvote it despite favouriting it. Despite being good for 90% of it, the ending left me in a worse mood, when I just wanted to relax.

However, being a commission (from someone I used to know, even), I’m not sure how much blame can be given to the author for that ending.

It's a bit funny. A little rude of an ending, but hey, dude probably should have fact checked this child. Kids are known for lying, you know.

but in Equestria, girls are supposed to be submissive

Exactly; none of that silly RGRE stuff where mares are more dominant and aggressive, receive more benefits, and are less likely to be ridiculed - we already have that nonsense in our world, and it's frankly quite repulsive. I'd much prefer female submissiveness, since it'd mean men not being utterly screwed over in family court and by false assault accusations (sexual or physical, but especially the former) and being seen as the 'default' domestic abuser or child predator, but nooo - EmpOwErMeNt oF wOmeN.
Even when it results in much higher rates of male suicide, and truly despicable women, and the notable decrease in dating and marriage rates, and how single-mother children are more likely to end up psychologically damaged, or end up committing crimes, due to lacking a father figure.

How I wish I was in this Equestria...

A very unusual story, especially with the twist ending. :twistnerd:
You can correct me if I'm wrong, but I imagine Katydid as being a secret evil Cozy-Glow-ish sort of character that manipulates others' feelings to cause them suffering. If there were a third chapter, I bet it'd be Katy accusing Anon of rape.

This probably needs the Dark tag.

10014917
Katy's statement that girls in Equestria are submissive is probably a lie, based on the ending.

Although this is unrelated to the story, I would just like to say that having been raised by a single mother most of my life, I do not think of it as a disadvantage. I never understood why people pity me. Somehow people think that children raised by a single parent are "deficient" in some way. I don't think of myself as "inadequate" simply because I don't have much of a father figure. I can be just as happy and healthy as someone raised by two parents.

10014917
I very rarely downvote comments, but you really earned it. Congratulations on being the perfect example of an angry neckbeard incel.

Edit: I see a few of you nerds are agreeing with this moron, whose solution to sexism against men is even stronger sexism against women. Yeah, all those problems he listed, he doesn't want to fix. He just wants them to shift over to women. His dream world is one where women get fucked over in family court, have lives ruined by false accusations, are seen as the default domestic abuser, and commit suicide more often. That's what you get if "women should be submissive". Is that really what you want? The solution to the problems isn't to just move them somewhere else. How about some fucking equality, instead of just siding with a team like some kind of mindless rabid sports fan?

Yes! You are back in the game! I gotta make time to read this fast!

Surprisingly great story with a darker focus than expected. Made me feeling depressed in the end, which isn't hard to do nowadays...

I'm also pretty hesitant to visit my local park now...

Poor Anon,

Hopefully, this is actually a case of one single mare being unaware of the social norms, and the filly was right all along.

10015077
Except that my "dream world" is one where family court rulings are actually 50/50 custody, and no-one has to worry about jail time or having to pay exorbitant sums. Where the suicide rate for both sexes is practically nil because there's no way to utterly destroy the lives of either sex. Where there is no "default" domestic abuser or child predator - neither sex has to be chaperoned around the other sex or around children, or seen as potential criminals if they want to spend time with their kids or nephews/nieces or schoolchildren (if they're a teacher).

I do admit I would like women to be more submissive, but that's because they've swung so far the other way - become so aggressive, egotistical, bitchy, sometimes violent - that submissiveness once again seems better. Ideally, both men and women would be somewhere in the middle - dominant when they need to be, submissive when they need to be - but that's not happened yet, and with how society promotes female jerkassery, it's not likely to happen anytime soon.

10015309

I do admit I would like women to be more submissive, but that's because they've swung so far the other way - become so aggressive, egotistical, bitchy, sometimes violent - that submissiveness once again seems better.

Your incel is showing.

10015324

I loathe that darker elements of society have managed to turn that label into something vile. And I feel for the lady who started the movement in an effort to help people, and who now gets to see her creation so twisted by the very people she wanted to help.

Good read. Lovely sex scene, too. I wasn't a fan of the name Katydid, as it is so very un-ponylike and obviously someone's OC, but it didn't bother me that much.

Loved the ending bit. People obviously didn't pick up that it was supposed to be humorous, and an obvious way to show that the filly obviously played him big time.

10/10 good job.

10015386
Actually, a katydid is a kind of grasshopper. I personally think the name works better than some names on the show that were obviously forced (such as Cheese Sandwich). That's just me, though. Glad you enjoyed the story! :twilightsmile:

Okay, I listened to this at work via TTS on my phone and OMG I love it. There's so much that happened that was right on and what the hell was that ending?! We need a sequel and several more chapters to explain in a series of ways things!
If you won't/can't, I'd be willing to write a couple sequels.

Great story. Going into my favs; a rare place. Be honored. BE HONORED! Thank you for writing this. :)

I'm of a different mind than the people who downvoted: Anon was dumb for falling for such an obvious lie as the one the filly was telling, and he fully deserves this for being dumb.

Love this fic! And I love how smart Katy is, and how manages to fool Anon! Can we please get a sequel where he gets fooled again but still gets to fuck her? :twilightsmile:

Loved this Fimfic. Anon and Katydid kept in character very well with Katy taking advantage of Anon's lack of cultural knowledge. The clop scene was fantastically done. Anon going through a lot of mental hoops, and Katy's innocence/natural instinct really worked well together.

It did take a bit for the humor of the ending to register, yet it was made for a really funny end. Anon's eyes turning into silver dollars really hit it for being humorous rather than serious in my opinion.

Greatly appreciate how you left it open at the end with Sweet Biscuit scolding Anon of 'How could you?', 'You should have thought about what you did.', and 'Your not going home for a long time.'

Whether or not you create a sequel to the story or not it leaves a lot to the imagination about what is going to happen to Anon by Sweet BIscuit's hooves.

Rating 10/10 would definitely read again.

Bruh you alright?

The story was just okay. That ending though, that's a whole new level of dark comedy. 10 outta 10, man.

nbq

Well, I was expecting that end. :facehoof:
Anyway it's a good story and I hope we'll see more stories from you.

I get the feeling that his Culture has been Shocked. :derpyderp1:

Cute. You finally get to show somepony your penis, and she calls it cute.

Having said that, here is the ending without unicorn magic:

There’s also dragons and yaks here for you to choose from, but you haven’t quite gotten that desperate yet.

You mean that isn’t your First option?
:rainbowwild:

10014917
Wow those downvotes :pinkiegasp:
Um, you’re not wrong i guess. But there is definitely more to it than that :twilightsheepish:

10066451
Y'know, since FIMFiction doesn't keep a list of every comment a user has posted (unlike YouTube, Reddit, and some other places, which do allow a user to review all of their comments/posts), I didn't even remember that one.
It's remarkably easy to forget where a certain comment is, or if you had even commented at all, without that list. Then someone replies to an old comment and you've got about a day or so before it permanently disappears from the Notifications list, never to be seen again.

Not exactly helpful, that.

And this is why you don't just take the word of the one person who stands to benefit if you go along with what they say. Geez, dude. Should have, you know, verified.

I didn't think you'd go there, though.

Alt ending 1:


“Then what else is there to understand? If I don’t know about something, teach me!”

You smile sweetly and do the one move you know will be necessary: buy time. "Okay, I think I know an important lesson. How about first we play cribbage."

Katydid smiles broadly. "What's cribbage?"

Half an hour later her confusion bubbles over. "What does this have to do with sex?"

"Nothing at all. You're supposed to move your peg three spaces forward now."

"But you said the lesson was on! What is this?"

"No, I said first we'd do this. We can have the lesson later. Do you want to stop playing cribbage?"

She nods vigorously. "Lesson now, please."

"I still need to think about it some more. Need to make sure I get it right. What would you normally do with your friend during a slumber party at this time of night?"

She hesitates, then thinks. "Well, maybe hoof painting? But…"

"Sounds good. Do you have the materials?"

"I… would need to go get them."

"Great. How long will you take?"

"Ten minutes!"

You watch her step out, then after giving yourself half a minute for her to get away from the house, steel yourself and step out. You walk next door and knock. A minute passes as you heard sounds of somepony approaching the door. It opens, revealing your neighbor Burnt Oak. "Hello there, neighbor. What's got you knocking this late?"

"I heard about something and it's been bugging me. In my world, there are rules and… social expectations about a thing, and I wonder if you have that here too."

"All right. Lay it on me."

"Well, how young is it okay to have sex?"

"Once you're thirty five, you're fair game."

The 7/3 conversion lines up conveniently roundly, so it takes you only a moment. "So, fifteen. And going lower is… frowned upon, illegal, massively illegal…"

"Yeeah, it's not good. What brought it up?"

"Got it. Thanks. And while we're on the subject, mares do or do not generally prefer to play a very submissive… uh… I'll take your laughter as a 'no'. Thank you for your time."

~~~~

Alt ending 2:


"I still need to think about it some more. Need to make sure I get it right. What would you normally do with your friend during a slumber party at this time of night?"

"No, I want the lesson now!"

"I thought you wanted to have a slumber party because your friend is out of town. Are you saying you actually really came over to have sex with me?"

"No! I just want this lesson!"

You take a deep breath. "All right. Before you can reasonably have sex, there are some elements of character you should possess. Of course, grownups don't always have them, but there is an age before which few do and after… those who don't, you can basically say that's their problem. Among these is not being a petulant whiny little child about having to wait for sex, let alone being turned down. And you're clearly not there yet. So no, we're not going to have sex; not now, not tomorrow, and I expect for several years."

Her furious reaction tells you how much of a bullet you just dodged. "You can't do this to me!"

"This is in fact totally ordinary, and I am totally doing it."

"I had you… you're going to be alone!"

"You shouldn't be having sex until you can deal with being alone. Otherwise someone could just waltz in and take major advantage of you. Like you were going to do to me. But I am, unhappily, I grant, able to deal with it."

"I'll tell them you were going to take advantage of me!"

"I fail to see how actually taking advantage of you would make my position better the next time you want me to comply with a ridiculous demand. I decline to go down that path. And since I'm not, you may as well not carry through the threat."

"What? You can't do that! You have to give in! That's how it always goes!"

"Which way to the police station? Why don't we both give our statements?"

Her face blanches. "Witnesses have seen us together!"

Doing things which are perfectly legal here? "In fact, how about I get up and do that?"

"No! You can't!"

"If it's such a bad idea for me to do, why are you trying to stop me?"

She has nothing to say to that, and runs out of your life. Sigh.

~~~~

Alt ending 3:

Just as the crowd is getting ready to beat the tar out of you based on Sweet Biscuit's claims, Discord pops up. "Hold it, Cuitty." Sweet Biscuit leaps away. Discord coils around you. "This fine stallion here has done nothing wrong. He has been subject to a finely crafted illusion. He did not see what you think he saw, and he did not hear what you think he heard, and he hasn't done whom you think he's done."

Sweet Biscuit blinks. "Well, he certainly lifted my tail with his pants down!"

"Only because of a finely crafted illusion telling him that you were sending signals that that is precisely what you wanted him to do."

"What? But… he's acting guilty!"

"He was barely on board with it when he thought it was what you wanted, and now that he has found it was all a fake, he feels deep shame for his action, isn't that right?"

You nod vigorously.

"And the kid?"

Discord challenges her, "What kid?"

"He was babbling about age of consent in a way that means he was raping…" Discord cuts her speech off by replacing her mouth with a steel plate.

"I can verify that at no point did he do anything inappropriate with any foal. He was merely under the mistaken belief that it would be socially acceptable to do things it turns out it isn't."

As the crowd is engulfed in arguing angrily with each other, you finally manage to stand up. You look at Discord's expression and realize… "It was you all along, wasn't it?" You… stuck your dick in Discord? That's not happy at all.

Discord grins. "Oh my, that's hilarious. No, I'm not actually responsible for any of this. Katydid is ancient, and I benefit from the chaos her illusions create."

But a tiny voice speaks in your ear from an invisible source, "Yeah, it was me. Your place next, or mine?"

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