• Member Since 16th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Tuesday

Saatchi

Someone who forgot about ponies for years, but decided to come back when they started a particularly interesting pony project.

Saatchi Joined 16th Oct, 2011 · Offline

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Comments ( 4 )
Spamotron
Spamotron #1 · Nov 25th, 2019 · · ·
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I think a decent number of downvotes are from people who feel they were misled. First, there's the cutesy, romantic cover picture and the line "A visit into the mind of one Twilight Sparkle should be enough for a quickie. But Luna's about to find that just because someone is bookish in the waking realm, doesn't mean they're completely the same in the Dream Realm..." Together imply some romance and affection with Twilight having some agency. Instead Twilight gets mind zapped and it goes straight to the sex.

I wouldn’t call what Luna did “slight hypno,” it's pretty blatant full mind control.

Luna comes across as a completely unlikeable bitch in this. The implication that she deliberately sabotaged Sunset and Celestia’s relationship. The implication that she was only interested in her and now Twilight because they were/are Celestia's students. The fact that she immediately resorts to mind control without displaying any skill at seduction. Then the narrative instead of owning up to how bad a person Luna is tries to give her a pass by having Twilight thank her at the end. But IMO it makes Luna come across as even more skeevy than if Twilight had just forgotten the dream entirely and had no idea why she gained the penis.

I'd recommend revising the description and adding a Dark tag.

Saatchi
Saatchi #2 · Nov 27th, 2019 · · 1 ·
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9959226
I have taken the feedback on board as far as descriptions and tweaks to the tags are concerned.

In terms of how Luna is portrayed, that’s...how I wanted her to be? Like, in no way am I trying to be true to the canon variant of Luna. I’ve got many one-shot personas for characters in my head and this is just one of them. Luna being a horny bitch that just wants to get off without thinking too much into it. Though I would like to stress that she at least shows concern for Twilight and avoids making her choke to death or pass out etc. Granted it is for her own benefit in the end, but again her whole persona here is that she’s self-serving.

And maybe it reads like I tried to give Luna a pass at the end, but I didn’t. I don’t want to excuse what she did. The point of that ending was supposed to be Twilight waking up from the dream to find that she had a dick. Her mind still clouded with the fog of drowsiness, still in that between state of being awake and dreaming. Kinda like how you’ll laugh at something in a dream, which then wakes you up and you might laugh again, continuing the dream as it fades. Leaving you unable to remember just what was so funny in the first place.

Twilight’s thanks is exactly that. Her final thought from the dream before she forgets it completely. Had I written a few paragraphs further, you would probably have found that a little more obvious when she freaks out about suddenly having a dick and not knowing why.

Thanks for the feedback though. It’s at least nice to elaborate on the ideas and highlight points I probably could make clearer.

WolfLover
WolfLover #3 · Dec 29th, 2019 · · ·
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Question do you know where the cover art is from?

Saatchi
Saatchi #4 · Dec 29th, 2019 · · ·
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10008935
Yeah it’s from DuoCartoonist’s video “The Moon Rises”, based on the song of the same name from Ponyphonic.

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