Game of Groans
Spike was running as fast as legs could carry him back to the library. He was holding a plastic bag with something in it. He was also smiling the entire way back to the library.
In the treehouse, Chad was in his room watching television with Ace on his shoulders again. On the screen was the cartoon known as Shinobi Tigers.
“Chad Chad Chad!” Spike called as he raced through the doors, Bandit and Twilight opening them before he could collide with the doors, so the doors wouldn’t be broken. Chad turned to look at Spike as he came running in.
“What’s going on Spike?” Chad asked. Spike held up a game with two velociraptors, one with green markings on his side, the other with orange markings.
“Dino Dasher 3?” Chad asked.
“Yeah! It finally came out!” Spike said with a little dance to match his excitement.
“I thought that game was delayed.” Chad said with a tilted head.
“It was, but they managed to release it. Guess they fixed whatever problems they were having.” Spike said as he placed the game into the console and sat down. Ace hissed at him as he was sitting in his spot. Spike moved and Ace got off Chad’s shoulders and curled up in his spot. The game turned on and revealed a low resolution, 8 bit game that was very different from the cover of the game. Chad looked at the cover, the game, back at the cover, and then at the game.
“This is the worst game my eyes have ever been cursed into seeing.” Chad thought before looking at Spike.
My Little Pony,
My Big Changeling too
Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahhh…
[Bandit]
(My Little Pony)
We used to wonder what friendship could be
(My Big Changeling too)
[Twilight Sparkle]
Until you all shared its magic with me
[Rainbow Dash]
Big adventure
[Pinkie Pie]
Tons of fun
[Rarity]
A beautiful heart
[Applejack]
Faithful and strong
[Fluttershy]
Sharing kindness!
[Lightning Sprint]
Motivate the team
[Bandit]
Heroics makes it all complete
You have my little ponies
Do you know you're all my very best friends?
The character select screen was in front of them. The two characters, Rex (the green one) and Dex (the orange one) were bobbing up and down to the music as they were waiting to be chosen.
“Rex and Dex huh? They haven’t changed the characters since we weren’t born.” Chad tapped his chin. He picked up the Player 2 controller.
“You can be player 1 Spike.” Chad told him. Spike doubletaked but then took the controller and picked Rex. Chad chose Dex and as soon as they started the game, it froze and crashed.
“Dangit, the game crashed, hold on.” Spike said as he walked over to restart the game.
“Spike! Chad! Lunch!” Twilight called.
“Coming!” Chad exclaimed as he zipped off fast enough to leave behind a dust silhouette, who gently placed down his controller before disappearing as Spike rushed after him.
After lunch, Chad was making his way to the door, only for Spike call out for him from the door to their room.
“Hey Chad! Ready to get our Dino on?” He asked. Chad turned to look at him and tried to look for an outing.
“Oh, uh yeah, but it’ll have to be later, you see I gotta…..” He shifted his eyes before noticing Big Macintosh in town before smiling. “Help at Sweet Apple Acres.”
“Oh, okay.” Spike said.
“See you when I get back.” Chad said as he zipped off so fast, he left another dust silhouette, who waved at Spike before fading once again. Spike shrugged and walked down the stairs to play the game. He was completely unbothered by Chad not wanting to play they game.
Chad made it to Sweet Apple Acres where Applejack was bucking apples, with Apple Bloom doing the same. Apple Bloom looked up and noticed him.
“Howdy Chad!” She called out.
“Hi Apple Bloom! Howdy Applejack!” Chad said as he ran over.
“What brings you over?” Applejack asked.
“I came to see what I could help with things at Sweet Apple Acres.” Chad said with a smile and a wagging tail. Applejack tapped her chin.
“Well, there’s not a lot for you to do. Unless you can pull that plow.” Applejack said as she pointed to the plow that was nearby. Chad trotted to plow and used a magic lasso to harness himself to it. “Wait, Chad I don’t want you to-”
Chad started pulling the plow with very little effort.
“Huh….I guess you can.” Applejack said, extremely stunned at Chad’s ability to pull the plow.
Chad plowed the entire field before finally letting the magic lasso disappear, and then pushing the plow back to its original place.
“That was some mighty fine work there Chad. You sure you’re not secretly a farm pony under all this exoskeleton?” Applejack asked as she tickled him, he laughed and thumped his leg. “Huh, you’re deceptively soft.”
“Got anything else for me to do?” Chad asked.
“Why so helpful all of a-”
“I could use some help with my household chores.” Apple Bloom interrupted.
“Apple Bloom, I’m sure Chad doesn’t want to do any of your-” Applejack doubletaked to see Chad was nothing more than a dust silhouette now, which of course faded away. Apple Bloom and Applejack head inside and found Chad dusting and tidying Apple Bloom’s room.
“Aaaaaaaaaand.” Chad zipped over and dusted Apple Bloom’s nose. “Done.”
Apple Bloom let out a small sneeze before giggling.
“What else?” Chad asked.
“Uh. Well the kitchen needs some mop-” Applejack tried to say, but once again, Chad ran out so fast that a dust silhouette was left. The dust silhouette sighed as it faded once more.
Apple Bloom and Applejack followed the trail once more and saw Chad using his tail as a mop. Dousing it in bubble soap and water before moving back and forth, moving furniture in his magic while at the same time sliding around the room on his tail like a sled. He was finished in no time and Applejack looked at the floor.
“Wow!” Apple Bloom said as she looked at the floor.
“This floor’s so clean that I can see my reflection.” Applejack said with a smile. Chad washed his tail and hopped over to them.
“Anything else?” He asked.
“Afraid not Chad. That was everything.” Applejack said.
“Oh, okay.” Chad said as his ears slightly flopped. He had delayed the inevitable. But Apple Bloom tapped her chin and got an idea.
“Hey, maybe Sweetie Belle and Rarity could use some help at the boutique.” Apple Bloom suggested. Chad zipped off, not leaving a dust silhouette this time, but then came back and hugged them both.
“Thank you.” He said zipping off again, leaving his dust silhouette. The dust silhouette looked at itself before holding up a sign towards the readers that said, ‘I quit’, before fading away, along with the sign.
“Huh, that was weird.” Applejack pointed out. Apple Bloom wasn’t paying attention to the dust cloud.
“Think he’s available tomorrow?” Apple Bloom asked. Applejack shot her an unamused look.
At the library, Spike was playing Dino Dash 3 as Bandit came downstairs.
“Spike, you down here?” He asked. Spike paused the game and looked at the stairs.
“Yeah, I’m down here!” Spike called. Bandit down the stairs and looked at the game. It was still the first level, despite how long he was playing the game.
“Dino Dasher 3 huh? What level are you on?” Bandit asked.
“Level one.” Spike answered.
“Still? You’ve been playing this for hours.” Bandit asked as he looked at the screen.
“Well, the game kept crashing and freezing. Then I couldn’t get past the first drop because they changed the jump button.” Spike said.
“Again?” Bandit asked.
“And the attack button, and theres no tutorial.” Spike answered.
“Wow. This game is…” He looked at how Spike was playing the game. “Interesting to say the least.”
“I bought it today.” Spike told him.
“How much was the game?”
“70 bits.”
“Wow. That sounds like a serious steal.” Bandit said sarcastically.
“Well it kinda was. I could have gotten the Ultimate edition for the additional 4 levels for 15 extra bits, or 100 bits for the retro edition, which lets me get Tex and Apex.” Spike explained.
“Spike, I was being sarcastic. This game looks like it’s been around longer than the dinosaurs on the cover. And from what you’ve told me, this is probably one of the worst games you could buy.” Bandit clarified.
“You wanna be player 2 while Chad is out?” Spike asked.
“Absolutely.” Bandit said as he picked up the other controller.
At Rarity’s Boutique, Chad was holding still for Rarity, who was using him as a size reference to make more hoodies for sale.
“Thank you so much for your help darling. It’s so hard to find a colt who holds still long enough for me to get a good measurement.” Rarity said as Sweetie Belle came over with a juice box.
“Glad I could help Rarity.” Chad said as Sweetie Belle levitated the juice to Chad.
“Thank you Sweetie Belle.” Chad said as he drank the juice.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand. Done.” Rarity said as she finished her sewing. Chad used his magic to keep the hoodie still as he slipped out of it and directly into his normal hoodie in less than a second.
“Thank you darling.” She said as it was revealed that multiple different Hoodie designs were on dress forms roughly Chad’s size. The hoodies ranged from normal colored to multi-toned hoodies with multiple, yet fashionable colors. “I’m sure many foals will love these hoodies. Although I must ask. Why are you so helpful all of a sudden?”
“Darn.” Chad said.
“What?” Rarity asked.
“I was hoping Sweetie Belle would interrupt you before that question would leave your mouth.” Chad told her.
“Oh, Sorry.” Sweetie Belle said.
“It’s fine Sweetie Belle. I just thought it would be the third pony I tried to help. Or one that didn’t have a distracting Sibling.” Chad said before sitting down and looking at Rarity. “I’m trying to buy myself time so I don’t have to play Dino Dasher 3 with Spike.”
“You don’t want to play the game with Spike?” Rarity asked.
“No, I love playing with Spike. The problem is the game he wants us to play. Dino Dasher 3, which he just bought.” Chad answered.
“Wasn’t that game delayed?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“They released it after ‘fixing the difficulties’ in the game. Which is a fancy way of saying we fixed nothing, here’s the game now give us your bits.” Chad said.
“I take it you’re not a big fan of that game?” Rarity asked.
“I hate that game more than Kazoos.” Chad said.
“Wait, why do you hate kazoos?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I do not trust kazoos. At all.” Chad said.
“Why don’t you just tell Spike you don’t like the game and try to play something else?” Rarity asked.
“He loves that game series, he’s always playing the games I like. Well, except the Moonball series. I mean, I still play his favorite games that I’m not fond of, Like the Pixie Park games, Ironsphere, and literally any game from Tidal Wave Studios, especially their Dino Dasher series.” Chad said before looking out the window and seeing the sun beginning to lower. “Alright. The inevitable has been delayed long enough. Thanks for helping out.” Chad said as he walked out of the Boutique. As he walked out, a colt (Featherweight) was pointing to one of the hoodies, clearly asking his mother to by it.
Chad arrived back at the library and was greeted by Ace, who ran over and climbed onto his shoulders. Chad went downstairs just in time to see Spike and Bandit passing level one.
“Wow, that was frustrating.” Bandit said as he placed the controller down.
“Yeah, first level wasn’t a very fun. I’m sure the next levels are gonna be better.” Spike said optimistically.
“I’m back.” Chad said from behind them.
“Okay, you kiddos enjoy game time, I gotta run some errands.” Bandit said as he got out as quickly as possible.
Chad grabbed the controller and sat down. He saw that level 2 was just unlocked.
“How long have you been trying to unlock Level 1?” Chad asked.
“Since you left. It gave me enough time to figure out what controls are what. As it turns out, you press B to jump and then press A to double jump. You have to press down the joysticks twice to use your special ability, and double tap Y to go superspeed.” Spike explained to him. Chad looked at the controller before unplugging it and grabbing a more generic looking controller.
“Just in case I feel like the controller needs a flying lesson.” Chad said.
“But controllers don’t fly.” Spike slightly misunderstood.
“This’ll be the first.” Chad said.
(Level 2)
Chad and Spike were on level two of dino dasher 3, and the second the game started, they were greeted with the dashboard, for the game crashed yet again.
“What just happened?” Chad asked.
“The game crashed again.” Spike said as he clicked on the game. His pupils then shrank. “Uh oh.”
“Don’t tell me. You didn’t save after you completed level one.”
“Nope.”
“Starting back from the beginning?”
“Definitely.”
“........Of course.”
(Level One)
Chad and Spike started back to the beginning, controlling Rex (Spike) and Dex (Chad), they began playing.
They came across a pit fall to jump over and Chad double tapped A to jump over it, only to walk right off the edge.
“Dang.” He muttered.
The game restarted to the beginning of the level.
“Wait, if one of us loses the level restarts?” Chad asked.
“Yeah.” Spike answered. Chad sighed yet again.
Chad managed to get to the jump again and pressed B to jump, but he double tapped it to double jump, but no second jump happened and instead he dropped straight down. Chad looked up at the ceiling out of frustration with a groan as the level restarted.
Chad finally cleared the jump and let out a satisfactory sigh, successfully double jumping over the drop. His celebration was cut short when Spike fell down the platform.
“Spike!!” Chad exclaimed.
“I hit the wrong button!” Spike exclaimed as they restarted to the beginning of the level.
“Aaaaaargh!” Chad exclaimed.
“I’m sorry!” Spike exclaimed.
Both were finally over the platform and they saw an enemy coming their way.
“Use X to attack.” Spike told him. Chad used the X button and took the enemy out with one hit with a tail whip. They came across another drop and Chad fell down again, even though he pressed B.
“What!?” He exclaimed before looking at his controller. “You are asking for it controller! You are begging for-” He abruptly stopped and looked back at the screen as the level started from the beginning.
“Chad are you okay?” Spike asked as he looked at him.
“How many controllers did you break during the gorgon heads level of Castlemane-ia?” Chad asked.
“4.” Spike answered.
“I’m about to make it 5.” Chad said.
They got back to past the drop where they’re confronted by an enemy, which was quickly defeated. They jump over the next drop and came across a series of platforms above them that were gonna be dropping spikes.
“Okay, this is where we use our speed boost. Ready?” Spike asked.
“Double tap Y right?” Chad asked.
“Right.”
“Okay okay, ready.” Chad said. The two of them double tapped Y, to speed boost, but Chad went in one short burst while Spike was still running. And of course he was defeated by a spike. Chad sighed before looking at Spike.
“Did you have to hold down the button to keep the speed boost going after you double tap?” Chad asked.
“Yes.” Spike answered. Then he realized he didn’t tell Chad to hold the button down after double tapping Y. “I forgot to tell-”
“Yes. Yes you did.” Chad said with an eye twitch.
After yet another painful hardship, they finally got to the end of the level.
“Finally!” Chad exclaimed. The level completed text popped up. “Lemon pie couldn’t make me happier than seeing those letters.” Chad said. Spike hit continue and they were moved onto the second level and Spike paused the game to save their progress and as soon as possible.
At that moment the game froze.
“No!” The two exclaimed. Spike started moving the joystick and pressing the A button out of panic.
“Please! Please don’t crash!” Chad exclaimed. His begging was answered, but since Spike was spamming the joystick and A button, the game did his last movements, which made him quit without saving progress.
“NO!!” Spike and Chad exclaimed, quickly starting the game again, and of course, they were back on level one.
“NOOOOOO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!” Chad exclaimed as he spiked the controller to the ground. “Absotively Positutely not! I’m going to sleep!”
Chad stomped to his bed and threw the covers on to fall asleep. Spike looked at him, then the controller, and the game. He then went back to playing the game.
The next morning, Chad woke up and saw Spike asleep in a sleeping bag next to the controller he was playing with. Chad walked over and saw that the game was still on and on the pause menu of a water level. Chad looked at the level and saw that it was on level 5, and the bags under Spike’s eyes as he slept told Chad that he had been playing until late night.
Chad looked at the level and then walked upstairs.
Chad was at Sugar Cube Corner with Skeedaddle, Rumble, and Apple Bloom. He had a bag on his side, having just bought something from the game shop. As they waited for their food, Skeedaddle spoke up.
“Hey Chad. Do you think consider sequels films that aren’t made by the original screenwriters to be high-budget fanfiction?” Skeedaddle asked.
“I literally just sat down and that’s how you start off a conversation?” Chad asked.
“You feeling okay Chad?” Rumble asked, noticing his tone.
“No not really, Spike bought Dino Dasher 3 yesterday. I played it with Spike last night and I’m dreading playing it again.” Chad answered.
“Wasn’t that game delayed?” Skeedaddle asked.
“They released it anyway.” Chad said. “It’s still very buggy and I broke a controller in a fit of rage last night.”
“Is the game hard?” Rumble asked.
“For all the wrong reasons. The game requires you to save after each level or it will start you from the very first level, which wouldn’t be so bad if the game didn’t crash in the pause menu.” Chad answered.
“How does a game like that crash? It’s at most, 2 gigabytes.” Rumble said right before their food arrives.
“That’s not even the worst of it. What is the universal rule of double jumping?” Chad asked.
“You press the same button twice to jump twice.” Apple Bloom answered.
“Dino Dasher 3 doesn’t have that. You have to press two different buttons to double jump. I usually don’t like the Dino Dasher series, but it’s still playable. Double-D 3 makes playing Chess with Gummy seem like a walk in an ice cream covered park.” Chad said. He slapped the end of his plate and launched his food into his mouth.
“Wait, it’s hard playing Chess with gummy?” Skeedaddle asked.
“Yeah, cause he’s a cheater!” Pinkie was heard saying from her room. They chuckle before Apple Bloom looked at Chad.
“Does Spike know how much you don’t like the game?” Apple Bloom asked.
“No he doesn’t. But before someone goes on about the cliche, ‘maybe if you talk this out he’ll understand’, I understand that. I’m just trying to give the game a chance. Spike paid 70 bits for that game, he loves the series that much. Hopefully the game will surprise me with something, but if it gets to the point of one return, I’ll tell him.” Chad told the group.
“Don’t you mean point of no return?” Rumble asked, receiving a bonk from Apple Bloom. “Ow!”
“No, I mean point of one return. When they only way out is the way you came.” Chad said as he got off and went to pay for his food. As he left, Mrs. Cake walked over with milkshakes.
“Mrs. Cake, can I get a to go box? My parents left for work early, so I have to feed Lazy Bones.” Skeedaddle said.
“Coming right up.” Mrs. Cake said as she dropped off the milkshakes and went back. Apple Bloom and Rumble glared at him.
“What?” Skeedaddle asked.
“Your parents don’t have jobs.” They both gritted to him.
Chad got back to the library and walked through the door. He went to the kitchen to fill up Ace’s food bowl. Hearing the sound of food, Ace was there in less than a second to eat. Chad pet him before heading downstairs and saw that Spike was awake again, playing the game’s first level. Confused, Chad walked over to Spike.
“Spike, why are on level one again? You were on level One before I left.” Chad said as he sat down.
“The game updated when you left, it restarted my saves.” Spike answered.
“I’m sorry what was that?” Chad asked, dumbfounded by this information.
“Oh, when you left the game updated to fix some of the bugs, but it deleted all of my saves so I have to play from level one again.” Spike answered.
“This game hasn’t been out for 18 hours, and there was already an update, and it was one that deletes saves?” Chad asked.
“Unfortunately.” Spike told him. Chad’s eye twitched and he placed the newly bought generic controller in their controller cabinet.
“Okay, that’s it. Spike. I have a confession to make.” Chad said as he sat down. Spike paused the game and looked at Chad.
“What is it Chad?” Spike asked.
“I absolutely positively, absotively positutely detest this game. And game series.” Chad began. Spike looked at Chad and listened well. “Were do I start? The games keep crashing for literally no reason. Dino Dasher 3 I’ll give the benefit of the doubt because it just came out, but 2 and 1 crash all the time when I get to the end of the level. The controls are always changing per game and they make no sense whatsoever. Coming from me, that’s rich but seriously, I can accept the jump button not being at the bottom of the face buttons, but whoever thought making the button to double jump different from the button you pressed to jump in the first place should not be making games. That goes triple if the previous games of that entry had that mechanic. The game’s cover is so different from the actual game, it would be better off called false advertising.” Chad said.
“I think Cashgrab is better.” Spike said.
“That too. Don’t even get me started on the characters. Rex and Dex are literally the exact same dinosaurs with different color makings on there side. Apex and Tex are literally red (Apex) and blue (Tex) versions of them. The game expects you to pay 30 extra bits for two characters who been around since the first Dino Dasher game, as a DLC. And lastly, here’s no lore. At all. Two dinosaurs go from one side of the level to the next, and solve obstacles, and all of them are left to right. No secret levels, no hidden lore, and worst of all, no freedom. In other words Spike, I don’t like nor want to play this game.” Chad said. There was a brief silence before Spike chuckled and laughed a little.
Chad was confused and tilted his had as Spike stopped laughing.
“Why didn’t you just say so?” Spike asked as he took the game out of the console and put it back in the case.
“Because you play all of my favorite games with me.’ Chad answered.
“Well duh, because I like those games too. You don’t have to force yourself to play a game you don’t enjoy just so we can play together.” Spike told him.
“I don’t?” Chad asked. Spike shook his head.
“No. I mean, there is only one game you like that I don’t.” Spike said.
“Game series. Moonball series, yes.” Chad said.
“Ever since I told you I didn’t like the game series, have you asked me to play it with you.” Spike asked. Chad facehoofed at his own foolishness. “And there’s the click.”
“I guess I should’ve been honest about how I didn’t like the game when you bought it. I guess I was too worried about discouraging you from playing the game to say anything.” Chad told him. Spike raised an eyebrow.
“Were you?” He asked.
“Nah, I wanted to give the new game a chance before I said anything.” Chad answered. Spike grabbed him and noogied him with a smirk. “Gah! Hey!”
Chad wiggled out and began chasing him. Both laughing as they ran.
“Dear My loving mother, Hi mom! It’s me Chad! I hope you can imagine my voice as you’re reading this. Today I learned that sometimes, the interest of your friendsfamily friends and/or family may not be something that you’re interested in, or like. Sometimes you might feel like you’ll have to pretend to like what they like to spare their feelings, but like Rarity and Fluttershy have learned before, you should never be afraid to share your true feelings. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out that the course of actions you took was very unnecessary, even if it’s the thought that counts.” Chad narrated before giving it to Spike to send to Celestia. Spike then looked at the clock and then at Chad.
“Still got some time before lunch. Wanna play Dino Dasher 3?” Spike joked. Chad looked unamused before zipping off with a blur. Chad peeked back in.
“Oh right, my dust silhouette quit. Anyway, gonna pass.” Chad said as he went back out. Spike smirked.
“Knew you would. Let’s find another game to play.” Spike said as he walked out the room.
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nice done, interesting idea about Equestria having modern video games.
And i know the update/patch feeling, i have a RTS game, which had an update that made the Al a total joke in skirmish
This was a sweet lesson! I can't wait to see the finale!
Bring on the gala
Welp, Chad learns not to self inflict that kind of torture on himself, and hopefully spike learns to not buy worthless games.
Great chapter as always, man!
I just realized that Chad’s pet has the same name as my dog.
Also:
Is that an Emperor’s New Groove reference? Because it reminds me of the scene where they’re tied to a log and end up going over a waterfall.
10931025
I hope you enjoy the finale.
10931051
It will be brought. Coming soon
10931122
Thank you kindly.
Although, the game isn't worthless to spike after all.
10931154
Ace is a fairly common name for pets.
Very much so. Emperor's New Groove will always be underrated for me.
10931180
I bet it'll be great!
A word to the wise, when playing motion video games,
Make sure the safety strap is attached.
10931154
I remember that scene! Would be funny if Chad and Spike wound up in that situation.
That’s when you know that the game is either terrible or the device can’t handle it.
I feel like I know where this is going. Chad’s going to avoid playing that game at all costs.
If 1 bit = $1, then that video game is 10 bucks more expensive than average, which is intense.
Though if this is meant to be an old NES game, then it’s not too off-base with the price.
On the contrary, that is the perfect way to start a conversation.
I thought this was Dino Dasher 3, not Cyberpunk 2077.
Anyways, I really appreciate the chapter and the moral here because it’s something I think we can all relate to. For me, it was a board game that my parents loved but I didn’t, I said I didn’t like it, and they stopped playing with me. It seems like a simple thing to do, but it can also be tough to say that outright.
poor chad would never like tsuko g
What's with Chad and kazoos?