• Member Since 10th Jul, 2019
  • offline last seen January 3rd

_Moonshot


I will review your plans for world domination

E
Source

Twilight takes a bath to forget.

Second place in GaPJaxie's Happy Stories Speedwriting Contest, where it was conceived and written in 60 minutes.

Now with a reading from StraightToThePointStudio!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 50 )

Love this fic. :heart:

Amazingly well done.

Incredibly beautiful piece, you really smashed it mate :twilightsmile:

... Well that was a load of dribble with absolutely no bucking explanation at the end of WTF I just read. I hate those kinds of stories.

Olé for yet another successful speedwriting wonder!

You really knocked it out of the park with this one. Well done! :twilightsmile:

Water from the river of Lethe I presume?

This story is a great kind of bittersweet. As the first bite and its sour taste mellow, you discover that it is all about preserving happiness.
As Wish mentioned, that one really is knocking everything else out of the park.

Shame spike didn't get to be on the list of family

Short, and very very sweet. Thanks for sharing this.

Aight I'mma be real with ya on this one chief, this was REALLY TOUCHING MAN! Such a well written and fantastically developed little story! I couln't help but make a video on this and I hope ya don't mind that! You did some excellent work man, keep on rockin' with that style!

If ya ever wanna take a look!: https://youtu.be/TtvJS8KKCMs

(I DONT MEAN FOR THIS TO BE OFFENSIVE IF IT IS SOMEHOW OWO UWU)

Huk

Wow... just, wow. That was... beautiful. I would think that Twilight would be doing something like that much more often though :ajsleepy:

How the heck are you people able to write something so short, yet so moving is beyond me.

Just beautiful :pinkiesad2:.

why do you hate spike :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :applecry::fluttercry::moustache:

Oh go ahead and rip my heart out, I didn't need it anyway.
this was such a well-written story :heart:

I hope you do something else for this. It was a nice little story

This should have won. :twilightsmile:

Seriously man, well done. It's happy and sad all at once, managing to remain happy even while reflecting on how heavy life's burdens can become.

I like it but I'm afraid I teally just don't understand whats happening.

9947107
She's trying to save herself from heartbreak, losing everyone she cares about so much so often. Friendship may be magic, but it's one of the cruelest things for never-ending life.

That said. I like this. I would also like to see what Twilight does on that first day.

Meh.

The writing's fine, but I can't help but think a lot less of this version of Twilight. Everybody else has to remember her, why should she get to forget them? Why not just seal her up in a cave and move on.

Also, five hundred years seems both arbitrary and also not real impactful when this has only happened twice so far? Why five hundred as opposed to a hundred or even two hundred?

Does she just stay asleep for a whole 50 years?


9947130
Agreed. It feels like the missing piece here. Does whatever benefit there is really make up for the loss?

:moustache: All Hammer Potion - The cure for forgetting old and making new friends....

:twilightblush: Gummy?

This is OK, I guess. I get what you were going for, the writing is good, and I like the general idea. But much of it felt too arbitrary (Like it happening on a schedule, and how 500 years seems like a lot of time to wait until forgetting). But I guess my main issue is that I don~t get the sense in the story itself of what this implies about Twilight, and what her current life looks like.

Pretty sad she feel she needs to do this to keep sane.

9947256
Like you said, the writing's fine, but there are too many unresolved questions. That may be a partial consequence of being a speedwrite. But things that immediately come to mind: So what's with Spike? He's obviously still alive, and might have several thousand more years left. Where are Celestia and Luna? Wouldn't forgetting 500 years leave Twilight critically short on knowledge about the current state of the world? Wouldn't it also mean that she forgets most of the skills needed to be a princess, especially if she's bathed in the Lethe before?

Dear _Moonshot,


Ok well found this story somehow might as well leave my two cents, or bits, or whatever small currency would be appropriate here.

Uhh side-note to other people reading this: when I say you, I usually mean the author, unless I state specifically that it's you, the reader, that I am talking to. Alright? Alright.

In short: great concept, good execution.

In long: this story had a great central idea behind it. The whole "Every 500 years, Princess Twilight's memory pretty much resets in order to make and keep Equestria happy" is something new, interesting, and could be played around with in a lot of different ways. That said, the way you played around with it showed us the end of the second 500 year cycle and the start of the third. While this concept could've developed into its own multi-chapter story with whole new characters and them reacting to the cycles and yada yada yada, this compression of it all into this seemingly simple, albeit much more complex one-shot definitely makes up for it, especially since you only did this in 60 minutes or less. While there were some things that I did have questions about, the main one being "Where are the other princesses?", I must cut you some slack as this was a speedwrite of about 60 minutes, which included not only the writing itself, but also the idea with it and the prewriting/planning. There's also the fact that due to Twilight's memory being reset, she could also lose vital information blah blah blah logic logic logic... You get the idea. There's a lot, and I mean a lot, of things that could be improved upon to make more sense of it and give it more credibility in terms of world-building and plot context (if that is even a phrase), but you did great for the short amount of time you had. It was fairly bittersweet, and Twilight, while not truly maintaining her full personality as seen in the show, actually makes sense in the situation that she is in. She is the princess of friendship, which meant that she had to deal with her friends dying while she had to watch, because she's ageless/immortal. Her pretty much rejecting someone, who could very well be a friend to her, as not a friend makes perfect sense because of what I mentioned before. Had we not gotten the information that she had went through her friends dying at the beginning of this cycle, or anything of the sort, this situation would seem a bit odd and alien coming from Twilight.

So TL;DR, great fanfic. Loved it for what it is and what was done in the time allotted, but I would love it more if this idea was much more fleshed out and "perfected".

(And for those of you that don't know what tl:dr means, it means "too long; didn't read". Cuz sometimes people don't know things and are too afraid to ask someone who does know because the person who does know will either say look it up or say something along the lines of "Wow, you don't know what so-and-so means?" and it is very unlikely that they will actually answer the question you asked them.)

So Uhh yeah. That's it. That's my comment.

Sincerely, ImUnoriginal

I just can't understand why so many people like this Twilight outliving her friends thing.

9947790
It's not a matter of dislike or like, it's the shows Canon Lore: Alicorns are functionally immortal, so that means that Twilight is too and has been since Magical Mystery Cure.

The FEELZ!!! Burnzes us, they do.

It has to be hard to just forget it all like that. Liberating but... to forget all the good along with all the bad? That's not a sacrifice I could easily make.

9946844
Holy smokes, you're still around?

9947827
Well you can believe that if you want. But Jim Miller said they don't know how long everyone lives including Twilight. Even though it looks like she will outlive them in the finale, the writers are officially leaving it up to us. If you want to believe that she will outlive her friends you can. But we can make happier alternatives. Its really sad that few people are though and just accepting what seems to be.

9946974
GROANWORTHY kill me story-summary:

Minimising risk of supercritical heartbreak: Twilight of the first 2.2.5.5.5 years primes her successors with her PhD in actuarial friendship.

//

9946784
Very cool! I sincerely appreciate your comment. I actually hadn't heard of Lethe before.
9946739
Ok. (I'm actually pretty amused.) Is your feedback "tell, don't show?"
9946897
I love dramatic readings of pony. Props for getting this one out so quickly!
9947107
I like comments of this kind.

//

9947256 9947356
I actually find the 500 years here to be quite an endearing measure of time. My take on this is:
Tithes, my friend: tithes are divinely ordained. An adult life lasts roughly 50 years; every one in ten of these Twilight rests.
See Nobody Is Perfect, Everything Is Commensurable. This is long so just ctr+f "Why ten percent?" and read the paragraph under that if you're interested.

Soge, information? Surely you jest. The story would have a different flavour. This way we can relate to new-Twi's amnesia. (Always suck up to the author.)

//

9947790
At least for me, stories about twi's mortality or lack of can help me reflect on the themes of mortality, friendship, legacy, the meaning of a life lived, etc. Not sure if this helps at all, Sam.


I hope you're happy Moonshot.

9948041
Thanks for trying but I can never see immortality as a good thing.

I'm honestly left cold on this one. Yes, the reasons for Twilight's actions are easily inferred, but there's too much left unsaid or unexplored to leave me satisfied. This feels like it happens in a vacuum. There's nothing about the other alicorns, Twilight's decision five hundred years ago to wipe the slate for the first time, the nation's reaction to the head of state casually erasing herself...

Appropriately enough for a story about bathing, this felt too clean. I'm overanalyzing it, yes, but it still left me wanting more in a bad way.

So many important things and people forgotten. I can neither understand nor support Twilights decision. All we are are our memories. To lose them is to lose yourself. Lets explore just how monumentally awful this decision is, shall we?

1. Twilight no longer remembers her secondary friends
We can only see what Twilight remembers through the author telling us (5 friends 3 family members) She no longer remembers Moondancer and her other secondary friends. Hell, she doesn't even remember her teacher whom she ADORED!

2. She no longer remembers her primary friends other than the fact that she had them.
This one is the most tragic in my eyes. The Princess of Friendship no longer remembers specific memories of her friends or the friendship problems she had with them, how she solved them and how she grew with her friends. Which leads into

3. She no longer remembers the emotions she felt for her friends.
Knowing you had friends isn't the same as remembering them and the feelings you had when you interacted with them.

4. She no longer remembers the places that she grew up which have massive impacts on our selves.
The places we grow up can have such meaningful and positive influences on us its nuts.

5. Where the hell is Spike in all this? Does she remember him?
No seriously. What the hell.

Yes, immortality is a curse. But throwing your memories away because they are too painful is spectacularly stupid. I can't even. Sorry for the rant but the idea of just forgetting everything important just blows my mind.

9948582
If anything , this is just rolling the dice until we get the Twilight who refuses to go into the memory wipe pool.

She's resetting herself everytime back to a basic state , and hoping she gets the same experiences to make her into a good pony.

All she does is wipe out every "good wants to forget version" Twilight.

Until there is something else.

9948644
Hell, I didnt even consider that. Good point.

Huh, interesting concept and quite well written. Was a bit confused as the story progressed... and honestly still a bit confused by the end of it, not so much because of the writing but I suppose the characterization and the meaning behind it all.
Still, for a speed right, it's certainly interesting and quite sad when thought too much in depth.
Didn't stop it from being a nice little fic, (also Stone Heart is a great name and great character for all that we see of her).

9948582
I think it would make more sense that alicorns are somewhat protected from the bad parts of immortality. So if a mortal extends their life indefinitely they will be eternally old, but an alicorn is eternally young and can learn and change. Celestia was troubled by her past mistakes related to Luna, but did not seemed to be tortured by immortality.

9947827
The only character for whom we have confirmation of extraordinary lifespan is Celestia. Even there we can’t be sure she is truly immortal, merely very long-lived, or tied to some external factor such as cosmological or royal responsibility or beloved sister’s absence; there has been no statement one way or another. Luna was frozen in time during her exile, and we were never told just how old the sisters were before that. Cadance and Twilight clearly are very young, and we have no idea what their lifespans will be.

9948887
Yet Celestia didn't wipe her memory clean of her perceived failure with her sister. Twilight is running away from the problem instead of facing it. One could argue that she is hurting herself MORE by wiping her memories and losing the good memories along with the bad.

9948980
We're not here to past judgment
;)

woah that's a lot of comments
Thanks to everyone who read and left a comment, regardless of how they enjoyed it!

9946897
First: I know I already said this on the video but this is the absolute best and you are also the absolute best

Second, on the choices Twilight has made:
9948034 9948980
I didn't write this story in support or defense of immortality, but as a what if. These are some perfectly valid points as to why Twilight shouldn't be forgetting her past, and I can't say you're incorrect. Much of the story was left open-ended and everyone was free to draw their own conclusions—I'm just happy that it made people stop and think for a while. But If you'd be interested in further exploring something along these lines, I'd recommend GaPJaxie's The Virgin Princess as very solid, relevant reading material.

And third, on the fridge logic issues :rainbowderp::
9946829 9947256 9947356 9947611 9947655 9948393
You are all totally and absolutely... correct!
This story takes place within a bubble, without much thought for the outside world or for the logistics that would've been required for all this to happen. Chalk that up to the speedwrite, I guess. I'd like to assume that some of these issues are solved in Twilight's checklist, or outside of the scope of the story, if that isn't too much of a cop out answer. In that regard, this story was written not so much as a how or why, but as an if: a brief snapshot of if this was the decision she went ahead with. One solution out of many.
With that being said, I don't stand entirely with Twilight's decision either, and I agree that there's a lot more to be said than what the story offers. In fact, I'm considering expanding this to show a much larger picture, although I know that will probably cause more questions than answers.
Thanks so much for the constructive criticism and the questions. I really appreciate it :twilightsmile:

9949135
Thank you. I'm sorry if I was a bit rude. Its just very depressing to me seeing such a sad thing happening to my favorite pony and it being liked so much like some miracle. I've been exposed to anti immortal beliefs since I was young, Tuck Everlasting, Edward from Twilight, Max Winters from the 2007 TMNT. Wisdom in my book is rejecting or getting rid of immortality rather than accepting it.

I'm curious how Discord would react to this. Or Celestia, Luna, or Cadance.

I saw the title was: Every 500 Years. And then in a truly amazing moment of dyslexia, I read the description as: Twilight forgets to take a bath.

So, of course, I'm wondering where the story could possibly go. Does she only remember to bathe once every 500 years? Does she forget one bath every 500 years? The possibilities were literally endless in regard to her bathing schedule.

But, of course, the emotional roller coaster had to come to an end at some point, as I reread the description and realized what it really said.

Needless to say, my initial enthusiasm came crushing down on my chest like a ton of bricks, as I considered just what I had lost. A question I never knew I had would never be answered, and I've been left to wonder for the rest of my life about what could have been.

That's not to say it was all bad for me though. They say that overcoming adversity builds character, and helps shape who you are in the world. So- I'm anticipating that I'll be a much better person in about 6-12 months when I finally get over the crushing loss I've just experienced.

9949583
This is the greatest off-topic response I have ever seen and now I am very tempted to write this fic and disappoint everyone

Very good story. :)

Well-imagined, and well-written. I can't even imagine wanting to continue living without my memories, though.

9949617

You won't disappoint the only person that matters... me!

I'm imagining the dirty bathtub scene from Spirited Away, except it's Twilight. And she grants wishes to all the children that have to scrub under the folds to get her clean. It almost writes itself!

And, after 8 years on this site, I'd finally have a story to add to my favorites.

Love it!!!

The characters just come to life so vividly. Stone Heart's interactions with Twilight flowed so nicely too. And that last little stinger at the end--dang man, you killed it.

So where did Spike and the other long lived ones go?

Still a beautiful little tale.

9949617

9951347
I'd also be delighted. After all, just think of the many ways in which Twilight's mishap could result in the destruction of all she knew. Who knew that something as simple as a single bath was such a critical juncture.

And yet~

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