I don't really know, my k/d in BF3 is 1.76 though.
The average Canterlot Donut Shop owner has a pretty plain life, and Donut Joe is no exception. His life consists of selling donuts and not much more, but maybe a Princess can teach him that there is a lot more to life, and maybe she can learn something from him too. This is my first story and any comments on how to improve it are much appreciated.
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Okay just a few things to work:
1. Start new paragraphs for each character's line.
2. The scenes have a natural feel to them. Good job.
3. Might want to use a scene shift indicator, such as a line between days as written.
4. Good grammar and spelling. I didn't notice any serious mistakes.
Good job so far.
1102266
Thanks man, I'll have revised by the time I put the next chapter out, I mean 2 people liked it and that's enough motivation for me.
1102266
And I really do appreciate the comments, thanks for taking your time to tell me.
1102361
Not a problem. I like giving advice when I have the time.
1102924
Thanks for the advice, It seems a lot easier to follow now.
I see you got rid of the image
granted is was really out of place since Celestia is barely in this and its a Luna x Joe
which is a rather odd ship anyway.
1218793
I honestly don't remember having an Image.
But I like this ship considering we don't hear a lot about Donut Joe so it gives me a lot of room to be creative.
1218807
http://derpiboo.ru/76642?scope=scpef9bd2df45a63d5577bdec071582eba2d189b7a07 it was this one
well I would probably take out the Pinkie and Celestia tags since so far they're not part of this story unless you want to do some Sunpie
1218847
I honestly don't remember having that picture as the image.
And yeah Princess Celestia and Pinkie Pie are out considering I noticed how people use the tags now.
Seems like a nice story so far. The format is getting better so thats a plus. An original pairing I find so good job! Keep up the good work man
1268732
Thanks dude, the first few chapters are kind of a build up to the main plot, but I think that as I write more and read more of other peoples' stories I get better at writing myself. Again thanks for the compliment by the way, and I'm glad you like it so far.
I agree with Sage. It's well written, no excessive descriptions that muddle the plot, and the few grammatical errors were really insignificant :) Great work!
Good writing again :) Keeping it straightforward and making me want to read more! :D
1272962
Thanks man, I'm glad you like it.