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This is an alternative narrative based around the storyline of season 2 episodes 25-26 A Canterlot Wedding.
When Shining Armor banished Twilight from his wedding, she returned distraught to Ponyville, but she soon got to hear about the changeling invasion of Canterlot.
With the help of some unexpected allies, she returns to try and put everything right.
*** featured at #4 12/6/19 - 12/7/17 - thank you all! ***
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EKu7TYWNxqA
9975490
Well, consider this the first one, courtesy of me...
9975474
Guilty as charged!
9975490
Thank you for your concern - likes always welcome!
0:53
9975501
Thank you - you're welcome back any time!
This needs a epiloge where Twilight sees her friends again, bakes the pirs, and Shining Armor learns what happened.
That was, abrupt. The ending was rather anti-climatic. Howver, credit where credit is due in doing something interesting and new with the Canterlot Wedding formula.
Chief who?
Ok after the first chapter I can see one thing Chryissi did that could lead to complications further along. The grubs bonding with Cadance from exclusively feeding on her, she is the princess of love, feeding from her could "corrupt" the grubs making them more empathetic and able to share love. From the story length doesn't look like it will come up but still Cadance might find in a future a number of changelings looking at her as their "real" mom.
Yea now I'm sure of it, when throws defects all of Shining's changeling children will come with him, if the "love wave" even sent them away. Their might be a nursery full of little changeling grubs waiting for "pink mommy" to come back. Certainly would complicate things and anger Chrissyi if a bunch of new newly hatched changelings are raised by ponies and become Skittle colored lover bugs.
So... It's over?
*wince!*
Okay, maybe you got that from a find-a-rhyme website somewhere? I know I've seen them do stuff like that based solely on letters without consideration of sound.
Because "-ver" is the unstressed syllable in both words, rhyming clever and driver together is just... audibly terrible.
In place of "being the driver" you could maybe instead use "working the lever"? I truly believe it would sound better.
(unless you pronounce it with a UK accent, where they sometimes say it like "lee-ver", in which case... "better" is a better near-rhyme for clever than driver, too?
)
That extra line break threw me for a loop for a moment, too. But you were clearly rhyming less with guess, not coincidence... you just got betrayed by a stray pinkie finger tapping enter when it shouldn't.
*reads on*
Or...
Building her dialogue as couplets like you're doing is a decent strategy for planning, but I'm a little iffy on the idea of leaving it that way on publishing. It's dialogue in prose; I'd recommend you put it in line like the rest of the dialogue. It keeps taking me out of the narrative. That's fine if you're J.R.R. Tolkein and want the reader to be pulled out of the narrative for a rousing rendition of "That's What Bilbo Baggins Hates!" but when you're simply writing dialogue for a character who speaks in rhyme, you break the scene when you break the prose.
That... was a very sudden ending.
9975474
Not even going to click the link - that's the Obi-Wan quote when Alderaan's obliterated, isn't it?
Considering Thorax has been shown changing into inanimate objects, even things that are smaller or heavier than he is (e.g. a vase and a rock, from vague memory), I don't think your weight hypothesis holds fruit - a light rock or a strangely-heavy ornament would give him away, and he wasn't at all a special changeling until he helped defeat Chrysalis.
Does Twilight even know how to cook? Spike's the one in the kitchen almost all the time, and Applejack's the apple expert; I don't think you want a Twilight apple pie.
9976064
Wow. Your good.
Agreed. This needs an epilogue dealing with Twilight's friends.
9976362
Them, Celestia, and Shining Armor should apologize for abandoning her as well.
9976510
Or at the very least, that needs to be addressed.
I felt like this retelling of the story had little more to offer. Honestly I've done some retellings but this doesn't offer much. There's no different ending.
9975490
Actually I'm suprised this even got featured. Tbh this is not the correct timeline indeed.
I disliked this.
9975529
You're welcome...
Feels like we're missing a final chapter to wrap things up
Well... that was an abrupt end to it. But then again that entire last chapter felt rushed and it ended with a bunch of things un-resolved.
Over all i enjoyed it, i expected a few things to go a bit differently but thats with any story.
Nice but the ending is a touch to abrupt in my opinion. At minimum it would be nice to see the post fight comradery with the Buffalo.
9976064
Obviously.
I hope that there's more too it after this. Hopefully with an apology.
I’m morbidly curious why we have a new chapter dedicated to this guy, interesting though he may be.
9998352
well this story was updated while the status said "completed", so i can only assume that this story will have more updates in the future. maybe the author forgot to change the status to "incomplete"
LIAR!!
She got thrown out the moment after "Cadence" started up her crocodile tears and you did nothing but pour salt on her wound. AND NOW YOU HAVE THE GALL TO BE ALL LIKE:
~"Yep! All Part of my master plan!
"~
RIGHT IN THE FACE OF THE ONE YOU HURT!?
I was kinda hoping Twilight's reaction to Celestia would be a little more like this:
Oh well, I guess.
I imagine once the post victory high wears off Twilight will begin to think on the events that proceeded this.
Or better yet what if Twi brought Spyro and Cynder, Sonic and his friends, and tones of Pokémon to help them. That would make the Changelings yell in horror as alien dragons and creatures are attacking them.
One chapter is missing from this story: An apology chapter where Celestia, Shining Armor, Twilight's friends and Spike apologize to Twilight for what they did to her at the rehearsal!
Oh no minuette twinkleshine and lyra I forgot that Queen Chrysalis can hypnotize other ponies and creatures
“Or perhaps you wouldn’t attack those who are weak and defenceless?” asked the doppelganger as her horn flashed again and the yaks turned into the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“Princess Cadance, Princess Cadance” pleaded the white filly, “You wouldn’t hurt us, would you?”
Now that's just cruel right there 😡
Oh God now that is torture right now dang Chrysalis
I know Princess Cadence you would never do something that horrible to a kid like that even though what they're doing to you you're good Pony just hang in there
Ok dang what a way to start your story and it's pretty hard to read it and it's not because it's bad it's just really heart-wrenching so apparently this is during season 2 Chrysalis captured Princess Cadence disguised herself as her but it looks like we got the chance to say what she does to her and my God it's just horrible she even using her love power to feed a whole baby changelings there's even times that Cadence wants to put an end to them but she can't they're just kids and she doesn't want to hurt them even though they are hurting her and Chrysalis knows that she even try to torture her about how things are going with shining armor basically mentally torturing her just try to hang in there Cadence Twilight will figure this thing out I don't know when
I know he's not thinking straight but it's just painful what he says
Yeah basically just keep knocking her down while they're at it
It's even worse when she almost lost them due to Discord turn her friends against her and basically losing them in the process
So basically this is a different turn instead of waiting for " Princess Cadence " to show up even though she didn't wait for anybody she just showed up but instead she just ran away basically just going back to the train and heading back from Ponyville which for her it was a bad idea so instead he had for the everfree forest where the castle of the two sister is and basically just stay there until she can think of what else she can do it is really sad and very painful that this happened so what is she going to do
You know that would be very interesting that unicorns can sense trouble by the magic oh and one more thing
Ok so it looks like Twilight still didn't want it to return to Ponyville too much memories there so basically she was still stay at the Forest but then Zecora came to her and asking her why is he here and what makes her upset Twilight explain about what happened of yesterday and Zecora felt bad for her and I do say I do like how good their interaction with each other she even talks about her Homeland which we saw that in the season 10 comic but apparently Twilight senses trouble and it looks like her feeling is right because the changelings are attacking and they need to get to Canterlot the only question is how in the world are they going to stop this
Very nice to see the buffalos again specially after hearing why did not appear again due to controversy sigh
Huh that's kind of weird if I remember correctly I saw Queen Chrysalis thorax pharynx and Ocellus change into a bigger creatures bigger than a buffalo or a yak so that doesn't make any sense
That's actually kind of cool being part of the rituals before a battle
Ok so Twilight and Zecora made it to the desert but it looks like they had company but what they saw is one of the Buffaloes being attack by a couple of changelings but while I stepped in and zap one of them and they made their escape and it turns out the Buffalo is Chief Thunderhooves one of the first creatures leader to become friends with ( well aside from Spike who's a dragon ) Twilight it explain about the situation what's going on and she wanted to ask their help them to stop the changelings so he accept this offer to help us the only reason for that is because they are looking for the Appaloosa ponies which they disappeared so with that it looks like Twilight got the Buffaloes to help the situation here hopefully this will be enough to stop the changelings and hopefully she will find Princess Cadence and her friends.