• Member Since 24th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen July 1st

Bronyxy


Pony fan inspired by great writers such as Pen Stroke and Conner Cogwork

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This is an alternative narrative based around the storyline of season 2 episodes 25-26 A Canterlot Wedding.

When Shining Armor banished Twilight from his wedding, she returned distraught to Ponyville, but she soon got to hear about the changeling invasion of Canterlot.

With the help of some unexpected allies, she returns to try and put everything right.

*** featured at #4 12/6/19 - 12/7/17 - thank you all! ***

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 34 )

“N … no, Zecora” she said bringing her forehooves up to massage her head, “It’s the strangest feeling; like a number of ponies all reaching out to me at once. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EKu7TYWNxqA

Fimfiction says this has no likes

This is the worst possible timeline

9975490

Well, consider this the first one, courtesy of me...

9975474
Guilty as charged!

:pinkiehappy:

9975490
Thank you for your concern - likes always welcome!

:twilightsmile:

9975501
Thank you - you're welcome back any time!

:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

This needs a epiloge where Twilight sees her friends again, bakes the pirs, and Shining Armor learns what happened.

That was, abrupt. The ending was rather anti-climatic. Howver, credit where credit is due in doing something interesting and new with the Canterlot Wedding formula.

Ok after the first chapter I can see one thing Chryissi did that could lead to complications further along. The grubs bonding with Cadance from exclusively feeding on her, she is the princess of love, feeding from her could "corrupt" the grubs making them more empathetic and able to share love. From the story length doesn't look like it will come up but still Cadance might find in a future a number of changelings looking at her as their "real" mom.

Yea now I'm sure of it, when throws defects all of Shining's changeling children will come with him, if the "love wave" even sent them away. Their might be a nursery full of little changeling grubs waiting for "pink mommy" to come back. Certainly would complicate things and anger Chrissyi if a bunch of new newly hatched changelings are raised by ponies and become Skittle colored lover bugs.

So... It's over?

“Your idea is sound and clever
We could take turns at being the driver”

*wince!* :twilightoops:

Okay, maybe you got that from a find-a-rhyme website somewhere? I know I've seen them do stuff like that based solely on letters without consideration of sound.

Because "-ver" is the unstressed syllable in both words, rhyming clever and driver together is just... audibly terrible.

In place of "being the driver" you could maybe instead use "working the lever"? I truly believe it would sound better. :fluttershysad:

(unless you pronounce it with a UK accent, where they sometimes say it like "lee-ver", in which case... "better" is a better near-rhyme for clever than driver, too? :twilightsheepish: )

“It is too much coincidence
To guess that they are anything less”
Zecora agreed.

That extra line break threw me for a loop for a moment, too. But you were clearly rhyming less with guess, not coincidence... you just got betrayed by a stray pinkie finger tapping enter when it shouldn't. :rainbowwild:

*reads on*

Or...

Building her dialogue as couplets like you're doing is a decent strategy for planning, but I'm a little iffy on the idea of leaving it that way on publishing. It's dialogue in prose; I'd recommend you put it in line like the rest of the dialogue. It keeps taking me out of the narrative. That's fine if you're J.R.R. Tolkein and want the reader to be pulled out of the narrative for a rousing rendition of "That's What Bilbo Baggins Hates!" but when you're simply writing dialogue for a character who speaks in rhyme, you break the scene when you break the prose.

That... was a very sudden ending.

9975474
Not even going to click the link - that's the Obi-Wan quote when Alderaan's obliterated, isn't it?

it’s my guess that they can impersonate creatures of the same size,

Considering Thorax has been shown changing into inanimate objects, even things that are smaller or heavier than he is (e.g. a vase and a rock, from vague memory), I don't think your weight hypothesis holds fruit - a light rock or a strangely-heavy ornament would give him away, and he wasn't at all a special changeling until he helped defeat Chrysalis.

then you make us apple pies yourself

Does Twilight even know how to cook? Spike's the one in the kitchen almost all the time, and Applejack's the apple expert; I don't think you want a Twilight apple pie.

JWR

Agreed. This needs an epilogue dealing with Twilight's friends.

9976362
Them, Celestia, and Shining Armor should apologize for abandoning her as well.

JWR

9976510
Or at the very least, that needs to be addressed.

“What was that all about?” Shining Armor enquired, looking stunned.
“Just roll with it, bbbff” said Twilight with a smile

I felt like this retelling of the story had little more to offer. Honestly I've done some retellings but this doesn't offer much. There's no different ending.
9975490
Actually I'm suprised this even got featured. Tbh this is not the correct timeline indeed.

I disliked this.

Feels like we're missing a final chapter to wrap things up

Well... that was an abrupt end to it. But then again that entire last chapter felt rushed and it ended with a bunch of things un-resolved.
Over all i enjoyed it, i expected a few things to go a bit differently but thats with any story.

Nice but the ending is a touch to abrupt in my opinion. At minimum it would be nice to see the post fight comradery with the Buffalo.

JWR

I hope that there's more too it after this. Hopefully with an apology.

I’m morbidly curious why we have a new chapter dedicated to this guy, interesting though he may be.

9998352
well this story was updated while the status said "completed", so i can only assume that this story will have more updates in the future. maybe the author forgot to change the status to "incomplete"

“My faithful student” said Celestia happily, “I knew I could count on you.”

LIAR!! :flutterrage:

She got thrown out the moment after "Cadence" started up her crocodile tears and you did nothing but pour salt on her wound. AND NOW YOU HAVE THE GALL TO BE ALL LIKE:

~"Yep! All Part of my master plan!:trollestia:"~

RIGHT IN THE FACE OF THE ONE YOU HURT!?

“Princess!” exclaimed Twilight happily prancing to her hooves and giving her mentor the most heartfelt hug, her tightly shut eyes being no defence for holding back the tears of relief running freely down her muzzle.

I was kinda hoping Twilight's reaction to Celestia would be a little more like this:

Oh well, I guess.

I imagine once the post victory high wears off Twilight will begin to think on the events that proceeded this.

Or better yet what if Twi brought Spyro and Cynder, Sonic and his friends, and tones of Pokémon to help them. That would make the Changelings yell in horror as alien dragons and creatures are attacking them.

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