What?!
Trixie's funeral was a somber affair - even though the weather was perfect. It was the least Twilight could do to pull a few strings and make sure that Trixie's last moments before being laid to rest were bright and full of sunshine.
The curse wasn't her fault, after all. She suffered through it too, and after a few days of it? Twilight had a new appreciation for what the magician had dealt with.
Starlight should really have been the one giving the eulogy at the graveside, but she'd declined. A glance over made it easy to see why - the poor mare was hidden behind a veil and was certainly barely holding together. Likely the only reason she was still standing was the rock-solid frame of Maud Pie. But even for herself, Maud seemed subdued and silent.
The only one who wasn't was Pinkie Pie - her eyes were full of tears and she sobbed loudly, but the party pony wasn't as grey and flat as she usually was when sadness abounded. Twilight supposed that the wake she had planned for later was enough to buoy Pinkie's spirits.
Taking her place at the head of the closed coffin, Twilight shut her eyes and took a deep breath. She could feel the stares of the crowd on her - on the hat and cloak that had been Trixie's. Her friends knew about the curse, but most of those present? To them Twilight was either paying deep tribute or was unspeakably cruel. Unfortunately, there was no way to avoid it other than to not be here. And while they might not have been best friends in life, Twilight would not do such a terrible thing as hide from Trixie now.
Her wings fluffed out, making the star-clad cloak billow. And Twilight began. "Trixie first came to Ponyville and didn't give the best impression. Her second time to Ponyville was even worse. But Twilight Sparkle would like to think that Trixie was simply an acquired taste - we needed the chance to get to know her before we found where she fit in our hearts."
"When Trixie returned to Ponyville the third time, she found that place. It was Starlight Glimmer who did it first, becoming Trixie's most faithful and loved friend." Twilight opened her eyes again, turning them to her former student. Starlight was shuddering behind the veil, obviously wracked with sobs. "Starlight in turn introduced Trixie to the rest of us and made our lives richer for it."
Now she looked out to the crowd - a little bit of Twilight's heart broke. While she saw everypony who had been there for Trixie's final, fateful show, there were two others who were missing. Trixie's parents hadn't arrived. That they would miss their own daughter's funeral was poignantly tragic atop the already sad state of things.
"The Great and Powerful Twilight Sparkle cannot speak for others, but she can for herself. And she says that Trixie was a special kind of friend. At times abrasive, at times infuriating. But those are not negatives. No! Trixie was there when Twilight needed her and often with an attitude that other friends hesitated to have. She kept Twilight Sparkle grounded. Humble. Reminded that alicorn wings do not make a pony better than another - that only what is in a pony's heart can show their true worth."
Twilight paused, taking off the hat - her hat, now - to dab the tears from her eyes with the brim. "Twilight Sparkle shall miss Trixie for that. She was strong. She was brave. She was Great and she was Powerful. She was a hero and she was--"
The eulogy was interrupted as sniffles became gasps. One pony in the crowd fainted. Pinkie Pie started to giggle like she'd lost her last marble. Twilight was perplexed at the crowd's reaction until she saw one of them pointing a hoof. And then she turned her head.
The star-spangled hat hovered beside Twilight in her magic. And Trixie's head was emerging out of it with a manic grin.
Later, Twilight would insist that she did not scream. She may have been briefly startled, but Princesses of Equestria do not scream in terror. Every other pony would also agree that she did not, since 'shriek' was a much more appropriate descriptor of what Twilight did.
The hat fell slightly as Twilight's magic let go and Trixie's took it instead. And then the silver-maned magician continued to pull herself out of her own hat until all four hooves were on the ground again. And she took a bow. "Thank you, ladies and gentlecolts! As Trixie said, she has demonstrated her mastery over death itself! You have been a wonderful audience, and the Great and Powerful Trixie thanks you for your patience to see this final trick through to the end!" The shock had worn off and the audience - realizing this was somehow still part of the show they had thought ended a week before - erupted into wild cheering.
Twilight was still screaming startled, laying on her back and staring at the dead returning to life. And that was when Starlight Glimmer - wonderful, brilliant, beloved Starlight Glimmer - leaned in, flipped up her veil and said one word into her mentor and redeemer's ear.
"Gotcha."
It finally clicked. Trixie was bowing and soaking up the crowd's adoration. Starlight was looking intensely smug. Pinkie Pie was giggling like an even greater lunatic than usual. And Maud had the slightest hint of the possibility of a faint smile just at the corners of her mouth.
Twilight mechanically rotated her head to look at Starlight. "what."
"Gotcha," Starlight repeated. "What, you thought only Rainbow Dash could prank ponies?"
Several hairs sprang lose from Twilight's mane. "But... but Trixie! The Punchtastic Crushterenator! Splato!" She edged ever-closer to gibbering.
Starlight clicked her tongue. "Crushtastic Puncturenator," she corrected. "And that part was easy. Trixie might have had a magic suppression ring on, but I didn't. So I swapped her out at the last possible second with one of Pinkie Pie's piñatas."
Helpfully, Pinkie bounced into view. "I filled it with strawberry marmalade!" And then just as quickly she was gone in a flurry of laughter.
Part of Twilight's brain melted like ice cream in August. "Twilight Sparkle saw how you were acting, Starlight! How upset you were!" She stumbled over her own thoughts. "And--and the drinking!"
Starlight rolled her eyes. "Trixie and I partied a little too much to celebrate her having a successful show. After that I just had to make sure to be frowning around you." She laughed. "I guess I'm a better actress than I thought!"
As the shock subsided, Twilight started to bring her mental state back into line. "But the curse! Twilight Sparkle is speaking in the third person still!"
"Oh, that." Starlight's grin spread wider. "I made up the whole story. And you were so busy looking for an ancient and complex dark magic curse, you completely overlooked the tiny and relatively benign Fiducia Compelus I placed on you while you were asleep. Plus a little Returnio Obscurum on the hat to keep putting it back to your head when you took your eyes off it."
Instantly, Twilight's horn lit to dispel the compulsion. Relief flooded through her as her ability to think in first person returned. "But that doesn't make sense - Princess Celestia would have spotted that immediately! I don't understand how she missed that!"
Starlight shrugged. "She was in on it."
"SHE WAS WHAT."
"She was in on it," Starlight repeated. "I knew that when you couldn't solve it yourself that you'd run to her for help, so I made sure she was in on the joke. All she asked was to get a picture of you--" Maud's camera snapped, capturing the look on Twilight's face. "--Right about now."
Twilight went dangerously silent as she grasped the fullness of the scheme.
Fate decided that this moment was the perfect one for Trixie to approach. Oozing smug like the Smooze, she lifted her cloak off of Twilight's back and put it on herself again. "Well Princess, how was the show?" Trixie repeatedly nudged Twilight, beaming. "Impressed? Stunned to silence? I know, I know, I really am amazing. You even admitted in in that speech! And I must say, it touched my heart to know you think so highly of me, Twilight. Your words were inspiring, even to the Great and Powerful--"
Trixie lept back just in time to avoid being burned as Twilight Sparkle erupted into flame.
"TRRRIIIIIXXXIIIIIEE!"
As an experienced showmare, Trixie knew how to spot a cue and this was hers. Yanking a large firework out of her hat, she lit the fuse on Twilight's flaming mane, hopped on board and rocketed off to the horizon. Starlight opted for a safer and quicker option - teleporting away. Maud impassively stood there, because she was innocent aside from taking a picture.
Full of flame and fury, Twilight Sparkle - no longer Great and Powerful but still Absolutely Furious - charged out of the graveyard to chase down Trixie and Starlight.
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Run for it. O_O
who else but trixie
She's really that great and powerful.
Well done
oh my lord
how did i not see this coming
i feel rather foolish in hindsight
Read it all in one go. I had a sense that Trixie would somehow end up not being dead, or actually being dead but Twilight getting so fed up that cloning or time travel seemed viable, or the like.
Still, this was great. Also I’m intrigued by Twilight wondering if she should be making out with Starlight....
Follow-up: Trixie, Starlight, and Pinkie spent quite a while looking over their shoulders, diving for cover at the slightest noise, waiting for Twilight to try to avenge herself. After six months of this, all three of them were mental, emotional, and physical wrecks. At that point, they decided to go to Twilight and literally beg her to do something. She simply laughed, and informed the distraught mares that she'd forgiven them after the first week...at which point, they went to their respective beds and slept for 36 straight hours.
Princess Celestia was slightly nervous at first, but when a full week passed and nothing happened, she relaxed her guard, thinking she was safe...and for the next ten years, every slice of cake she ate, no matter who baked it or where it was procured from, tasted like alfalfa.
Called it...was really freaking obvious. Finale was kind of short and...eeeeh though.
Whelp... Trixie is going to be dead for real once Twilight get ahold of her.
And Starlight too.
I have to admit I didn't see this one coming. Good job.
Fu fu, you're still have a long way to go my former faithful student.
Have to admit I was as stunned as Twilight when Trixie pulled herself out of a hat. Excellent showmareship from both her and you!
Welp. Guess you have to change the genre to Crossover because this is clearly an episode of 'Drake and Josh.'
I felt that there was some kind of "Gotcha" coming, but wasn't sure what it would be.
I'm of mixed feelings, because it was kinda funny, but also kinda cruel. I suppose I'll have to flip a coin.
Still, entertaining!
Yeah, no. Don't count on it. I already see where this is going...I was right in calling it a prank!
Besides, I'm pretty sure that gal can take a hit anyway, so, y'know, easier targets to channel that anger into instead and all that.
Explains why Celestia couldn't keep a straight face. As we know--she's not the best of actors.
'Em status: Got
9982867
One of my key hints that something was off - Twilight tells Celestia she's cursed; Celestia says "I've never heard of anything like this" without being told any details.
Perfect
9982876
Up until then, I was totally buying the whole curse cover story. If Celestia had been left out (or had just played her part better), I wonder if I would've kept on thinking that... 
It was actually in Celestia's chapter that I myself first started suspecting that it was a prank (and that she might be in on it), because I felt she was finding a bit too much amusement in it all.
Either way, this was a fun little story that certainly amused me.
Clever, very clever.
It looks like this prank has a doozy of a punchline.
9982876
No details?
Twilight spoke to her. Seems to me the behavior demonstrated counts as details. It's curse that makes the cursed speak in the third person while applying grandiose titles
Twilight should go after Celestia first. Fire-y mane, fur bleached white, she could make Celestia fear that Daybreaker had somehow gotten out of her head
Damn, those serious plot twists.
Man it was unexpected, but it doesn't mean it's not welcome.
9982847
Personally, I thought full on banishment to the moon would be on the table, for everyone involved!
Yeah... Trixie isn't safe in that town ever again. I fully expect there to actually be an ancient and powerful curse for a certain mare should she ever reenter the Ponyville city limits. And that's saying nothing of what might happen to Celestia. May want to hold off on giving Twilight supreme executive power for a bit, Tia...
Delightful stuff, if a bit on the mean-spirited side. Of course, it wouldn't be Trixie if it were entirely in good taste. Thank you for it,.
9982943
That seems a little harsh. I mean, all they did was make Twilight believe that she had a role in the death of another pony, and then trick her into thinking that she was cursed for the rest of her life. Now, if they'd gone off the deep end and short-sheeted her bed? That, I could understand earning an extended vacation with an excellent view of whatever their planet is named.
Gah! Get 'em, Princess! One thousand years moon!
Hanging's too good for them. Burning's too good for them! They should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive!
Waves hacksaw and trench-shovel
Spectacular story! I'm sure Trixie would be proud.
This story in four words:
Santa Clause, Successfully Subverted.
Bravo.
i guess its a funny twist, but this is endthefriendship kinda stuff in my book
9982966
Do you hang out at Moe's Tavern?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P871I3zcro
SHE JUST GOT DUCKED ON!
-----
XD nice twist there!
Twilight should get revenge on Trixie by doing a reverse of the curse, prevent her from speaking in the third person. Maybe twilight should even keep using the third person her self fulfilling the curse out of spite.
This story might have given me the slightest hint of the possibility of a faint smile.
Good work.
--Spade
Legit the best ongoing story on the site right now.
This implies that Trixie is anything but worst pony.
Would prefer a different end, but not bad,
9983245
That would be interesting, but to be honest, upon mulling it over, I'm not sure how much further you really could've taken it, at least not without an additional plot point that's not currently here. Basically, at this point, it'd just be more of Twilight talking and maybe acting like Trixie and her coming to terms with it, which is already largely covered here and would've probably wrapped up on that not long thereafter. After that, I'm not sure what all there is left to tell. Some new twist would need adding to keep things moving and interesting.
Personal opinion.
9983293
9983245
This was kind of why I ended when I did - at the end of the day, this is a comedy bit. I originally did have it be longer and with more depth (each of the Ch.4 vignettes were their own chapter), but bluntly the joke got old pretty fast.
'Twilight talks in third person and keeps wearing a hat' wears down the funny quickly.
I mean, this could have been a deeper philosophical tale that goes into the meaning of self and Twilight coming to grips with being not entirely Twilight any more - but that's not what I was trying to write here, and I don't think I could do that particular one justice.
Oh my fucking god. I had it in the back of my mind that Trixie might have been faking it, but this takes the cake and then some.
Well, after THIS she deserves to be called Great and Powerful. Especially if she survives.
...you know, this seems way too mean. I get they're sort of rivals, but traumatizing someone by making them think they killed someone, and then having to bear their mannerisms and clothes... reminders of someone who was thought lost? A normal person would be haunted and guilt-ladden, unable to cope.
So I hope they get caught. Or gotten back worse. Because this wasn't a prank. It was torture.
9982876
The story is great, but I'm sorry to say that "hint" was not well done. Twilight mentioned the speaking in third person, the 'honorifics' and the hat and cape, what other details could be needed to identify the curse?
That said, congratulation, to both you and Trixie, that would make even a better story than the ursa major one.
Go get them all, Twilight! SHOW NO MERCY!
9979787
And the winner for "Who called it?" goes to you! First post that considered the prank aspect. Well played! You win an internet point.
Internet points have no face value are don't really get you much but you have it any way. Not intended to diagnose or treat any condition whatsoever. If internet points last for more than four hours, see a doctor. Terms and conditions apply. There's more fine print for you to read, and now you've read it.
I KNEW IT!
9983303
I hope someone does
Hang onto that coffin, might still be having that funeral after all. Coffin or an urn depending on how much of Trixie is left.
Congratulations! Your Twilight evolved into Rapidash!
... I am further amused by picturing Trixie in the hat the whole time, listening to the antics and laughing uncontrollably.
If Alicrons are immortal, maybe someone could just kill Twilight. Then Twilight comes back to life, and someone else is The Great And Powerful.