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Comments ( 4 )

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Alticron

Alticron #1 · Dec 24th, 2019 · 1 · ·

This story could use another pass in editing. You start in present tense, but then shift to past tense. There's also punctuation errors with the use of commas and semi-colons.

kalash93

kalash93 #2 · Dec 24th, 2019 · 2 · ·

10001909

This even got an initial edit?

I mean that liked the story enough, but this really needed some basic revision. It doesn't help that some of the sex acts are anatomically impossible, like putting a mouth in a vagina.

++++++++++++

Anyhow, to be helpful:

* The couple has nice chemistry.
* You know the basics of how to write decent clop
* The fetish is well implemented.

I think with some more work, you could have a real banger (sue me IDGAF) of a fic.

ggg-2