• Member Since 13th Aug, 2012
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Closer-To-The-Sun


You gotta kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.

E

“Let me fly/Then I need a release from/These troubles of mine/Fix my feet/When they're stumbling/And well you know it hurts sometimes.” –The Killers, “Sweet Talk”

While on an errand to Sweet Apple Acres, Fluttershy runs into Big Macintosh. The two enjoy each other's company, however, after an accident on the farm, it's up to Fluttershy to help the red stallion the best way she knows, with tender, loving care.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 15 )

wow, a really nice story. Short but really good at least for me

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Well, that's gotta be the sweetest thing I've read today.:twilightsmile:
You kept everypony in character perfectly, too.

1116654

But I can get free shipping on FIMFiction already.

So much daaaaw in your stories :rainbowkiss:

Do these comments encompass the whole story, or just this chapter?
Anyway, I think I read this on fanfiction.net... Although I could be wrong.
I like this story, thus far. You could do with a little more description of the characters during dialogue. Avoiding he-saids and she-replieds are all well and good, but a she-blushed or even a he-raised-an-eyebrow are excellent for adding to the flow of dialogue.

Feels a bit contrived, it being the very day afterwards, perhaps adjust that to a few days later...
Story went well, though your wording was very poor in areas. You seem to suffer from rewrite-itis, where you write one thing, then go back and change it, possibly several times. There are a few points where you didn't entirely erase the old line, making the flow stutter...
All-in-all, a good story.

Similar problems as last chapter. Pronouns are your friend, don't be afraid to use them, or use descriptions instead of their names.
There was one point where Macintosh said "Okay." when he really should have said "Eeyup."
I doubt the story will be wrapped up next chapter, so I hope this story continues.

Bit sudden ending, but a good story.
Since it does seem to be over, I guess none of my criticism will be put into play. Though, you may want to keep it in mind for later stories...

1140540 I do thank you for your feedback. I do go back and edit when I can, so I'll go over it again soon, I hope.

Also, if you did find this on fanfiction.net, let me know since I do not have an account there and that worries me if someone is plagiarizing my work.

1141055
The whole thing seems rather familiar, but I can find no sign of such a work on fanfiction.net... Though I did notice some common themes between this one and several others, so maybe all the FlutterMac fics I've read are just blurring together in my memory...

Closer-To-The-Sun that was beautiful

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