Short story with a moral. MLP jokes.
Chapters (2)
Vilwind
Joined 10th Nov, 2011 ·
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The end made me laugh alot. At first i was like
Then i was like 
Finally i was like 
Best moral ever!
P.S
Little Hoof - suddenly I'm envisioning a ponified apatosaurus
Damn right!
Awesome.
lol.
Aunt Fluttershy?
I THINK I AM GONNA BRING MY BFG10K.
Also, why I thought about showing Twilight the heat death (ie. one of the theories about the end of universe)?
I had a good laugh.
"don't count your Scoot... chickens before they're hatched.""
I lol'd.
I really just laughed.
Funny.
Haven't laughed so much at a story with a moral since Ren and Stimpy was around.
So true!
What did you just say?!
Nothing! N-nothing at all...
hahahahahhaha, o silly me flutterbitch is just a fictional character
if she was real shew old smash my head on the keyboard sghs'iohgIS"Ohrg'osihrn'posrjh'posrhj'OJSRH
b)ORJs
goJHPIghpirshgp'erhje['prihj
Oh man that picture was awesome,
Nice little read, took thirty seconds or so.
4 starts for you
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Thanks ppl. I'm glad you like it.
69493
Sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes. I'm non-native English speaker, but I'm doing my best to improve.
You, sir, are a gentleman
"Don't piss off aunt Fluttershy when she's been drinking."
69800
There! 19 RainLOL Dash's to follow yours.
Great story!
Not Bad
Made me have a good laugh, you should make more of these
OH GOD! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!
That's a terrible moral!
WHAT?!
I-I mean that's an awesome moral!
but seriously, very funny story here!
I'm not much of a prereader, but I am an American, so let me help you out with some of your mistakes.
The next day filly’s came back to school...
That should be foals, filly's refers only to young female ponies (also, it would be fillies, filly's denotes ownership)
Little Hoof said. "My father...
You would use a comma, not a period, so it would be: Little Hoof said, "My father...
...ten live chick.
It should be chicks, not a big deal
"That's a fine story Royal Blue," he continued.
I'm assuming this is Cheerilee, so it would be she, but Cheerilee wasn't talking previously, so it would either be "said Cheerilee" or maybe "she commented." Something like that.
Umm, I'm not sure what to say here.
"Yes, my sister Rarity told me this story about aunt Fluttershy . It was when Discord was released. After first failed attempt to defeat Discord, aunt Fluttershy didn’t went straight back home. She was possessed by Discord chaotic power of violence and she wanted to find and hurt a specific Griffon that have wronged her in the past. But it was long way to Griffon Kingdom and she is bad long distance flyer, so she bought some ale for the trip.”
Just gonna make a list:
*After the first failed
*didn’t go straight home
*Discord's chaotic
*that had wronged
Since Scootaloo interrupts her, you might want to end this with a -, i.e. "'...bought some ale for the trip-'"
“It makes long flight less exhausting.” Interfered Scootarlo.
You want a comma there and Scootaloo
...one hundred chaos frenzy Diamond Dogs troops. She Stare to death seventy of them, then she killed twenty more with the tail whip and then kills the last ten with her bare hooves. After words she was so tired she returned home where she was caught by Apple Bloom sister Applejack and cured of chaos possession by aunt Twilight magic."
*frenzied
*Stared seventy of them to death
*then killed the last...
*Afterwards
*Apple Bloom's
*Twilight's
Anyway, great story, really funny. I hope this helps!
71387
good sir. Your corrections have been added. I hope you will not be offended if i would send you this kind of short stories for proofread, if I would come with more of this kind of silliness?
Big thanks, from a humble Polish-Brony. You deserve a mustache
72046
I would love to proofread for you. You're very funny and I would be honored.
P.S. Thanks for the mustache!
He's and Haw's,
a laugh around
this old town
is fit in sound
but all in all
no place can fit
the mighty stallion
that lies around it
defiantly a short to remember.
*pfft and snicker*
*snort* Eenope!
uh..
why is it taged dj bron3 if shes not in this
Its raw so if you find grammar / spelling mistakes please do correct me.
I've heard this story before. :D
Nice adaption.
I heard the punch line differently, and I feel, better. It goes: "If you're happy and warm in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut." Other than that, just read it aloud a few more times and make sure the words you chose flow together smoothly, and aren't clunky. Although, there weren't many of these, there were just a few distractingly awkward sentences that broke the flow for me. Overall, good, and funny! Good job!
Hmm, interesting.
I always imagined Fluttershy as a teetotaler. 
This is fantastic, and I can imagine that Cheerilee is just thinking “what the hell do these adults think they are doing to these children? Just… what the fudge?”